Disclaimer: I make no money from this. Hasbro owns the characters, I just borrow them for awhile.
For those following Ancients Made Anew, fear not. I have not stopped writing it. I found myself stumped on a scene and decided to clear my mind with this drabble.
Inspiration for this came from a bin of funny button pins at work. When I read this one, I could almost hear Red Alert saying it.
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Chapter 1 - "Stress is the glue that holds me together."
"Now Red, try to relax."
"Don't tell me to relax! Stress is the glue that holds me together!"
Inferno sighed threw his vents. He'd only stepped out of the Security Hub for ten Earth minutes to get his and Red Alert's energon rations. When he'd left, the Security Officer was hunched over his monitors, muttering to himself about updating the cameras on the south face of the mountain and twitching just slightly. For Red Alert, that was as near to peaceful bliss as he got.
When he returned, Red Alert was no where to be seen. For a moment Inferno had worried that he had run off after someone for acting suspiciously. Then he had heard a panicked whimper from the supply closet. When he knocked on the door, Red had screamed something about ears and, from the sound of it, proceeded to pile everything in the closet against the door.
Slag it all, he'd only left for ten minutes.
"Red, what's the matter?"
"Ears, Inferno! Ears!"
Running a hand over his face, Inferno sighed again, "What?"
"The walls have ears! I overheard Spike telling Bumblebee something and when Jazz walked by he said, "Shhh, the walls have ears."
Inferno groaned softly, "Oh Primus."
What sounded like several spare cameras clattered to the floor inside the closet, "They're everywhere. Ears in every wall! How could I have missed them? They've been listening to everything for Primus knows how long! Years of security progress for what? Worthless, useless, all of it. They're everywhere!"
"Now, Red, " Inferno used his patented "Calm the Crazy Bot" voice that always seemed to work on Red Alert, "We've gone over the Arc dozens of times. We've checked every nook and cranny of this place from top to bottom, right?"
"Yeah." came Red's muffled voice.
"We've done scan after scan, test after test and to this day, not one Con plot to gain intel on us has gone undetected for more then a day, right?"
"Yeah." Red was sounding a bit calmer.
"Besides, what could they possibly learn from listening to us in the wash rack? That Sunstreaker and Tracks secretly scrub each other's backplates? Or Medbay? Are they trying to learn Ratchet's recipe for turning medical grade energon into high grade?" Inferno might not be able to see Red, but he could tell he was getting to the Security Officer when he heard a nervous chuckle. "And Red, what could they possibly learn from bugging your closet?"
A moment of silence before... "Ahhhh!"
The door of the closet burst open, a small mound of cameras, wires and other assorted bits tumbled out as Red Alert launched himself at Inferno. Screaming at the top of his vocalizer, Red Alert scaled Inferno's chest and crouched on his shoulder guard.
"Slag it all, so close." Growled Inferno as he tried to get a grip on his wriggling friend. Managing to get a hand hold on Red's backplates, Inferno held on as he marched out of the Security Hub and towards Medbay. Spotting Cliffjumper heading his way, Inferno paused.
"No need, I'm on it." said Cliffjumper, knowing full well the standard protocol for when Red had one of his fits. First Bot not on duty to cross Inferno's path was drafted into monitor duty until Red was cleared by Ratchet.
Nodding, Inferno marched on, Red Alert held to his shoulder and ignoring any curious looks from his fellow Autobots.
Cliffjumper just shook his head and headed for the Security Hub, wondering to himself what had set Red Alert off and why he was screaming about ears?
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Notes: Poor Red Alert, he's so easy to tease. Reviews are lovely, so are follows.