Blurred by memories, the number of my tears is countless like the stars

As We Kiss Goodbye, THSK

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|July 7th, 2008; 8 Island|

"Let's break up."

Lucy bristles in her seat as soon as those words ghost past Natsu's lips. They're whispered without a moment's hesitation, so low and quick that she almost misses them entirely. Her lips twist into a confused frown, eyes flashing up from the dining table between them to his chillingly stoic face.

His eyes, the one feature of his that she could always read no matter how hard he tries to conceal the emotions lurking within them, struggle to meet her own. Whatever uncomfortable glances that happen to meet her gaze by chance reveal none of their usual warmth. His expression is blank, mouth nothing more than a thin line, and his body is tense where he sits across from her.

It's a sight she has seen on occasion, when Natsu's entire being shifts into one she can hardly recognize. It's something rare, usually only brought about when he faces someone like his father, but it's still frightening to see all the same. And now he is using it around her. Towards her. Of all people, he's suppressing his true nature (of wide smiles and carefree laughter) in front of her.

His best friend.

His fiancée.

And...what did he say? He wants to –

"Break up?" Lucy manages to repeat, fingers tangling nervously in her lap. She bites at her bottom lip, eyebrows furrowed. "What do you…" she swallows (it hurts to swallow), "what do you mean?"

"It means," he sighs, almost impatiently, and glares out of the rain-streaked window beside them, "that I want to end this, Lucy." Another exhale, and his fingers run through rose-colored locks in frustration. "What we are, what this is..." He motions a hand between them with a hiss. "It isn't going to work anymore. I've been giving it some thought, and I just...it won't work. We won't work. I realize that now, after what happened to Jenny, and –"

"No," she interrupts, voice weak and breaking with every word. "I don't care about that. I don't care about any of that." And she stands, her chair scraping against tiled floors as she begins to angrily gather her things. "If this is why you called me out tonight, then just forget it. I've already heard enough of this from Jude. I don't need to hear it from you too, alright? Not you."

As she starts to walk away, head downcast and shoulders hunched beneath her white sundress, Natsu rushes out of his seat. He stops her at the main door of the restaurant, grip tight around her arm as he spins her around to face him.

At last, he's staring at her now. Right at her. Right through her. And she hopes those familiar onyx eyes – something she longed to truly see ever since he first said those three bitter words to her – would betray him and show that everything happening right now was nothing more than some cruel joke. But the angry, disconnected look looming within those black depths – the very windows to his soul – reveals anything but.

And she will never forget how horrifyingly cold he looks in this very moment.

"Are you stupid or do you actually want to die?" he snaps, giving her body a firm shake under his hold. Now it's Lucy who can no longer look at him, his gaze feeling as if it's meant to burn her, so she squeezes her eyes shut instead, palms coming up to childishly press against her ears. She doesn't want to hear this; she refuses to hear any of this. "Listen to me, Lucy. Just listen to me! There will only be more problems if we stay together. Don't you get it? We aren't kids anymore, and we...you have to understand, we can't keep hurting those around us by –"

"I don't want to understand!" Lucy shouts. Heavy tears begin to brim over her eyes, threatening to cascade down her cheeks. "I don't care about anyone but you, Natsu. I just want to stay with you!" She collides her body into his, burying her face into his chest. With her head shaking, voice weak and trembling, she whispers loud enough for him to hear, "I...I love you. I love you so much and I...I don't want to be without you. Natsu, I can't."

He's silent for a moment, even as his hands rise to rest against her shoulders. And then, in a voice just as low and strained as hers...

"I don't feel the same anymore, Lucy."

And never has Lucy felt her heart sink so low. Her knees shake beneath her, Natsu's hold ironically being the only thing keeping her upright, and the tears she has barely managed to keep at bay instantly break free. A choked whimper escapes her lips, a small gasp of disbelief following soon after. "What did you...?" Her hands become fists in the fabric of shirt, and she forces herself to peer up at him through blurred hazel eyes. "What?"

He continues slowly. Carefully. "I probably...never loved you as much as I thought I did." He releases her then, only to gently push her a few steps away with his palms heavy on her shoulders. She stumbles backwards, eyes widening and more tears falling along with her heart. "With everything that's happened, everything we've been through...maybe I was just confused. Maybe I mixed up my feelings of rebellion against my father with my feelings for you. Maybe I...I don't know. I mean, we were so young when we started dating. I don't think either of us meant for things to get this serious, right? It was a mistake. We were a mistake, Lucy."

She can't believe what she is hearing. She refuses to believe it. She's so lost, so breathtakingly hurt. And the more Natsu speaks, the more he struggles to choose his words and explain why everything about their star-crossed relationship is supposedly wrong, the more questions begin to filter through her pounding head.

What happened between them? What did she do wrong? Is he telling the truth? How can he do this to her now? It was just a few months ago that he proposed to her (with a box of pizza, a carton of ice cream, a beautiful diamond ring that seemed to glow in the moonlight, and a toothy grin that was so sincere and so utterly Natsu that she couldn't say anything but yes). And it was just yesterday that he told her he'd remain by her side no matter what (with his lips pressed against her temple, his naked body warm beside her own, and arms cradling her in a way that made her feel that it was exactly where she belonged).

So why?

Why?

"Lucy, I'm sorry. I really am, but –" She shoves him away, cutting him off before turning around and storming out of the restaurant. "Shit – Lucy! Lucy, wait!"

It's a rainy and abnormally cold night for the beginning of summer, and as Lucy runs in the direction of where she left her car, the relentless wind bites and whips at her bare skin. Yet, for some reason, she can't feel anything. Can't fathom any other sensation in her body except the overwhelming numbness that slowly begins to suffocate her in its hold. She faintly hears Natsu's calling of her name from behind her as she steps into her car. And she has already slammed the door shut, engine roaring to life, when he finally reaches her window.

His fists wildly pound against the glass, face contorting from its earlier emptiness to fullblown panic. "Lucy, s-stop!" he pleads over the storm raging around him. "Don't – I shouldn't have...I'm sorry, I – please, open the door. I'm sorry, just don't go! Please."

She forces herself to ignore him. His face. His words. His voice. And she pulls away from the curb with a jolt of her car, feet nearly slamming the pedal to the floor as she leaves him behind to uselessly shout her name.

Her chest feels as if it's on fire and freezing all at once, icy flames licking their way up from her heart to her throat, to her head, to the tears that continue to stream down her face. She can't see past them, can't even think past the images flashing through her mind.

Him. They're all of him.

Natsu, her love. Natsu and his hugs that seem to envelop her whole. Natsu and his kisses that never fail to send butterflies fluttering through her every single time. Natsu and his laughter that lights up her world. Natsu and his...everything. Just his everything. They won't leave her mind. They taunt her, mock her as she speeds down barren city streets and fights with the tormenting thoughts that collide with her bruised soul.

It was all a mistake, he said. An accident. Something that was never meant to get to this point. He doesn't want her. He probably never wanted her. Not as much as she wants him. As much as she needs him. Everything he has told her for the past few years...were they lies? Were his soft confessions of love nothing but lies stemming from...from what? Guilt? Regret? Did he value anything that happened between them? Did she truly mean...nothing to him?

Absolutely nothing?

"I promise you, Luce. I'll be everything that you need and more," he breathed into the crook of her neck, fingers toying absentmindedly with her golden locks. She laughed at the feeling of his heated words hitting her skin ("it tickles," she cried, and he chuckled softly, bringing her closer and planting a firm kiss on her collarbone). "You're all I need in this world, Luce. And I want to be the same for you, no matter what happens. I love you," he murmured tenderly. "I love you. God, I love –"

Suddenly, a blinding light obstructs Lucy's teary vision, the sound of loud horns and shrill screaming practically deafening her until a searing pain courses throughout her entire body. Metal bends. Glass breaks, her skin tearing as their shards rip at her flesh. And her bones shatter in such a spontaneous burst of excruciating pain that she actually feels an ounce of relief under the torture of it all.

It isn't hard for her to figure out what has happened, and she is almost glad that it has. It feels...comforting to just let go. To embrace the feeling of her car falling apart as it flips into a nearby rail. The feeling of her blood rushing up to her throat, easing the pain that Natsu's fire has left behind, choking her until black spots appear in her sight. The feeling of her body slowly releasing all of its ties to the world, from the tips of her toes to her head, every inch of her losing all of its sensitivity. The feeling of…

Dying. She's dying, isn't she?

Good, is the thought which resounds throughout her fading mind and Lucy, in her final moments, can't help but agree.

Living has proven to hurt too much anyways.

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to be continued

Author's Note (2015): My baby (read: my precious tablet) died last week so it'll be a lot of working writing anything new. Thought: why not just upload a random story I've been working on to waste time? Until I'm done with chapter five of PMO (which I'll start working on right now, I swear), I'll just give everyone this story. Some might not like it because the genre is completely different and definitely not as light-hearted. But hey, that's life.

Yep.

Anyways, stay tuned for chapter one (since this is a prologue) and review if you wanna! Also, please try to ignore my constant abuse of the em dash (this thing: —). I freaking love using it even when it's not called for. It just looks so fancy. English teachers beware.

Author's Note (2018): Writer's block is a bitch. Especially when you know what you want to write but just don't know how. So...here's my solution (that probably won't work, but it's worth the attempt): I'm going to re-write this story. Nothing major will change, trust me. Just maybe the sequence. And any grammar or spelling issues. Things that were painfully vague before will most likely be explained now. And I'll say this now so you guys won't want to bite my head off for another two years in anticipation: the aftermath of the dreaded "prologue scene" (aka the chapter you just read/re-read) will come in chapter seven. The first six are for exposition and character introductions. So, if you're a longtime reader and already know the dealio with that, feel free to skip or skim until chapter seven is up. Otherwise, enjoy this revamp of my dear story Strawberry Lemon Kiss. See you all in chapter one-mach two!

chu~