Hi All! Yet another Sakura fic. I've become a bit of a fangirl, I'm afraid. I've been playing around with not being so angsty, as that's unbecoming of a woman my age, regardless of the fact that I hardly act it. Anyway, this is definitely a songfic, from OK Go's "Don't Ask Me".
I do not own Naruto, nor do I own OK Go. I would be happy with either though. *makes 'call me' motion to respective lawyers*
The alarm blared loudly throughout the small, well-furnished apartment. One would think it's occupant had left and forgotten to turn it off, until a telltale THWACK was heard, followed by angry mutterings.
"Stupid piece of shit alarm clock. Can't it see I'm hungover, here?" A pink head poked out from beneath a chartreuse comforter. As her bare feet met the wood floor, Sakura hissed at the cold and half-stumbled half-ran to the bathroom.
After retching for ten minutes, the shower started up.
Two seconds later, a bloodcurdling scream was heard through the top two floors of the complex. Stalking from the bathroom to her answering machine, Sakura jabbed the message button. Sure enough, her superintendent had called during her alarm clock's reveille to inform her that the hot water was out. Again.
"Bloody hell! Of course it would go out today."
Sakura eyed the wall clock in her living room to get a better idea of her remaining time. She was due to meet Sai for drinks before breakfast to set a time for him to paint her portrait. She tried for breakfast, but he had an early mission to go on.
Two hours? Yeah, that was long enough to heat water on the stove for a bath.
An hour or so later, Sakura emerged feeling so much better, only to notice that the wall clock was still telling the same time. Rushing into her galley kitchen, the rosette was dismayed to find she had twenty minutes to dress and run roughly twelve city blocks.
And so, Sakura's day had begun. Miserably. "Fuck!"
Sai
Quit acting so friendly.
Don't nod don't laugh all nicely.
Don't think you'll up-end me.
Don't sigh, don't sip your iced-tea.
And don't say, 'It's been a while...'
And don't flash that stupid smile.
While Sakura was running like the guardians of hell were behind her, Sai was calmly contemplating his drink choice.
'Lemonade or iced tea. Hmmm... Perhaps I should order something for the Hag- er, Sakura.' He thought. Sai had been making an effort to use proper names, after reading that it was respectful. Five years of being beaten upside the head by the cotton candy tressed female would make anyone question their habits.
After ordering his iced tea and her vanilla cappuccino, Sai waited patiently. He didn't have long to wait. His attention on a particular lint ball on the tablecloth was diverted by the sound of stampeding elephants and a rather large dust cloud approaching.
Swiftly standing, he raised his hand in a cheery hello. "Ah, Sakura! Hello!" He smiled fakely, unsure if that was an appropriate facial expression. People smiled when happy to see a friend, right? Even if that particular friend were currently sweating like a pig.
He made certain to ask her. Her response was questionable, however. Normally, she would grit her teeth and explain the ins and out's of social interaction. Today, she promptly stuck one finger in the air, and proclaimed, "Fuck you, Sai. I've had a shitty morning and I'm in no mood."
Sai contemplated an appropriate response as the waitress brought their drinks.
"If you're in no mood, why did you just proposition me?" If he were any other man, he would have seen the error of his ways. Never question a pissed off woman. ESPECIALLY not one who could kick your ass with her pinky toe.
"I know you're not that fucking stupid. You can't possibly be," she muttered, talking more to herself than Sai. "Sai, I know it's been a while, but do you seriously think it's a good idea to play 'Sakura and the Social Retard' today?"
"I'm not being disingenuous, Sakura-"
"Hag," she supplied. Deep down, Sakura knew he was being truthful. She had cussed him out and he took it literally. He took everything literally. She supposed that's what really pissed her off about him.
"I read in a book-" Sakura raised her hand to cut him off. His mouth snapped shut audibly and he stared at her. When she didn't say anything, Sai actually started to become aggravated.
"Okay... Hag, are you menstruating? Is THAT your problem?" He had skipped the chapter regarding things one does not say to a female. Weight, age, menstrual cycle... He would have smacked himself, but Sakura beat him to the punch. Literally.
He would later think it was strange that Sakura had said nothing prior to her attack, nor as she stomped away. He supposed making him pick up the tab and pay for damages said everything. As did the splitting headache and broken jaw he sustained.
Ino
Don't think I've forgotten,
you never liked that necklace.
So cordial, so rotten...
Kiss, kiss, let's meet for breakfast.
Don't show up so on-time
and don't act like you're so kind
"At least I'm early to meet Pig," Sakura muttered to herself when she arrived at the restaurant. The stomp away from Sai was almost cathartic, and she was feeling loads better by the time she arrived for breakfast.
"Oh Sakura-chan!" Ino's shrill voice rang through the seating area. Sakura was not surprised to see a few people cringe.
"God, Pig," she chastised, as Ino sat down. "Keep your voice down. I'm sure these people would like to maintain their hearing."
"Psh," Ino waved them off. Setting down her purse, she glanced at Sakura and did a double take. "Oh my god, Forehead! You look like shit!" The blonde promptly began digging in her purse for something.
"Thanks for screaming that to everyone, Pig. Glad you didn't embarrass me or anything." Sakura's grumbling became full on protests as Ino grabbed her face and began applying makeup.
"I don't know if I have enough concealer for these circles. Oh god! Are those crow's feet? Ew! A zit! Oh, ew, I think it blinked at me!" While Ino was busy yelling about the blemishes on Sakura's face, Sakura was intently staring down the salt shaker. It looked shady. Could be a dangerous salt shaker.
"Welp," Ino began. "That's the best I can do." Shoving a compact in Sakura's hands, the bombshell grimaced. "Seriously, Sakura. If I'm going to be seen with you, make a goddamn effort!"
"Pig, do I look like I need hooker red lipstick at breakfast?" Sakura had to grit her teeth to keep from gnashing them.
"What? Oh, sorry. There's a total cutie over there staring at me." Ino giggled and waved at the boy.
"Ino, he's got a fiancée." The pretty brunette next to him gaped at Ino's obvious flirtation and her betrothed's impending infidelity. Eye sex was still cheating in her book.
Poor girl had obviously never read Ino's book in which sex of any kind was not cheating.
Ino smirked as the brunette threw her ring at the boy's chest. Messy breakups were always fun to watch. "Not anymore, he doesn't."
"Seriously? Don't you feel the least bit remorseful?"
Ino smirked as the pretty brunette stalked past her, throwing an angry, "Homewrecker," her way.
"Please, Forehead. Just because you haven't gotten any since the dawn of time doesn't mean I have to be lonely."
Sakura's mouth dropped open in shock. "Did you seriously just call me a prude?"
Ino's crystal blue gaze fixed on her own viridian eyes. "I didn't say 'prude', but if the shoe fits-"
Sakura didn't stick around to hear anymore. She stomped out as Ino called behind her, "Hey! What about breakfast?"
Kakashi
So don't sit there and play just
so frank, so straight, so candid,
so thoughtful, so gracious,
so sound, so even-handed.
Don't be so damn benign
and don't waste my fucking time.
Around noon, Sakura realized she hadn't actually eaten anything. Still angry from her shitty morning, she wandered until she entered the market district. The stalls had never smelled as aromatic as they did that day.
"Sakura-chan! Hey, Sakura-chan!" The pinkette turned her hungry gaze from the dango in front of her to register Naruto bouncing toward her. A ways behind him was their former genin sensei.
'Now these two I can handle,' she thought. Meeting Naruto halfway, she was swept into a bonecrushing hug.
"Hey! How are you feeling after last night?" Naruto had been present at the bar with her, and, she recalled now, had carried her home.
"Eh... Feeling a little better. I haven't gotten a chance to eat though, so-"
"You can come to lunch with me and Kaka-sensei!" The Kyuubi container nearly combusted with pent up energy.
"I'm not your sensei."
"He's not our sensei." Their two voices corrected in unison. Naruto's saucer-like gaze slid from the tall man to the shorter girl.
"Creepy. You guys, like, plan that or something? Neh, whatever, let's go get food." With that, he began to walk off, in direct line to Ichiraku.
"So, Sakura-chan," the silver-haired man began, "Naruto asked a good question; How ARE you feeling?"
Sakura eyed Kakashi's slouched form. "Other than starved and exhausted, fine. Why?"
The taller man granted her an eye crinkle, and scratched the back of his head. "I was just wondering if red lipstick was your new 'thing', or..."
She bit out a laugh and shook her head. As the two ducked under the curtain of Ichiraku's, Sakura explained her morning. "It's been hellish this morning. My alarm clock woke me up, as normal, but me being hungover... I broke it. The hot water heater is down at my apartment, so I had to heat water on the stove and lug it to my tub. My living room wall clock stopped, so I had all of twenty minutes to get dry and dressed and meet Sai for morning tea, or coffee, in my case."
She paused to give her order. "Miso, please." As Ayame turned to start the food, she continued, "Sai being Sai commented on the fact that, after running twelve blocks, I was sweaty-"
"Did he know about your morning?" Kakashi asked. Sakura paused before answering.
"No, I didn't get a chance to tell him in between him asking me if I was propositioning him for sex, and me beating the shit out of him." Kakashi blinked. Sakura propositioning Sai? Not likely.
"So then what happened?" Sakura was a little taken aback at Kakashi's interest. She reddened a little and brushed her hair behind her ear.
"Um... Oh! So after Sai- thanks Ayame. Itadakimasu!" She broker her chopsticks and took a hearty bite. Kakashi felt it unwise to remind her of etiquette, considering her day so far.
"So after Sai, I was supposed to be meeting Ino for an actual breakfast. We haven't seen eachother in a while, and it seemed like a nice thing to do. So I get to the restaurant and hang out for a bit." She took another huge bite, and Kakashi had to swallow his words.
"All of a sudden, I heard her screaming my name. I'm sure there is now a restaurant full of deaf people wandering Konoha. Stationary stores will sell out of little notepads, because of Ino's Harpy Yell. That should be an attack of hers. It could seriously incapacitate an enemy." Another bite, this time with a slurp. Either she was hungry, or this was Naruto in henge.
"So we're talking, and she's all, 'God Forehead, you look like shit!' Then she molests my face with her cosmetics. Isn't that, like, chemical warfare, or something? So then, she starts flirting with this guy who, by the way, is eating breakfast with his fiancée. And I'm all, 'Ino, stop,' and she's all, 'You're a prude!' So I left." Sakura promptly slurped the last of her noodles, and set the bowl down.
"Ino called you a prude?" Kakashi had to give it to the Yamanaka girl. Not many people could call Sakura a prude and still be walking.
"Well, not in those words. She said, 'Just because you haven't gotten any since the dawn of time.'" Kakashi had to admit, Sakura did a pretty good impression of Ino.
As the trio left Ichiraku, Kakashi recapped Sakura's day thus far. "So, you smashed your alarm clock because you were hungover. You heated hot water the hard way, because you were pissed off that your water heater was broken, which prompted you to be late meeting Sai. You broke Sai's jaw, I'm guessing, because you didn't explain to him about your day, and he was confused about your rhetoric. You ditched Ino after she basically told you to get a social life. And here we are."
Sakura's jaw dropped. Did he seriously just blame her for almost everything? "Excuse me?"
Sighing, Kakashi met her eyes. "Listen, Sakura, we all have bad days. The thing that most people don't understand is that bad days are of their own creation. We fixate on every little bad thing until it grows into the shittiest day possible."
"... And you think that's what I'm doing?" Her left eye had developed a twitch, but Kakashi was too busy staring at the sky now to notice.
"If you had told Sai about your morning. Told him, 'hey, I'm having a crap morning, so don't take everything I say too seriously.' What do you think he'd have done?"
Sakura didn't need this. "Yanno, could you give me the benefit of some sort of sympathy here?"
"Why? And propagate the cycle? Sakura, I hardly think that enabling you like that is healthy." Sakura stopped dead in her tracks.
"You, Hatake Kakashi, are a jackass. I cannot believe I even find you the least bit attractive. You could at least say, 'wow, Sakura, your day really does suck. What can I do to make you feel better?'"
A silver eyebrow raised and Kakashi halted, one foot suspended mid-step. "Well, now. Your day really does suck, Sakura. Apparently amidst propositioning your socially inept teammate and being called a prude by your best frienemy, you've also decided to admit to some sort of crush on me."
He turned to give her a crinkle, and stopped, droopy eye widening as he took in her visage. Red in the face, tears of anger and embarrassment brimming. She was shaking like a leaf, and her fists were clenched.
"Not from you, Kakashi! Anyone but you!" She spun and stalked away, toppling an innocent tree with a well placed 'flick'.
'Well hell,' he mused. 'She is cute when she's angry.'
Meanwhile, a commotion had begun not too far from Sakura's current position. As she neared, she was so lost in her thoughts, she had barely registered anything until, "Sakura."
She froze. That voice. Sakura looked up into onyx eyes. "Sasuke? Sasuke, you're back!" Most likely due to the stress of her day, Sakura didn't question why he had allowed her to jump into his arms. She really should have.
"Be my wife." Huh? Sakura relinquished her hold on Sasuke's neck and shoulder.
She stepped back. "What? Sasuke, I-"
"What? Sakura, I want you to have my children." Oh that was IT!
Before she stalked off, she mused to herself. Someone should have really informed Sasuke about her day. Too bad, now he's off to jail with a broken jaw, a black eye, a cracked rib, and a newly acquired limp.
Word managed to circulate most of Konoha, as friends warned neighbors to avoid any green eyed, pink haired girls under threat of death. They really didn't have anything to worry about, as Sakura has convinced herself she was living in Bizarro Konoha. Thusly, she made her way home, to wait out the inevitable interdimensional rift that would result from today's events. And to get drunk and pass out.
Consequently, she had only managed to get drunk, when a knock at her door interrupted her plans.
Later, she would realize, Kakashi had come over to apologize, but the proposition she made resulted in something far better.
FIN
Yeah, here's me with the craziness. I have actually had one of those days, except mine involved two kids craving attention and a fiance who just had knee surgery. Yeesh.
Hit that little blue button and make an old lady happy!
~FK