Snap
Snap. Snap. Snap. It's slightly old-fashioned, but she received a camera for her birthday a few months ago and has not been able to put it down. She's convinced she's no amateur, but a protégée, capturing the raw, natural beauty of her subject. Snap. Snap. Snap. Smooth skin leads to scarred, jagged marks. Loose black hair curling, twisting, weaving around a perfect specimen. Snap. Snap. The subject loops its fingers into the waist of the jeans and pulls down, down, down…Snap.
Later that night she heads home, hoodie pulled over her head, camera tucked safely in its bag. She hopes she snapped some clear, crisp pictures since it can be hard shooting through a window, but no matter, she'll be back there soon and if not tomorrow, then very shortly. And besides, she has other pictures to look at in the meanwhile, hidden conspicuously throughout her bedroom even though she wishes to cover the walls, the ceiling, her desk, everything and anything in the works of art she and her subject have created. But if her family saw, they wouldn't understand.
No one would.
.
"Jadeeee!" she howls, hurtling towards the older girl, smiling broadly, dimples showing. She throws herself at her friend and pulls her into a big hug, only to be immediately shoved off.
"No!"
"But-"
"No."
"Puppie-"
"Cat!"
"Fineeee," she mumbles, pouting.
"Hey girls. Getting along as usual?" another voice chimes in, followed by a tanned boy with fluffy black hair. With red suspenders hanging at his side, clunky combat boots, and an oversized jacket, he made for quite the handsome actor.
"Hi Beck!" she squeals animatedly, happy to see another member of their ragtag group.
Jade gives him a quick glance over, analyzing, looking for something, anything that indicates he was with another girl or anything of the sort before finally sulkily saying, "Hey babe."
"Hi Jade," Beck smiles charmingly, wrapping an arm around her shoulder, spurring a brief, small smile from his girlfriend who quickly brings her coffee to her lips to hide it.
"Soooo, guess what I was thinking Jade!" she chirps excitedly, looking up at Jade expectantly.
"Does it involve death and decay?"
"No?"
"Then blood and lumps of hacked off skin?"
"No…No, it doesn't involve a-any of that…" Cat answers somberly, her smile turning into a slight frown, confusion knitting her brow.
"Then I don't care."
"Pleaseeee-"
"No."
"Pleaseeeeeee-"
"No."
"Pleaseeeeeeeeeee-"
"Okay, if you'll just shut up!"
"Yay!" she celebrates, her eyes lighting up with happiness. "My brother got tickets to the pre-release showing of The Hindering tonight and we should go! Although he says we just have to avoid all men in clown shoes because he wasn't exactly supposed to have those tickets…"
"Um, okay…But I actually have a doctor's appointment tonight…" Jade smirks.
"Jade…What are you…Why are you…Well anyway, if you want Cat, Andre, Robbie, and I are going to check out Andre's uncle's friend's manager's client's dog's babysitter's house. Apparently it has some sick pool that you can electronically control," Beck suggests, deciding to overlook his girlfriend's frequently alarming behaviors.
"Ahaha…A dog babysitter!"
"Andre's uncle's friend's manager's client's dog is very important."
"Well I would, but I think I'll still go to the movie."
"Alright, be careful and let me know if you change your mind," Beck smiles easily and Cat nods in response. "We should probably get to class now," he adds and then turns around with Jade and begins to walk towards the classroom. As they go, Jade looks over her shoulder and smirks at the short red haired girl jutting her lower jaw out, displaying her displeasure and frustration as well as her teeth.
.
She's at her favorite shooting spot again, and it's late and she's waiting for that familiar car to pull into its driveway. Meanwhile she crouches in a bush, hood pulled over her head, flipping through old pictures on her camera. There's a lot of them now, probably like two hundred if she was to take a guess. All beautiful, magnificent, amazing. She figures if anything were perfect in this world, it was her subject.
At first it wasn't this crazy. A quick shot when the subject wasn't paying attention at school, others when she saw the subject pass by her in the grocery store or something of the sort. More when she realized that this subject made her heart thump, thump, thump, irregularly, spastically. That the touch of this subject burned her skin, setting her on fire, setting her soul on fire, a blaze of heat only equal to that of a wildfire.
Every smile, every frown, every expression was a display of the flawless nature of this creature, this subject, and she was burst, burst, bursting inside like fireworks, like electricity, like an explosion, because, oh god, everything about the subject was just so beautiful.
Then she figured, if she could have the subject on camera, she would always have the pictures to remind herself of it. Really she just wanted to be closer to the subject because she knows she'll get no love from it in school. She feels rather lonely and sad most of the time, and this is like an escape from reality. To something she will never have, but can torment herself with anyway.
A rumbling of tires draws her attention away from her camera as the subject pulls into the driveway. Swiftly Cat wields her camera, although it was much too dark to shoot. She does anyway, quickly, before the subject walks into the house, closes and locks the door. It's another few minutes of animatedly staring at the window she has positioned herself in front of before the subject arrives in sight, throwing on the light switch. For a brief moment, it appears as though the subject were going to close the blinds, but no, never, because it stopped doing that two or so months ago. Instead the subject stands in front of the window, creating a clear shot.
What happens next is a show. The subject eases out of its shirt, slowly, smoothly, and tosses it to the side before looping its fingers in the belt holes and shimmying the jeans down, delicately stepping out. Next come off the undergarments in the same manner, before the subject heads to the back of its bedroom door and snags a towel, wrapping it around its body and heading out the door. Cat eagerly flips through the photos she captured in the meantime, ecstatic of how slowly and perfectly the target was moving this night. Usually it's a bit more brisk and careless, hard to capture, but with quite the allure nonetheless.
The shower only lasts for a few minutes before the subject is back. Again the target steps in clear view of the window after grabbing a pair of pajamas and then proceeds to drop the towel around its feet. It waits a few seconds, seven, eight, nine, before pulling the shirt on and wiggling into its underwear and pants.
Afterwards, it seems to look directly at Cat and smirks before striding off, switching the light off, and jumping into bed.
On the walk home, Cat's hands are slightly shaking.
.
It's really the only thing she can think about now in days. Red marks engraved into light skin, scratching, pulling their way up the body. There's something special about her subject, something not apparent in anyone else. It's broken, scarred, marred, ripped apart by some unknown entity. Possessed by some heathen perhaps, or cursed to perish in this abuse it routinely suffers.
Painful grey eyes, like everything they observe they twist into some evil. She wonders if her subject ever sees anything good in this world. The movements, the actions, the words that it spits, venomous, poisonous, death; they all portray the image of someone who believes in nothing but bad in the world. If she could, she would love to run to it and just hold, hold, hold it and tell it everything was going to be okay, you're going to be okay, it's okay. Press her forehead into it, feel its cold, icy breath against her lips, kiss it, become consumed by it.
So graceful, so elegant, tall, magnificent, yet clumsy and fractured, like it tries to keep itself from falling apart, but when she really really looks close, she can see the seam it tried to stitch together. That the stitches are pulling apart; rip, rip, rip. There's nothing that it can do to stop itself from coming undone. She only hopes that she can be the one there when it finally comes apart, because, oh god, she just loves it so much. So much that it makes her belly ache, her mind wander, her heart strain. She will fix it, if it would just let her in.
Her family, although frequently absent from the house on account of her brother's special needs, has noticed the late nights their daughter is out and the way she has become so withdrawn into herself. They know she's crazy, she has always been insane, the embodiment of internal chaos, but not this type of insanity. She knows they're watching her closely, wondering what is happening to her, but they don't dare say anything.
.
The next time she sees her subject at school, it smirks at her, like it knows something. Like they're sharing a secret. But it doesn't last long, because Beck and Jade distract each other, a kiss from him, a satisfied smile from her, and then off they go. It always happens like this. For once she would like to walk off with her subject, looking up into its eyes, cuddling into its side. She wants nothing more than to be near it, breathing it in, loving it, cherishing it.
And maybe perhaps someday she will, because every time she makes contact with her subject, it smiles at her, acknowledges her, eyes her. It's addictive, this attention from her target. And later that night, as she's practicing her habit, fulfilling her desires, the subject waves at her to come in.
Her heart beats faster, thud, thud, thudding, skin getting hotter, heat rising, breath catching, one, two, three, she starts breathing again and scrambles out from her bush. Me, she mouths and the subject just smiles lopsidedly, nodding its head ever so slightly. She rushes to the door, remembers that her subject usually locks it, and tentatively tries it. The door creeps open and Cat energetically strides in, making her way to the room. With the look her subject gave her, it could only mean that it wasn't angry. No, it wasn't angry, but then, what was going to-
When she opens the door, the subject pulls her in and crashes its lips onto hers, aggressively, painfully. A small squeal escapes her, surprised at the ferocity. The subject smashes the door shut behind her and slams her into it, a loud bang resounding in the room. A flash of pain shoots through her body, but her subject doesn't pause, doesn't react, just starts biting her bottom lip. A metallic taste bursts into her mouth and for a brief second fear courses in her eyes, but it quickly vanishes when her subject pulls back.
"Are you happy to see me?" the subject demands, a cruel smirk twisting the features of her face. And even though she's still in pain, and she can still feel the dull ache of her head striking against the door and the pulsing sting in her lips, her heart feels as though it's going to implode.
She manages to shake her head, tongue whipping over her bottom lip, breath coming fast.
"Good." Her subject reaches out a hand, grabs onto her pink sweater, twisting it into a fist, but before her subject can take advantage of her again, she squeaks out a, "Jade?" Pathetic, weak, flimsy. Confusion pulls at her brows, eyes wide and innocent, lower lip jutting out.
"What?" the other girl whispers, teething at her ears.
"What-" an inhale of pleasure, "What are you doing?"
"Didn't you want this?" Trailing down the side of her neck, sucking, feeding off the despair coming in waves off the smaller girl.
"Um, um, um…Yes, kind of, I don't know, yes," she speaks quickly, slightly slurring her responses together, mind growing numb from the addictive, rhythmic sucking.
"You were-" a pause as she reaches Cat's neck and nips at her, "the one stalking me after all," she mumbles.
"You…You lik-like me."
"Of course." Another break as Jade bites down into the soft flesh, sending bolts of fire through Cat's body. "I always have."
Comforted and unable to think of anything else but Jade, Cat allows herself to be lead to the bed and throughout the sweaty mess that ensued, Jade scratched Cat, bit her, made her bleed, made her cry. "Stop, stop!" were mixed with moans of pleasure and screeches of pain and "I love you, I love you, I love, you I, love."
Jade rolled to the side of Cat, heat causing her flushed cheeks and red ears.
Tears covered Cat's face, melting into her skin, dripping onto the bed. All she could feel was this hurt, consuming her entire body, blood seeping into the sheets beneath her, flowing down her body from all different places. Horrified, she traced a scratch mark down the length of her stomach, cutting herself in half, a perfect dividing line. She could barely react, her muscles were sore and her head was pounding.
There was nothing. Nothing at all until Jade broke the silence.
"Do you still love me?"
Another pause.
"I do."
A smirk. "Of course."
"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"I didn't mean for this to happen."
"Nobody ever does."
"I still love you."
"Leave now."
And she does.
.
The next day at school, she's bombarded with attention from everyone but Jade. Why do you have so many scratches? Cat fight? Ooo, who gave you a hickey? Nice bite mark. Her makeup can't conceal it all and her hair can't hide it all. But she doesn't care about them, doesn't answer them straight, just yearns for Jade. Watches her, stares her down, ignoring Beck who is consistently stuck to her side.
Jade doesn't even give her a look. Must feel the eyes boring into her, must be aware of Cat's hovering, but doesn't acknowledge it in the slightest. Just goes about her day.
And suddenly, it's not so enjoyable anymore, this obsession with her subject. Maybe it's because nothing is a secret anymore, maybe it's because everything is finally real, or maybe it's because she feels hunted. Like Jade had this all planned out from the very beginning and really everything Cat thought or felt was somehow manipulated by this black haired specimen.
Either way, she can't deny the horrible ache in her chest, like she's going to puke, no collapse, no die, die, die in a horrible display of tears and wanting and passion. She's loved the other girl for so long, needed her so badly for so many years. But now nothing is right, everything is wrong, and she's spiraling down, down, down into a sea of never ending fire.
And she can do nothing about it. Just stare at Jade and hope beyond hope for a bone. For something that indicates she remembered last night, that she cares.
And finally, she does. It's the end of the day, the last bell has chimed, everyone is rushing to leave before the buses take off, and Jade casually turns in her direction and smirks. Just a single smirk, and like that she is gone. Off to drive home, leaving Cat with furrowed eyebrows for a long, long time.
.
Weeks go by with only the occasional smirks and nods, except for one time when Jade spoke to her. Asked her to come over, but then later texted her saying she forgot she was busy. It's killing her, ripping her apart, breaking her. What does it mean, what does it mean, why, why, why. She doesn't use her camera anymore. No, it's been sitting on her desk, collecting dust.
She can't stand it anymore. No, she refuses to be a victim of this any longer.
So at the end of school she follows Jade to her car and gets in the passenger seat, uninvited, unmovable. Jade raises an eyebrow at her, but doesn't say anything, because really this was bound to happen at some point. Instead she starts the car and reverses out of her parking lot, pretending to not notice the crossed arms and pout gracing the red haired girl beside her. As she drives out of the parking lot and takes the road to her house, she finally speaks.
"Well?"
And Cat has no idea of what to say.
"What's the matter? Why exactly do you invade my car and then sit there and not say anything?"
Silence.
"Ugh, you're so frustrating Cat."
And it's like a trigger because tears pool in the shorter girl's eyes before slowly rolling down her cheeks. She sniffles, then holds her breath, because she's not going to cry, she won't, she'll never.
That shuts Jade up and the rest of the ride is made in silence and Jade pulls into her empty driveway and turns off the car. She doesn't make a move to get out, just sits there, staring ahead.
And finally, "Why?" It's slurred and it's sad and it's pathetic, weak, flimsy, but it's spoken.
A silence.
"Do you love me?" she tries again.
"Sometimes." And it's said with hesitation, with thought, with care.
"Then why?"
"Because sometimes I love you."
"Is it Beck?"
The taller girl continues staring straight ahead.
"Your dad?"
No reaction.
"Everyone?" she says softly, tears still running down her cheeks.
Jade turns to her, a weary glint in her eyes. She doesn't say anything, just smashes her lips onto Cat's. And it's more gentle than last time, but still with an overpowering ferocity. Everything in her kiss foretells roughness and pain, but Cat lets it happen, and in the aftermath in the sweaty, hot car, she has all new wounds to join some of the old and some of the reopened.
"You love me." And it's a statement, and it's correct, so Cat just sits there, staring at the blood staining the car seats.
"So get out."
And she finally understands. So she lingers, about to say something, anything, but Jade says again, firmer, "Get out." So she does, tears still dripping down her face.
.
And again the questions come at school, with renewed intensity and overwhelming curiosity. But Jade says nothing and Cat pays extra attention to her throughout the day. Notices the way she interacts with Beck is the same way she interacts with other boys. Notices the way a flash of fear run across her face when she looks at her text messages, sent from her parent, or both, or something of the sort.
Notices the way Jade tries to ignore her, but her eyes keep drifting to the side, like she's looking at the red haired girl through the corner of her eyes.
And she doesn't know exactly what it means, knows Jade might never tell, but understands that a girl so scarred will never love someone like Cat. Misused and abused, she realizes her best friend has been with many people, endured many things, and the life from her eyes has been snuffed out. She sees no love, doesn't even really know what love is, so of course she's going to stay away from Cat. The red haired girl represents everything she thought impossible.
But fortunately Cat is finally is able to corner Jade alone, and she goes closer, closer, closer, till their chests are touching and her heart is thump, thump, thumping, face flushing, heat rising, fire burning, she goes on her tip toes. Ever so slowly, closes the distance, bats her eyes closed, and places a sweet, loving kiss on the taller girl.
"I love you."
"Sometimes."
"All the time."
A silence.
"Stay with me."
"I can't."
"Why not?"
Another pause.
"I…I know it's hard-"
A scoff. "You have no idea what you're talking about."
"But maybe if you just tried-"
"I knew you were too stupid to get it."
"But-"
Jade shuts her up with a small, chaste kiss. Nice, gentle, mutual. Then she turns around to leave, something reflecting in her eyes. Guilt, regret, sorrow, pain, anger? Cat slides to the floor and hugs her knees close to her chest.
In a way, she understands Jade is trying to protect her. Also gets that she was Jade's prey. Her control factor. She was able to do unto Cat was others did to her, and really she wonders if Jade even loved her at all. But she must have, because all predators have a certain fatal attraction, attachment, to their prey.
And when the news comes on an uneventful, plain Thursday, she's not surprised, but she cries anyway. Goes home and stays home for a week, mourning the loss of the girl she loved, beaten to death by some unknown stranger, but now she understands that everyone geos crazy for love.
Author's Note: Because really we are all very alike when it comes to love.
So yeah, I haven't written in a very long time...Is this fandom even still updating? I miss Victorious...