Author's Notes: It wasn't until after the OAVs that I realized that Hotohori never did learn the truth behind Nuriko's feelings for him. Though our lovable purple-haired okama flirted and hinted at his affection for Hotohori, he never openly admits his feeling for Hotohori except to Miaka. In honor of the strength our little bishounen showed through it all, I decided to write this fin. ^_^
Note: I'm choosing to ignore the Hotohori novel in which Nuriko and Houki meet only because I have not yet read the novel nor am I not familiar enough with summaries to use it. We'll just say that the first time Nuriko meets up with Houki will be in the second OAV, kay?
Warnings: Mild shounen-ai on Nuriko's part.
Spoilers: The second OAV, overall mild for series, though strong references to episode thirty-three.
Dictionary: All Japanese words are in italics.
Ohayo = Hello, greetings
seishi = warrior/s
okama = homosexual/gay
Obligatory Disclaimer: I own no part of Fushigi Yuugi or the character Miaka, Tasuki, Hotohori, Nuriko, Taka, or anyone else mentioned in this story.
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Moment in the Sun"Ohayo, Nuriko."
The violet-eyed warrior nodded slightly at Hotohori's greeting as he passed through the balcony entrance and came to where the emperor was standing at the edge of the balcony overlooking the imperial courtyard. For a moment they simply stood silently together, watching the birds flock near the shimmering lake in the distance. Xanthous sunlight streamed down from the heavens, warming both the bodies and hearts of those in Konan as they settled among their homes free of the terrifying threat of Kutou's invasion now two years past.
However, even in these times of political calm, serenity did not last long. A smile curved past his chin as Tasuki and Taka came back into their line of view.
Apparently, Tasuki had not taken Nuriko's earlier scolding on his lack of tact seriously and had returned to his mission of cheering up Taka. Now he was attempting to enliven poor Taka by telling him all sorts of jokes. Bandit jokes. Bad jokes. The grin only increased as Taka silently waved the fiery warrior off and left him in the dust. Profanity floated up form the courtyard, and suddenly he was laughing uproariously as Tasuki pulled out his tessen and began to release his tension by "remodeling" gardens.
"You know, Hotohori-sama, of all the things I missed most about life...I think-I think this was one of them," Nuriko choked out as twenty or so courtesans came running out, attempting to apprehend the psychopath who had dared to set their beloved gardens on fire. Turning his head, he looked over at Hotohori to see his reaction, not too surprised to find the normally sophisticated emperor with his jaw dropped, a look of horror passing over his features.
"My...my gardens," he said in terrible awe, "My beautiful gardens..."
Nuriko chuckled. "Does His Highness like the new look?"
Hotohori massaged his temple with his forefinger. "His Highness feels a royal headache coming on." He paused. "You would think that after two years that something would have changed to quell the furious temper that broils within Tasuki."
"Oh c'mon Hotohori-sama, when have ever known Tasuki to act his age?"
"...Well pointed, Nuriko."
Both shared a laugh at that, the beauty and wondrous mirth at being one and whole with their fellow seishi a joy that neither was willing to dispel. Despite the nuances of immaturity that shadowed Tasuki's character, he was and would always be the lovable, quick-tempered bandit they had come to know and love.
So many changes come with age yet so much remains the same.
Eventually, their laughter tapered off into silent joviality, and in the warmth of each other's company, they remained sitting, watching the sun move slowly in the vast expanse that was Konan's sky. The brilliance and hope that was daylight never seemed to truly leave the inhabitants of the southern kingdom, even in the depths of night the light of Suzaku's love following and comforting them in every trial of the heart.
Trial of the heart...Nuriko glanced over at his emperor, his heart throbbing gently in time with the melody of his longing. It had been so long now since Nuriko had told himself he loved Hotohori, so long since he had given up every piece of his manhood for the individual before him that he...Nuriko closed his eyes. So many had he loved and lost, so many more had he loved and never known. He smiled gently at the memory of Miaka. Who had thought that he, the purple-haired, cross dressing okama who had pronounced love so faithfully to his emperor could have ever fallen for his bumbling, bright-eyed priestess?
Fate always worked in such strange ways.
But then...Nuriko opened his eyes and turned a tender gaze in the direction of Hotohori. He had never told the royal seishi exactly how he felt, now had he? Or did he even have to?
Tightening a hand around the stone, Nuriko recalled his first impression of the strikingly familiar, purple-haired woman they had been introduced to as Houki, empress of Saihitei and mother of the heir, Boushin. At first, he had been still and unmoving, too struck with shock to comment or even react to what was going on around him. Miaka and the others' response to Houki had been less surprised, with only mild exclamation on the appearance of both in the same room, so Nuriko assumed they had met her before, sometime after his passing.
After the shock had come a jumble of indescribable feelings fluttering around and colliding into one another within his heart. There was sadness. He had passed away and left Hotohori alone, never given a chance with him, and in turn, Hotohori had left this poor woman alone. There was jealousy. What was so different about Houki? They looked the same, had similar personalities...Then there was hope. Hope for the possibility that Hotohori may have reciprocated his feelings, could have loved Nuriko as the violet-eyed seishi had loved him in their lifetimes, could love him now or in the next life. With chance came anger and disappointment at himself for never telling his emperor the truth when he had the opening, for allowing unspoken love to slip through the fingers of idle time until it too late. Finally there came resolution, understanding that his infatuation and devotion for Hotohori had reached its peak and that it was it was time to let go and move on, love again, love another.
And with resolution came peace. His emperor was a happy man with a beautiful wife and wonderful son. They would make; he could make it.
Nuriko smiled faintly, fighting back tears. Letting go was hard, and no matter how far he let the bind that connected him with his fellow warrior, a piece of his heart would always remain doting on Hotohori, and in turn, the other seishi would always keep a part of him within his being as well, whether he was aware of it or not.
He refused to believe that the resemblance between Nuriko and him was mere coincidence.
"Is something wrong, Nuriko?"
The feminine warrior lifted his head to meet Hotohori's concerned gaze, violet eyes meeting soft hazel ones. Forcing himself not to cry, Nuriko nodded. "Of course I am, Hotohori-sama, I'm just...reflecting on things past." He smiled and added quietly, "And things to come."
"Ah..." Hotohori nodded, understanding. "As warriors of Suzaku we have come to experience a lifetime in only a few mere years. One could hardly expect for it not to catch up with us in death." At this, he sighed, shaking his head and turning his eyes towards the horizon. "Everything eventually comes together in the end," he added, barely above a whisper. Silence fell between the two warriors again as they turned their eyes to the ever moving sun above them, both reflecting on the wisdom behind Hotohori's words as well the mistakes made in their past lives.
They had loved, and they had forgotten; they had moved on, and they had remained incarcerated in spirit. Was there any release? Neither could answer, but perhaps it was a question that had no rejoin.
Nuriko contemplated Hotohori's words as he watched the courtiers moved to and from the palace courtyard, dousing the smaller fires that were still burning near the orchid, but he did not feel like laughing this time. Each dying blaze seemed like the extinguishing of his own flame deep within. There was so much to regret, so much undone, so many words that had not been said...Yet they were no longer alive to say them. Death truly did not wait for a man to finish life before taking his soul away.
Or perhaps it is the man who waited too long, Nuriko chided himself, looking on idly as the familiar form of his priestess appeared from the shadows, her normally optimistic demeanor lost in the tidal wave of her loss.
And Nuriko knew all too well what it meant to lose a loved one.
"I always hated seeing her so unhappy. Her pain always manifested itself into my own heart."
Nuriko's head snapped up as he turned to Hotohori, who sat on the marble railing with his, faced outward with his back pressed against the cold stone of the palace wall. "What?"
"It's Miaka...It pains me to see her so saddened by the prospect of losing Tamahome again after all they have gone through." Hotohori shook his head. "It is shameful that even the warriors of Suzaku's love struggle with love even when the final page of their stories close."
Nodding, Nuriko agreed softly, "Especially when you can no longer turn back the chapters..."
Hotohori fixed Nuriko with a sorrowful gaze. "Indeed. I believe we all die before we are ready. We always believe that we...have forever." He sighed and folded his hands. "There are so many actions we never take, so many words we never say, so many...feelings we leave hidden." Nuriko's heart fluttered slightly as Hotohori leveled his eyes with Nuriko's. "What is it you regret the most, Nuriko?"
Suddenly, Nuriko lost his tongue. He couldn't speak, couldn't breathe. How was he to reveal to the very man that his every devotion had been secretly directed at that he loved him? Even in death, with nothing to fear, Nuriko could not bring himself to tell the truth.
Noticing that Nuriko was not answering any time soon, Hotohori went ahead and spoke, "There are many things that I myself regret...Not being able to hold my son when he was first borne into this world, not telling Lady Houki how much her devotion meant to me when I had the chance...For faltering in love when I saw it ever clearer." Hotohori stood and came closer to Nuriko, reaching out and taking the other man's hand. "Have you ever...wished you could just say the words your heart whispered in the moments of loneliness?" He grasped Nuriko's hand tighter. "When I felt the deaths of my fellow seishi...when I felt your death...I felt so lost, so incomplete. There was so much I wanted to tell you, so much I wanted to share. I would have given anything just to talk with you...again..." Blinking back tears, Hotohori stepped away quickly. "I'm sorry, Nuriko, but when you...and the others died I...lost a piece of myself."
There were no words for the brilliance in which Nuriko's spirit basked. Could Hotohori have known all along? Could he possible...reciprocate the feelings? There was something in his throat, and he could not speak, his eyes were too brimmed with tears for him to close his eyes and revel in the glory of the moment.
Nuriko reached out a hand to Hotohori's receding one and brushed the transparent digits against that of his beloved. Long dormant warmth surged through both seishi, intertwining with the stunning radiance that was Suzaku's power deep within him and the love each bore for the other. For a moment, just a fleeting moment in the passage of time, their souls connected, the tidal wave of surging emotions a flash a crimson in the heat of the afternoon sun.
Trembling, Nuriko pressed his palm against Hotohori's, their fingers intertwining tightly. Unwavering violet met curious hazel, tones of red flittering throughout the course of their vision. Nuriko strained for the emotions that broiled over inside, searching for the glimpse of adoration and devotion that burned within his soul.
All he ever wanted, all he had ever desired...
The moment faded as the rays of the sun fell behind the trees, the translucent rays now casting shadows over the two figures connected in the balcony. Time began to move once more, the spots of red fading from their vision as the darkness bore through it. Slowly, Hotohori's hand left his own, his eyes turning away from Nuriko's and back towards the sun. When he was finally removed fully from his spirit, the loss was so poignant that Nuriko nearly cried.
I thought for a moment that you understood how I felt. I thought for a moment that you knew...
"Nuriko."
"Yes, Hotohori-sama?" Nuriko replied faintly.
"I think we should leave. It's getting late, and the others are probably wondering where we are."
It was a few moments before Nuriko responded. "You're right. We...better be off."
Both warriors moved to leave now, hands reaching to draw back the curtains that closed off the balcony to the main room. Nuriko followed quietly behind, his mind lost on the warmth of the sun. Too enraptured in his own thoughts, he nearly bumped into Hotohori as the emperor paused to speak.
"Nuriko?" The other seishi responded by bringing his eyes to meet Hotohori's once more.
"Yes?"
"I just wanted to tell you...how much you meant to me and how much it hurt to lose me." Smiling faintly, Hotohori continued, "In the moment I lost you, I felt...afraid. I knew that I had left so many things unsaid, and I knew that our story could not have possibly come to a close." He placed a hand on Nuriko's shoulder. "I missed you." Hazel melded with violet one last time. "Never lose hope, Nuriko. Our story did not finish with this lifetime, but perhaps it will with another one, a much happier one for the both of us." Both hands dropped to his sides. "Just...never lost faith." He walked through the curtains and beckoned Nuriko to follow.
"Hotohori-sama..."
"Yes Nuriko?"
"Perhaps it will with another one, a much happier one for both of us."
"Both of us," he echoed softly. Noticing the strange look his royalty was giving him, the okama shook his head and laughed. "Never mind, Hotohori, never mind. Now let's go cheer up our depressed lovebirds."
Returning the chuckle, Hotohori nodded, and both warriors began making their way through the palace and back to where the others were, back to the reality of what was and here to come.
"Never lose faith."
He wouldn't, not for him. So what if his emperor never understood the truth in this lifetime? At least his spirit could finally find itself at peace. Nuriko knew he would always cling to the memory that was Hotohori the unrequited, but now there was hope. Belief for other lifetimes, for others chances because hope was everything a warrior of Suzaku needed to live.
In the western expanse of Konan's sky, the sun began to set, its tendrils of a light reaching far into the reaches of four gods, warming the hearts and hopes of all those who worshipped it, igniting the burning embers of flames that many thought had died long ago. Its glow seemed even brighter than usual even as the overwhelming night came to blanket the realm of Konan in its darkness, as if it could not bear to leave the site of its people, knowing that it had warmed more than their bodies, but also their hearts as well.
And in the fading light of the sun, there was hope.
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Final Notes from the Author:
I'll have to admit that I'm not quite as satisfied with this story as I am with some of my others. That's usually the case when it comes to my Suzaku-based fics. Also, I usually don't write about Nuriko and Hotohori since they tend to be my least favorite characters. No, no, I don't hate them; I just can't find it in me to level with them emotionally and motivation-wise.
This story was my attempt at bringing some closure to a pair of a characters that I felt were never given the chance to end their own chapter in the Universe of the Four Gods. While I am not particularly supportive of Nuriko/Hotohori, opting to focus more on the friendship they shared rather than whatever possible romantic feelings may have manifested between themselves, I can't dispel the fact that it was very possible that Hotohori did harbor some hidden feelings for Nuriko, in whatever manner he chose to. I prefer to think that while he did have feelings for Nuriko, they were more in the context of wishful thinking, those annoying "if onlys."
Lastly, the final drive in writing this fic was the sheer bravery I noticed behind Nuriko's character. His story remains one of the most tragic of the Suzaku, and he never truly does reach any sort of closure with his feelings towards the two character he does form feelings for, yet he remains one of the most supportive and optimistic characters on the show. For that alone I respect him.
Muse Nuriko seems to be bugging Chao-chan a lot lately, so expect some dashes of Rokou here and there as well. -_-;; Sorry, can't help it if he threatens to throw me into walls.
I hope you enjoyed it, and do review if you're apt!