Disclaimer: George Lucas is the creator of Star Wars. Not I. I am not the owner or maintainer of Fanfiction(dot)net.

Warning 1: Thou shall not steal. Plagiarism is a dastardly deed. Thank you.

Warning 2: No beta reader. Apologies for everything wrong in this piece. Please forgive any uncharacteristic actions and emotions. Technological references may not be entirely accurate. I have seen all six episodes, but I remain mostly ignorant of the Extended Universe and how some of the characters are portrayed in the novels. [I hold no ill will to any of the Fanfiction(dot)net personnel. This is meant to be a light-hearted fic. None of the site's crew is being targeted or stereotyped. Any behavior that bears resemblance to the staff/moderators is coincidental. In fact, no non-fictional individuals are directly featured.]

Timeline: Two years before Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones

Section: 1/2

Tirades in Transmission

By Jan J. (P.J.P.), Little Sister's Keepress

Chapter One – Transmission From Padawan Skywalker

LIVE HOLOGRAM TRANSMISSION

To: Fanfiction(dot)net staff members, Los Angeles base, California, United States of America, Earth

From: Jedi Padawan Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Temple, Coruscant

Subject: I Ha—I Command You

I detest you. All of you. You're animals. If Master weren't in the other room, I would . . .I would strike you down. I would obliterate you the same way a Sarlacc slowly devours wandering prey so that they live in agony.

Oh, Force. It seems that Master has sensed my fury. I hear footsteps echoing in the hallway. He's probably going to lecture me on the "merits of meditation for sustaining a state of serenity." Why does he always worry about me? I'm not a child.

Don't think for a moment that I am finished with you. I'll be back, and, when I do, you better have an answer for your grievous actions.

Hmm . . .Master's techniques have calmed me slightly. However, I am still discontent with your obvious disregard for someone who is dear to me. How could you do this to her? How could you treat her as if she doesn't exist? She was—no, is—everything to me!

Let me clearly explain what she has done for me. Now that I look back, I took it all for granted. When I was cold, she was my haven from the biting wind. She was the first person to truly love me. She protected me and mended any bruises that I got. She's . . .She's my guardian angel. I miss her so much! I wish that she were here with me right now. She would be right here next to me, and I would finally hear her say, "Ani."

I mean, I'm grown up now, but I think I shall always like to hear her voice whispering, "My Ani." Whenever she called me that, I had a sense of belonging. She also has the best hugs. Master sometimes unconsciously addresses me as "my young one" or "my young Padawan learner," but it isn't the same. I don't know. He tries, and I love him, but he just isn't her. I feel like I'm in a divorce. I spent part of the time with her, and I spend the rest with him.

I'm through with explaining. Now what poor excuses do you have for belittling this woman who is one of the most vital figures in my life? Master will chastise me for acting so rashly if he is notified of this hologram, but I do not feel very merciful or forgiving today. I see that you are looking beyond baffled. What do you mean that you have no idea what I am talking about? I am speaking to the Fanfiction(dot)net staff responsible for the Star Wars section, am I not? All right. So I am indeed. Well, listen carefully because I refuse to repeat myself.

While doing a search on the modules in the Jedi Archives, one of the sources listed was an entry from Fanfiction(dot)net. I had never heard of this site before. Immediately, I found myself on a page with the title Star Wars. I don't know what this Star Wars is, but I couldn't help but gaze at a character list. To my shock, the first recognizable name that I encountered was "Anakin S."—myself! It couldn't be anyone but myself, right? Unless, by the Force's will, there is another genetically similar Anakin S. who I am not aware of. Scrolling down the list, the next recognizable name was C-3PO. I hope he's all right. Never mind. The reason I bring him up is that he reminds me of my childhood on Tatooine and the time I was with her.

Gradually, I came to the end of the list and looked up from the screen in confusion. I re-read the list again and scrutinized the names following that of my Master. How could she not be there! You . . .You blurrgs! It's as if she's dead! But she's not. She's alive. I can feel her. By Force, even Qui-Gon and Maul are included, and they're dead! My mother is not dead. It's as if you killed her! No one will put his or her filthy hands on Shmi Skywalker because I will seriously kill anyone who does. All of you have made a grave mistake by neglecting Mom. I do not take this kindly. Fix this error now, or you will embrace the end of my lightsaber. I don't care if Master somehow restrains me with a Force pull. I will oppose it and deliver justice.

There's another matter that I must discuss. As a result of the absence of the label "Shmi S." for this Star Wars section, I was unable to properly select the primary "character" headings for this message. Thus, the heading carries "Anakin S. and Obi-Wan K." instead of the rightful "Shmi S. and Anakin S." It's all your fault!

END OF LIVE HOLOGRAM TRANSMISSION

VOICE ENCRYPTION ON FILE IHATEYOU

Master, if you happen to infiltrate my password settings and the retina scans encoding this saved file on my datapad and transmitter, please don't take offense. You are a key figure in my life, and I do treasure you greatly. Why do you think I save you all the time? After all, you're like my father, but, Master, there is something I must confess. . .You're not very consoling when your Padawan is ill and suffering in bed. Mothers are far better at the nursing back to health sort of thing.