***Originally posted to livejournal many a moon ago.***
I.
It was dark in the Potions Master's office, though a sufficient number of lamps were lit. Something about the space gave the atmosphere itself a depressing sense of blackness. It could well have been the man himself.
Lupin didn't speak. Mostly, it was because he had nothing left to say to the man. Merlin only knew, he'd disliked him, but he had never felt anything quite so akin to abject disgust towards him, than he did at that moment. Lupin had known Severus Snape when he was Death Eater. Even then, he had felt a pained and vaguely guilty numbness towards him. Hate was for the strong, people like Sirius and apparently, Snape himself. Lupin found even his disgust could be more accurately described as disappointment.
He was pleased to have a second reason not to speak though, to do nothing at all in fact, besides place an empty goblet on Snape's desk and turn back to the door. Snape stood watching him. Even through his apparent rage, he could see the Werewolf was in bad shape from his transformation. Or more accurately, from Sirius' claws, just after his transformation.
Just as he reached the door, a sneering voice drawled from somewhere behind him.
"You didn't need to come down here to bring that back, Lupin, this would be your pathetic attempt to make me feel guilty. You're an idiot and you should be locked up for what you did, Dumbledore was a bloody fool."
He stayed silent once more. There was so much he wished he could say. He wanted to task him why, why a man as powerful, intelligent and successful as him had to hold such a grudge. Sirius was a broken man, kept alive by the power of unbreakable love for the only son of his late best friend. He himself was hardly a man to envy. He'd never liked Severus Snape, the man was cruel, but he had forgiven him for that. It was painful to realize the same wouldn't never be true in reverse. Severus would always be cruel.
He knew it wouldn't make any difference anyway. If he spoke, anything he said would confirm Snape's accusation, that he intended to make him feel guilty. The man credited him with rather too much forethought on the subject, in truth. He'd intended to give him back his stupid goblet, with his own stupid need for closure hidden inside, before he left in the hope of never seeing him again.
He was halfway back to his own office when he finally thought up a response.
"Goodbye, Severus."
It wasn't the goblet that was important after all, it was it's contents. He had briefly considered some kind of horrible painful toxin that would poison the air in the dungeon, but lacked the energy to entertain such nonsense for long.
Dumbledore had wanted him to leave something though and he'd said it was important. Even if he didn't understand why, one last act of trust for a man from whom he deserved none, seemed like the least he could do. In the end, he settled for a letter, shrunk down and hidden at the bottom of the goblet, so that by the time Snape found it he'd be long gone.
II.
On first discovering the miniaturised letter in the bottom of his goblet, Severus was severely tempted just to throw it in the fire. The one, single moment of satisfaction he'd gleamed from the unmitigated disaster that had transpired, was to rid Hogwarts of it's insufferable Werewolf invasion. Remus Lupin wasn't just any Werewolf either, some had the decency just to be repulsive creatures and have done with it.
Lupin was a bit like the Granger girl in that respect. Some Muggleborns would just have accepted their inferior status in the Wizarding World and had done with it, but not her. Granger devoted her life to knowing more, performing better and excelling over everyone else at her level, to prove blood meant nothing. Lupin had been exactly the same, never without a book or an impressive new spell, to prove even if only to himself and the odd other wizard who knew what he was, that his disease meant nothing either.
The pair of them were fools to themselves. Even if one had to accept at some point, blood elitism was foolish and utterly redundant given the Dark Lord himself was a Half Blood, it would never end general prejudice. One would be absolutely clutching at straws to imagine a Werewolf could be a normal person.
That particular Werewolf, covered his true nature with unending politeness and the inability to feel the extremes of emotion. Snape had never told him the truth, that of all the Marauders, he hated him the most. He had wished, more than once, that he had been the one Voldemort had sought out and killed. Then, he reasoned, he was never significant enough for that and besides, being the one left, three of his best friends brutally murdered and all directly or indirectly at the hands of his fourth best friend and hero, was almost sweeter revenge.
He didn't burn the letter, but he didn't read it, at least not at first. He couldn't stomach the simpering, apologetic explanation, the claims he understood and that he bore no grudge, the desperately transparent attempt to convince him of him and the murderer's story…
Something occurred to him suddenly and he felt a strange twinge of uncertainty.
…Dumbledore wasn't often wrong, after all…
III.
"Severus." Dumbledore commented evenly. He sounded slightly shorter of patience than normal. Severus guessed he wasn't happy with him for his 'accidental' slip up at breakfast.
"Lupin left me a letter, I thought you might want to read it." He said uncertainly, hovering near the doorway to the Headmaster's office.
Dumbledore regarded him thoughtfully. It was uncharacteristic of him to look so hesitant.
"Why, what does it say?"
"I haven't read it, I think you should…"
Maybe it was simple confusion which prevented the Headmaster questioning him further. Severus watched warily as he accio-d the parchment out of his hand and lay it flat on his desk. He held Severus' gaze, bushy silver eyebrows raised curiously, apparently not planning to oblige his request until he'd received a more satisfactory explanation. Or possibly, any explanation at all.
Severus squirmed in the doorway, using the total and formidable iron power of his will to remain entirely stoic on the surface. Dumbledore spoke again before he could become so uncomfortable he was forced to storm out in a dramatic billowing of robes.
"Severus, there's something you ought to know before anything else."
He expected Severus to protest immediately, guessing he was going to defend Lupin and Black's story. The other man stayed quiet, watching him intensely.
"…Sybil made another prediction, a real one."
Severus stood alert suddenly, dark eyes blazing. The last prediction made by the Trelawney woman had not bade well. The irony of a true Seer being at the same time such an affluent fraud was lost on him for the moment, a cold sting of dread threatening to strike.
"The Dark Lord will return to power, Severus, master and servant will be united once more. He will return. You may presume it refers to Sirius, it actually refers to Pettigrew, but for the moment that is not the truly important factor-"
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about-" Severus blurted out suddenly. He faltered as he realised he had made no suggestion he'd wanted to talk to Headmaster about anything.
"Why I wanted you to read Lupin's letter. I thought…Well it occurred to me…"
"Yes, Severus?" Dumbledore encouraged softly. The shortness had disappeared from his voice now, replaced with his usual and irritating twinkling benevolence. Severus never thought he'd be glad to see that.
Standing up straight and setting his jaw determinedly, he spoke in a calm, assured tone.
"If Black had been working for Voldemort all of those years ago, it seems probable I would have known about it. Black would not have had the cunning to go incognito on both sides, whereas it is entirely possible Pettigrew was just about cowardly enough. It would also be very like Black to think Pettigrew was insignificant beside himself."
It didn't hurt to say as much as he'd thought it would, in the end. He was admitting to believing Black and his loathsome werewolf had told the truth, but it didn't exactly make the Azkaban damaged swine sound good, which seemed to satisfy his bruised ego.
Dumbledore watched him contemplatively, a tiny smile playing about his lips.
"Thank you, Severus, you're right of course. Sirius made a grave mistake, though not, one would have to hope, grave enough as to warrant the kiss."
Severus gritted his teeth and stayed quiet.
"I am still entirely in the dark, however, as to why you would want me to read Remus' letter, it's addressed to you."
There was a twinkling afoot which Severus did not like. Not for the first time in the Headmaster's employment he felt he was being manipulated and could not work out how.
"Because I can think of nothing he could have to say to me besides simpering explanations and apologies and I don't want to hear it. Right about Black he may have been, accessory to Black's attempt at my life he was and werewolf he always will be. I thought you might want to check if any useful supporting evidence could be gleamed from it."
With a snarl and a swish of robes, he turned to leave. A quiet voice stopped him.
"Erm, Severus…I don't think this letter carries quite the erm…tone you may have expected."
"Meaning?" Severus demanded, one foot halfway out of the door, back still turned to the Headmaster.
"Well just at a glance I can see the words 'pigheaded dunderhead' and I don't think he's referring to himself…"
Severus spun back round as though stung. The Headmaster sounded surprised, for once it seemed the two were in agreement. For several long seconds, he merely glared at his employer as if daring him to lie to him. Lupin would never be so…unseemly.
Dumbledore smiled to himself as Severus strode over to his desk and snatched the parchment up himself. He had requested Remus leave something, anything, a token of his exit to Professor Snape. As though the world was already mounted on his shoulders and one last sacrifice of dignity couldn't hurt, Remus had agreed. Dumbledore had expected a quick note, something along the same lines as Severus had expected; a very Remus Lupin tone of self deprecation and regret. What he'd left was…not that.
Severus read silently, black eyes darting back and fourth across the page, flashing in what appeared to be an attempt to narrow in increasing anger while his brain seemed to want to make them widen in increasing surprise. He knew without looking up that Dumbledore was magically reading the parchment through the back along with him.
Dear Severus,
You're wrong, you're a fool and while you're enough of a vindictive, blind, pigheaded dunderhead to never regret anything anyway, you'll know one day. I have no doubt you won't be sorry.
Pettigrew is alive. He's the reason Lily and James are dead, not Sirius. Why would you care anyway, of all four of those people, you'd have acted equally belligerently towards them regardless of any order of roles. I don't know why I never questioned why exactly you'd be so eager to catch and duly punish the man you thought had murdered Peter Pettigrew anyway. You hated him too.
Dumbledore raised an eyebrow, impressed by Remus' observation. He was wrong of course and the increasing rage in Severus' face was understandable, but Remus wasn't to know that. He was after all, absolutely right in his claim, Pettigrew was alive and the true murdering traitor.
Well Sirius is innocent and while we're on the subject, I WAS NOT HELPING HIM
AND I WAS NOT IN ON HIS STUPID PRANK. He was sixteen years old, Severus, how old were YOU when you actually did kill for the first time?
Severus face turned white.
I hope you're basking in your achievement. I hope it really stung Dumbledore would rather hire a Werewolf with known associations with a convicted murderer, than give you the defence job. It might be like feeding rum fudge to an alcoholic, after all…You were right though, it was too dangerous having me there. I'd almost admire you if I believed for a moment you had any real concern for your students. As it is, I don't doubt you wished I had bitten one of the kids, then I'd really be in trouble and you'd have gotten
back at them too.
Looking at Severus now, Dumbledore was rather gratified he'd only asked Remus to leave something behind, rather than to give something to the Potions Master before he left. At the time he'd sought to allow the Werewolf to leave as quickly and with as much dignity as he could muster under the circumstances. He now rather thought Remus' life depended on his absence at that moment.
The loudest sound clanging in the silent office at that moment though, was the truth of every word. It was not literal truth. There were things Remus didn't know, parts of Snape's life, someone he'd loved and promises he'd made, which Remus had no way of understanding. In his reading of Severus and his attitude towards both the Marauders and his teaching job though, he was cuttingly accurate. It didn't sound as though he'd left much room for self deprecation as yet. Severus had said he didn't want to hear it though.
Harry Potter is not his father, but he's like him enough to be an admirable young man. You, you've experienced some and more of the horrors which haunt him, you could help him, but no, you'd rather stew in your own hateful bile and make him into a new version of James for you to hate. James is DEAD, Severus, just how much more punishment would you like him to take?
As for Sirius, he believes he is responsible for Lily and James' deaths, it was his idea to make Peter their secret keeper. We were all wrong, he spent twelve years in Azkaban for a murder he did not commit. The two of us would have done it yesterday, but Harry stopped us. Like father like son.
There was not a word there which could be argued with, Severus' hands were shaking with anger, but now one eyebrow had raised in indication he was impressed with Lupin's nerve, if indignant at his claims.
When Peter does find Voldemort and we have to fight him again, maybe seeing him at your old master's side will convince you he is alive and that you ordered Dementors to perform the Kiss on a innocent man.
Once again, Severus paled. Remus would never make jokes or accusations about his ex-Death Eater status, unless pushed beyond the edge. Apparently, one too many Werewolf prejudices had reached the ex-defence professor. He obviously considered the gloves to be well and truly off.
You're wrong and you're a fool.
As was I. It might amuse you to know I had two reasons for taking the DADA job this year.
One, I did not stop Sirius bringing James and Lily to harm, or so I thought, I wanted a chance to stop him doing the same to their son. Two, I thought it was time a stupid, pointless, null and void hatchet was buried once and for all.
Severus' raised eyebrow rose even higher, then something else cross his tight, sharp features as he read on. If Dumbledore didn't know better he'd say it looked remarkably like shame.
The mind boggles, but then, I wouldn't want to ask you "to fathom the way a werewolf's mind works".
Like a human's, actually, which is more than can be said for some of those.
Good luck and Goodbye,
Yours Faithfully,
Remus J. Lupin
The odd look deepened, now Dumbledore was certain there was something akin to regret in it, but tinted with his usual sneer this time.
P.S: Thank you for the Wolfsbane, it was flawless, every single month. Thank you also for the silver plated goblet, I did so enjoy decanting it every month. Also, throwing the potion straight back up again the month Harry was there and you made me drink it straight away.
That was not remotely childish.
There was a long, long pause.
Dumbledore stayed tactfully quiet.
"Right." Severus spat at long last.
"Right. Well we'll see whose childish won't we…we'll see about this…You say the Dark lord will be back, Headmaster? Well if and when, then he'll be bloody sorry won't he, no doubt I'll be needed again?"
"Possibly more so than last time, Severus. You'll be invaluable."
"Right."
With Severus' billowing robes swishing out of sight, down the marble staircase leading to his office, Dumbledore reached for a new piece of parchment.
Dear Remus,
It worked. Kindly tell Padfoot his offer will be gratefully accepted. When the time comes, all Hogwarts Order members will be ready.
A.P.W.B. Dumbledore.