Don't Cry

by Hummel-Anderson

We stayed like that for what felt like forever but must have only been five minutes or so, just holding each other trying to find some comfort in the other, but finding very little because of the amount of loss and pain we both felt.

Big Girls Don't Cry.

I was sure I wasn't going to make it through the next year of my life. Kurt had become my everything and just the thought of not being able to hold him, kiss him, touch him, breath in his heavenly peach mango scent, and laugh when he did the most adorable thing I had ever seen, or just look at him, memorizing his face, it made my stomach do flips. And not in the good way that Kurt could make happen so easily.

Most days I was so sad that all I could do when I wasn't with Kurt was sit alone in my room and sob. I hated the fact that I still had another year of high school and he had to go off to New York and start life without me. I was afraid he would find someone older, more attractive and someone who he wouldn't have to miss every day. After the scare with Chandler that just opened my eyes. If I could let him slip through my fingers now, what would happen when we were miles and miles apart?

So in short, I was an emotional mess. I was hurt, and felt abandoned, but I also felt guilty for feeling that way because I could never hurt Kurt, or hold him back from conquering his inevitable dreams. But it seemed like it wasn't even fazing him. He was happy and chipper and normal that's what hurt me the most. I felt like when Kurt left for NYADA he was going to take half of me with him and I would be empty. But Kurt, he just acted like he wasn't even going to miss me.

I know he isn't so upfront about his emotions, especially at school, but neither were Tina and I but Tina and I used to have sleepovers where all we would do is sob into each other about the departure of our loved ones; I knew that next year she would be my best friend. With Mike going off to Boston and Kurt going to New York, we were just messes but neither of us wanted to show our respective partners so we leaned on each other, and that helped. For a little while.

It was really starting to take over my life now, I never went out unless asked me too, but he was so busy packing all his things for New York. I honestly tried to go out with the guys or just hang out with the girls, but everywhere I went and everything I did reminded me of Kurt. Like the swings at the park where we once had a rather steamy make out session, or the Lima Bean where we had spent so much time together or Breadstix where Kurt had asked me to Prom, then the next year when I had asked Kurt to prom.

So now we were sitting in the cafeteria at lunch chatting away with the rest of the New Directions, something about a party after graduation and I could tell Tina was just as broken as I was. After another five minutes of the same conversation I lost control of my emotions, I couldn't take it anymore. The pity glances from all the seniors that Tina and I were getting and the chatting about plans for leaving and how he sounded so excited, like he couldn't wait to leave me and find some new older more attractive man to replace me with. Tears started to flow out of my eyes and I knew I had to get out of there because Kurt couldn't see me like this. I had a feeling that he was going to end our year and a half long relationship and as much as I wanted to be mad at him for it I couldn't hurt him by letting him see me cry about it.

"Come on," I told myself, "Don't cry you're a grown man!" But as much as I was I couldn't not cry. The most perfect boy I was in love with was going to end it all shattering my heart into a million tiny little non repairable pieces and all I could do was sit around waiting for it to happen. I got up and ran out of the cafeteria, I could hear Tina behind me crying out and trying to get me to stop but my legs weren't listening to me. I didn't stop until I got to the choir room. I just stood there until Tina caught up to me. She saw me then she started to sob, she jumped into my arms and we fell to the ground in a fit of heart wrenching, broken, defeated sobs.

We stayed like that for what felt like forever but must have only been five minutes or so, just holding each other trying to find some comfort in the other, but finding very little because of the amount of loss and pain we both felt. Then we could hear two sets of frantic footsteps coming down the hall. It was Kurt and Mike trying to find us. I guess they heard us crying because they were in the choir room seconds later.

"Tina!" yelled Mike, running over and scooping her up in his toned muscular arms. She started to sob even harder and I just gave her an understanding and almost identical look. Then I felt Kurt's arms wrapped around me and his hands wiping away my curls that had fallen from my gelled hair and the tears that had fallen from my swollen red eyes. I shuttered when I realized that Kurt would never be there to complain about how he liked my hair better when it wasn't gelled, this only brought more tears.

I guessed Mike brought Tina somewhere else to talk because I looked up from my spot in the crook of Kurt's neck and saw we were alone in the room now. I was laying fetal position in my soon to be ex-boyfriends lap trying to semi control my rapid breaths.

"Blaine baby, what in the world is wrong?" he asked, I could see that he was crying now too and my heart ached I just wanted to wipe away his tears and tell him everything was going to be okay, but it wasn't. I needed to be strong, if he was going to end things with me he couldn't beat around the bush any longer it would only make things worse and I honestly couldn't take any more hurting.

"I-I love-love you so-so mu- much K-Ku-Kurt," is all I could choke out. I was rocking back and forth trying to stop all the pain from stabbing into my chest, but nothing was helping. The only reason I probably didn't die right then was because of Kurt's soft arms wrapped around my back rubbing small circles trying to sooth me.

"I love you to Blaine, but why are you crying?" I wanted to be harsh about it, I wanted to show that angry part of me that felt abandoned and cheated but I couldn't hurt him, if I could be his lover I was damn well going to be his friend because life without Kurt didn't seem like a life worth living.

"Kurt, god Kurt, I just I love you so, so much and I just, damn it I can't lose you," I was trying to hold back the sobs now so he could understand me. And by the look of sheer hurt and pain on his face I could tell he did.

"Why would you think that you are going to lose me Blaine? I am right here, and I am not leaving you" my heart swelled a little, I loved this boy so much, I loved him more than I loved anyone else on the face of the earth. Hearing Kurt say that let the little bit of hope that our relationship might work out that I still had shine through, it put a slight smile on my face.

"How do you know?" I asked all my emotions plastered on my face for him to see, if I was going to show and tell him how I felt this was going to be when I was going to do it. He needed to know how I felt so he could make his decision. Just as he looked like he was going to say something to interrupt me I spoke again. "Kurt, next year you are going to be alone in New York, and there will be so many more options for you, how do you know if it's me you want to spend forever with if I am the only boy you've ever dated. What if some guys swoop in and recognizes how talented, funny, gorgeous, intelligent and perfect you are? Kurt, when I look, one, five, ten, twenty or fifty years in the future all I see is you, I see us on Broadway, and with a beautiful baby daughter who you dress fabulously, and I see us buying a house in the suburbs and walking our daughter down the aisle, and us growing old together and sitting on our front porch in our front yard surrounded by a cliché white picket fence and grandchildren whom we love and I see us being together forever, and I see me dying in your arms Kurt. I know it's you, it has always been you. But if you don't see that, or you don't want that you have to tell me because it isn't fair." I was out of breath and shaking because I was petrified that he was going to end it all right then and there. Then before my mind could register what was happening he pushed me onto my back and he was straddling my hips kissing me with the most passion we had ever shared.

I didn't know what sick game he was playing but I did know we needed to talk about us before what we were doing got out of control. "Kurt! What are you doing?" I asked, a little ticked off that he didn't even reply to me after I poured my heart out on to the floor for him to stomp on if he wanted to.

"You Blaine Anderson, are crazy!" he was laughing and I couldn't help but smile because he looked so innocent, then he sensed that I was not cluing into the joke so he recomposed himself. "Blaine, when I look into the future I see and most definitely want all those things, and the only man in the world I want those things with is you. Blaine, you are my everything and I would never break up with you, nor would I cheat on you. You are my heart beat, you are what makes me get up every day especially when life really sucks, you are the reason I am still alive. Us being together is fate, there were hundreds of people on that staircase that day Blaine, but I stopped you. And I knew that day you were going to be the one I was going to spend forever with, because it was love at first sight. And yah, next year is going to suck so much, but you know how I get through it?" I was melting inside; he didn't want to break up. I was crying again but these were happy tears, tears of joy and thankfulness, I swore at that moment I would do anything to make this man happy.

"How?" I asked hugging him close to my body, I needed nothing more than just to be as close to him as possible.

"I think about the year after next year, when you are going to be in New York too, and how much fun we'll have living together in a crappy old apartment and how I will always love you. And how much fun it will be to show some random guy the promise ring you gave me when he tries to hit on me and the look on his face when he realizes that I am forever yours and only yours. I think about our children and how you will be the world's best daddy. Because if we focus on next year then we are both going to break, and we won't be able to enjoy the good things that do come out of next year, because even though it will be hard not to wake up to you in the morning, or to be able to kiss you whenever I want. I know that this time apart will only strengthen our relationship." This time it was my turn to kiss him senseless. But after a few minutes and very little oxygen we were back to staring at each other and I had one more thing I needed to ask him.

"Kurt you know I love you right?" I asked already knowing the answer.

"Of course love."

"Good, I was just so upset because you didn't even seem to be sad about leaving, and that's what I think hurt the most..."

"Blaine, I only didn't look sad, if only you knew how many time Santana and I just held each other and cried about having to leave you and Brittany behind, I just didn't want you to have to worry about me Blaine, I love you and I could never hurt you."

"I love you so much Kurt, I have an idea for a song, but it's a duet… Will you sing it with me later today in Glee Club?" I asked hoping he would say yes because even though I was just broken down 10 minutes ago I was already put back together because Kurt did that to me, he was the glue that held me together and he was part of me I needed to live, and now I knew we would be together forever.

"I will always sing with you, what song love?" he said, I loved it when he called me love, like he was announcing our love to the world. Or at least anyone who was within earshot.

"You'll see!" I said with a wink then I stood up and offered him a hand. Once we were both on our feet I pulled him into a warm and loving hug, breathing in his scent that was just so Kurt. I loved this man and he loved me, life would be difficult the next year but we could cope, because love always prevails, especially when you have the kind of love we had.

---

That afternoon Kurt and I headed to Glee club together walking hand in hand and ready to perform our duet for our friends and the people we loved. When I walked in I saw Tina and Mike cuddled up in the corner laughing and kissing each other, my heart swelled again. I was so glad things worked out for her to, she was just as broken as I was and she deserved to be happy.

I took my seat and Kurt came and sat on my lap not wanting to be the distance apart that the chair would have made. I rested my head against his sturdy shoulder and let my eyes wander across the room, everyone had their respective partners and now so did I, and it was perfect. Mr. Schue walked in and looked around seeing everyone he just smiled; Kurt had told me that of everyone at school he was going to miss, Mr. Schue was going to be one of the ones he missed the most.

"Is there a chair shortage guys?" he joked to Kurt and I just smiled and waited for Kurt's witty reply. But none came all he said was "Yes, there is actually." I laughed and spoke to Mr. Schue.

"Mr. Schue if it's alright Kurt and I prepared a song we want to share with the club, we think it'll help with all the goodbyes we are going to have to say soon, I know it helped us?" I was standing proudly with my arms snaked around Kurt's waist.

"Of course, Kurt, Blaine you have the floor." I walked over to Brad and told him what song we were going to do and he nodded and began to play. I heard Rachel squeal and mention something about this being her favourite non-Broadway song but all I could see was Kurt and how beautiful he was leaning against the piano in his dark skinny jeans and my dress shirt with a tight black vest and his favourite doc marten shoes.

I walked over to him and grabbed his hand then took the first line Kurt picking up the second part.

---

(Blaine is in italics and Kurt is in bold italics, when they both sing it is just regular text)

---

The smell of your skin lingers on me now

You're probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection, baby
To be with myself and center
Clarity, peace, serenity

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightening out to do

And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry

We danced around each other and sang, the rest of the group mindlessly harmonizing in the background.

The path that I'm walkin', I must go alone
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown
Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

We both were putting all the emotions we had into the song because we were trying to convey to each other just how much the other meant, because I honestly still couldn't imagine what next year would be like being in the exact same choir room that Kurt used to share and him not being there, but the future thoughts were enough to keep me singing and aware that we weren't alone, because Kurt was making it very hard for me not jump him in the middle of the song. I always loved that about him, he always thought he was as sexy as a baby penguin but if he was then I found baby penguins very very sexy because Kurt he really got to me.

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightening out to do

And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry

Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and Uno cards
I'll be your best friend and you'll be mine
Valentine

Yes, you can hold my hand if you want to
'Cause I want to hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers
And share our secret worlds

But it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself, and center
Clarity, peace, serenity

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do

And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry

By the end of the song we were holding on to each other without even thinking about letting go until Mr. Schue coughed awkwardly and then laughed. We started to laugh to because it was funny how we were so into the song that we could forget the rest of the people who we loved and cared about. Once our laughing fit was over we were engulfed in a swarm of hugs from the other members of New Directions.

If we can fight together, we must strive together
If we can play together, we must pray together
If we can plan together, we must stand together
If we can cry together, we must try together
We must strive together, if we can fight together
We must pray together, if we can play together
We must stand together, if we can plan together
We must try together, if we can cry together
The future of man is built on a plan
Of working together whenever we can
So "if" must stand so tall
And "must" alone, cannot fall
For together, forever we bring
The best, the good of it all

Friends stay together
through good and through bad
Friends stay together
through happy and sad
Friends stay together
through break-ups and tears
Friends stay together
over the years
Friends stay together
when different or alike
Friends stay together
through pain and through strife
Friends stay together
no matter the cause
Friends stay together
just because
Friends stay together
through love and through hate
Friends stay together
through destiny and fate
Friends stay together
they're just always there
Friends stay together
because they care

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{PLEASE REVIEW}

Song: Big Girls Don't cry – Fergie

I was inspired by the song the Blaine, Rachel and Kurt sing in the prom episode so I wanted to right this PLEASE review it makes me so happy! If you review I'll give you a shout out in my awesome story 'Klaine's Relationship Through Facebook' which you should go read because it is really funny! Thanks!

{PLEASE REVIEW}