The Enemy
Bruce Wayne was pacing in the cold, dark room he knew as the Batcave. Alfred was gone, and he had to find a way to kidnap Harley Quinn.
The Joker had Alfred held hostage, and wanted the Batman in exchange for Alfred. Bruce knew he couldn't bring Joker the Batman, so came up with the brilliant idea to kidnap Harley Quinn.
Bruce's mind was racing. He didn't have much time. He had to find a way to ensure he had Harley. "It can't be done!" he thought. "After all, she's with my greatest nemesis, the Clown Prince of Crime!"
"WAIT!" he exclaimed, to himself. "That's just it, isn't it? He is the Clown Prince of Crime! And she follows him wherever he goes! If I set up a perfect crime, waiting to be commit, and he is clued in on it, he won't be able to resist! She will follow, and I can get to her! BRILLIANT!"
Bruce began work on his master plan shortly after calling the police to inform them of Batman's current predicament.
Meanwhile, back in The Joker's abandoned warehouse… "HAHAHAHAHAHAH!" Joker laughed, hurtling random bits of wood and steel at Alfred, who, currently, was tied to a chair.
"Why are you doing this to me?" he pleaded.
"Well," Joker began, "One, it gets your master, millionaire playboy Bruce Wayne, to hand deliver me Batsy. Two, I needed to kidnap SOMEONE close to him, and you fit the bill. AND you just so HAPPENED to be the only one home. And three, I have nothing better to do. Besides, we're having FUN! Right, Harley dear?"
Harley, who was laying in the back corner on a table with a bloody pencil protruding from one end, responded "Right-o Mistah J!"
Harley jumped down from the table and skipped over to where Alfred and Joker were. She put her hands on Alfred's shoulders and pulled them up around his neck. "Any chance we get to have a 'lil fun around this dump we call Gotham City, we take!" she said in her sing-song voice.
Alfred was overwhelmed with fear and though he tried not to show it, it began to become apparent he was petrified by the sound of his voice.
"But why do you have to be so vicious?" he said, though barely audible and shaky.
The Joker grabbed Alfred by his tie and pulled him right up to his face. "Because I wouldn't be the villain otherwise!" he yelled, laughing maniacally as he let go. Harley joined in the laughter. "When are you people gonna catch on?" she said. "This town belongs to my puddin', and when he wants to have some laughs, there's only one way to do it!"
"To break the law!" Joker said.
Batman sat atop the gargoyles at Gotham City National Bank, poised for his attack. The bank had been left in perfect position for Joker to rob, and exploited on the news to ensure he came.
"Why isn't Joker here?" Batman asked himself, just as the doors burst open. "Ah, there you are, you murderous bastard!"
He had Joker right at his fingertips. The only problem was, Harley was nowhere to be seen!
Suddenly, it dawned on him. He was indignant and furious at the fact that he didn't see it coming. Harley had stayed behind to be sure Batman hadn't slipped in and retrieved Alfred while Joker was out. Smart plan, actually.
Batman raced out of the bank, read the license plate on The Joker's van, and used one of his gadgets to trace the last location of the vehicle. An old costume warehouse called Laugh City.
Batman was greeted by Harley as soon as he walked in. Alfred was in his line of sight.
"Oh, hiya B-man, how's it hangin'?" she asked, cheerily. "We kinda figured you'd drop by at some point."
She was so blissfully unaware of her surroundings. She didn't know what she was up against.
"Well, it was smart to think ahead." Batman began.
"Yeah," Harley cut in, "My puddin' IS smart"
"Sure. But I'm sure he didn't contemplate this." Batman sprayed his own special neurotoxin on Harley.
"Huh?" she managed to say, before she hit the floor.
Batman untied Alfred. "Nice work, sir." Alfred said.
"Thanks" Batman grunted, as he left a note on the table and picked Harley up off the floor.
Looks like the joke's on you, Joker. See what happens when you leave your valuables just lying around? She is safe, for now. I will release her if you WILLINGLY go back to Arkham for treatment. But I'm not inclined to be NICE to her. - Batman
Joker got to the warehouse, saw and read the note, and began laughing hysterically. He had and armful of partly singed, 100 dollar bills, now scattered over the floor. "HAHAHA! Joke's on YOU, Batsy! HAHAHAHAHAH! I planned for you to take Harley! I know the bitch can put up a fight! I'd like to see you try and beat her! HAHAHAHAHAH!"
Harley woke up in the Batcave, smiling as wide as she could. She got up, nearly falling over, slightly dizzy. "Oh B-man? Where are you?"
Batman dropped from his spot on the ceiling. "Oh, THERE you are!" Harley concluded. "Nice place ya got here!' she stated, looking up. "Could do without all the bats, though." she said, laughing at her own joke.
"You're up early." Batman said.
Harley was disappointed she didn't get him to laugh. "Eh." she said. "Sooooooo, why am I here?" she asked.
"You're my hostage." Batman replied, flatly.
"More like hostile," she muttered under her breath. "I didn't know you were the type to take hostages, Batsy." she said out loud. "So…isn't there a Mrs. Batsy?" she asked, probing around to find Batman's weak spot.
"No," he replied, turning away.
Harley grinned evilly. "This could work to my advantage!" she thought.
Harley walked up behind Batman, running her fingers lightly across his chest. "You seem…tense. Out all night, facing the scum of Gotham City. Don't you ever take a night off?" she inquired in a seductive voice.
"No," he replied. Something in the tone of his voice said he was loosing up. "But…"
"But?" Harley echoed.
"But I'm sure a night off wouldn't be the end of the world," he said, smiling.
"You're smiling!" Harley said, excitedly, her hands still on his chest. "Now's my chance to get to you," she thought.
She slid her hands down his chest around to his utility belt. She pulled out the Batarang. "How does this work?" she asked, still a seductive edge to her voice.
"I'll show you," Batman said, draping himself over Harley. "It's really quite simple." he said, taking her arm and showing her how to throw it. "You just throw it at an angle, like this," he let go of her arm and the Batarang flew around the cave and back to Harley. "Oh," she said, turning to face him, never braking contact. She was close enough to feel his breath on her face. She leaned in and kissed him ever so passionately. As she deepened the kiss, she grabbed the neurotoxin from his utility belt and sprayed him with it as he was beginning to undo her shirt. "Nighty-night, B-man," she whispered as he fell to the floor. She was content with her success, though she began to worry. "Why did that feel so good?" she asked herself as she left the Batcave.
"NO!" she said. "No, you ONLY love Joker. And he loves you…I hope."
The Joker sat in his warehouse. "Where is that girl?" he asked his minions, bewildered. There was an edge to his voice that suggested he was worried about Harley's safety. "She should be home by now. Unless she's being sure she inflicts the MAXIMUM amount of pain on bat-dork! HAHAHAHAH That's my Harley!"
"Honey, I'm home!" Harley called out as she walked through the door.
"There you are, sweets!" Joker said as he hugged and kissed her. "We missed you!"
"AWWWW! How sweet!" Harley gushed. "Turns out, Batsy ain't as inflammable as we thought!" she joked.
The Joker's hair was as grimy as ever and his tooth filled grin was menacing. His makeup was done just so, darkness framing his eyes, red creased in his cheeks and around his scars, it had been obvious he had been laughing. The white had smeared off a spot on his forehead, showing his fair complexion.
"A minute alone, boys," Joker ushered out his henchmen. "So, tell me the good news, Harley dear. When will we dominate Gotham City?" he asked his little Clown Princess.
"Won't be long! I found his weakness," she reported, wrapped in Joker's arms.
"Oh?" Joker suddenly became very interested. "And what might that be, my dear?"
"The poor bat's LONELY!"
"Lonely? This is MAGNIFICENT! This can play right up your alley, babe! This will work perfectly for us!"
"Puddin'? Please just don't be THAT mean to him."
Joker looked surprised, but replied "Anything for you, hon!"
Harley went into her room in the back. She set down her bag and took out the Batarang she stole. She held it to her chest and reluctantly asked herself, "Am I in love with the enemy?"