Images In The Rain
AN: I heard and fell in love with the song 'Stay with me' by Danity Kane. I then proceeded to listen to it on repeat whilst drinking my favourite rose wine, the next thing I know I have my laptop out and I'm typing this. It's a little sad but I hope that you enjoy it anyway.
The storm had been threatening for days now, a heavy humidity in the air days before it had finally broken. The thunder lit the otherwise black night sky and the heavy downpour of rain filled the open field with an almost musky scent as the ground turned to mulch.
Green eyes surveyed the field from behind wire rimmed glasses, the lenses partially steamed and streaked with water. Black hair slicked itself to high cheekbones and raindrops fell from long lashes to trail a path down to pale pink lips. A tongue darted out, the salty texture of the moisture belying the fact that it was only the rain that caused the wetness to his face.
He felt empty, hollow...a canvas with no artist...destined to remain blank for the rest of his days.
(Raindrops fall from everywhere, I reach out for you but you're not there)
Sometimes he didn't know why he waited here; he'd been coming to this place for so long now he didn't think himself capable of stopping. Ever since his lover had gone missing from this very field he had spent many nights here, just staring at the vast emptiness before him, searching for that unforgettable glimpse of white against the darkness.
He closed his eyes, clenching them tightly as he fought the urge to scream.
Lifting up his arm he stretched it out before him, his hand open and his fingers spread wide. His lips moved in a silent incantation, his eyes still closed. The rain seemed to bend and shape itself a mere few meters from where he stood, a silhouette taking shape in the droplets.
(So I stood waiting in the dark, with your picture in my hands)
He recalled everything so clearly, blonde hair, long yet broad limbs, soft features. Everything from the powerful legs to the searing grey eyes formed so clearly as a whole in his mind, his lips curved into a smile as it all melded together to make a whole vision.
He clenched his hands and then flung his fingers wide again, a heart wrenching cry ripping itself from his lips in time with the action. The air became headier and the scent of coffee and cinnamon permeated the area about him, the textures causing his gut to clench at the familiarity of it all, causing more salty water to kiss his lips.
Then the silhouette took full form, the exact replica of the image in his head.
(Story of a broken heart)
Opening his eyes he watched as the form stepped closer, the magical doppelganger of his lover...Draco Malfoy.
Draco stopped a mere few inches away from him, his grey eyes soft and warm like they always were when he looked at him. A small smirk lifted his lips, the movement so familiar that his heart ached more...but try as he might he just couldn't seem to stop this sick torture he had invented for himself. He needed this, like a drug...he was addicted to this.
"Harry" Draco whispered and he choked on a sob at the voice...so very familiar.
(Stay with me, don't let me go, cause I can't be without you)
In these moments he never wanted to leave here, wanted to fall into the lie that had become his truth since Draco had disappeared.
His heart broke more and more each day, the lack of news slowly sucking his will to live like anything other than a shell away. If all he had was his nightly addiction then he would remain an addict for the rest of his life...but he feared to think that this really would be all that he had.
For it didn't last as long as he needed it to and when all was said and done it was nothing more than a lie...a beautiful lie.
(Just stay with me and hold me close, because I've built my world around you)
Slender fingers reached out and hovered over his skin; Harry closed his eyes and focused on that one motion. He fancied that if he concentrated hard enough that he could almost feel the heat that the gesture would have usually brought.
God he wanted more than anything to feel that warmth now.
"I miss you so much" he whispered his voice hoarse and cracked. Everything hurt, the air he pulled into his lungs each day, the steps he took as he went through the motions that was his life...his heart that beat so painfully in his chest as his hope slowly dwindled away.
(And I don't, wanna know what it's like without you)
He hated this.
He hated this thing he had become, but god he didn't know how to stop. He had never loved someone as much as she had loved Draco, had never given himself to someone so completely. Their past, Draco's admittedly dubious previous and somewhat sinister allegiances and finally Harry's own status as the Wizarding world's favoured war hero. None if it had mattered when they were together, with Draco at his side Harry felt he could take on anything that life threw at him.
Without his constant presence in his life Harry knew that he floundered.
(So stay with me, just stay with me)
He'd begged him not to leave that night, his blood roaring in his ears at the feeling of wrongness of Draco going on such a dangerous mission. He'd been rewarded with a soft kiss and a tight embrace, calming words whispered against his skin. Draco's assurances that he would be ok, that it would only be a few days...that they would take a holiday when they got back as an early anniversary gift to themselves, forget about everything other than each other.
But those few days had turned into week and finally months, Harry hadn't heard a thing...the reports had said there had been an ambush...there had been casualties but none of them Draco.
Harry's brain had shut down since, now all he did was come to this place, the last place his lover had seen before he went missing. He conjured Draco's form every night and it gave him a small amount of comfort to see him but a deeper part of him acknowledged that it was his way of rejecting what everyone was trying their hardest to tell him.
(I'm trying and hoping for the day, when my touch is enough to take the pain away)
"Please Draco, I need you to come back to me...wherever you are...please just come back to me" he cried, his eyes opening and locking with mercury orbs. Draco's face softened even more at the desperation Harry knew would be on his face but he didn't care what he looked like.
Whatever his lover had endured, whatever he'd had to face during the long months he had been missing, he would heal him.
He'd give him whatever he needed, be whatever he wanted him to be as long as he came back to him. He'd take Draco's hurt as his own if he came back bearing it; he didn't care just as long as he could have him back in his arms again.
(Cause I've searched for so long, the answer is clear)
"I'm trying love, god I'm trying but I really don't know if I can do this anymore" he went on, desperately wanting to reach out to the visage before him, wanting to pull the taller body into himself and hold him there. Wanted to absorb whatever he could before it ended as abruptly as it had been conjured.
"I'm sorry love" Draco whispered softly and the words caused Harry to sob, because this Draco didn't know what it was that he was sorry for.
But Harry knew why he said it every time.
(We'll be ok, if we don't let it disappear)
His friends had tried to make him forget Draco, oh they'd all been supportive at first but slowly they had tried to coax him into dating again. Had tried to gently lead him down the path they wanted him to travel now, each one become more frustrated when Harry had blatantly ignored all of their suggestions that he get on with his life.
Draco was not dead, he couldn't be dead. He'd argued with Hermione that he would have felt it should his lover be dead, that he'd be dead inside too...he would not forget Draco because the blonde was coming back to him...he'd said so.
He'd failed to mention that he felt dead inside anyway.
(Stay with me, don't let me go, cause I can't be without you)
Cold.
He was so very cold; he wrapped his arms about his body and felt his skin tremble beneath his numb fingertips.
His eyes beaconed Draco to comfort him, to hold him in his arms and take all of his hurt away. But it was beyond his lovers power to do so, the spell only made the image of him appear before Harry, he had never been able to make it whole enough to be able to touch...a torture in and of itself.
(Just stay with me and hold me close, because I've built my world around you)
Sighing he imagined that his own arms where his lovers, listened to Draco's breathing through the rain and fancied that it was his fingertips that shook upon his skin.
It was all he had, the only thing that got him through each day. If he could have nothing else then he would at least have this, his little bubble of fantasy to cherish each night when he returned to his empty bed, returned to sheets that no longer smelled like Draco.
He missed the scent of the other man more than anything else save the man himself.
(So stay with me, just stay with me)
Draco murmured softly to him, words that he couldn't hear but he immersed himself in the richness of his voice.
It reminded him of the times when the nightmares had overtaken him, when he had been pulled into a loving embrace and words of comfort had been whispered against his clammy skin. Draco had always made him feel better.
He wished that this Draco could make him feel better.
(I've searched my heart over, so many many times)
He drank in Draco's body as heat flared across his skin, his mind alight with memories of scorched kisses and lingered caresses that left him trembling with need and aching for release. To think that he would never get to feel that again...no he couldn't think that way he couldn't imagine a life that didn't contain those heated moments.
Draco was in his heart, under his skin, no amount of time would ever make that change.
(No you and I is like no stars to light the sky at night)
They had always been Draco and Harry for many years now, Harry didn't know how to be just Harry any more.
Draco was as much a part of himself as he was a part of Draco, to be any other way was an impossible task. It didn't matter if Hermione and Ron said it wasn't healthy of him to think that way given the circumstances.
They didn't understand.
(Our picture hangs up to remind me of the days, you promised me we'd always be and never go away)
"I swear I'll find you" he was babbling now, his words hurried yet hushed and he didn't know if he was speaking to Draco or trying to convince himself. His conviction behind those words was real enough but he had yet to prove true on the statement.
He wouldn't let the other man become a memory.
Draco had promised him forever and he was going to make sure that he kept his promise, he had to. The thought of anything else would shatter him too completely for him to even contemplate, it was the only hope that he had to cling on to...Draco did not make promises lightly and he had never failed to keep one before now.
(That's why I need you stay)
He needed to have Draco back, needed it as much as he always had.
He didn't care that everyone had started to look at him with pity in their eyes, didn't care if he was the subject of their gossip. They hadn't been living a half life like he had, hadn't had to suffer as he had...who were they to judge him for this?
It was his right, he'd never asked for anything else so why should he be denied this one thing he wanted above everything else?
(Stay with me, don't let me go, cause I can't be without you)
"Stay with me" he pleaded when the image began to blur for a moment, Draco blinked at his words.
He knew that the request was futile, this wasn't meant to last but he still begged every time, still asked the same question knowing that the answer would never change. How could it, this wasn't real, this was just a passing fancy in the dark.
But he'd give anything to be able to conjure Draco here before him and for it to be the real thing.
(Just stay with me and me close, because I've built my world around you)
"You promised me Draco, you promised me that you would come back to me...why did you break that promise?"
The words were shouted, flavoured with all the bitter loneliness that had built up within him. For the first time he wanted to strike out at his lover, wanted to cause him as much pain as he himself was going through now.
He needed some outlet before he lost himself completely.
(And I don't, wanna know what it's like without you)
He knew that the spell was going to end soon, knew that time was running short.
He hated that he didn't have the power to keep the blonde with him for longer than a few hours, hated that he could only get a few magical moments before he was once again left alone. When he was here and his lover was before him it was beautiful for a while, but like all good things as of late, they never lasted...they always came to a sudden end.
Draco knew it too, his eyes brimming with a sadness that was Harry's final undoing
(So stay with me, just stay with me)
His eyes blurred as he sank to his knees, his hand trailing through the wet image as he slowly crumbled to the ground. His lungs burned as he breathed in great gasps of air between his sobs, he couldn't do this any more...couldn't pretend that everything was ok.
Looking up at the man he loved his eyes traced the smooth lips as they curved into a small smile and then he was fading, his body turning once again into the droplets that had formed him. Harry could almost make out the whispered words of love before he was left alone, the wind whipping his wet hair about his face.
He smiled his own smile and watched the distant horizon, he'd see him again...it was only a matter of time.
(So I stay waiting...in the dark)
AN: Whew finally got that out. So any thoughts? I must say it turned out much better than I expected given I had no idea what I would start typing when I opened up a blank word document. So anyway, I have some good news for my readers...my next chapter of 'Come What May' is completed, I'm just proof reading and tweaking before I post it up so it should be up within the next few days and I finally got back into 'Siren's Song' and would just like to say thank you all for hanging in there and I should hopefully have that up soon as well. Anyway thanks for stopping by and for any of you who have never heard this beautiful I suggest you go listen to it, such a wonderful haunting melody.
Ciao for now xxxx