DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Bleach or anything else associated with it.
Well, well, well... Here I went and did the unforgivable thing of starting another story while still not completing the previous ones... Hmmm...
Anyway, this one demanded (they all do, don't they?) to be written, so... Writing is like drugs, I concluded. When you write one story (or chapter), you'll have to write another.
Anyways, I can't believe no one came to this idea before me. Was the 'Aladdin parody episode' (that's how I call it) so lacking in inspiration? Or everybody except me jumped over it, because it's a filler? It's episode 287, if you're interested...
Still, as usual... I hope you enjoy what I've started.
ARABESQUE
Description: After failing to get the Snow Crystal, Ichigo and his friends-thieves decide to try again! This time, the trail will lead them to no other place then the Royal Palace, straight into the palm of Sultan Grimmjow and his (not-so) loyal entourage.
Pairings: GrimmIchi
Warnings: AU, slightly OOC, maybe slightly cheesy, fluff, slightly crack, possible mindf*, possible pathetic romance, and most definitely: exaggerated richness of our beloved Sultan
Genres: Romance, Comedy, Drama, Intrigue, Parody(?)
Music Recommendation: Hossam Ramzy, Orphaned Land, Tarkan (I'll add more if need be);
Grimmjow's Theme: Sehr Oyunik (The Magic in Your Eyes) by Hossam Ramzy - Ichigo's Theme: Hepsi Senin Mi? (Who Do you Think You Are?) by Tarkan
Somewhere in the desert, Ichigo, the leader of a small group of thieves, sneezed. He sneezed abruptly and loudly and in such a way that everybody around him flinched. Even the flames of the campfire flinched.
The 'everybody' included only three people (minus the fire), all of them members of Ichigo's group: Uryuu, Sado and Orihime.
"Sorry, people! I don't know what got into me."-said Ichigo, sniffing.
"Next time, please warn us first!"-answered Uryuu, dramatically placing a hand over his heart. He always had a comment on every thing Ichigo said.
"It's probably just the sand."-concluded Sado, a gentle giant of the group who never spoke much.
"You think?"- piped in Orihime-"Maybe it's the aliens!" Orihime always had weird ideas, and always tried to think positive.
"Uh, Orihime. People still aren't supposed to know about the aliens in this day and age."-reminded her Uryuu.
"Oh, is that so?"- she asked in bewilderment.
Ichigo stared at his friends with a smile. They were a strange lot, but he was happy to have them with him.
"Anyway, you're drawing us off topic."-said Uryuu, pushing his glasses up -"We were talking about the Snow Crystal."
Ichigo broke out of his stupor, and quickly rejoined the conversation.
"Yeah… Last time we tried to get it, the things didn't go so smoothly."- he said, slightly grumpy.
"Well, this time I have a genial plan that's bound to work!"- yelled Uryuu.
"Nobody was blaming you, Uryuu."-smiled Orihime. Sado nodded to show he agreed with Orihime.
"OK, let's hear what you have!"-said Ichigo rebelliously with a smug smile on his face, slightly teasing Uryuu. The hands he placed on his legs with his elbows in the air only amplified the effect.
With a nerve twitching in his temple, Uryuu started.
"Well, here's the plan: Were going to sneak into Urahara's mansion (as you already know, Urahara's a wealthy merchant who holds many incredible treasures in his possession), we're going to steal the Snow Crystal, and then we're going to sell it at an unreasonable price!" – he concluded in triumph with a grin on his face.
"And where's the genial plan in that?"-Ichigo frowned- "It's exactly the same as the last time!"-he hollered.
"But, that's exactly what's so genial about it!"-Uryuu tried to persuade him, stupidly maniacal grin on his face. He leaned into Ichigo's face. –"It's exactly the same as the plan from before! There's no way they're going to expect that!"
They stared at each other for a while; Ichigo frowning and Uryuu smirking.
"There's no way-…"-started Ichigo.
"OK! Let's cast a vote!"-yelled Uryuu, interrupting him and turning towards the other two.
"OI!"-Ichigo yelled.
"Who's up for this plan?!"-asked Uryuu loudly.
"Meeee!"-Orihime raised her hand.
"Muh."-Sado agreed, nodding.
"Wait, wait, wait! That's completely insane!"-said Ichigo.
"Oh, come on, Ichigo!"-Uryuu turned to him.- "Be a sport!"
"Yes, Ichigo! Be a sport!"-Orihime helped out.
Ichigo stared at them, frowning, for a couple of seconds.
"I'm going to go with this, right?"-he asked no one in particular.
IIIIIIIIIIIII
Using Bawabawa (also known as "The Giant Eel Posing as a Camel") they arrived quickly to the city of Karasaray, and then quickly and silently sneaked up to the beautiful mansion of the terribly rich merchant Urahara.
It is a beautiful residence with a giant garden, but since it pales in comparison with the Royal Palace (and because our heroes passed through it quickly and during the night), I won't even bother describing it.
Once inside, Ichigo and his friends had to move silently, while trying not to trigger any of the possible traps. They snuck in to the room where the Snow Crystal was supposed to be last time, with ease. The room was just like they remembered. Countless valuable art work, jewellery, weapons and jewels were placed in the exact same places. That old chest was also sitting at its old spot, right in the middle of the room.
This time, Ichigo sincerely hoped Uryuu's plan would work.
They approached the chest, and just like the last time, Uryuu picked the lock open. When they lifted the lid, they were in for quite the surprise. In a gush of confetti that showered them, there was Urahara jumping out of the chest, like a jack-in-the-box. Everybody screamed.
"Ta-daaaaah!"-Urahara yelled, with a silly smile on his face, fanning away at the air with his ridiculous feathered fan.
Almost instantly, Ichigo grabbed him by the collar.
"You crazy motherf-! I almost had a heart attack!"-he yelled.
Urahara kept on smiling.
"So terribly sorry, Mr. Burglar!" – he fanned at Ichigo with his fan- "Could you please unleash my coat? It's getting wrinkly."
Grudgingly, Ichigo complied.
"Good."-Urahara fanned himself, smiling.-"I see you've been robbing people again. Still after the Snow Crystal, are we?"
Nobody gave him the answer, just a lot of frowns.
"What game are you planning, old man?"-asked Ichigo-"Why aren't we arrested yet?"
"Well, that's an interesting story, actually!"-he started- "Seeing you're here, I take it you don't know?" The thieves looked at him curiously.
"I don't have the Snow Crystal."-he grinned at them-"At least, not anymore."
"What are you-?"-started Uryuu.
"The Vizier's people!"-yelled Urahara-"They came here and took away quite a bit of my treasure. Among all other things, the Snow Crystal, and a sword I treasured dearly. Said it was tax…"
He clasped his fan close, and pointed with it at Ichigo.
"So! Here's my proposition to you burglars: Return the sword to me, and take the Snow Crystal as your payment!" He smiled, and offered his hand to Ichigo.
"Do we have a deal?"
"Sounds good to me."-said Ichigo after eyeing Urahara's hand for a couple of seconds. He reached with his hand to shake with Urahara, when Uryuu held him off.
"You sure are a stingy fellow, wanting to return the tax they've taken. Isn't tax used to help the people?"-he eyed Urahara suspiciously.
Urahara smiled. "You're quite the naïve one. Do you really think so? Well, anyway, the way they did it was a straight out robbery. I get the feeling the Grand Vizier is in a mood for an undeserved promotion, if you get what I'm saying."
"That's impossible."-deadpanned Ichigo-"Isn't the Sultan the only one in the higher position than the Grand Vizier?"
Uryuu facepalmed.
"Ugh… I'll explain it to you later."-he patted Ichigo on the shoulder.
"So… Where is the Snow Crystal?"-asked Orihime politely.
"Well, that would be the Royal Treasury, of course."-smiled Urahara at her. At those words both Uryuu and Sado turned a bit blue in the face.
"Eeh~? So you want us to break into the Royal Treasury?"-asked Ichigo, than smirked. "Sounds interesting. We'll do it!"
Uryuu looked at him as if he had lost his mind.
"Ok, then."-smiled Urahara-"I'll trust in your capable hands! Mind you, there's no backing out now. If you flee, trust me, I'll know. Well, it's not like you'll be able to… I'll be off to bed then. I trust it you can find the exit?"- And with that, he was out of sight.
Uryuu stood with his mouth opened wide.
"Are you CRAZY?!"-he yelled at Ichigo. "Do you know what you just consent to do?"
Ichigo ignored him completely.
"Huh? I wonder why go through all the trouble of hiring us… Why couldn't he just walk up to the Sultan and ask his sword back?"-he wondered aloud.
Uryuu grabbed him by the shoulders, and positioned him so they were facing each other.
"That's because he's not crazy! Moreover, he's rather sly!"-he was growing bluer in the face with each second.-"Haven't you ever, EVER in your crazy, uninformed life even heard one, I say ONE, TINY rumour about his Royal Highness?"
"No."-deadpanned Ichigo.
Uryuu growled. "Then listen carefully! I'm about to draw out for you the amount of danger you've just placed us in."
Both Sado and Orihime closed in, as if to make sure every word Uryuu says will stay engraved deeply into their minds.
"It is said"-started Uryuu-"that his Majesty is a man like no other. They say he's a man that favours battle over women. It is rumoured that upon coming to power he, with his own hand, massacred the entire Royal harem which counted over hundred women. It is said he executes people by himself. It's said that he goes to war with neighbouring countries almost weekly. I even heard he exchanged his fiancée for a sabre. A sabre!"
"Eeh~… Some psycho."-said Ichigo barely interested.
"Were you listening?"-yelled Uryuu-"What would happen if we got caught? We would be killed! Even worse! Tortured, than killed!"
"Well, basically, what you're saying is that we just have to pay attention not to get caught."-concluded Ichigo, carefree- "It's as simple as that."
"You!"-Uryuu was nearly stomping from anger-"That's not simple at all! It's the Royal Treasury were speaking off! Can you even imagine how tight the security will be there?"
"Umm… Sorry to interrupt…"-Orihime piped in.-"But, what do the rumours say; what does the Sultan look like?" When Uryuu gave her a weird look, she added: "You know, so we can avoid him." She smiled.
He sighed; he already had decided to answer her.
"Well, I've never seen him myself, but rumours say that he's tall and irregularly strong. They say his teeth are sharp as those of a wild animal. The rumours also say that his hair is the colour of the sky…"
"Sky?!"-Ichigo repeated in bewilderment.
"Yes, sky. Don't interrupt!"-Ishida spat at him, and resumed his talking: "And I've heard his gaze is so strong it simply smothers you when he looks at you. People say nobody can look him in the eye. The rumours say his voice is rough and loud as thunder…"
Just when Uryuu was starting to be engulfed into his rumours, Ichigo laughed.
"I think your rumours are as true as a fairy tale! They're just rumours, so cut it out. We're gonna go in and out, and nobody's gonna notice us. We just have to be cautious. Now come, we have to take a rest before we start planning out the break in."
And that he started towards the exit. Sado and Orihime followed suit.
"Mark my words, Ichigo. You're going to regret this."-said Uryuu to himself and went after them.
And so endeth the chapter 1... I hope you enjoyed and are going to review. I have terrible computer problems.. I hope it'll get fixed soon...