Totsuka's murder took a toll on everyone in was as if something had died inside everyone. Everyone who is anyone knew to steer clear of the red clan ,especially their king "Mikoto suoh" who was apparently "an accident waiting to happen" . You on the other hand thought quite differently , the red clan actually seemed like a family they may look threatening and scary on the outside but they were nice people , they truly cared for one another and they were all fiercely loyal to their king. Tragedy struck after Totsuka's murder ,everything changed even their chirpy overly enthusiastic vanguard seemed to have mellowed down. You could detect the change in the atmosphere it was almost suffocating like a thick layer of miasma had enveloped the area surrounding the bar belonging to the red was truly an idiot , he was this happy go lucky fool who had these crazy ideals and beliefs ,his nature made him stand out like a needle in a haystack amongst the rest of the clansmen ,yet he managed to blend right in. He wasn't violent or short tempered he was always laughing and goofing off. His ideals lead him to his death , he was a blind fool who got over friendly and believed "in the good in people" . It appeared that the clansmen were hellbent on finding his murderer , there were always search parties who would question anyone , they gave out a bounty reward , they were blowing up weapon factories. It was obvious that they were willing to go to any length to find the murderer . Mikoto "The Red King" seemed off too , his normally carefree and lax nature had changed . He was on the brink of self destruction , his sword of domacles was beginning to crack and break which meant no happy ending for anyone on god's green earth .
You had to confront mikoto , you had to tell him to quit this madness before someone got hurt. You walked inside HOMRA hesitantly , the bar appeared to be empty , even the bartender appeared to have gone out. No sign of mikoto so far , maybe this was a bad idea you thought to yourself , you turned around to walk out when you bumped into something , you looked up annoyed and realized that it was the red king himself whom you appeared to have bumped into , you moved back a few steps quickly and appeared that he had just woken up from a deep sleep "the bar is closed right now" he said "it opens after 7" .He turned around to walk back to the stairs leading to the rooms upstairs, "No that's not it" you mumbled "i knew totsuka and well.." you trailed on , mikoto looked at you and motioned you towards the stairs. You quietly followed mikoto into what appeared to be a small room. It consisted of a desk , a plain single bed , a large sofa and what looked like a closet . Mikoto sat on the couch and motioned you to sit on the bed. You sat down and faced mikoto who looked bored yet impatient . " i knew totsuka" you repeated once again , "i know" mikoto added lazily "you were in the same school as him" , everything went dead quiet then . You looked at mikoto , though his expression had the same bored unamused look as usual, his eyes seemed different ..you could see the sadness , the tinge of frustration and melancholy floating through his amber orbs . " It wasn't your fault" you stated rather bluntly , mikoto's face showed just a hint of surprise before resuming back to it's standard position . " It wasn't your fault , you can't do this to yourself totsuka was just being totsuka , he wouldn't want you to do this , he believed that you weren't the "ruthless red king" he said you were meant to protect people" , that's when you saw the sadness in mikoto's eyes become more visible . You braved on " Totsuka was murdered out of his own stupidity , talking to random people like they were his friends and being so stupidly optimistic in a world that is nothing but cruel , it's a cycle of tyranny and sodomy " . You got up and walked towards mikoto whose head was now hung low " it isn't your fault it was totsuka's fault he was always so stupid" you repeated, your hand reached out to touch his hair , when he suddenly grabbed you by the neck and brought you down till you were both face to face. He spoke in a low menacing tone whilst choking you " it was my fault , i could have stopped him from entering HOMRA and becoming a member in the first place ..i started this and now i will end it" his grip remained steady . You spoke in a ragged whisper trying your best not to choke " In that case everyone is to blame ,you're being self destructive , you're sword of domacles is beginning to desecrate, your sword will collapse and that will cause a huge death toll , totsuka wouldn't want that , this is not something a protector does " . Mikoto's expression never faltered as he let go of your neck , you fell down on the floor coughing and gasping for breath . After regaining your strength , you got back up , your hand cupped mikoto's cheek and you spoke softly " totsuka was my friend too ,i felt all that you are feeling right now , i loved him like the brother i never had.."mikoto grabbed the front loops of your jeans and pulled you forward causing you to fall on top of him , he grabbed your face with his hands and pulled you in for a kiss . It was ferocious and wild just like mikoto , his tongue was burning your mouth and his lips seemed to parch your own , the movement of his tongue matched that of a flickering flame , gentle yet harsh , flickering about yet wild and frantic . You broke the kiss to gasp for air , mikoto took the opportunity to kiss you from your jaw to your neck , he stopped at your necklace and growled "take it off" you quickly complied , as soon as the necklace was off it felt as if mikoto lost all sense of control , his hands grabbed your shirt and pulled apart all the buttons at once , a couple of them popped and you could hear them land all over the room . Mikoto took off his shirt and started working on your bra , getting rid of it in just a flick and threw it across the room . His mouth and hands started to work on your exposed torso , he left a trail of kisses throughout your torso , he paused a little above your left breast as if he were considering something , you suddenly felt a piercing pain along with a burning sensation , everything went blurry for a few seconds and by the time you could focus your vision you realized mikoto had bit you and that he somehow managed to imprint his bite mark like a tattoo on your chest. " That's me marking you as my territory" he whispered huskily. The red head made you lie down on the couch and got on top of you , he continued to nip and kiss you everywhere around your body , his hands , his warm hands kneaded your mounds, they were getting warmer by the minute , hot enough to almost burn you but just at the edge , and how his hands worked on you , like an executive pastry chefs hands worked on the dough that needed to be kneaded . You moaned , you gasped and you're eyes popped just like any lover's would. Mikoto unzipped your jeans and in one fluid motion they were off , your body quivered underneath the great red king , mikoto didn't appear to be satisfied with a timid lover . " You know you have a beautiful voice , but i hate it when you bite those lips let your king hear you scream " he whispered in your ear . That's when his warm hand smoothly peeled off your underwear , the moment his fingers made contact with your flower you gasped in surprise . Mikoto took the opportunity to capture your lips once again in his ferocious kisses , while his fingers worked their magic you kept moaning into the kiss , there was so much going on inside you and it was impossible to keep track but you wanted to feel everything that was going on , most importantly you wanted the red king to feel it with you , he needed this just as much as you did .
With whatever strength you had left in your shaking body you pushed mikoto back , the kisses had caused your head to spin and you were dizzy with the euphoria . Mikoto looked at you confused , your dainty trembling hands tried to unzip mikotos black jeans but it appeared you still had no control over your appendages . Mikoto understood and stripped himself of whatever articles of clothing he had left and now the king sat bare infront of you . You couldn't help but stare in amazement at how toned he was , your eyes scanned his entire body from his collarbones to the dip in his shoulders to the ab line stretching down from his stomach , how your body ached for him . Mikoto seemed to be running out of patience again , he pulled you towards him and started kissing you from your neck to the space between your breast , to your stomach , his kisses were never soft they were rough almost angry , anger ..that was the second stage wasn't it? He was angry at himself , at totsuka and now that denial had worn off , mikoto was reacting the way any normal person would , through anger the most intense emotion in our arsenal ... That's when you grabbed mikoto's fiery locks and pulled his head back exposing his neck , you started kissing him , but your kisses contrasted mikoto's while his were quick and sloppy almost bitter , yours were soft , gentle almost re-assuring , you covered every inch of his neck with your kisses . "please.." that's when you looked up towards mikoto and realized his eyes were shut , almost in a trance he kept repeating the same word after short intervals of time. Bargaining..the third stage , we secretly try to make a pact with god or any other higher power to delay the inevitable ' if only we knew' , 'if only i could have stopped it' , it was a weak line of defence but we humans are weak , fragile creatures . We come into this pristine world claiming it as our own , we destroy landscapes and build our monuments of vanity , we do as we please and during that time we believe we are god , the chooser of our own fate , the shaper of our own destiny and that nothing could tarnish our "perfect little illusion"
You were so busy in your thoughts you didn't see mikoto's hands until it was too late . He wrapped his arms around your waist and buried his head in your chest like a child , he was taking deep breaths , everything seemed to have stopped moving , even the air seemed to be hanging still . Depression came next , it can be the wailing kind or the subtle one , the private one where we silently separate & bid our loved one farewell this is a very delicate stage and almost impossible to move on from . You see depression swallows one whole , it doesn't allow us to let go , it has a very strong grip , it latches onto our souls refusing to detach , many people spend the rest of their lives swallowed by depression , disintegrating atom by atom till they are finally gone. You stroked his fiery locks . You kissed the top of his head and it felt like you had kissed an ember , remnants of burnt coal and ash .That's when mikoto looked up at you and you felt his eyes piercing inside you like millions of daggers , he appeared calm yet his eyes were burning like wildfire and it felt as if that wildfire had spread through out your own body engulfing you entirely . Mikoto was still sitting on the couch , when you spread his legs slightly and then your knees straddled his sides . Both your hands were on his shoulders as you slowly lowered yourself down on top of him , when your womanhood reached just the tip of his member you paused , mikoto realizing your hesitation pulled you in for a kiss , you then lowered yourself down taking him whole , you winced into the kiss , mikoto noticed your discomfort and then started giving you soft gentle kisses as if he were comforting you . It definitely took some time for you to adjust to this position , you never really understood why both men and women were infatuated by this position it was uncomfortable and not natural but this was for mikoto not for your pleasure. You moved very slowly at an awkward pace . Mikoto almost smiled in amusement as his hands grabbed your waist and he used his strength to manoeuvre you around and guide you properly , at some point mikoto must have hit something inside you that caused this insane pleasure shooting up your spine , that's when you understood what you had to do . You didn't exactly have the greatest stamina in the world but you moved in a good pace , enough pace to make mikoto tilt his head back and grunt . One of mikoto's hand stayed on your waist helping you while the other hand was tugging your hair hard enough for you to pull your head back but not hard enough for it to hurt . Your moans coupled with his grunts melted into each other , the sound of skin meeting each other echoed around the room , things were beginning to get hazy , you could barely keep your eyes open , that's when mikoto pulled your face down to face his and his amber orbs deadlocked into your own eyes . "look at me , i want you to look at me when you call out my name" he managed to speak calmly , you nodded quickly and you continued your pace with mikoto guiding you with his hand . The room smelled of sweat, warmth and sex . When the pleasure was reaching its peak you found a stamina you didn't even know you possessed and you hit overdrive going as fast as you can and mikoto also helped you. You had both meshed into one creature , forming Shakespeare's metaphorical beast with two backs . You both made out like lovers do , as if your lips were the sky and his were the earth and you both clashed into the horizon like thunder and lightning. After a few more quick paces everything faded out , you broke from the kiss , arching your back and moaned mikoto's name as you came undone . Mikoto didn't last longer either , he too soon arrived , you collapsed on top of him becoming nothing but a bundle of tangled limbs panting heavily. The red haired king effortlessly lifted you up and carried you to the bed , he lay on top of you and held you close and dozed off into a deep slumber but just before falling asleep he mumbled something that sounded like a thankyou .
Acceptance..the final stage , not many people can afford to reach this stage.
Coping with loss is ultimately a singular and personal experience. No one can help you understand all the feelings you are going through or help you cope with it but others can help you through the experience. Grief is like an ocean , the wave will hit you all at once , the best thing you can do is allow yourself to feel the grief as it comes to you...