Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Ocean's 11. And I certainly own no vault plans. Not planning to steal them. Nuh uh. Not me.
There's a couple of lines in this that I wrote and then suddenly realised that I was actually quoting Babylon 5. But it was just too funny not to leave in. So there's a prize for anyone who spots it. A prize of a virtual nature admittedly. And my apologies.
Rusty was perfectly aware of Danny's faint cry of alarm coming from the next room, just as he was aware of the slamming door and the almost-running footsteps in the hallway. He couldn't help it; it was in his nature. In fact he'd already stood up when he realised that the footsteps had stopped just outside of the door, and with the image of Danny standing, regaining his composure, firmly in his mind he smoothly turned his momentary concern into the act of reaching for another bag of corn chips.
No-one else seemed to notice. Linus, Basher and Yen were too busy staring at the cards he'd dealt them, while Livingston was fiddling with a digital camcorder, trying to make it do things that Sony had never intended.
So, when Danny came in, looking as calm and unruffled as always, Rusty simply gave him an amused – and knowing – smile and asked "Do you want dealt in?" Which roughly translated as "So, what's up?"
Danny shook his head and walked casually round the table. Out of habit, Rusty thought, and reflected that if Saul had been in the room – or Reuben, or Frank for that matter – then they would have been in trouble. "Just wondering if you had a moment. Something I wanted to check with you about Florentine." Which roughly translated as "Help!"
He sighed and looked down at his cards. Jack, Ten, Nine, Eight, Seven, all Diamonds. "Can it wait a few minutes?" he suggested, grinning in a way that he knew would have the others tearing their hair, trying to figure out if he was bluffing.
But Danny was having none of it. Rusty felt him leaning over his shoulder, and heard his voice loud by his ear. "Wow. Too bad you're not playing for money."
The others looked up sharply and with the sort of synchronicity that a swim team would be impressed by, threw down their cards.
Danny grinned and stood up straight. "So you're done now, right?"
Rusty sighed again, scooped up the meagre pile of M&Ms and followed Danny out of the room.
"That was just mean." he complained, once they were in the hallway and the door was shut. "I was planning on stringing out that hand for at least another packet. I know Yen has a secret stash."
"Look on the bright side. I could have told them you were cheating."
Rusty shrugged and conceded the point. "So, what's the problem?" he asked, as they stood outside the door. Danny stopped, his card key in his hand, and turned a serious expression on him, and Rusty read the remains of genuine fear in his eyes, and his breath caught. "Seriously, what – "
" – there's a wasp in my room." Danny said, in a hushed voice.
"Uh huh." Rusty eyed the closed door thoughtfully. "And you didn't call reception because . . . ?"
"Well." Danny shrugged. "You own a hotel."
"Not this hotel." he pointed out.
"Look. Just do something, will you?" Danny begged, and Rusty relented just as he always did. He held his hand out and Danny passed him the room key and immediately stepped behind him.
Stealthily and very, very carefully, Rusty pushed open the door and poked his head round. He took the entire room in at a glance and quickly shut the door. "Okay. I can see it. It's buzzing around the window, so if I just go in and try to – "
" – no!" Danny interrupted sharply.
Rusty turned and stared at him. "What?"
"I'm not letting you go in there by yourself."
Incredulous, Rusty shook his head. "You have got to be – "
Danny looked embarrassed but unshakeable. " – well I'm not."
"Okay." Rusty nodded. When it was Danny he knew when to quit. "On three."
"Wait." Danny held up his hands. "Do you mean 'three' then go, or go on 'three'?"
Rusty glared at him. "This is no time to be quoting Lethal Weapon." he snapped, and opened the door.
He immediately headed for the window and slammed it open, while Danny scurried to the bathroom and stood in the doorway.
Unfortunately the wasp didn't seem to fully grasp the elegance of his plan, and instead of flying out the window it flew straight at him.
Swearing loudly he immediately threw himself out of the way, tripped over Danny's suitcase and crashed down beside the bed.
"My hero." Danny smirked from the safety of the bathroom.
Rusty picked himself up off the floor and looked round. "Who's doing who a favour here?" he asked, and then locked eyes with the wasp flying round and round the light fitting. Wasn't it moths that were supposed to do that? Hell, the light wasn't even on.
"I don't think it's going to fly out the window, Rus'" Danny said thoughtfully.
"Getting that impression myself." Rusty agreed.
"Well, do something." Danny begged again, and the fear was back in his voice.
"Think I'm gonna have to kill it." he said, without looking away as it made its way along the ceiling.
"You couldn't have done that first?" Danny asked, taking a discreet step backwards, further into the bathroom, as the wasp passed within ten feet of him.
"I wanted to give it a fair chance." Rusty said, taking his eyes off it for a moment and reaching under the bed for one of Danny's shoes.
"You're offering an insect a Billy Martin?"
Rusty stopped listening and lunged at the wasp with the shoe, managing to crush it between the sole and the wall. He immediately dropped the shoe and stepped well back, just in case, but the wasp fell to the ground and lay still.
"Did you have to use my shoe?" Danny complained, coming up behind him.
"They'll come clean." Rusty told him, still staring at the wasp. Because there was something . . . ?
"You think I'm wearing them again? You owe me a new pair."
"Sure." Rusty said absently, still frowning at the wasp. "Danny?"
"Yeah?"
"Is it just me or does it look . . . smaller?"
Danny shook his head, denial written on every inch of his features. "No. No, it can't be. It's just because it's stopped moving."
Rusty rubbed at his mouth. "It is smaller." he said, in dawning, horrified realisation. "There are more of it."
And that was when the first wasp came flying out from the top of the wardrobe, buzzing like a thousand angry helicopters, and heading straight for them.
With a yelp that he would freely admit was something less than manly, Rusty bundled Danny – who had completely frozen – towards the bathroom.
Just before they reached the door, he glanced over his shoulder to see the wasp flying straight for Danny's neck. With a desperation borne of a lifetime's instinct, he threw his arm up and knocked the wasp away, and the pain was sharp and fresh and expected.
And then they were in the bathroom, the wasp safely on the other side and the door tight shut behind them.
Danny whirled round and looked at him. "Did it get you?"
He sounded a little like the female lead in a spaghetti Western, and Rusty couldn't help but respond in kind. "It got me." he said dramatically, sagging back against the wall.
Danny wasn't in the mood to play. "Let me see." he demanded.
Rusty sighed and held his arm out. There was a little red lump on his arm. And yes, it hurt, but Danny was looking like it was the end of the world. "It's nothing, Danny."
"I'm sorry." Danny really did look contrite, and Rusty resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "You should put some ice on it, or something."
"It's nothing." he repeated. "And we're in a bathroom. No ice."
Danny glared at him. Which he'd take over the guilt any day. "Well, what was the big plan trapping us somewhere with no exit?"
"Actually there's a ventilation shaft above your head." Rusty said, scanning the shelves thoughtfully.
There was a very long pause.
Finally Danny said "There's something seriously weird about you. You do know that, right?"
Rusty hefted an can of deodorant thoughtfully. "Actually, yes I do." Then he started emptying his pockets into the sink. Wallet, room key, lockpicks, Danny's wallet, (which Danny promptly took back with an injured look) Mars bar, spare Aces, three false IDs, bag of M&Ms, piece of string, half a crayon, sticky tape, ticket for the Paris Metro and . . . cigarette lighter. Finally.
Danny looked from the aerosol can to the lighter to the grin Rusty knew he was wearing and sighed. "We are never getting our deposit back."
Rusty shrugged. "We didn't pay it." Though that was actually the best time to get it back. Then he kicked the door open and headed straight for where the wasp was buzzing round the window.
"Watch the drapes." Danny yelled behind him, just before Rusty let loose with his improvised flame thrower and roasted the bastard invertebrate. And, to be fair, the drapes only got a little singed.
The wasp curled up and fell onto the window ledge, and if it wasn't for the nagging pain in his arm, Rusty would probably have felt sorry.
He dropped the aerosol and the lighter and fell back on the bed with a sigh.
"My hero." Danny said lightly. Mockingly. But that was all right, because he really meant 'Thank you.'
"Anytime." Rusty grinned.
And that was when they heard the applause.
With a definite feeling of dread, Rusty sat up slowly. Danny was already looking round. Linus, Basher, Yen and Livingston were all stood in the doorway. And they were all laughing, and oh god, Livingston was clutching the camcorder.
"Can I get a copy of that?" Basher asked Livingston.
"Oh, don't worry. I'll be making plenty. I'm sure that the others will be really sorry to have missed this." Rusty had always thought that there was something downright malevolent about Livingston.
And he imagined what the twins were going to say when they saw the tape. Or Frank. Or worst – Saul and Reuben.
He exchanged a long look with Danny. A look that said quite simply 'Get the evidence'.
Rusty laughed and bowed. "Okay, okay, you got us."
"Damn right." Basher agreed. "You should have seen – "
" – if you're going to be laughing at us for the rest of the night, I'm going to need a drink." Danny interrupted smoothly, reaching into the minibar and coming out with a bottle of brandy.
Rusty met Danny's eyes momentarily. This was war, even if no-one else knew it.
"So, what were we doing before all this?" Rusty asked casually, before answering his own question. "Oh, yes." he grinned. "Who's for a game of cards?"
And that was light, and pointless, but I hope that someone found it funny.