A/N: I can't really explain why I choose to write this in first person (I detest doing so and love to write in third) but I guess its the only way I felt I could get into Yuuki's character was writing in her perspective. So, without further ado, here it is. :3
Anyways! I hope you enjoy this piece of fluffy fluff.
Disclaimer:I don't own Vampire Knight or the characters. The title and fic is inspired by Paramore's song "When it rains."
Gently, the rain drizzled against the paved concrete walkways and grassy lots, creating multitude of puddles scattering around the vacant streets and muddy soil. It's been raining for the past week as the dull gray clouds loomed over the small town in excruciatingly slow motions.
I sat by the window, crossing my arms over the sill, staring at the visible glass. My head propped up against my folded arms, each rain drop dripping down slowly as they collected together at the bottom ledge of the window pane, creating larger beads that soon meshed and fell apart on the muddy earth below. I glowered at the water bubbles. It barely was able hold its form without water dropping from its form. The substance too easily broken, it seemed pathetic almost.
I smiled mildly sardonically to myself. Right, pathetic; pathetic to leak through what held its bounds together, showing its weakness, unable to keep itself together. I sighed, finding my self-reflected metaphor silly. I tore my gaze away from the oozing vaporized water, narrowing my eyes on the dingy brown hardwood flooring in contempt.
It's been a few months since the crumble of the academy. From the moment Zero let me make a choice whether or not I desired to stay with him. It didn't take too long to convince me the latter. I missed him. I missed him so much it made my heart ache. He was more than willing to keep me in his arms, more so than I really deserved during those moments.
Clenching my fits tightly, I continually failed to realize how much he'd sacrifice for me and give me reigns to fully make decisions on my own. Was he always like this? I contemplated the thought for a moment, not realizing my face was wet from a water droplet of my own that fell freely down my cheek.
Zero..
I hid my face in my arms and curled up on the red velvet window seat cushion. The room held a still vacancy of silence. There was only the sound of the rain's pattering against the build that echoed throughout the room.
I was relieved to my current seclusion inside this small apartment during my contemporary moments of silly weakness. The aided my need to think.
I had unwillingly gotten used to being in small rooms with fewer people living in its inhabitance from my experiences the grand mansion of my birthplace. I had the privileges here that I never had when I was bound in my stone castle for an entire year. It felt alleviating to know I had my freedom once again. A freedom to be myself and could at ease step out the door at any given time, or whenever I pleased. It didn't feel too lonely either when out these windows from this room held the streets with people bypassing through their busy lives and rushing cars buzzing through the lanes. I was able to do the one thing I couldn't in the Kuran manor; window-gaze out into the world.
I had the ability to see my friends, my family, anyone or everyone; it was an uplifting feeling to see my best friend more often than not.
My solitude within this room wasn't too long either, a couple of hours from now the silver-haired hunter whom provided me far more than I needed would be arriving through the door from his duty as the hunter association president soon.
He indeed became president after the recent affairs of the fight between the hunters and purebloods. I held out my helping hand to the vampire society, having the responsibility of cleaning stature of the vampire affairs and the reconstruction of the academy; I was completely driven to restart the school from the ground up with the help of my father. He was allowing me to take full control of the academy as the headmistress when I was ready to take his stead. A newly constructed academy sounded amazing to my ears, let alone the privilege to run it.
Luckily, today I had leisurely to myself, taking a break from the work and unwinding as Aidou-senpai decided to help out in my place; Zero wasn't as lucky as I this evening. Nevertheless, I felt fine waiting patiently for his return as I received the chance to relax.
Shifting in my seat, I sat up wiping away the stray tear and gazed up at the clock. It wasn't going to be too long now. Not too long. The thought made my heart buzz a little with an unexplained happiness as the warmth spread through my chest.
Some things had changed between us both, but it wasn't too different. Somehow I grew comfort in our more approachable and close relationship, it was slow and steady but just enough to allow us to feel easy between each other.
Unexpectedly, I heard the keys jingle from the other side of the wooden door, the lock unclicking as the brass knob turned and the old door squeaked involuntarily, letting in the warming scent of the vampire hunter to filter through the room.
Rising from my seat, a gentle smile graced my lips as Zero stepped into the alcove and draped his trench coat over the rusty chair by the corner, his shoes already left by the door. A small puddle of water started collecting and soak the wooden floor from the dripping wet coat. His eyes met mine, then. In that moment there was a tender light in his amethyst eyes as he gazed back at me, approaching closer, stopping a few inches from me.
"You're early," I chimed in, breaking the silence. It was only by an hour but an hour was plenty to find solace in his return.
"Wasn't as busy as it has been," he spoke in his usual soft mundane tone but I could tell he was glad to be back which made me smile a bit more as I went and encircled my arms around his slender waist, taking him slightly off guard.
His plain white button up shirt held his warmth and scent that clung to his skin through its fabric mixed with a hint of rain. His own arms followed shortly after mine as he held me to him, his lips pressed against the top of my head gingerly.
My fingers slid across the cottony texture of his shirt and held the material in a bunch within my grasp against his back, tightly gripping its bounds. I hid my face, burying deeply against his chest, blocking out the dim light that had cast over the room and bathed us both in its soft glow. The darkness was comforting; his scent was comforting, his warmth and embrace. Everything kept the seams sown together from falling apart along the edges of my battered heart. It was agonizingly, painfully comforting to be in his arms. But somehow the hallowed out ghost rose from my chest and up my throat, choking me silent as the tears started to prick from my eyes and drip wet against his shirt, my thoughts foggy and hazed with the darkness that loomed over the back of my lids and clouded my mind with vicious thoughts.
"S-sorry," I stuttered quietly, I felt his hand run down my hair just once, caressing the back of my head to his chest tenderly. I tried to swallow everything back; there was no need for him to see me this inexplicably vulnerable.
"It's okay, Yuuki…" he replied, his words muffled into my hair. I attempted to keep the threads together, sowing everything firmly from breaking through the seams. I let out a shaky breath to steady myself; it was going to be okay. I'm fine. That was all I had to do, repeat those words till I believed it as earnestly as I said it within my mind. The anxiety still clawed its way up my throat, suffocating at all my attempts I had to convince myself otherwise.
He paused briefly before adding, "Say it. It's okay. You keep things in for too long," he soothed.
I bit my lip, biting back the tears the best of my attempts. "I-" My voice cracked, deceiving me. A lone tear slid down my cheek that stained his shirt. No longer was I able to bide it back, I let the tears pour out more freely as his words struck my insides, allowing me to pull the seams apart as the rising tension I built up for too long released. It was pathetic of me. He hadn't been through those doors for more than 10 minutes and I could barely keep myself from falling apart in his arms a moment longer.
The rain was pouring hard outside, beating against the roof as the sound reverberated throughout the tiny enclosure and caused my ears to ring. The glumly dark puffy wisps of clouds that hung over in the darken sky reflected my own inner turmoil.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, Zero."
Zero kept quiet as I cried out my apologies till I couldn't choke up another, instead I sobbed into his shirt. He was always like this; holding me till I calmed down, containing every last bit of my anguish in his embrace and soothing my aching heart with each gentle stroke of my brown tresses.
I held him tighter, "I've done so many terrible things to you, stupid things, harmful, and you haven't tried to retaliate against me for any of it. For what I am, who I am, my decisions... You haven't tried to punishment for any of them. You should. I always hurt you, Zero… Zero…" I cried his name in between my sobs as my body shook fiercely.
I turned into the very thing he hated; a vampire. I pushed him away to be by Kaname's side. I pushed him away countless of times till I got a chance to pull him closer again, he rightfully turned me down then. And the moment he accepted me, I took away something precious to him; his memories of me, his love for me, his thirst for me so I could selfishly fulfill something; turn Kaname human. I took those precious things away from him so I could protect him, save him from living his life without me. I didn't get to do any of it in the end. I deserved to have died to given both, Zero and Kaname peace, but they continuously stopped to save me, to keep me alive. It wasn't fair for Zero, he could've had peace.
He deserved better. Not a person who kept hurting him. I didn't want to do that anymore, I didn't want to hurt Zero. He didn't deserve that. But it never failed; I always end up hurting someone I love.
Silently, he held me to him, letting the waves of my sobs dull down as I cried quietly in his arms.
"Idiot, I don't want you to hurt at all. Isn't that obvious by now?" His stern voice struck a chord in me.
A small frown tugged down either side of my lips as my eye brows furrowed. I knew he truly meant that, more than anything, I believed it. I knew he wanted my happiness. However, moments like these, it didn't feel right. I didn't deserve it at all. I wanted Zero to be happy, and my guilt wouldn't aid to his happiness.
For the past few months, he treated me so decently that it pained me. I had been tainted with guilt, the very guilt that kept me from moving forward despite everything that's happened. Zero accepted me, allowed me back in his arms without any reprimand. I didn't deserve it.
As if echoing my thoughts, "It's not whether you deserve the pain for the other person to inflict on you, Yuuki. It's how much the other person cares about you to not cause you that pain that you believe you should suffer because you mean that inexplicably much to that person. I don't want to see you in pain. You don't deserve to suffer and I won't cause you any agony for you to undergo.. Yuuki..." His voice drifted as he said my name softly.
He held me tighter, savoring me in his arms as I savored the comfort it provided me. The unpleasant churning disgust I held against myself ceased slowly as I relaxed limp in his arms. My limbs felt like lead and my eyes stung from all the tears I had shed.
He sighed silently into my hair, "You mean a lot more to me than you know, Yuuki." The same warmth spread through my chest from his words as I let the meaning piece together in my mind. I meant too much to him to hurt from my guilt. My eyes prickled with heat as fresh batch of tears dripped sorely down my cheeks and I hid my face against his chest, the warm sensation waved through my being a second time.
Zero's arms loosened its hold as he tried to peek down towards me. Fearing to meet his gaze, I kept my face away from his scrutiny, pulls one arm away to wipe away my tears against the back of my hand.
"I'm sorry… Zero…" I mumbled as I stared squarely at his shirt, my frown deepening at the wet stains i caused on his now blemished shirt.
He scoffed teasingly, "idiot," murmuring affectionately as his forehead touched mine, his messy mop of silver hair brushed over my chocolate tresses and over the top of my nose, ticking my skin gently.
My eyes still didn't meet his yet, however the mint from his breath swirled across my face as he breathed, "You can do anything to me, hurt me, make me worry and I won't utter a word of complaint, remember?"
I did. The moment he told me I was his victim. But it was different now, he was my victim. I brought him pain, especially for leaving him for Kaname. A partial regret I kept inside.
"I won't ever punish you, either. That's not how I am, Yuuki..." I dared this time, glancing up and caught his eyes as they smoldered; so gentle and soft. It was the only look he held solely for me. I knew the hidden meaning behind his words. He would never hurt me the way Kaname inevitably did; the way he made me pay for my misdeeds. He knew about it all.
"I know…" I replied breathlessly, breathing in the mint, it left a sweet taste on the tip of my tongue, playing along at my heightened senses.
Mesmerized by his gaze, his presence, him... I lost track of the time that passed by as the clock ticks resonated through the room. I hadn't notice the close space we shared either, which caused a faint blush of pink to coat my cheeks.
We remained still, holding one another in each other's arms. Forehead's brushing against one another, our eyes gazing back into the each other as our heart beats joined in rhythm through the silence.
All too suddenly, Zero stood up straight. "Z-Zero?" I managed to mutter as the silvered hunter bent down, grasping my legs above my knees in his arms and lifted me, I was a few inches taller than his height as he carried me off towards the bed. My arms enclosed around his neck, nervously holding on for support and balance. "Z-Zero, wait!"
Making the springs wheeze beneath my weight, I collided with the sheets and pillows. He sat me down on the bed and I glanced up at him with confusion written across my face till a split moment I realized the reasons for his actions. He returned my gaze sincerely and I smiled appreciatively. He sat beside me at the edge of the bed.
"I didn't think I looked that tired…" my voice trailed off as he looked at me apprehensively. I didn't find it odd that he'd attempt to put me to sleep; I usually exhausted myself after I inexplicably cried as much as I did. Zero was always there though the entirety, until the moment I'd have fallen asleep in his arms. He would lay me down to sleep before he'd leave. This time, he didn't have to go.
Hovering over, he brushed his lips against my forehead as his reply. Pulling up the blanket, he tucked me under the covers as he settled next to me, propping up against the pillows and sat quietly.
My eyes were heavy, barely able to stay open as I relaxed against the mattress, the pillows and his warmth lulling me to sleep.
"Thank you..." I mumbled to him gently, my heavy lids closing as I curled up against him, taking his hand and soaking in the warmth from it. For everything, Zero.. for being my sweet and loyal knight.
His lips pressed against my hair once more, his voice barely a whisper, "Night, Yuuki." I squeezed his hand tightly knowing he wouldn't leave this time. He'd still be beside me as I when I decide to wake. That alone left me a tender smile on my lips as I let my mind drift peacefully in a cloudy hazy of dreams.
A/N:Zero is a sweetie. A friend of mine beta'd my fic and thought I was writing porn at the end, LOL. I hope I didn't trick any of you into thinking that :P Again, I hope you enjoyed!