One day in Pre-Calculus…
Ra, school is SO boring… I wonder… Oh, I know! I'll make another story! Hm… Maybe I should just update my existing ones? Pffft, nah! That would be way too responsible. Besides I can't think of anything for my bonus chapter of "What Did I Do To Deserve This", I already have half a chapter of "The Count's Apprentice" written, but the notebook's at home. "Dark" is solely a computer-written thing since I wrote it on my dad's laptop, so Ra knows when I'll update that one. Methinks I'll just write a quick little diddy to let my readers know that I'm still alive… And to mess with my favorite ninjas again.
Now let's see… Who should I torture this time? Heh…
Once upon a time in a far, far, far, far, FAR away UNIVERSE, there lived a spikey-haired, blonde leaf ninja with absolutely no money in his cute little froggy wallet, who was absolutely desperate for something to eat.
Heeeeey, Naru-kun~~~~
"Gaaah! Who's there? Is it a ghost? A giant snake? DON'T EAT ME!"
-_- Naruto. It's that one chick from last time.
"Ooooh… Hi strange voice that thinks I know what you're talking about! Are you going to give me ramen? What kind? … Hey, Sasuke, Neji, and Kakashi-sensei aren't going to beat me up again, are they?"
Yes you'll get ramen, I don't know, and I make no promises… What are you doing?
"Waiting for it to rain ramen!"
No, I'm not going to make it rain ramen.
"… Then how am I going to get my free ramen?"
You're going to wander alone into the deep, dark, scary woods and go into the conveniently placed house, eat, break shit, and go to sleep for an unspecified period of time so someone can find you and I can watch their reactions.
"Um… I don't know… I think I need to go find an adult…"
Trust me, you'll find one when ya get there. To the Forest of Death with you!
"Nooooooooooooooo!"
So, Naruto willingly heads off to the Forest of Death in search of some ramen.
"There's ramen here?"
Yes, go find it.
"You know… I think I have some ramen at him in the cupboard…"
Hey Naruto.
"What?"
Look behind you.
"Huh?" O.O "Snake… snake… SNAAAAAAAAAAAKE!"
With the help of his newfound friend, he quickly finds the only not-ominous place in the entire forest and takes refuge inside… I mean says goodbye to his friend and enters.
Panting and feeling like he was going to pass out at any second, our brave, golden-haired ninja just wanted to give up and die right then and there until he heard a choir of angels begin to sing and he looked up to see a golden light shine down upon a table, and upon that table were three bowls of ramen. Naruto's eyes widened and in less than a second, he had already shoved the first bowl he saw down his throat. His joy quickly turned to pain as he realized that the bowl he had just scarfed down was practically on fire. But there was no water to be seen, what was a poor ninja to do than wash it down with another bowl of ramen? This one cooled him down, quite a bit, it was practically frozen! Warily, our young hero eyed the third bowl. He wasn't full yet, but he was pretty sure there was something wrong with that last bowl, just like the other two. This time, he planned out his approach and used chopsticks to pick up a few noodles and taste them. He smelled and dipped his tongue in the broth, to make sure this one was just right.
"Something tells me that eating this is going to kill me…" Against his better judgement, he ate the ramen, this time, not eating the dishware that went with it.
"Wow, that was amazing! Hey lady where are you?" Realizing that I wasn't going to respond,
"Why aren't you talking to me?"
the young ninja
"Hello? Hello!"
SHUT THE HELL UP
o.o' "…"
and decided to wander around the "cottage" for a bit.
o.o'
Well?
"Y-yes ma'am!"
Feeling full and sluggish (not to mention scared out of his wits), Naruto suddenly felt an urge. Sweat formed on his brow, he knew he shouldn't have eaten all of that kitchenware. Naruto ran around until he found a bathroom with three stalls. He went in the first one which housed the grandest throne he had ever seen! The seat was golden and the stall's walls were encrusted with jewels, it was so bright and distracting that he couldn't possibly do his business in there! So he entered the next stall, and there he found…
"Ugh."
… A traditional squat toilet.
"No thanks."
So he wandered into the next one and he found, FINALLY! A REGULAR TOILET!
"Um, excuse me?"
Yeah?
"Do you mind?"
Oh, sorry.
*magical time skip*
After his adventure to the little ninja's room, Naruto felt tired, like he was going to drop at any second. He knew he shouldn't have eaten that last bowl of ramen (Neji made it). So he wandered upstairs and found three beds. He jumped on the first bed and immediately screamed in pain,
"OH KAMI I THINK I BROKE MY-"
The bed was too hard.
He limped over to the next bed crawled onto that one. He second he did, he began to sink in slowly,
"AHHHHH HELP IT'S EATING ME ALIVE!"
After being fished out of that one, he poked and then flopped onto the last one in the room and the drugs finally took effect and he fell asleep before he could complain.
Downstairs, the three legendary sannin found themselves back in the cottage where they had been forced to live together for the last three months.
"Excuse me, um, are you going to let us go now?"
"Jiraya, she's still not talking to us." Orochimaru grumbled, eyeing Tsunade.
"I'm not apologizing."
"You punched your way through her notebook and destroyed her house!" Jiraya cried, giving her a pleading look.
"She deserved it."
"Yesss, and now we're stuck here." Orochimaru glared at the large-breasted woman who glared back.
"So this is my fault?" Jiraya put his hands up,
"Guys, let's not fight, let's just eat and then we'll feel better, okay?" The ninja took their places at the table and broke their chopsticks before they realized, there was no food!
"My ramen's gone!" Jiraya exclaimed.
"At least you still have the bowl. We have nothing."
"Someone must've broken in!" The three sannin went into the bathroom. Tsunade opened her stall, her golden toilet was still intact.
"There's nothing wrong with my toilet." Orochimaru opened his stall and simply glanced at his. Nothing had been touched. Jiraya opened his stall and the foulest stench filled the room. The three sannin fled the room and locked the door before sealing it, nailing it shut, and putting police tape and a warning sign on it. Everyone's eyes landed on Jiraya, who put his hands up in his defense,
"It wasn't me I swear!" That didn't stop the other two ninja from staying away from him. The three went upstairs into their bedroom. Tsunade usually got drunk and slept on the couch so she had never used hers. She glanced at it indifferently,
"Well my bed's okay."
Orochimaru usually spend all of his time on his bed. Enough that the mattress would give way with the slightest bit of pressure.
"Sssssomeone's been in my bed." He glared at Jiraya, who was staring at his own bed in shock,
"L-look! It's Naruto!" The three sannin crowded around to watch the little boy sleep.
"What should we do with him?" Orochimaru licked his lips,
"I have a few… ideasssss." Tsunade and Jiraya stepped away from Orochimaru and his aura of creepiness.
"No… Just no."
"I have an idea," Tsunade grinned madly.
When Naruto woke up, he couldn't breathe. He was surrounded by the foulest stench to ever to assault his nostrils, and the worst part, he couldn't escape it!
"NOOOOOOOOOO!"
And they all lived happily ever after.
I'm not forgiving Tsunade, but Orochimaru's free to go if he gives me a hug.
"What about me? I'm huggable!"
Ew, no way perv. I don't want your germs all over me!