Hey guys! Did ya miss me? This is just a shameless excuse to complain about my problems and tell you why I've been gone for so long! Maybe you can relate? Enjoy?
Pressure
I'm lying flat on my back on the floor, my eyes are glazed and my expression vacant. I'm stuck in a void of uncertainty. There is a burning lump in my throat and my head feels too heavy to lift, I haven't got the energy to even lift a finger. I just stare at my ceiling and let my mind race with questions, fears and bitterness.
My wardrobe door opens slowly, quietly. It makes a soft scraping sound to let me know someone's coming through.
I see the flashes of my portal but don't pay any attention to it.
''Ran?'' Comes a familiar voice, ''You here? We haven't seen you in a while.''
I don't even blink as a green face with a blue mask peers at me, I see the sapphire eyes widen and I hear the worried gasp.
''Ran!?'' Leonardo dashes towards me and kneels by my side, three other green figures are quick to join him.
They look me over in confusion.
''Is she dead?'' Michelangelo whispers worriedly.
''No idiot! You can see her chest risin'!'' Raphael snaps but the worry is clear in his voice.
''Why're you lookin' there?'' Mikey wrinkles his beak, ''creep!''
''Wha-!? I'm not a creep! That's how ya check fer breathin!'' Raph growls.
''Ran?'' A pair of light brown eyes surrounded by olive skin invade my vision. ''What's wrong?''
I blink.
''What am I doing Donnie?'' I ask in a whisper.
''What do you mean?'' Don asks worriedly as he leans back, Leo puts a hand on my forhead.
''You're lying on the floor'' Mikey answers with a small, humorous smile. Raph nudges him.
''I'm going nowhere'' I mumble. ''I had a part-time job fo two weeks and left because I found it too exhausting, I'm bored of my college course and I'm scared that I'm just gonna end up bored no matter what job or apprenticeship I take… I don't know what I want to do other than become an author but that's really unlikely to ever work out.''
The brothers look at one another then look at me again.
''You guys are lucky you're mutants.'' I sigh, ''You never have to worry about getting a job or anything like that''
''No. We just have to worry about being killed every day'' Raph smirks.
''Don't exaggerate.'' I scold. ''It's not every day''
The brothers roll their eyes as I sit up and lean against my bed.
''Ran, I'm pretty sure every human has those fears at some point. Nobody knows what the future holds'' Leo sighs.
''I hate how uncertain my future is though!'' I growl. ''What will happen to me? Will I just end up being miserable no matter what?''
''You're a teenager. You're supposed to be miserable right now.'' Leonardo chuckles. ''Don't worry so much, focus on the now rather than worrying about later. I'm sure one day you'll find something you're passionate about and have a great time doing it.''
''Writing is my passion but I haven't even been able to do that recently.'' I look at Leo, ''Besides, I won't be able to do anything if I don't have money and to get money I need a job''
''Being an Author is a real job, it won't be easy I'll agree but it's not impossible'' Donnie frowns. I just look at him.
''You'll find something eventually Ran. Don't get yourself so stressed!'' Raph scolds as he looks me over. ''You don't look good, man''
''That's coz this stress has stopped my from eating and sleeping properly and I have this constant headache'' I grumble.
''That's coz you think too much'' Mikey nods. ''You need to chill''
''I can't chill! I need to get a job or an apprenticeship so I can leave my shit college course'' I look longingly at my computer.
''You'll find something'' Mikey shrugs.
''You won't get anywhere if you don't do something Ran, sitting here complaining isn't gonna get you anywhere'' Leo scolds. ''Write a book, start a Youtube channel, search the web for jobs and apprenticeships and apply for all the ones you find interesting. There's always gonna be a reason not to but if you take that first step you could really end up doing something you love.''
''You're right… of course you're right.'' I chuckle breathily, ''I've been trying to film my first video and write that first chapter for months and I keep putting it off…''
The turtles chuckle and shake their heads.
''Thanks you guys'' I hug them tightly. ''Maybe now I can even get back into writing fanfiction''
They nod and smile.
''Now. Get to it'' Donnie hands me my laptop. ''We'll stay and help you out. Don't worry about it.''
I smile and log on.
Maybe one day everything will work out, there will be lows and highs throughout the journey but as long as I keep trying I'll make it.
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