This has been cluttering up my computer for months now. Because I wrote it, I guess the duty falls upon me to post it. So, uh... yeah. Here it is. Let me know if you liked it, if you hated it, if you think I messed something up, whatever you want. Comment the chorus to Space Jam if you want. Seriously. It woud make my day.
Enjoy.
How long had it been since he had experienced a moment like this?
It felt like a long time...
A moment where all he could hear was the whirring of his mechanical life support, forcing air into his lungs, forcing his muscles to move in a rigid, robotic fashion like his replaced limbs, forcing his heart to keep beating numbly. Although, he wasn't quite so sure of that last one. He didn't ever consider that a heart could break after it stopped beating.
For once, there was nothing to plan, nobody to listen to, nobody to talk to. Legitimately nothing to do.
Vader despised it with every fibre of his being.
Was there something he was supposed to do in a time like this? For so many years now, he'd spent every nanosecond of his life completing tasks one after the other like a trained animal. And now, he had absolutely no idea what to do with himself.
Perhaps, then, he was only meant to do nothing, since there was nothing to be done. He sat down on the chair and let the silence continue, trying not to think, trying not to feel. Trying to ignore the growing shadow in his mind.
And still, it dared to show itself, no matter how hard he tried to fight it off. It always showed up when he was alone like this.
It stretched across the wall to his right, an inky-black form that always tormented him in his solitude. Its face was young, its voice smooth and charming, not shattered by deep, uneven insufflation through a mask... just like he used to sound.
"Hello," it said to him gently. "My name is Anakin."
Vader didn't reply. 'Always, always when I am alone, you come,' he thought. 'Why do I ever think I can get away from you?'
"Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?" it asked him. He didn't like the way it talked to him, so disregarding of all the fear and authority he had gained over the past few years.
But he knew there was no stopping it.
"If you must," Vader returned coldly.
The shadow smiled at him, a genuine, kind beam that sparked a hidden source of desperation to return to the place where people feared him, respected him as an obdurate, mechanical monster.
'Am I allowed to pass on any questions?' the more naive, informal part of him asked, with the vague hope that he could make this conversation move any faster. He was foolish to think he could hide it from the shadow.
"That's up to you, I suppose," Anakin responded, though he hadn't said anything aloud. "First question: what's your name?"
"I pass," responded the Sith Lord flatly.
"Come now, that was an easy one. You mean you won't even say what your name is?" it asked.
"I pass."
"Why do you think that is?"
"I pass."
The shadow glanced away, appearing slightly frustrated, but still determined to be patient.
"Okay, let me see if I can answer that one for you," it suggested. "You're still so confused and hurt from what happened all those years ago that you blame yourself, and you're just as afraid of yourself as everyone else is. Sound about right?"
"I pass," he replied.
"Another pass? You need to start answering my questions. Otherwise, won't everything just become worse?"
"I pass."
"It's not even self-questioning at this point. Wouldn't you agree?"
"Pass."
"Are you hoping the Jedi will help you back to the light side if you act distraught enough? Don't you realize they're beyond you now; that no one else cares about your suffering?"
"I pass."
"Is that why you did what you did? Because you were confused, scared, and conflicted? Is that your excuse?"
"I pass."
The shadow sighed, exasperation echoing across the halls.
Like a Jedi, it was calm, forgiving, and endlessly patient. "Alright, then let's change the subject. How about when you killed Padme? When you killed the woman I love? How did that make you feel?"
"I pass."
"You've grown very strong since then. Palpatine says you're almost done with training, but creating life is still impossibly far away. Do you think it was worth it?"
"I pass," he replied like clockwork.
"Does blocking out the emotions help? Does it help drive away the darkness?"
"I pass."
It glared at him from the wall. "Why won't you just answer a question?!"
He hesitated. "I pass."
"Fifteen. That makes fifteen times you've denied me," it said dejectedly. "You're an awful person, you know. You're ruining everything."
"It is your choice to linger here, Jedi. Your time is long since done. It's my turn now. You can move on any time you want, so why don't you go? Because of you, I can't become strong enough to save her."
The shadow looked at him. "What? Do you think I'm some sort of alter ego you have? I thought for sure you'd know better than to believe that by now. Don't you get it? I am you! I'm an ordinary emotion that everyone feels; but you'd rather believe something else."
Vader was surprised. For once, he was genuinely shocked. The emotion, probably the first he'd felt in years, came roaring to life into his chest like a furnace. And for a moment, just a moment, the old part of him seized its chance to take back control.
"I-it's just…" he stuttered- not as Vader, but as Anakin Skywalker.
"-It's just from point of view, the Jedi are evil?" the shadow hissed back, practically snarling, its wasted temper echoing through his mind. "You're so pathetically delirious! You should have listened! Then none of this would have ever happened, and Padme wouldn't be dead!"
Lights flickered and the room shook with vicious rage. Vader was paralyzed.
"You said you would protect her! Padme is dead because of you! It's all your fault! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" it screamed, its voice an alarming mixture of dejection and hate, and it took Vader a moment to process that it seemed on the verge of tears. Then softly, it whispered, "It's all my fault…"
The room stopped shaking.
It was a long time before it spoke again. "Why did you do this to everyone?"
No reply.
"You left them all heartbroken. Left them to die… left them wondering what they did wrong…"
It waited for an answer. And, as expected, it got none.
Anakin gave an empty sigh. "You know, I think we've both had enough of this. I'm going on ahead."
It faded brokenly from the wall. As it was before, and as always, it was quiet again.