RedWalGrl-RG: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual
Disclaimer: Okay I REALLY do not own this idea, but I wanted to give my IBFF something for yelling in her ear and studying all day and night. Original idea from Diamond Mask. Please read her work, it's so much better. And I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist either.
CONGRATULATIONS!
You are now the proud owner of a REDWALGRL-RG [more commonly known as a REDD unit! To unlock the full potential of this sadistic writer in the hopes please read this Manuel precisely and carefully, and you'll enjoy your egotistical college bound lunatic to her fullest existent.
Technical Specifications
Name: REDWALGRL-RG, Preferably REDD (Also known as, 'The pimp Queen', 'Seme of all semes', and cute lil' lunatic)
Age: Eighteen.
Place of Manufacture: Washington, Homicidal Maniac Corporation
Height: 5'4 LB.
Weight: With all that pizza intake, it's really anybodies guess
Length: No one wants to guess what.
Your REDD will come with the following accessories:
One navy blue pair of jeans
One pair of comfortable sneakers
One red love sleeved T-shirt
One bright orange sweatshirt
One doodling pad
One complete set of Copic Markers
One collection of ROYARCH yaoi [exact number may vary
One laptop
Note: Without her yaoi, or her drawing utensils your REDD will go absolutely batshit crazy. Causing mayhem and distortion no matter where she goes. Please prevent this by making sure she has plenty of paper and markers to fufill her horrible yaoi needs. Also, do not tune her out of search for an off switch when she begins a ROYARCH ramble. This will not result well for you, and believe us there isn't an off switch.
Removing your REDD from her box
When your REDD first arrives please take caution in handling her. You'll hear rustles coming from inside of the box, which is completely normal. She just wants to get out! Sit the box down carefully and open the top of the lid, then take a few steps back. However your REDD is a very stubborn unit, who enjoys to annoy those around her. She will be very difficult to coax out of her box, suddenly deciding that she'd rather stay inside. REDD units are fickle. You can get her out many different ways. Try yelling something along the lines of, "OH MY GOD YAOI!" That will usually work. If not, we recommend you put on a pair of Spiderman underwear [opposite gender of what you currently are. Bleach your hair and scream out excessive whiney 'Nee-s!' This will cause your REDD to hurl herself out of the box and begin twitching uncontrollably on the floor. Use this method as a last resort only, as it could cause some permanent damages.
Programming
Your REDD was been included with the following programming, not much considering she's incredibly lazy.
Role-player: Your REDD will spend most of her time role-playing on her computer. This is a perfect unit for a die heart anime fan who just wants to role-play their yaoi dreams out. Though she's incredibly picky and literate. If you plan to role-play with your unit we advise that you are at least literate. If your REDD discovers her unit is an n00b she will loose all respect for you what so ever. Mind you, if you're constantly quoting emo songs in your role-playing she'll not only loose all respect of you but also stoop to making fun of you in her fan fictions.
Artist: Fan fictions, fan art, or even the occasional doodle, REDD units are incredibly creative. They just love to spend hours on end drawing and writing and will do whatever you request if you treat them well. However you must must, MUST respect their absolute OTP ROYARCH. Or at least pretend that you do.
Tutor: Somehow or another REDD units manage to get to college, despite their lack of drive nor intelligence. Which means they must have some sort of common sense. If you are younger then your unit you can attempt to coax them into tutoring you with chocolates and mansex.
Your REDD will come with the following modes:
Sadistic (default)
Lazy (default)
Creative (locked)
Indifferent
Slash (permanently locked)
Out of Character (locked)
REDD units are naturally sadistic and cruel, and will go out of their way to make everyone's day worse. Unless they have to go too far, in which they won't, as they are also incredibly lazy. Don't' expect them to be able to keep their promises if they involve work, or anything not related to yaoi.
REDD units were once installed with a Slash mode, but due to to many complaints by LIMEY owners about the 'seme/uke' title only being a joke, the program has now been permanently removed. Trust us, that's a very good thing. REDD units will also often cheat on you, running off with whomever is willing to draw them lots of gorgeous art. To unlock Out of Character mode, steal your REDD unit's computer for two weeks and feed her nothing but vegetables. Then you'll have a young, appropriate well mannered young lady.
Relations with other units
LIMEY: LIMEY and REDD units are two of a pair and part of the GAIANERD PLAYSET. They well constantly role-play with one another, call each other at the most ridiculous times of day, and laugh hysterically at others expense. Though great friends, they are not at all in any sense prominent slash pairings. Though your REDD unit will call any and all LIMEY units her ukes, this is just a playful title and means nothing. LIMEY units aren't fazed, as they know they can just do better anyway.
FRANK ARCHER: REDD units will pounce and declare that any and all FRANK ARCHER units walking buy are her sons and unofficially adopt them. Please encourage this behavior, or you'll wake up with a marker mustache. Please note that the REDD units will do this with the following units as well and demand that they all create hot steamy mansex: GREED, ZOLF J. KIMBLEY, LING, ROY MUSTANG.
Cleaning
The REDD unit is very independent, already ready to leave the house as soon as you've bought her. Which means she enjoys cleaning herself, bath time is a sanctuary personal space for your unit. Please do not attempt to wash your unit, but if you must please make sure you have creamy pale skin and unusual silver hair.
Feeding
Your REDD unit will need a constant intake of pizza, Mountain Dew, candies, and White cheddar Cheezits to fuel her extreme imagination tanks. If deprived of any of thee above your REDD unit can go into a potential hidden Lunatic Mode. This is irreversible, and your REDD will have to be replaced.
Rest
If your REDD is involved in role-playing with a LIMEY unit expect to hear the clicking of her keyboard even during the wee cracks of dawn. Do not fret, this is completely normal. Though it's suggested that your Greed should try and get at least eight hours of sleep every night. They won't enjoy your handcuffing them to their beds, though perhaps you can persuade the nearest GREED unit to do the job for you?
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: My REDD unit has become prissy and unproductive since I tried to open her Slash mode, what's wrong with her?
A: As said before REDD units have had a recent recall and their Slash modes deactivated. We know we know that you're dying to see little RIMEY kids running around but it's just not about to happen. Trying to active a deactivated mode in your UNIT can cause permanent damage, you'd be best to take your unit to a mechanic immediately.
Q: My REDD is being selfish, arrogant, and constantly insults me on a regular basic!
A: Well what do you expect, this is a REDD unit! These units are not meant for people whom are easily hurt or overly sensitive. Please keep an open mind. When your REDD calls you an idiot, it probably means something along the lines of I love you.
Q: Oh noes, my REDD unit computer has broken down. What should I do!?
A: Buy her a new one. IMMEDIATELY.
Writers Block
Problem: Your REDD has run out of art supplies, and you can't go off and get her more.
Solution: Calm your unit down with candies and delicious warm food, and tell her very clearly that she'll be getting new supplies as soon as she can. Remind her that the less time she draws the longer she can creative ingenious ideas for more art and fanfics.
Problem: You want your REDD to mate with other units, which ones?
Solution: It's suggested that you find yourself someone who owns, or buy one yourself, a FRANK ARCHER unit. Though a KIMBLEY or GREED unit will work just as well, FRANK ARCHERS and REDDS have the most in common and often mash together their better qualities and dull out their worst.
Problem: Your house has become over swamped with ROYARCH yaoi
Solution: Deal with it.
Final Note
After many long years of service, you will undoubtedly reach the end of your lifespan. Seeing as how your REDD is a certified annoying freak of nature, she'll live through out the rest of her long existence and pester and annoy your future descendents. Let's hope they enjoy yaoi.