Disclaimer: I own nothing in this story, other than Renee d'Orleans and made-up memories.
Sometimes, I hate him for what he did. Others, I envied him, he having more courage than I could ever have. He never was their puppet, as I was. They could never control him. He was like a whirlwind, unpredictable, tempermental, full of rage, reaking havoc, never to be harnessed by mere men. Mother and Father were proud and annoyed of his stubborness, their heir being so unagreeable to their ideas, the traditions and rules they had been raised on. What a good Slytherin he would've made, they said, and I knew it was true. He was better than I ever was, would be more than I could ever think of being. I remember when I started going to Hogwarts, and I would be followed by other Slytherins. I was the new Prince of Slytherin, and everyone listened to me, for the Blacks were a group of persons you didn't want to get on the bad side of. Bellatrix always emphasized that fact, Narcissa believing the same. He was with his group of friends, the Marauders they called themselves. When I seen him, I was awestruck. He looked so happy, so care-free...Not at all how he looked at home, angry and full of apathy towards our parents. He stopped cold when he seen me, and his friends gave him an odd look. Go on, he told them. They listened, shrugging off his odd behavior. My followers or friends, I was never sure what they were, were given a cold look by me, instantly sending them off in the opposite of the direction the Marauders went.
"Regulus." he said gently, as if trying to pick out his words carefully. His face didn't give off any apparent emotions, he still guarded that well around me, but I was starting to figure him out, no matter how much of an enigma he was to the rest of our family.
"Sirius. How are you?" I asked, the aquired pleasentries I had learned from an early age seeping once more. He flinched slightly outwardly, I flinching inwardly. I was starting to get slightly uncomfortable, twitching under his ever judging eyes. He seemed to know me better than I knew myself at times, almost reading my thoughts.
"That's not what you really want to know, Reg. You and I both know that. I'm not one of our pathetic excuses for parents. I'm your brother. You can trust me with anything." Absent-mindedly, I nodded.
"Why do you ignore me all the time? Why are you in a different house than me? Why do Cissy and Bella talk bad about you? Why, Siri?" I was so naiive then, so innocent to the way things worked in our family. If only that innocence had lasted, maybe I could've been saved.
"Sit down, bud." he said in the same gentle tone, transfiguring two empty pedestals into chairs. Sitting, I looked up at him. Everyone said we looked so alike, that if we were the same age, people would think we were twins. My blue-eyes, wide with amazement at what he just did, watched his every move.
"Reg...I don't ignore you. It's hard to talk to you without mother finding out though. And I don't want her to hurt you like she's hurt me, because she thinks I'm telling you things that go against what she thinks is right. To answer your second question..No one but the Sorting Hat knows that. But just because your in Slytherin and I'm in Gryffindor doesn't mean we can't still be brothers, Reg. I'll always be here for you. Naricissa and Bellatrix...They think like Mommy and Daddy. They think that muggle-borns or half-muggles shouldn't go to Hogwarts, just because they're different from us. But don't listen to them, alright? They're just trying to make you a bad person, Reggy. I haven't lied to you yet, and I'm not going to start now, so believe me when I say that." he said, ruffling my shaggy hair. I gave a slight laugh, but then developed a more serious attitude. Oh, how blind I really was.
"Alright, Siri. I believe you." He gave me one of his rare smiles, making me feel proud of myself, as if I had just caught the snitch, winning the whole Qudditch Match. That was the last time I really talked to my brother. That was the last time I truly believed everything my parents said. Though I was still more of their puppet than their son, they couldn't control me as much. I tried to keep my self-made promise to my brother, but it was hard. I would say empty-threats towards the muggle-borns or half-bloods, not really feeling the power in my words. But, by the time I was in seventh year, I was brain-washed, and so far in it was hard to pull out. Keeping the blood-line pure was my goal in life, and I'd do anything my parents said to keep it. I was betrothed to a french witch, Renee d'Orleans, pure-blooded and rich. But more was going on beneath the surface. The dark lord had risen, and followers were growing in numbers daily. When I had graduated, my parents were so proud of me, the heir to the House of Black after Sirius had been disowned, had joined the elite group of Death Eaters, along with my cousins Bellatrix, Rodolphous, and Lucius.
Sometimes, I hated myself for what I was doing. Others, I envied Sirius for getting out of this before he could be where I was. He was never their puppet, as I was. I had killed many, I had watched many tortured souls die slow, painful deaths. Inside, I was retching, constantly swollowing the bile that would rise in my throat. The dark mark burned, a constant reminder of the biggest mistake I had ever made. Secretly, I was helping the Order of the Phoenix, sending letters to Dumbledore of attacks that they could stop. No one knew about that, and no one would ever find out. It was my good deed, my way to compensate for the pain I had caused by helping some be prevented. A year later, I was disgusted by Voldemort, by the death eaters. He had trusted me with the location of one of the horcruxes, and I was going to do my last good deed, my last act of defiance. The night I stopped being a death eater was the night I went to Sirius for the last time.
Apparating to an address I had memorized long ago, but never having the courage to go to, I looked around the room I was in anxiously.
"Sirius! Sirius, where are you?" I shouted, and his head popped out of the door way. When he seen it was me, his twinkling eyes narrowed into a glare. I could feel my heart tearing itself in two.
"What are you doing here, scum?" he retorted, his temper firing up.
"Sirius. You were right. You were right all along...You were right. Everything they said...It was a lie. They lied, Sirius! They've been lying to me since you left, feeding me lies about a pure race and how much better the world would be. But they were wrong..." I sobbed, my body shaking uncontrollably. To my suprise, he came over to me, enveloping me in a hug.
"Regulus..Why did you change?" I just shook my head.
"I'm going to die, Sirius. He's going to have someone kill me, and I'm going to die a death of a traitor. But I'm not going down without a fight. I have one thing I need to do before I die, and I'm going to get back at Voldemort. It may not hurt him much, but it's going to be the last thing I do, I promise you." Without letting him say a word, I apparated to a cave, stealing one of his Horcruxes and leaving a note behind.
Now, as I'm writing all this in a journal, I hope everyone remembers Regulus A. Black as a hero, not a traitor as thought by everyone. Waiting for my death to come is a horrible thing to do, but it's coming, and I weclome it with open-arms. I've lived my life horribly, and I'll be paying for those deeds. I just hope that God, whoever he is, forgives me for what I've done, because I certainly don't forgive myself.
Pur dans le sang mais salit dans le coeur,
Regulus A. Black
OoC: Please reviews, flames are excepted. It's just something I wanted to try. Thanks for reading.
The Lady Padfoot