Set after 2x16
Mostly written because I'm having The 100 withdrawal symptoms
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Enjoy xo
/
"May we meet again," he sighed as she walked off to the forest.
He wanted to turn back around, and run after her. Throw her over his shoulder and tell her that she had to come back with him. He couldn't take care of them himself. He needed her too.
He had considered it.
Voicing all these thoughts when she had looked at him and said that she bared it all so they wouldn't have to.
Don't go. Not when we finally just found each other again.
Ask me to come with you.
Stay.
But he was Bellamy and she was Clarke, and they didn't say things like that to each other. And on some level, he understood. She needed to go and be alone. After the drop ship, she had been thrown into a role of authority; a role that she truly believed she wasn't meant for- or that she wasn't natural at.
He needed to let her go.
He needed her to be find peace.
And he had Jasper and Monty and Raven and Wick- all of who would be incredibly traumatized. He needed to take care of his people. He needed to take care of Octavia.
He needed to give her a sense of home again. His sister, his responsibility. He was all she ever had, and as he walked through the doors of camp Jaha, he could see her searching him out.
That was all he ever needed.
Until that moment, that was all he ever needed. Octavia.
But somehow, looking at Clarke's retreating figure, he felt like, for the first time in his life, that his validation didn't lie with Octavia.
He felt like he had betrayed his sister in the most horrible way.
He felt like he had fallen short as a brother.
"Where's Clarke?" Octavia asked, with an undertone of hostility. Lincoln's eyes seemed hard as he glanced over his shoulder. "Bell?" He caught the grounder's glance. Was he still a grounder? No. He was the man who had risked his life, and everything he had ever known- for his sister. For Octavia.
Perhaps Octavia had started looking for acceptance, and approval elsewhere as well.
"She'll be back," Lincoln finally voiced, nodding, and Bellamy could only hope that one day, one day soon- he could believe him.
"Back?" Octavia breathed. "But-" She was cut off by Lincoln's hand on her shoulder. He wondered if this is how he and Clarke looked when they had their silent conversations.
He turned around, one last time, seeing the last of her blonde hair camaflouge into the trees of the forest. It took a conscious effort and every fibre in his body to turn back around and walk into the med bay, and not run after her. Not make sure she was okay. Not protect her.
He could hear Octavia shouting his name- Monty and Jasper asking where Finn and Clarke were- and he just couldn't reply. It was Clarke who spoke to the 100- who brought them up to speed. He was the soldier. He told them battle plans and showed them how to shoot straight.
"Bellamy." He looked up to see Marcus Kane staring at him, and suddenly, Bellamy knew he had to tell Abby soon. You did good Marcus had told him in Mount Weather, and he had a fleeting thought, if he could have done better. If he could have done anything differently that would have made her stay.
Anything, anything at all that would have made Clarke be here right now.
/
When he tells Abby, she falls silent. Marcus is holding her hand, and Bellamy tries really hard not to read too much into it right now.
"It was me," Abby finally breathes. "If I had supported her-"
"She doesn't blame anyone," he cut in. "She'll be back." The last part is said, almost in hopes that if the words are spoken out loud, they'll come true. "She just needs time."
"Time?" Abby exclaims. "She's just a child! We need to send out a search party-"
He steps closer to her- to the woman he knows loathes him, and falls to one knee.
"Doctor Griffen," he whispers. "She just needs some time." He looks into her eyes- her eyes so determined, and confident and stubborn, like Clarke's- and wills her to trust him.
Because even though Abby is her mom, she will never know – never understand what Bellamy is feeling right now. He can bet it is almost as much pain. Sometimes, he thinks it may be worse. Because he is alone. She, now has Marcus.
This may not be the first time him and Clarke were separated. But something about this time makes his stomach churn.
Abby grabs his hand, as he gets up to leave- and he is quite surprised by the gesture if he's being honest with himself.
"Thank you," she whispers, her grip tightening. But he has no idea what she's thanking him for.
"You should get some rest," he finally replies.
When he walks out of the med bay, he sees his friends waiting there for him- Octavia in the background. He knows that she's told them, so that he wouldn't have to, and when she nods at him, he can't help but feel a new sense of pride for the woman she's become.
He braces himself and looks over them.
Broken, battered, bruised. Mentally and physically.
"She'll be back," he announces. "She just needs some time."
/
He doesn't sleep for a week after.
He can't.
A month later, he's left the boundary multiple times, with food and water and ammo, in hopes to just find her. Maybe not bring her back, but find her. Just… just… just… see her.
He needs to make sure she's okay.
Because he knows Clarke. He knows that she will not stop the guilt that will eat away at her. She will welcome it, thinking she deserves it, until she is too weak, too broken to go forward.
But every time he nears the forest line, he stops.
Take care of them for me.
And he needs to.
He needs to help Kane with the patrol schedule, and Abby with the council. He needs to train new kids, and make sure they all have enough food for the winter. He needs to organize hunting parties and scavenging parties.
He needs to be there when Jasper yells for Maya in his sleep, as Monty apologizes profusely, tears streaming down both their faces. He needs to be there as Raven heals and Miller becomes reacquainted with the patrol. He needs to be there when Octavia walks around absently, looking like she doesn't know where to stay. He needs to be there when Lincoln searches him out to apologize again for what happened in the caves. He just needs to be there.
But he also needs Clarke.
He needs her in a way he had never recognized before. He needs her to be the best version of himself. He needs her for a sense of direction and leadership. He needs Clarke, because for the first time since he was six years old, he's leaned on someone else. He needs her because she helps him, tames him, and understands him.
He just… needs her.
I need you. They need you.
He remembers her saying that once to him, against a tree and wonders if she meant it.
I can't lose you too.
It's that thought that makes him cross into the forest one night; 42 days after she left.
I was being weak. It's worth the risk.
And that thought that makes him turn around and shut the doors to camp Jaha immediately.
He had come to terms with her decision. He had understood that Clarke had made some choices that she probably wouldn't have if she had a second chance. He understood she was doing the best she could, and war had casualties. He just understood Clarke. But he also knows that she had to figure out for herself.
She had to understand that she wasn't weak.
That she was strong and confident and always looked out for her people. She was a healer, and a leader, and everything the sky people had been able to do on the ground, was because of her.
After that night, he didn't pack his bag again.
/
He sees her first. While he's on patrol.
It's the movement in the trees; hesitant. And he sees her, standing there, looking at the gates.
From his binoculars, he sees her shift, and then goes back into the forest.
An hour later, she's back.
She's thinner. But, she's not unhealthy. And Bellamy can't explain the way his heartbeat picks up when he sees her take the first step in their direction. It's been three months.
Three months. Its been 94 days.
"Open the gates!" he yells, a bit forcefully.
Through his binoculars, he sees her freeze and then look up to where he's stationed.
Even though there's no way of her actually seeing him, a ghost of a smile graces her features, and Bellamy feels a swell of pride knowing he did that. He waits until she's halfway into the clearing and then jumps down from the gate.
"Get Abby," he tells Miller.
Miller nods, not asking any questions, but he can see him running towards the med bay as if his life depended on it. He turns to the gate and forces himself to not run to her.
So he brisk walks.
They meet almost at the exact same spot she kissed him, and then turned to leave.
"Bellamy."
Its whispered- almost breathed; like she doesn't know if this is real or not. Her eyes widen and her breathing picks up and Bellamy clenches his fists to compel himself to stay still; because this is about her. She needs to do this her way.
He looks at her.
She has a couple of scratches on her arms, and cheek that weren't there before, and he can see that she's cut the sleeves off her top to make it a t-shirt. Her hair is braided back from her face, and some dirt smeared across her collarbone as if she had rolled around on the ground only this morning.
He wants to hug her.
He wants to take to the med bay and get Abby to make sure she's okay. He wants to take her to her tent, and stand guard outside it for the rest of his life.
She takes a step closer to him.
"I could use that drink now," she says quietly. If he didn't know any better, he would say Clarke was nervous. But Clarke didn't get nervous, so he tells himself that she's just worried about his reaction to her being back.
She's looking up at him through her eyelashes, and he feels a small, but genuine smile spreading across his face, before he nods.
And then she's in his arms, holding him close, and letting out a breath of relief. He hugs her back, much like when he came back with Octavia so many moons ago.
When she lets go, he swears her eyes are shining from tears but she looks away. He turns around to see they have an audience, waiting for them at the gates, and throws an arm around her shoulders as he sees her tense a bit.
"Together," he says, much like the day at Mount Weather. The day everything changed. The day that ultimately ended with her leaving. She turns to him, slowly, an understanding in her eyes; relief and maybe some more...
"Together," she nods.
Only when she takes the first step, does he.
And right before they enter everyone's earshot, he leans in, close to her ear, and says the one thing he's been aching to say for past three months. For the past 94 days.
"Welcome back, Clarke."
/
Thank you so much for reading! Hope I did the characters justice, and you enjoyed it.
Please let me know what you thought
xo