"Why don't you tell me what happened, Blaine?" Dr. Benson scribbles down notes on her pad and looks at Blaine. They're 30 minutes into the session and Blaine has been avoiding talking about the reason he's here. He's talked about everything from his dreams about mountains made of cotton candy to his irrational fear of peanut butter. She has a general knowledge of the events from Blaine's parents, but the point of the session is to get Blaine to talk about it so they can work through it.
"I…I can't." Blaine's voice catches and his eyes are already shining with tears.
"Why not?"
"He's gone. And I'm right here. By myself." Blaine's lower lip trembles and he looks down at his hands. He shouldn't have said that. Because now that he's thinking about it, about him, he can't stop. And the words won't stop pouring out of him either.
"I'm trying to get used to this life without him." His voice cracks. He doesn't want to say this. He doesn't want to make it real by saying it out loud, even though it's been real for weeks now.
"He was the love of my life."
"Who was?" Dr. Benson asks in a calm, even tone when Blaine doesn't continue after a little while.
"Kurt," Blaine says simply, looking at her in confusion. How does she not know about Kurt? Kurt is the world, Kurt is everything. How dare she ask who he's talking about? Dr. Benson just nods, waiting for him to go on. "He was the love of my life," he repeats. "And I'm pissed off that I have to learn what being alone is like."
"Why do you have to be alone, Blaine? If he's moved on, can't-"
"He didn't move on! He's gone!" Blaine yells at her and she can see that she's finally breaking through. "He's gone." He's crying now and she reaches over to hand him the box of tissues but he refuses. "He's gone and it's all my fault."
"Why don't you tell me what happened, Blaine?" Dr. Benson prompts again, more gentle this time. Blaine looks up at her, feeling a little betrayed. Can't she see that this is the last thing that he wants to talk about?
"No."
"Don't you think you owe it to Kirk?"
"Kurt! His name is…was…is Kurt."
"I'm sorry. Yes, Kurt. Of course. Don't you think he would want you to talk about it?"
Blaine looks at her blankly as he slowly starts to let the thoughts of that night back in.
"It was raining…"
"I can't believe your dad let you take his car out tonight," Kurt says, beaming as they rush down the path of Kurt's front yard to silver BMW parked at the curb. The rain is coming down pretty steadily now, but that's no reason that they can't have a cozy dinner and movie date tonight. "I think he's starting to warm up to me."
"I think he's finally accepting that you're not going anywhere." Blaine smiles as he gets into the car and they buckle up. He holds his hand out for Kurt's as is their habit when driving as he puts the car in gear and heads down the street towards the freeway.
They're going to one of their favorite restaurants, a small French bistro on the other side of town. A reward for the rough week they had had.
"Blaine…?" Kurt's voice is soft and a little bit apprehensive. Blaine looks over at him as the car rests at a stop light.
"Yeah?"
"You know…you know I love you, right? I'm sorr-"
"Hey. We talked about this. It's already forgiven. In the past. I love you too." Blaine squeezes his hand as he puts his foot back on the gas when the light turns green.
"We're going to make it, you know."
"I know." Blaine takes the freeway onramp, letting go of Kurt's hand so he can have both hands on the wheel now.
"It's just one year. Not even, really. Just September to May. And I think I get like three weeks off for winter break.
Blaine stays silent, just nodding along with him. He has to believe this, that Kurt's right. They're going to make it. They have to. Because Kurt is his whole world.
"I should probably talk about something else. I'm sorry. You're right. New York is all I talk about."
"No, no, it's fine, Kurt. Really."
There's a bit of silence then and Blaine doesn't want that. Doesn't want the distance to start up between them again. So he takes his eyes off the road for a second to mess with the CD player, trying to find the disk with "Perfect" on it so they can sing that together like they used to.
"Blaine!" Kurt yells his name and Blaine looks up first at Kurt, his eyes wide and face full of terror, then to the road. There's a car in front of them, stalled in the middle of the freeway. He hadn't seen it before because it didn't have its hazard lights on. Blaine curses and hits the brakes but they're still approaching much too fast. He does the only thing he can think of, grabs the wheel and turns it hard to the right. The tires screech on the wet pavement. He hears glass breaking as the car slams into the concrete wall, the metal of the passenger side crunching against it like tin foil. The last thing he hears before everything goes black is Kurt's painful scream.
Blaine takes a moment to wipe his eyes, breaking out of his memories for a moment. Dr. Benson sits patiently, waiting for him to continue. Her face is composed but compassionate.
"And then you woke up in the hospital?" She prods gently.
Blaine swallows and shakes his head slowly.
"No. Sometimes, I wish…"
Blaine comes to a few minutes later, blinking his eyes open slowly. Or trying to. There's something warm and heavy flowing down his face, over his eyes. He brings his hand up to wipe it away. Blood. Oh god. Kurt. His vision focuses and he sees the rain pouring down around the car, some of it getting in where the glass has broken. There's people all about the car, hazard lights on to prevent more accidents. He can hear sirens in the distance.
But none of this matters because Kurt. Blaine looks to the right and there he is. Blaine's heart stops. He's crushed against the wall. He can't even see the lower half of his body. A giant piece of glass is embedded in the side of his head, blood streaming down.
"Kurt? Baby?" Blaine's voice is small, weak. He lifts his head gently and Kurt's eyes flutter open slowly, as if he was just waking up from a short nap in bed with Blaine.
"Hold me? Just for a little bit, baby." Kurt's voice is weak too. It sounds like he's just tired. Blaine doesn't even feel his own pain as he unbuckles his seatbelt, quickly crawling over the divider and lifting what he can of Kurt and pulling him into his arms.
"Kurt, I love you. I love you so much. Don't leave me. Please. Stay with me, baby." Blaine's crying now, the tears streaming down his face, but Kurt just looks up at him, his face calm and serene.
"Shhh. I love you too, Blaine. Always." Kurt smiles softly at him and uses his last bit of strength to pull Blaine's face down to his and kiss him gently. Blaine kisses him back, putting everything he can into it until he feels Kurt's lips stop moving against his.
Blaine trembles as he pulls back, looking down at Kurt. His face is still calm and peaceful, like he might just be sleeping, if it weren't for the blood running down the side of his face.
Blaine doesn't let go of him until after the paramedics arrive.
"I lost my love, my life that night," Blaine chokes out. He wipes at his eyes again but it doesn't help because the tears won't stop.
"It wasn't your fault, Blaine," Dr. Benson says softly. There are tears pricking at her eyes, something that very rarely happens for her.
"I…I think our session is done." Blaine looks up at the clock and gets up. "It's, it's okay. I'll see him again, soon. He's in heaven, waiting for me." He's not sure if he believes this, but it's all he has left, so he clings to this hope as he steps out of the office and closes the door behind him.