Given my chosen handle for fan fiction I really should write more for It's Always Sunny, but for some reason this show is really difficult to work with. Anyway this story revolves around the first episode from season nine, "The Gang Broke Dee." I don't know if I would call it required viewing but this will make alot more sense if you have seen it.

Philadelphia, Pa

10:33 A.M

"I don't know Dee, does this place really look like where a person of my prestige would celebrate the date of his birth?"

Dennis looked over the inside of Paddy's which had been decorated with balloons, streamers, confetti and a makeshift stage where the pool table usually sat. Overall the bar looked like it had been prepared for a child's birthday party and not an individual in his thirties.

"Don't you mean the date of our birth?"

"What?" Dennis asked without even bothering to look at his sister as she approached him.

"Were twins you jackass. It's both of our birthdays."

Dennis finally looked away from the decorations and looked towards his sister with the self satisfied smirk that let Dee know he was doing his best to irritate her and thought he was succeeding.

"I hate you" said Dee before she walked back away from him and went back to decorating the bar.

Dennis's smirk only grew larger as Dee moved away from him. With his sister no longer willing to speak to him, Dennis turned his attention back to the bar but was interrupted by the ringing of his phone which he dug out of his pocket and answered.

"Yo, Mac what goin on? Wait what? How did all three of you… No we're not going to bail you guys out! Why not? Come on Mac you and I both know I'm not going anywhere near the cops" Dennis answered as if his friends request to help was more ridiculous than the fact that he was wanted by the Philadelphia Police Department.

"Yeah well I'm not going to help you idiots. Enjoy the free prostate exam when they move you guys to county.

Dennis hung up and pocketed his phone before he addressed his sister. "Hey Dee."

"What" Dee answered with obvious annoyance in her voice.

Dennis strolled over to her and spoke in a jovial voice, showing how unfazed he was by Dee's anger. "Mac called and said that he, Charlie, and Frank are all in a holding cell in some police station."

Like a switch had been thrown Dee's anger disappeared as she began to laugh at the predicament her supposed friends were in. "What did they do?"

Dennis shrugged as he said "I didn't ask because I don't give a shit."

Sunny

Mac smiled as he was lead away from the pay phone he was used for his one phone call and was shoved back into the holding cell where Frank and Charlie were being held.

"It worked" said Mac as he sat on the decrepit bench Charlie and Frank were using."They really think were in jail."

"Uh, dude we are in jail" Charlie replied.

"Yeah, but they don't know were in here on purpose."

Dennis and Dee's Birthday

Frank, Mac, and Charlie sat in the prison cell with roughly ten other men. The odd assemblage of men included the types of guys people envision standing on corners when they hear the term drug dealer and a homeless man with the uncontrollable shakes and near constant vomiting that came from alcohol withdrawal. The three friends watched as the hobo stumbled towards the corner on shaky legs and threw up all over the floor which made the smell of bile pervasive.

"This is pretty gross guys" said Charlie as he watched the homeless man wretch endlessly.

"It's still worth it" replied Frank. "I couldn't take another one of their birthday performances or whatever the hell they call it. I don't care if it's in a bar; there ain't enough booze in the world to make me stay.

"He's right man" Mac agreed. "All the weird pageantry, the way they schedule everything down to the last second. It's like their two shitty failed actors that want to take advantage of a captive audience. Well actually I guess Dee really is a shitty failed actress."

"And the duets dude" Charlie started, getting into the same spirit of his friends. "Do you remember last year? They sang duets for three hours straight!"

"You know there's gonna be a big fight between them too" said Frank.

"Oh my God dude" Charlie and Mac replied in unison.

"I can't believe that Dee went after him with a broken beer bottle last year. I still haven't got all the blood stains off the bar." Charlie whined. "If they plan it out every year then why do they still end up attacking each other?"

"I think it's because they agree not to buy each other gifts every year but they're both so self absorbed that they feel offended that the other one didn't buy them anything." Mac answered. "I know this plan sounded crazy guys but between the horrible pageantry and the possibility that we could end up being witnesses in a murder trial, we needed an escape plan with a shady McCoy level of elusiveness."

"I just hope we get out of here when we need to" said Frank. "I don't want to be the victim of some weird prison people."

"Hey come on Frank, you can't just assume everyone in here is a creepy weirdo."

"Yeah" said Mac in support of Charlie. "For all we know their guys just like us who got arrested on purpose to dodge their social commitments."

References and Phillyisms

Shady McCoy is the nickname of the Eagles running back LeSean McCoy.