The REAL Story of Apple Bloom's Cuite MArk (Enhanced Version)
Chapter 1 Novemebr
It was a wonderful night in November, and Apple Bloom was headed to the closest GameStop she could find, which sadly for her was at The Carousel Centere in Syracuse. It was the midnight release of Call of Duty: Black Ops II. She was very excited. She wanted to earn her cutie mark in quick scoping. She had attempted this in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3, but that game was really bad and was hated by every pony in Equestria. It was so bad, that even Twilight Sparkle hated it. Cadence even banned it from the Crystal Empire. It was almost zero dark hundred, and that meant that she would get her game and her cutie mark in quick scoping.
When she got to the front of the store she said "One Copy of Call of Duty Black Ops II please!" "Okay what console?" asked the clerk. "PS2" said Apple Bloom. "Sorry we don't sell that for PS2 but we have it for PS3, Xbox 360 and Wii U, but it sucks on Wii U" said the clerk. "Okay I will get it for PS3 then" said Apple Bloom. "No you won't. I want it." said a mysterious voice. Apple Bloom and the clerk turned around only to see Princess Luna standing there. "I want the PS3 copy." said Luna. "Okay your highness" said the clerk. "Wait, but I was here 1st" said Apple Bloom. "I am princess so ha I get it first" said Luna. "Here's the last one princes" said the clerk. "Haha I get the last one now you have to get the Wii u version haha. You suck". As she walked out of the store Apple Bloom asked the clerk if they had anymore. "No, but the Manehatten store might" said the clerk. "Are you kidding me?! That is like 100,000 miles away form here! I'm not a alicorn like Twilight! I can't fly!" said Apple Bloom. "Too bad take a car" said the clerk. "We don't have cars here and I obviously don't know how to drive" said Apple Bloom. "Oh I'm sorry" said the clerk. As apple bloom walked out on the streets of Syracuse, she spotted a homeless man.
She want up to the homeless guy and said "Hey do you have any copies of Black Ops II for the PS3 on you? I need to earn my cutie mark in quick scoping. Help me and I will pay you half a bit" she said. "Black ops what the hell are you talking about?" said the guy. "I will pay you half a bit for Black Ops II!" said Apple Bloom. The homeless guy said "I don't know what your talking about." The homeless man the proceeded to mug apple bloom, taking all of her money she brought to but her copy of Black Ops II and he made her over dose on ibuprofen and left her in a dumpster. At this point, it was 5 am and this is not a very good time to be roaming the streets of Syracuse alone.
She decided to go to Utica instead. She reached Utica by 10 am. She wandered to Sangertown Square mall and when she got there, she ran to center court looking to go to GameStop only to find it had been replaced by Accessorize. She was pissed, so she ran inside the store and yelled "WHERE IS MY GAMESTOP I NEED MY BLACK OPS 2 FOR MY CUTIEMARK IN QUICK SCOPING GIVE ME GAME!" Apple bloom did not know what she was saying, for she had no money since that homeless guy mugged her in Syracuse. The sales lady said "GameStop moved out last week. You can find them in Consumer Square in New Hartford." "OK I WILL GO THERE NOW THANK YOU AN FUK YOU FOR TAKING GAMESTOP AWAY HAVE A NICE DAY!" yelled Apple Bloom as she stormed out of the store.
She rad down the street to Consumer Square. She burst into GameStop, only to find Twilight, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, her sister, and Pinkie Pie all buying PS3 copies of Black Ops II. "Hey what are you doing here Apple Bloom? I thought you were at the Carousel Centere in Syracuse" said Twilight. "I was, but Luna stole the last copy and after that a homeless guy mugged me, stole my money, and made me overdose on ibuprofen" said Apple Bloom. "Oh, well that sounds like fun!" said Twilight. Apple Jack said "Well do you need money for Black Ops II because Luna stole the last copy and that guy stole your money?" "Yeah I do thanks for asking sista" sai Apple Bloom. "No problem. I'm picking it up for Xbox 360. I just hope MinnesotaBurns won't troll me again like last time. Oh Celestia that was embarrassing!" said Apple Jack. "Okay thank you and good luck to all of you guys on the game!" said Apple Bloom. "Thanks!" everyone said as Apple Bloom began to walk towards the counter. When Apple Bloom approached the counter, she ask the clerk for Black Ops II. "Here you go. That will be 67 bits please" Said the clerk. "Okay here you go" said Apple Bloom. "Thank you enjoy your game!" said the clerk.
As Apple Bloom walked out, Princess Cadence and her husband, Prince Shiny Armor walked in. "Well hello Apple Bloom! Did you pick up your copy of Black Ops II today?" asked Cadence. "Yeah I did. It will be awesome. I will earn my quick scoping mark in no time!" said Apple Bloom. "I'm getting mine, too. I hope to play later with OpTic_Luna" said Cadence. "Okay maybe I will see you in some lobbies later or something. Gotta run see you later. I love you Shining Armor. What? Who said that? Wasn't me. Okay bye now." said Apple Bloom as she walked awkwardly out of the store. Cadence and Shining Armor looked at each other oddly. One may have thought they were going to go down right there on that table with the clearance Xbox games on it. Then Equestria would know how Princess Skyla was conceived. But, sadly that won't happen in this fan fiction. Well, maybe, I dunno, I haven't decided yet. Apple Bloom ran home and put the game in to her PlayStation 3. She got on, but it had to update. "Okay, it just needs to update then I can get a quick scoping mark." said Apple Bloom. An hour had past, and finally the game was playable. She got online and leveled up slightly, but then she noticed somebody in the lobby she recognized: It was OpTic_Luna
Chapter 2 OpTic_Luna
OpTic_Luna was in the lobby joined by OpTic_Cadence, OpTic_Twilight, and OpTic_Celestia. "Well well well, you actually found a store that had a game in stock? I though I made sure all games that you wanted were destroyed" said Luna. "I will quick scope you so hard that you will rage quit and take your game out and throw it in the toilet" said Apple Bloom. "We shall see about that little one. Cadence? What is up with you mic?" said Luna. Everybody was silent, and they could here strange, sexual noises coming form the mic. "Cadence? Are you there? Are you being attacked?!" asked Twilight. "Ohhhh Ohhh yeah yeah that's it give it to me harder shining ohhh yeah just like that ohhhh" said Cadence into here mic. Someone in the lobby screamed out "Dayyyyum she making children in that crib!" "Cadenece, are you and Shining Armor making Princess Skyla? That wasn't supposed to happen until season 4!" yelled Celestia. "Oh well, let us just play along." said Luna. The game started. The strange sounds from Cadence's mic still continued throughout the game. "I will kill you!" said Apple Bloom. "We shall see about that." said Luna.
The game started. OpTic_Luna was using the diamond DSR with a variable zoom sight. She obviously hacked because she needs to get all the guns in that class gold and the weren't. But she was Princess, so fuck it, she makes the rules. Apple Bloom chose the Balista with no attachments because she just unlocked it and had no weapon XP. The game went on for the maximum aloud amount of time a TDM could last. The game ended with a score of Luna 30-0 and Apple Bloom 0-30. "Hahahahaha you suck so bad! I 360d you so many times! lol you can't even figure out how to hold the controller can you?" boasted Luna. "Well duh, I ain't a unicorn or alicorn like you guys" said Apple Bloom. "Then you can't play because you can't hold the controller. Haha you will never get a cutie mark in quick scoping! you suck. By the way, I payed the homeless guy to mug you in Syracuse, and I gave him the ibuprofen!" said Luna. "Why did you do that?" asked Apple Bloom. "Because, there can be only one pony with the talent of quick scoping, and that pony, will be ME!" proclaimed Luna in the Royal Canterlot Voice. "Oh okay. Then I will go train a lot harder." said apple Bloom. "Yeah okay, whatever you go do that you will still suck really really badly." said Luna. "Well see about that!" said Apple Bloom.
She turned off her PlayStation and went to Twilight Sparkle's house. "Twilight, can you make me good at Black Ops II?" asked Apple Bloom desperately. "Yes, but you need hands. I think I have a spell that will grant you hands. Then you can quick scope squares around Luna." said Twilight. "Okay. And by the way, what the hell are hands?" asked Apple Bloom. "Hands are a mystical thing used by humans to control things like iPhones, computers, and PlayStation3 controllers." explained Twilight. "Oh okay. I have a Galaxy S3, so can I use hands on that too?" asked Apple Bloom. "Yeah it doesn't matter." said Twilight. "Okay. So what is this magical spell that will give me hands?" asked Apple Bloom. "It goes a little something like this:"
~Humans use hand and nothing else,~
~Ponies use magics and nothing less,~
~But if ponies want hands,~
~they have to join a marching band,~
~I the band is not joined, ~
~then hands will not be owned.~
"That is the spell all you need now is to join a marching band" said Twilight. "Where can I find one of those?" asked Apple Bloom. "Canterlot has one, but you have to go meet Octavia at the Clam to get accepted into it." said Twilight. "The Clam? What is the Clam?" asked Apple Bloom. "The Clam is the biggest outdoor concert hall in all of Equestria. It is called the Clam because in is made out of clams from Cloudsdale!" said Twilight. "That is cool. I've never had a clam before. Are they any good?" asked Apple Bloom. "Clam Chowder is good, but only if it is white and my uncle makes it. Any other is terrible." said Twilight. "I will have your uncle make me clam chowder one day." said Apple Bloom. "I will tell him to send you his super secret family recipe." "Thanks Twilight." said Apple Bloom as she headed out of the library into the sunset towards Canterlot to meet Octavia at the Clam.
Chapter 3 The Canterlot Royal Marching Band At The Clam
When Apple Bloom got to Canterlot, she asked a pony where the Clam was. They said it was in the middle of town. Apple Bloom said "Thank you. I have to go there now and Meet Octavia." "I am Octaiva. What do you want little one?" "I want to join The Canterlot Royal Marching Band so Twilight's spell can be completed, and I can get hands." "Why would you ever want hands?" "I need hands to defeat OpTic_Luna in Black OpsII so I can get my quick scoping cutie mark! " proclaimed Apple Bloom. :I see. You can join the marching band. What do you play?" asked Octavia. "I play uhhhhh..." as Apple Bloom thought of what she could play, it hit her: she couldn't play any instruments. "II play the spoons." she said to Octavia. "The spoons you say? Great. We are in great need of a good spoons player. You are in. Meet me at the Clam in half an hour." said Octavia. "Okay, I will be there. Thank you so very much." But then another thing hit Apple Bloom: she could not play the spoons.
She went to the nearest restaurant and requested two spoons. "You have to order something to get spoons ma'm." said the waiter. "Fine. I will have the Endless Pasta Dish please." "Okay right this way ma'm." Thank Celestia Canterlot got an Olive Garden recently. thought Apple Bloom. After about 5 minuets, the Endless Pasta Dish arrived. "You cannot leave until you finish the dish, that is our policy and it is on the contract you signed." said the waiter. "Whatever, I will eat it all." But yet again, Apple Bloom had another thought: It is called endless for a reason. The dish would never be empty. Therefore, she could never leave the Olive Garden. She took the spoons and began looking for a way out. She went to the bathroom and thought of what to do. She then saw an open window. She jumped through it and escaped Olive Garden safely(Input Final Fantasy theme here) she then said to her self "Okay I have to find someone who can play the spoons quickly I only have 45 minuets left."
She went to down town and held up a sign that said "Spoons Teacher Wanted" She then got a snooty guy who approached her. "Are you interested in learning the ways of the spoons?" asked the man in a very, proper New York style voice. "Yeah, I am." said Apple Bloom. "Okay, very well then. We will start with something simple: Follow after me: We shall play The Super Pony Sisters theme song. Okay, ready go." Apple Bloom could not believe she was actually playing the spoons. "That is wonderful!" said the man. "Lest's try something a little harder. More than a Felling by Boston. Do you know that one?" asked the man. "Yeah I do. That is my big brother, Big Mac's favorite song." said Apple Bloom. "Okay then. Let's begin." Again, Apple Bloom played the song flawlessly. "Well, you are a natural born spoons player my dear." said the man. "Let us try one more song." said the man. "California Girls by Katy Perry. You know that one I presume?" said the man. "Of Course I do" said Apple Bloom. I fell in love with that guy down the street that nopony really knows listening to this song." said Apple Bloom. Can you guess what happened? She Played it so well, her spoons burst into flames. She now had to go to the nearest spoons store to buy flame proof spoons so that this would not happen when she was marching in the band. "Take care little one and take these." He presented her with Nike Hyper Dunks. "These are the new Nike Hyper Dunks. They are perfect for marching." "Thank you kind sir. I have to be on my way now." said Apple Bloom.
Apple Bloom had to go to the Clam now to meet Octavia and try out and show off her spoon skills. "Okay little one, show me what you've got." said Octavia. Apple bloom decided to play Under Pressure by Queen. She played them so well, Octavia fainted and payed her 100 bits to join the Royal Canterlot Marching Band. Octavia asked her to play one more song, so she did. She played All Star by Smash Mouth. Again, Octavia payed her DOUBLE to join the marching band. 200 bits is like more than Bill Gates in USD. She needed to march in the band to receive hands, so she went to Ponyville to make Rarity make her a marching uniform.
Chapter 4 The Clam Part 2
Apple Bloom marched right over to Carousel Boutique. When she got in, she screamed "Hey Rarity! Can you make me a marching band uniform so Twilight's spell can be completed and I can get hands and I can beat OpTic_Luna in a quick scope match and I can get my cutie mark in quick scoping?" asked Apple Bloom. "Yeah sure okay whatever. What color do you want it to be?" asked Rarity in a voice that sounded like she could care less about the uniform. "I would like it to be Blue and White. And make it match my Nike Hyper Dunks please." said Apple Bloom. "Okay sure whatever." said Rarity. "Where the hell did you get those Hyper Dunks? They are like the best shoes ever. You know what, never mind That doesn't matter." said Rarity. "Rarity can I ask you a question?" "Sure." "Is your sister a robot?" "Yeah probably. I dunno and don't really care." said Rarity. "She keeps calling the Cutie Mark Crusaders "Friendship Acquisition Program". That is something a robot would, say don't you think so?" asked Apple Bloom. "Yeah probably. I guess. Kinda a bit. Not really." said Rarity. "Your uniform will be done soon so please go bother someone else like Rainbow Dash or Pinkie Pie." said Rarity. "all righty then," said Apple Bloom. "And by the way, how is Brad doing?" asked Apple Bloom. "Oh he is good, but he keeps dressing up like Nicholas Cage and it is hella annoying. Now go, I must be alone with my work!" said Rarity. "Fine bye then." said Apple Bloom.
I wonder where Rainbow is. She owes me 7 bits for that bet I won. "Hey Rainbow Dash you owe me 7 bits because we bet on that race and I bet a Pimp Named Slick Back would hit Chris-tall harder. You lost can I have my 7 bits now please?" asked Apple Bloom. "Sure whatever. Here ya go kid stay awesome!" said Rainbow. "Okay thank you Rainbow! Better go check on my uniform now."
"Rarity is it done yet" " Yeah I just finished. Here wear the Nike Elites with those Hyper Dunks." "Okay thanks will do. I have to be at the Clam now by." "Okay by see ya later. Tell Sweetie Belle she is smaller than me." "Okay will do." Now to get to the Clam.
"Hey Octavia I'm ready to march!" said Apple Bloom. "Okay Apple Bloom. Please go into section with the spoon players. Oh wait, never mind. You are the only spoons player so just go where ever you want to." said Octavia. "Okay.: said Apple Bloom. "Listen up everypony!" yelledd Octavia. "We are ready to march to Canterlot Castle now for Twilight Sparkles Incoronation. We will be leaving very soon so everypony get your instruments ready and music together. we will be marching in 15 minuets!" said Octavia to every musician in the building. There was a lot of people there. Must have been about ten.
"Octavia, what does a marching band do exactly?" asked Apple Bloom. "Well little one, we march down to a special location, play music on the way there, spin flags, throw candy at people, and annoy the hell out of anyone who is watching us. We also play music." said Octavia. "Wow that sounds hella fun Octavia." said Apple Bloom. "It is little one, it is hella fun indeed." said Octavia.
Chapter 5 The March
"All right everypony, we shall begin the march now." said Octavia. "We will start off with She Looks Like Sex by Mike Posner first, and then Dynamite by Taio Cruz. Then to top it all off, we will end with Friday by Rebbeca Black." "Oh come on! That song totally sucks! I don't want to die today Mrs. Octavia." said one pony. "Deal with it." "Fine, be a bitch then. See if I care. Just to let you know, your not invited to the funeral." They stated to march. Sadly, half way through the march to the castle, two of the flag spinners died in a serious accident. When the band started playing Friday, a riot broke out in down town Canterlot. Many of the preformers died in a severe marching band accident caused by the riot. About 8 ponies were killed and the Canterlot Royal Guard was called in to take care of the matter. Sadly, this wasnt enough. Many of the Guards were killed. The riot lasted for a whole 6 minuets. "Oh Celestia why did these lives have to end this way!?" screamed one pony. Her husband must have gotten killed in the riot or something. Who the hell knows. After that, Apple Bloom and Octavia were the only ones who survived the riot and the only ones who made it to the Castle to meet Princess Sparkle.
"Welcome to my castle guys! There are cookies and punch by the door!" said Twilight. "Thank you Twilight." Right when Apple Bloom said these words, a sprout of light showed around her hooves, or should I say hands. "Oh yeah, I totally forgot about those Apple Bloom. Those only last an hour, so use them wisely." said Twilight. "Sure whatever. Thank you so much Twilight!" said Apple Bloom. "I will still stay for the party for a bit and maybe I can play some golf finally, or maybe I can make lasagna, or a cake, or or I can do ANYTHING!" said Apple Bloom. "Okay, all of us unicorns will go play some mini golf with you. Come on guys ,let's go!" said Twilight.
Oh no, she can beat me in Black Ops II now with those hands, I must stall her in a game of mini golf thought Luna. Then, that is what I shall do. Should I kill her? No, that's not harsh enough. Torture her? Eh, maybe. Make her overdose on ibprofen? Oh, wait, already did that hehe. Hmmmmmm. I don't know. I'll think of something I'm sure of it. I am the Great and Powerful TRIXIEEE! Er, no wait. I'm Night MareMoon! Wait, that is still wrong. Geez, who the FUCK AM I? Oh, wait, I know. I'm PRINCESS LUNA!
Chapter 6 Mini Golf
Twilight, Cadence, Shiny Armor, Celestia, Apple Bloom, and Luna all went to Canterlot Mini Put-Put golf course to test out Apple Blooms new hands. "Wow Apple Bloom, those hands sure are cool. I'll bet your awesome at golf!" said Luna. "I know I'm awesome I don't need you to tell me and I know your trying to stall me so I can't beat you in a quick scope match." said Apple Bloom. "But how did you know? I thinked it!" yelled Luna. "Hands give any ponies the ability to read minds" said Apple Bloom. "Okay let's play some golf!" said Twilight.
The 6 ponies played all 18 holes of golf at Canterlot Mini Put-Put. It was very fun, accept there was a few courses that required unicorn magic or level 10 plus Gypsy magic to teleport the ball across the water. Apple Bloom was only level 7, so she couldn't do it. She still beat everyone anyways.
"Hey everyone, let's go eat a snow cone and a roasted wiener over at these neat stands!" said Cadence. 'Sure thing Cadence, and by the way, what happened earlier on the mic?" asked Twilight. "Oh nothing, me and Shiny were getting funky if you know what I mean. We made Princess Skyla today. She will be here by Season 4." said Cadence. "That is great! I can't wait! Flash Century is felling unloved what should I do about it girl?" asked Twilight. "Well, you should use this. It was my mothers. She would want you to have it even though she never really met you at all because she didn't even know you, but still I bet she wanted you to have it because she was just that awesome." said Cadence. "All right, I'll take it. But what is it?" asked Twilight. "It is pony lingerie. It will spice up your loved life with him for sure, and you will be having sex with him on the mic over PS3 Black Ops II in no time!" said Cadence. "Gee, thanks! I can't wait to try it on! Flash will love it!" said Twilight.
After that uh...er..."lesson"... they all got their snow cones and roasted wieners. Apple Bloom sadly forgot she has peanut allergies. You see, the ice for the snow cones was made in the same factory that JIF Peanut Butter is made in. This contaminated the ice with little to no traces of peanuts. When apple Bloom ate that first bite of the snow cone, her face swelled up like a fat guy after he had like 60 Big Macs and 70 Whopper, and this was bad because she was gonna start High School at Whitesboro Highs School in a week. Now all of the Seniors will make fun of her because she is a stupid little Freshman with a facial problem and peanut allergies. After her face swelled up, she went into a seizure shortly after. Everypony thought she was trying to popularize a new dance move that she herself had developed at some Stag Party in Las Pegasus after she drank like a keg of cider. So, naturally, everypony joined in on the random sounds and jitters she was making on the floor. After that, she went into a comma. She was in said comma for about 8 years. What kind of friends just do a seizure with you? Or don't even visit you when your in a comma in a hospital.
After that Apple Bloom challenged OpTic_Luna to a quick scope. Luna said "Okay I will quick scope you when we get back. Be on at 3:68 sharp." "Okay, will do!" said Apple Bloom.
Chapter 7 THE FINAL BATTLE!
It was 3:68 sharp, and OpTic_Luna and AppleKA-BOOM quick scoped. It was very very very very very very close. So close, that 7 other battles had to be done because the skills of these two ponies were so evenly matched. At the end of the 7th epic battle, it was decided right then and there. AppleKA-BOOM beat OpTic_Luna 30-29 to 29-30. Luna rage quit and used some uh...how does one put this...um...oh I know "colorful" language. She threw her game in the toilet and took a heaping shit on it. She never played the game ever again. Now, what you would expect to happen, doesn't happen.
Apple Bloom's hand spell wore off. She looked at her ass only to see that it was blank. "What? I beat OpTic_Luna! I have to be the best quick scoper ever!" said Apple Bloom. "Wait a sec she thought. My talent isn't quick scoping, It's obviously Mini Golf!" "No Apple Bloom, it isn't." "What? Who said that? Is that you Jesus?" said she. "No you idiot. It is I, the writer. Your talent is obvious. You are a "NATURAL BORN" this?" "I'm a natural born quick scoper!" she yelled. "No! Your a spoons player!" "Oh yeah! I forgot how fucking god like I was at that shit!" said she. And at this moment, a flash of bright light lit up her ass. It was a picture of spoons. Her talent was being a spoons player. "Gee willikers! I got my cutie mark! Too bad Scootaloo and Sweetie Bot don't have their's yet..."
"Hey Apple Bloom!" She swung her head around and saw to familiar figures standing there. it was Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo! "We got our marks, too!" said Scoot. "Really? What are they?" Apple Bloom asked. "I got a bucket of KFC and Sweetie Belle's is a...uh... ya know, I actually have no clue what the fuck that is." "It is an "R"." said Sweetie Belle. "What the hell does "R" stand for?" asked Apple Bloom. "It stands for ROBOT. I am a Robot after all. You guys are so fucking dumb .I can't believe after like a whole season, you couldn't tell." said Sweetie Bot. "What is a Robot?" asked both Scootaloo and Apple Bloom. "Ugh, never mind! My talent is making evil plots to kill everypony in Equestria! It is in my programming! I can;t control the urges!" And with that I end my story. Now all you guys know what The CMC's marks will be in season 4 and just how they get them. And yeah, there were some spoilers but oh well. Well, actually this whole story is a spoiler because it tells you exactly down to every last word how the CMC's got their cutie marks. Oh, and DigiBrony, ANALYZE THIS!
THE END