(A/N: I was playing Star Fox 64 on the Project64 emulator the other day, and this story popped in my mind. I gotta do this while it's still fresh in my mind. Enjoy!)
(WARNING!: I do NOT own Star Fox, nor any major or minor references mentioned in this fanfic, whatsoever. But, I DO own the story.)
POKEMARIOFAN95 PRESENTS...
A "STAR FOX" FANFICTION
"SMARTBOMBADDICTAPHOBIA"
Falco Lombardi. The greatest ace pilot Star Fox has ever had. Although he has a very serious personality, he's proud of being a member of Star Fox. And yes, he likes being obviously in the air, hence his species. So he goes in his favorite vehicle, the Arwing, shooting down enemies without missing a single shot. He's also Fox's best friend and right-hand man, so, to help Fox with his objectives, Falco clears his paths by shooting down obstacles, even those that can't be dodged. He's also rarely seen smiling, but most of the time, he has a serious look on his face, but remember, he's a good guy.
But now, something strange happened to the ace pilot. And our story begins...
This took place after the events of Star Fox 64. The Star Fox team were celebrating in their mothership, the Great Fox, after Fox saved the Lylant System from the clutches of Andross. The party is in the Great Fox's lounge room. Fox McCloud, the leader, Peppy Hare, James McCloud's best friend, member and his right-hand man, Slippy Toad, the genius, and ROB 64, the navigations robot, were partying all day long, except Falco, who was leaning against a wall, thinking to himself; he never liked parties, but he sometimes pulls pranks on almost every party he's been on his whole life. Now, he doesn't have any ideas left on his mind. All he can do now is think.
But, while Fox, Peppy, Slippy and ROB 64 were doing the cha-cha-cha (it's an Earth dance from Mexico. I don't know how they learned it, since they never went to Earth, nor the Solar System.) with Mexican music on, the lounge room's giant screen revealed static. Then, the static cleared to show a familiar face...it's General Pepper, leader of the Cornerian Army.
General Pepper *on screen*: We need your help, Star Fox! Huh?
He noticed Fox, Peppy, Slippy and ROB doing the cha-cha-cha, and Falco leaned against the wall, thinking.
General Pepper: Ahem!
*record zipper*
Fox, Peppy, Slippy and ROB stopped and looked at General Pepper at the screen, wide-eyed with their jaws dropped. Then they let go of each other, and saluted.
General Pepper *on screen*: What are you guys doing?
Fox: Um...
Peppy: Um, we're NOT doing a dance that's not from the Lylant System.
Slippy: Yeah, hehe...
ROB 64: ...
General Pepper *on screen*: ...OK, then. You guys got a new mission.
Falco: Well, finally! I can't stand that non-Lylant System music, anymore! I can't stand that non-Lylant System dance you guys are doing anymore! I CAN'T STAND THIS PARTY ANYMORE!
General Pepper *on screen*: Party?
ROB 64: It's from our recent defeat against Andross.
General Pepper *on screen*: Oh, alright then. But there's no time to party some more just yet. We've recieved intel that some soldiers of the Venomian Army that survived made a very powerful mothership. It went to Sector Z and started attacking our motherships, and a war started there. I want you guys to go there and stop the mothership! Understood?
Fox: Roger, General!
General Pepper: Good. Now, get going!
Static appeared on the screen, then it turned off.
Fox: Well, guys. Looks like we've got a new mission. ROB, go back to the cockpit. The rest of you, to the Arwings!
So ROB 64 went back to the cockpit, and the Star Fox team went to the vehicles room and got in their Arwings. The exit hatch opened, and the team blasted out the Great Fox. Within a few minutes, they made it to Sector X, all the way to the war zone, in hopes to destroy the Venomian mothership.
[Sector Z Combat Zone, War Zone]
There was the Venomian mothership, attacking the Cornerian motherships. While this fight was going on, many Cornerian and Venomian fighters were zooming in many directions, shooting lasers in hopes of attacking the enemy. But then came team Star Fox, in their Arwings. When they got there, Fox used his transmission screen to retell the objective to his teammates.
Fox: All right, try to destroy the mothership! Star Fox, move out!
All four Arwings separated from their signature diamond-shaped formation and got their sights on the mothership. However, this story involves Falco, so let's get to him, shall we?
Falco was shooting down every Venomian fighter he came across, but he shot down some Cornerian fighters by accident, but he doesn't care. Just as he was shooting down more enemies, he couldn't believe his eyes on what he was looking at. In front of him is a 16-Venomian-fighter formation. He knew that one charged shot wouldn't be enough for him to destory the formation, so he used a Smart Bomb. It exploded and it wiped out the formation. Falco made a sigh of relief when a 24-Venomian-fighter formation was approaching in front of him now. He used another Smart Bomb, and it wiped out that formation, too. Suddenly, an idea came to his mind: he will now use Smart Bombs as his signature weapon from now on.
By then, he had reached the Venomian mothership. Fox, Peppy and Slippy were shooting the Venomian mothership, while dodging the blasts that came from the mothership's blasters using barrel rolls. Meanwhile, Falco's face appeared on their transmission screens.
Falco *on screen*: Hey, guys. Why don't you use Smart Bombs?
Fox: Huh?
Peppy: Eh?
Slippy: What?
Static then appeared on their screens, when suddenly, Fox, Peppy and Slippy saw raining Smart Bombs from their cockpits. The Smart Bombs came from Falco's Arwing. They exploded on the mothership, causing it to explode too, getting a HIT +OVER 9000. Their mission is accomplished...with Falco using Smart Bombs.
Slippy: Wow...
Fox's face appeared on Falco's, Peppy's and Slippy's transmission screens, with their faces appeared on his.
Fox: O...K..., that was unexpected. All aircraft, report!
Slippy: Man, I can't believe it.
Peppy: Oh, man...
Falco: Smart Bombs win wars!
Fox *thinking*: (What's wrong with you, Falco? I haven't seen you deploy so many Smart Bombs before...)
Within a few short minutes, they made it back to the Great Fox. They went to the Reunion Room, and sat down on their chairs in front of a circular table. Fox was congratulating his teammates on a job well done. Falco was seen with a teething grin. Fox noticed him.
Fox: Huh? Wow, Falco. I haven't seen you this excited since in like...forever.
Falco: Oh, I was just thinking about that today's mission was accomplished, so...WHEN'S THE NEXT MISSION?
Fox, Peppy and Slippy couldn't believe what they're hearing, and that Falco is now a good-humored fellow.
Fox: I don't know. Maybe recieving the next mission objective would take hours...
Falco's left eye started to twitch.
Fox: ...or days...
Falco's teething grin became wider.
Fox: ...or weeks...
Falco's left eye began to twitch even more.
Fox: ...or months...
Falco's right wing started to twitch.
Fox: ...or maybe...EVEN YEARS!
Falco: Aaaaraaaraaa, aaaraaaraaa...
Peppy: Hey, Falco. How come you're all twitchy?
Falco: Twitchy? TWITCHY? Who's twitchy? I'm not twitchy!
Falco stopped twitching, and his happy face turned into a worrying one.
Falco: Sorry, guys! But I uh...uh...I'm...late for my haircut!
He ran away.
Slippy: Falco doesn't have hair...or DOES he?
Later, in the Great Fox's Vehicle Room...
[Great Fox Vehicle Room]
Falco: Heeheehee...
He got into his Arwing, the exit hatch opened and blasted off.
Meanwhile, in the Great Fox's Reunion Room...
[Great Fox Reunion Room]
Fox: I wonder what's wrong with Falco.
Peppy: I'm worried about him.
Slippy: Though, it is weird that he's all happy and twitchy like that. He must be desperate to go somewhere or something.
Just then, the Reunion Screen's giant screen turned on, revealing ROB 64's face.
ROB 64: WARNING! WARNING! Falco's outside! WARNING! WARNING! Falco's outside!
Fox, Peppy and Slippy can't believe what they're hearing. They looked at each other and Fox told ROB 64 to show Falco's location. To his surprise, Falco's within a 5-mile radius from the Great Fox. He then told ROB 64 to zoom in to his location. On-screen, it shows Falco's Arwing, doing barrel rolls, U-turns and somersaults while deploying Smart Bombs. Slippy now has a worried look on his face.
Slippy: Frequent use of Smart Bombs, good humor, twitching, desperation...I knew it! Falco's suffering a case called...SMARTBOMBADDICTAPHOBIA!
Peppy: Um, in English please, Slip?
Fox: Um, what's Smartbombaddictaphobia?
Slippy: It's a rare mental case. You see, when someone uses Smart Bombs more than using lasers to destroy enemies, they have this amazing idea that they can use Smart Bombs rather than lasers. And that's how you can tell that this person's suffering this case. Other symptoms include good humor, twitching and desperation, which is what we saw in Falco's case.
Fox: Any concecuences?
Slippy: Well, the victim will continue deploying Smart Bombs forever.
Peppy: And what happens if he continues to do this?
Slippy: Well, he'll deploy a Smart Bomb and destroy the Great Fox if we don't do something.
Fox couldn't imagine the horror it would be if the Great Fox was destroyed by one of Falco's Smart Bombs.
Fox: Any cures?
Slippy: The victim should be distracted by looking at something familiar, something he likes or hates.
Peppy: Well, he likes us, right? We're his teammates.
Slippy: Well, I think so. He hate us sometimes, too.
Fox: What are we waiting for then? To the Arwings!
So then, the 3 Star Fox team members jumped into their Arwings and blasted out of the Great Fox, in hopes of snapping out Falco of the mental case he has. With the help of their Arwings' navigational systems, they managed to reach Falco's location. Fox then told Peppy and Slippy via transmission screens.
Fox: Be careful. Falco's deploying Smart Bombs everywhere, so keep a safe distance from him. Try to get him back to his senses! Good luck!
So they kept a safe distance from Falco's Arwing, which means that now, the Smart Bombs won't affect them. Fox was the first to contact Falco.
Fox: Falco, please, snap out of it!
Falco, with a very crazy and hysterical look on his face while laughing like an idiot, didn't even listen.
Fox: OK, that didn't work.
Peppy was next.
Peppy: Falco, you don't know what you're doing! You're gonna destroy us and the Great Fox if you continue deploying Smart Bombs!
Falco didn't listen to him, either.
Peppy: Darn it! He's still deploying Smart Bombs!
Slippy was next.
Slippy: Falco, it's me! Your old pal, Slippy!
Falco didn't listen to him, either. He's still deploying Smart Bombs.
Slippy: Man, I failed, too!
Fox was worried. The three can't snap Falco out his mental case. He knew that not even ROB 64 can snap him out of it. Suddenly, a light bulb popped out of Fox's head. He contacted Peppy and Slippy.
Fox: Guys, I have a plan!
Peppy: Really?
Slippy: Tell us! Tell us!
Fox: Well, since we can't snap Falco out of his mental case, it's time to bring out the big guns. We're gonna contact...Katt Monroe.
Peppy: You mean Falco's colluage?
Fox: Yes. Maybe she'll snap Falco out of it. I'll contact her right away.
Meawhile, somewhere in the Lylant System, a pink and fuschia fighter was flying by...
[Sector Y Combat Zone]
Katt: Hm, everything seems normal here...
Suddenly, Fox's face appreared on her transmission screen.
Fox: Katt?
She noticed Fox on her transmission screen.
Katt: Ah, Fox McCloud. The guy that saved me from that Venomian fighter that was in my tail back at Zoness. I've never get a chance to kiss you for that.
Fox, wide-eyed, remembered back when the Star Fox team was at Zoness.
START FLASHBACK
[Zoness]
Katt: I've got someone on my tail!
Fox then heroically charged up his laser and shot at the enemy fighter, taking it down.
Katt: Beautiful! I could kiss you for that.
Fox was then wide-eyed, blushing and sweating bullets.
Fox *thinking*: (Oh my God. I hope Falco didn't heared that.)
END FLASHBACK
Fox: Um, can you do me a favor?
Katt: Sure. Anything for the guy who helped me back at Zoness.
Fox: It's just that Falco has this rare mental case called Smartbombaddictaphobia, and I was wondering if...
Katt was wide-eyed in shock.
Katt: SMARTBOMBADDICTAPHOBIA? Oh no, my beloved Falco!
Fox: Huh? I thought you don't know about it.
Katt: Oh, well General Pepper told me about it, so I know this mental case like the back of my hand.
Fox: So, can you do something about it?
Katt: Oh, I have the perfect cure...
She then asked Fox where are they. Fox said he and his team are just a few miles northeast of Sector X. And so, some 25 minutes later, she went to exactly where Fox and his team are. She then sees an Arwing deploying Smart Bombs and doing tricks at the same time. That Arwing was Falco's, and realized that immediatly.
Katt: Let me try to get him back to his senses.
She contacted him. Falco was still laughing like an idiot and still has that crazy look on his face. Katt's face then appeared on his tranmission screen, somehow in a lovesick way.
Katt *lovesickly*: Hi, Falco.
He then looked at his transmission screen. He's now wide-eyed, blushing and sweating bullets at the same time in surprise.
Falco: K-K-K-Katt?
He then noticed something else.
Falco: Huh? What am I doing in my Arwing?
Falco's finally cured. Katt then contacted Fox.
Katt: I did it. He's cured.
Fox: So, what did you do?
Katt explained everything.
Fox: Wow, I can't believe you have say "hello" to him in a lovesick way.
Katt: Well, that my friend, is the best cure. Besides...he's cute.
Fox: ...O...K...anyway, thanks for helping out.
Katt: You're welcome. Now, if you'll excuse me...
She then aligned her fighter behind Falco's Arwing.
Falco contacted Fox.
Falco: What's going on here? Why am in my Arwing.
Fox explained everything, from the moment he started getting the mental case, explaining the symptoms, concecuences, cures, and what he did, until the part that he's cured, which is rather...unusual.
Falco: Oh, so that's why in my Arwing. And that's why Katt's here.
Fox: Speaking of Katt, you better look behind you.
He looked behind his Arwing and noticed that Katt's fighter is behind him. Katt's face appeared once again on his transmission screen, lovesickly again.
Katt *lovesickly*: Come here, Falcie-poo!
Falco: AAAAAAAHHH! HELP ME!
Then, Falco, wide-eyed, blushing, and sweating bullets, used his boost to try to get away. Peppy then contacted Katt.
Peppy: Use the boost to chase! (C-Right Button)
Katt then used her boost to chase Falco. Falco contacted Fox.
Falco: I could use some help here, Fox!
Fox: I'll pass, Falco.
Staic appeared on his transmission screen. Falco became even more worried than before. Fox, Peppy and Slippy started to laugh as they see the two fighters going in all directions. Falco is finally cured of his mental case. Now he can continue with his life as usual. And while he's still being chased by Katt, Falco thought to himself to NEVER use Smart Bombs again. Because a chase like THIS will happen, and he'll never experience it again. But, there's still many challenges waiting for the greatest space protection squadron ever...
THE END
SPECIAL THANKS GOES TO:
-Nintendo (for creating Star Fox).
-Nickelodeon (SpongeBob SquarePants reference).
-FUNimation Productions (OVER 9000 meme, DragonBall Z).
-My brain (for the ideas).
-And you (for reading).
(A/N: This is the longest one-shot I've ever written. Anyway, thanks again for reading!)