The emergency room was a buzz of phones ringing and people talking way too quickly for Cassie to comprehend them all. People came in and out of her room, asking her various questions that she had already refused to answer. After all, she had told them when she came in that she was perfectly fine.
She thought about all this as she across from the person who was so desperately trying to get that information out her. The doctor sat in the chair closest to the bed, with his glasses off and thumb and forefinger pinching the bridge of his nose. He sighed deeply. "Miss Sandsmark," he began, "Please, just let me help you." He opened her chart up and quickly read the notes the previous shift doctors had taken from early. "It says here that you were found in your bathroom, correct? Covered in blood?" Silence. He sighed again and continued reading. "There are multiple cuts ranging from your wrist area to your shoulder on both of your arms."
Cassie looked down, partly to gaze at the damage she had done, and partly in shame. He wasn't judging her and she knew that, but she just couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye. So she sat there, scanning her arms for a moment. She lightly ran the pad of her pointer finger over one of the cuts that had needed stitches and shivered. Cassie sighed and nodded, about to open her mouth the answer the doctor this time as the curtain to the room was suddenly flung open to reveal a distressed looking Helena Sandsmark.
"Cassie!" She gasped and ran to the side of her hospital bed, almost plowing into the doctor in the process. "You're okay. Well, not okay...but you're here! They wouldn't let me see you, the nerve of them! I'm your own mother!"
"You're her mother?" The doctor asked startled as he cleaned his glasses off and put them back on. "My apologies, Miss. You should have been let in right when you had arrived. I haven't been able to get anything out of your daughter here, so let's go talk about a few things leading up to today, shall we?" He gestured to the curtain, but Helena looked at him skeptically, obviously reluctant to leave.
"I just got here! I am not leaving Cassie." She put her hand on her hip and gave him a defiant look. Cassie gave a small smile at her mother's disobedience and the doctor's surprised face.
"We'll stay with her, if that's okay." The smiled dropped and she let out a small gasp, terrified. No, no, no! She thought. How did they find out? Oh Gods...
The doctor turned around to the two uninvited guests. "And you would be?" he asked politely.
The girl offered a friendly smile and pointed to herself. "I'm Barbara Gordon, one of Cassie's best friends. And this is Timothy Drake, Cassie's boyfriend." She gestured over to Tim and frowned, as she had expected him to speak, not just nod and look away shyly. As he did he locked eyes with Cassie and raised his eyebrows. It was the first time he had seen her arms in the condition they were in. Cassie pulled up the blanket subconsciously.
"Very well," Helena sighed and turned to her daughter. "I trust that these two will take good care of you, but do not think for a minute you are getting out of having to talk through this with me." She kissed her daughter on the cheek and followed the doctor out of the room. Barbara closed the curtain and sat down net to Cassie timidly.
"Hey Cass, how ya feelin'?" Barbara asked with a small smile, but it was clear that she was concerned. She had worried etched all over her face. So did Tim, who decidedly kept quiet in the background. (A/N - remind you of anyone else we know? ^^;)
Cassie cleared her throat. "Okay." She winced. It was the first time she had talked in hours and it came out hoarse. She figured it was because of all the crying she had done the previous night, which was obvious to them all as her eyes were still a blotchy red and tears still stained her face.
"Okay? How can you be okay? You're sitting in the ER with stitches in your arms, Cassie. That is not what anyone calls okay." The outburst came so suddenly that both girls jumped a bit and Cassie looked down again in shame. Barbara gave him a disapproving look and Tim swallowed hard, balling up his fists to try to calm himself down. "Sorry," he murmured. "I'm just..."
"I know. I understand." Cassie cut him off. Tim looked up and she was giving him a small smile. That just made him more worried. He knew that she was just masking the pain. Honestly, they all knew. The proof showed on her arms. She had clearly been doing this to herself for a while; this is just the only time she's gotten…caught. They were all just too ignorant to notice the signs. Like her wearing a hoodie over her Wonder Girl suit on the field, and her arguing that she was too tired to go swimming that day. Barbara really felt bad, feeling that she should have known better when Cassie refused to use the girls shower room anymore and insisted on sleeping filthy. In all fairness, every one of them had missed it. It never actally came to mind that bubbly and beautiful Cassie Sandsmark could be hurting this much.
Barbara sighed and stood up, kicking softy at the hospital bed as she did. "I promised Nightwing and the others that I would call them as soon as I saw you were safe. I will be right back, I promise." She gave the younger girl a saddened look and kissed her forehead. Cassie smiled and told her to tell the team that she was okay and to stop worrying about her. Barbara nodded and turned to walk out of the room. Before leaving, she grabbed Tim's arm and whispered lowly into his ear so only he could hear, "Keep calm." She gave him another hard look and closed the curtain behind her. Tim let out the breath he'd been holding as he heard her footsteps fad away and sat down in the chair, staring Cassie right in the eye.
"Hi." She squeaked, unsure of what to say in such an awkward moment.
"Hey." He smiled at her warmly and put his hand over hers resting in her lap. Cassie was surprised, as she was sure that Tim would be fuming with anger by now. Instead, he just looked extremely sad. Broken even. "I just want to know," he started and then paused, not sure of how to continue asking his question. "Did you...were you trying...to kill yourself? Last night, when you...you did this." He gestured to her arms and she blushed profusely. Cassie played with her chords wrapped around her person and stared at her IV. Why did she do this? She hadn't meant to, actually. She really didn't have a good enough answer either. Not one he was sure to except, anyway.
Cassie bit her lip and looked up. "I don't know, Tim. I was just...sad." He looked at her with a confused look but she carried on. "It started back in January...even before we got together, so don't blame yourself, okay? Because I know that's what you're doing. I was just so depressed and tired of everything and I just wanted it to end. Everything got so damn hard. Keeping up with school, friends, and the superhero life became too much and I guess I just broke down. So, to answer your question...I wasn't really trying to kill myself, I just didn't care if it ended up happening that way or not." She swallowed roughly and waited for his reply, but it never came. Tim just kept his head down and held her hands tighter. Cassie was almost positive that he hated her and that he was disgusted with her so she was about to apologize…
"Never." He coughed. "Never think that. Cassie you mean so much to me." He looked up and Cassie was moved to see tears welling up in his eyes. "You mean so much to the team. It's okay to be depressed. You're not the only one who feels like that, you know. There are times when I get mad and upset and I feel like there is no way out, but then I think about Nightwing or Babs or the rest of my family...and I most always think of you." She smiled at the confession, her first genuine smile of the day, and he resumed. "Cassie, if you died, I don't think...I mean...I don't know how I would go on, honestly." She could tell he was holding back with what he really wanted to say, but she had gotten used to Tim being this way. He was raised by Batman, what more could she expect?
She sighed and squeezed his hands back. "Tim, I know I-"
"No you don't know, Cassie!" He yelled quickly. She jumped a little but kept quiet. "You don't what it's like to get a call at three in the morning saying that the person you love is in the hospital. You have no fucking clue all the things that ran through my mind. All the people we've ever gone up against - Joker, Bane, Ivy – all I could think about was which one of them I had to kill for hurting you. Damn it, I would've killed them all if I had to! Then, I come to the hospital...and they tell me the person who did this...is you...and all I can do is blame myself. I wasn't there and I should've been the one you could talk to, but you didn't feel comfortable doing that and that is my fault. This is my fault." He let his tears fall now onto his shirt and hid his face from her view, ashamed at letting her see him at such a venerable state.
Cassie looked at him incredulously, unknown to her how to react to her boyfriend's absurd confession. She took a deep breath and began, "Timothy Drake, this has absolutely nothing to do with you or the way I feel about you. I feel comfortable with you in every sense possible and I know I can come to you with anything. I just felt so fucking embarrassed, okay? I should have come to you. You know better than anyone what it's like to try to live up to such a great reputation like Diana or Donna's. I should have let you in and I didn't and that is my fault, Boy Wonder. Got it? Not yours. I just couldn't find a way to explain how I felt so hopeless to the one person that brought me the most hope. I didn't want to disappoint you." She shrunk back into the hospital bed, ready for this particular conversation to be over and done so she could just sleep all her regret away.
"Cassie..." Tim breathed softly. He drew his eyebrows together tightly and looked her in the eyes. "I could never be disappointed in you and you should never be ashamed of how you feel. Isn't that what you always have told me?" He had her there and they both knew it. Cassie giggled and put out her hand for him to hold again. Tim took it and gave it a squeeze, knowing that she understood. "I will always be here for you. No matter the time or the place, I'll come to you if you need me."
Cassie by no means wanted to cry anymore so she quickly wiped away the disobedient tears that were currently running down her face. She couldn't believe she had such a wonderful person in her life. Cassie, being as smart as she was, obviously knew that putting all of her faith and love and trust into a boy was not entirely smart. And she was almost positive that if Diana ever found out, she would be sent back to Olympus almost immediately. She had no other options though. She needed someone and he was there and she was in love. All that mattered right now was that Cassie had a reason to stay alive; a reason she had unbelievably written off last night. "I love you, Tim. I really do. Thank you." She sniffed and giggled again, wiping away more tears.
He smiled. "Always."