Everything is cold. I cannot sleep. Without the steady breath fanning my face, it is not the same. I imagine his form beside me most of the time, so I do not lose all of my mind. But it is difficult, only his actual body would comfort me.
It was not fair, for Jay had promised that his techniques to have me age would work. That I would get older after my switches and wires shifted around. He was foolish, but... so was I. It wouldn't have mattered anyway, though, I suppose.
Jay had died mentally a little after the final battle. Everything had come down around me because of it. No one talked about it for my sake, but I knew they all wanted to. They would talk amongst themselves as Jay tinkered at some random creation. It never worked, but he only tossed it in the corner of his room to start again.
I would be beside him, hoping he would peer over at me, but the light had vanished. Something had happened to shut off his spark. Soon he began to stop wearing his ninja uniform, only allowing himself to be seen in sweats. It did not bother me, he was still the most perfect human in my opinion.
What used to cheer me up whenever I did not feel so good was that gorgeous laugh. That soon slowly became a snort, until it eventually disappeared.
Where had all the joy gone off to? It was if his entire life had ended already. Just like Jay had wanted. He had said so so many times, I had nearly lost track. Never directly, but I could tell.
I was not dense like most teenaged boys are believed to be. Perhaps he never meant to make me feel like I was, but I did. And also for the second time I felt completely helpless. First my father did not fight his second dance with death, then Jay decided not to either.
Because we could not exactly afford doctors unless there was an emergency, we decided not to look into Jay's lung issues. That was a great mistake. He had neglected to mention that he had been born with some unnamed condition. It was too late when Sensei finally put his foot down on getting Jay to a hospital. I believe the reason he died had to be my fault.
He would had lived if ice had not started forming in his lungs.
It would have been an empty livelihood, but perhaps I am selfish for wanting to stay around. Without his dimmest light I am nothing. Just some pathetic shell of a mechanical teenager.
The doctors were confused as to why there was ice within the chest. I had felt the wide eyes on my body as I shook with silent tears. Cuddling up to him at all times was what I loved. Not as much as the male himself, but I liked it nearly as much.
I ignored the other's condolences as we were forced to exit the room, having to leave my love in the care of strangers. Doctors were no different than any other human being as far as I was concerned. Not one of us were able to speak directly, thinking that silence would help Jay.
But the buildup of the formations in his lungs kept expanding. He would have had a couple weeks, maximum. The part that ruined it all was Jay did not know that fact. No one would tell him, not even the examiners. All that was shared was his soon death.
He was sent home, but I could not touch him without red hot guilt racing through me. Maybe I patted him lightly, but that ended up making him angry. He yelled at everyone, raising his voice to the obnoxious pitch we had all missed. But it was not even close to what we wanted. Close enough, we silently agreed.
Eventually he demanded to know why we were all treating him so delicately, after about the first week. Before I agreed to tell him, I went against my own command and took his hand. It was warm and lithe, causing me to squeeze it lightly. Not any harder, because he should at least have both hands to have.
We walked out, unable to stop. I remembered the previous walks, starting to tear up as Jay was alongside me, confused.
He spoke up, softly like usual sadly, "What's the matter?"
"You," I said plainly, causing him to tense up. But maybe I had wanted that. To call him out on it.
"I don't get it," he gave his choppy moment laugh, getting a wire to figuratively come loose in my mind.
I was then my rare side of frustrated, "I cannot believe you do not understand how serious this is. You will be dead in the next week, Jay. Ice has formed within your chest, and it will either keep growing until it reaches your heart..." Or something much too gory for detail... "Are you happy now?"
He was silent, then looked both ways. We were in the least busy part of the city. He grinned weakly up at me, nearly the old side of him I had fallen so deeply in love with. Jay connected our lips, shyly at first to lure me into more. I eagerly allowed it.
It wasn't until he started trying to make it deeper did I stop him, "No, I cannot..."
My lightning ninja sighed, then moved so he could hug around my chest strongly. He mumbled, "You're the only thing I'll miss, Zane... But I'm still really happy, I've been trying to fake happiness for everything else for so long..."
That night, he made sure we once again cuddled, and he was eager to talk. Just like all those months ago. Jay continued on about nothing, causing me to hold back tears. I seemed to have everything coming back to me. Eventually I figured the younger had fallen asleep in my protective arms.
Actually, the doctors had lied about the time we could have together... That I had wasted on worrying over nothing...
But enough with that talk, I have things to do. I checked the clock to find I had another sleepless night. Good. Now, if you excuse me, I have flowers to deliver to where my days are going to be spent everyday for the rest of my now meaningless existence.