Happenings in Hell

by lijdgreat916

The tragic and undeniably stupid tale of how Lelouch vi Britannia managed to completely ruin the concept of realism while being a total dick about it. Also, the tormenting of beloved characters across various forms of media. And references. So, SO many references. Now with 15% less than 82% of annual death by Evangelion.

1. The First Ever Stupid One

Disclaimer: Code Geass. Neon Genesis Evangelion. I own neither. If any lawyers come within 5 meters of me concerning the subject, they will face my unrestrained wrath. Seriously, I ordered a life sized version of Eva Unit-01, and its fully operational. I think. I AM (NOT) AFRAID TO USE IT!

---

"So..."

"..."

"... how did you end up here?"

"... my son sent me here."

"Is that so? So did mine. He choked me to death with a giant biomechanical robot. I guess he was somewhat justified, considering the whole 'trying to combine all of humanity into one gestalt entity in order to spend eternity with my kinda-sorta-not-really dead wife'."

"Really now?"

"Yeah."

"... well, if you must know, my son ordered the Collective Unconsciousness to erase my existence from the mortal plane, along with my kinda-sorta-not-really dead wife, all because I was attempting to halt the passage of time in order to create a peaceful world without lies, war, and sadness."

"Wow. Compared to you, I kind of feel like an ass."

"As you should."

"Well, my son was God for a day."

"My son managed to conquer the entire world by threatening it with holocaust."

"Oh, well-"

"And he did it all without the help of a giant floating naked teenage girl."

"Says the man whose son is a siscon!"

"At least he didn't fall in love with a gay alien!"

"Kaworu's sexual preferences are not to be brought into this, dammit!"

---

Meanwhile, in a completly different wing of Hell...

"... cosplay as Japanese Batman!"

Lelouch vi Brittania, the man of miracles, the Demon King, and 99th emperor of the Holy Empire of Brittania, thought he heard something. "Strange. I thought I made it clear to Lucifer that this wing now belonged to me. I don't remember allowing anybody in." Lelouch turned to his servant, who was prostrating on the fiery ground in fear. "Shinji, did you hear that?"

"N-no, your liege."

"Oh well. Go check on it anyway."

"Y-yes, my liege."

"And Shinji?"

"Y-yes?"

"Do me a favor and wash my Evangelion. It's getting a tad dusty."

"U-um, sir, don't you mean my-"

"I know what I said, slave."