Please note: I will also post this as an Linstead Story in the Chicago PD fandom. Why? Because I hate to choose and I couldn't make my mind up about wheter it should be Olicity or Linstead so I simply post it in both. Thanks for understanding. Love ya all 3 Happy reading
I don't own anything except for the idea
Thank you laurabelle2930 for being such a wonderful friend and BETA
Mistakes we've made ( Rated M )
"Leave me alone and don't you dare touch me!"
"Can we talk about it ?" he stood there, his shoulders hung in defeat. His blue eyes pleading with her to stay but deep inside he knew he'd lost her for good, this mistake was larger than the rest. Why he did it was beyond him, yes, he could blame the alcohol but he knew he'd done it out of fear of commitment, afraid of not being enough for her, afraid of being loved. That's why he cheated. Something inside of him broke the moment his lips touched the ones of the girl he doesn't even remember the name of. He knew it was wrong but he didn't stop, he continued his brain screaming it was for the best, his love wouldn't be enough.
He watched her leave. He watched her leave his life never once turning around to look back at him. He broke inside the moment the door closed behind her. He'd lost her, and there was no way she'd ever forgive him.
She opened the door of her car and got in. Tears falling down her cheeks. Loud sobs echoed in the car. She started the engine and drove off into the stormy night. Dark clouds hung in the sky. Big raindrops hit the car making her sobs fall silent. She couldn't fully understand what had just happened. Why it had happened? She couldn't think of anything she'd done wrong by him. She thought that they were happy. They had talked about moving in together, talked about starting a future together. She thought he had left his past behind him. She knew that he had some problems and was suffering from PTSD but she thought he'd dealt with it and could leave the past alone.
Her mind was spinning. She couldn't stop crying. The road in front of her dark she could barely see anything but she kept driving, leaving the city behind her.
She didn't know how many hours went by since she got into her car and she didn't care. She felt tired but she kept driving, driving away with no plan. Yes it would be easy for her to disappear and start a life elsewhere. She could do it. She had done it before and she could do it again. She was done relying on another person. She was a strong woman; she could do whatever she wanted. Her eyes were swollen and red from too much crying. Her neck was aching and her legs hurt. She felt cold in the small dress she was still wearing. Her golden clutch lay beside her on the passenger seat. She was glad she had brought her purse with her and not only some cash, otherwise she'd have to go to their apartment first.
She'd taken nothing with her as she fled the city afterall he was the one who rented the apartment they were going to live in. He was the one who bought all the furniture for their future together. She only had a few clothes and her personal items, like her passport, credit cards, and her purse. The sky opened up above her and she could feel the sun on her arms as she drove her small car through the new city she had just arrived in. A small motel sign caught her attention and she followed the arrow that showed the way.
She arrived in the parking lot which was almost empty except for three other car that were still wet from the rain the night before. The sun danced in the drops on the windows. She got out of her car and ran to the entrance of the motel. It was an old grey building and it reminded her of the Bates motel. It creeped her out a little but she had to stay cheap at the moment. At least until she could access her savings.
She blessed her mom for working her ass of so she could go to good schools and have a bright future, a future that didn't feel bright at all at the moment. She sighed and pushed open the door that led her to the reception desk. An old man sat behind a thick glass looking as creepy as the ones in horror movies. The room was barely lit. The lights who were working but flickering strangely. She felt a shiver run down her spine but continued walking toward the man.
"A room for one." She said in a loud voice, not wanting to sound afraid or weak. The man looked her up and down not saying a word. He turned around in his chair and took hold of an old key with a brown wooden plate that said 29.
"35 bucks per night." His raspy voice filled the room he was sitting in. She nodded and he handed her the key. She took out the cash she had left in her purse and handed it over. It would be enough for two days.
Once in her room, she closed the door behind her and made sure it was locked properly. After walking around the room she made her way to the tiny bathroom. Brown wallpaper hung loosely from the walls. The smell in the room was gross. She wrinkled her nose as she looked at the toilet. Where did she land? She thought to herself and got back to the bed. She got rid of her clothes and went back into the bathroom. She took a quick shower and put on the same clothes as before. She didn't like it, but now was not the time to complain. She needed to get her hands on a computer so she could get her money. The money she'd need to start a new life.
The public library was near the center of the town and she had found it quickly by asking strangers. They were friendly, and provided her the information. Yes they looked at her a bit strangely because of her outfit but she didn't care. She kept walking until she reached her destination.
It was as he remembered it from her college days, it wasn't the same library but it looked very similar to the one she had spent a lot of time. A big hall with a lot of book shelves. She was looking for the computers. She found them a few minutes later.
After a few keystrokes the work was done and a smile formed itself on her face, the first smile since her love told her what he'd done. There it was, her money. She was ready to start new.
He couldn't get out of bed. He felt nothing, since he'd crushed his heart and his soul with the decision he'd made. Nine weeks…. nine weeks since she'd run. He hadn't heard from her.
Her number disconnected. Her car gone. Her stuff gone. The light she brought into this home, gone. His happiness, gone. Everything was gone. And it was his fault. As much as he thought about it, the clearer it got. He had made the biggest mistake in his life. He couldn't fix it. He knew he couldn't fix it but he wouldn't give up trying.
His limbs felt heavy as he slowly carried himself out of bed into the shower. He felt like a zombie, dead inside. All the problems he had before gone. His PTSD gone, as if it never existed. The only thought was of her, her hair tickling him when she lay beside him in bed. The way she smiled when she was reading a book she liked so much she'd forget the world around her. The way she tried to cook a meal for him, failing horribly.
He watched his face in the mirror and what looked back at him he couldn't recognize. His left eye was blue from a fight he had a few nights ago. He had provoked it, he wanted to get punched, he wanted to feel at least something. It had helped, maybe for five minutes, it had helped. The headache he managed to get rid of this morning returned. He could feel the pounding in his head matching with his heart beat. He opened the cabinet and took out a bottle with painkillers. It was empty.
He threw it into the wall and it ended up landing right in front of his feet. He kicked it away, his anger reaching it's top, it all was too much, too much to handle.
His fist hit the mirror. Broken glass covered the white stony floor, mixed with blood. He steadied himself on the sink, his knuckles bleeding. He looked back up not seeing his reflection anymore.
He carried himself to work day in and they out. Not speaking to anyone except if it was necessary. His knuckles hurt, his head hurt, his soul shattered into a million pieces like the glass on the bathroom floor.
He was sleeping in his office after that. It was easier not getting reminded of her every single time he was in their empty cold apartment. Nobody knew, and if they did, they didn't care or were too afraid to say anything.
He had made a mistake and he would regret it for the rest of his life.
Seven years later…
She was happy.
The job she found was paying her well and she became head of the department quickly, so she had moved into a small townhouse on the outskirts of a small city she found and fell in love with when she was on the move two years ago. She had decided to stay and try her luck with finding a new job. The house was painted white and had dark green shutters. A brown fence extends around her garden of endless dreams, with trees and flowers. Nobody had done anything to it for years, but she didn't care. She liked it the way it was and she had no intention of changing it. The inside was small, two bedrooms one on the main and one on the top floor, two little bathrooms attached to each of the bedrooms and a small kitchen with an open view into the garden and to the other side into her small warm living room.
She fell in love with it immediately.
She made a home for herself; she had started a new life. She had left everything behind and built it herself up from deep down. She was proud of herself and she knew deep down her mom would be too. But sometimes at night, she was laying awake, not able to find sleep. Thoughts of her past keeping her awake, thinking about how her soulmate had ripped her heart out and stabbed it, walking over it as if it meant nothing. She still could feel it aching when she thought of him. Thinking what he is doing, thinking of where he might be, thinking of calling him. But she wouldn't. She wouldn't become weak, she wouldn't fall back into old habits. It made her sad so much so that lonely tears would roll down her cheeks, but she wouldn't give in so she wiped them away as if they never even were real.
She felt the emptiness that was deep inside her, thoughts and doubts made her skin crawl and her mind hurt as she wondered if she'd made a mistake by running away all those years ago. Would it have made any difference if she'd had let him explain himself? Would she still have left him? Would she have stayed?
All these questions came when she had time to think. She made herself believe she was happy. But she was not. Despite everything, she was not.
Seven years. It had been seven years. It felt like a lifetime. He read the newspaper every morning with a cup of black coffee in his hand. Suddenly he let the mug fall to the wooden floor where it scattered itno pieces.
There she was, smiling back at him from a picture in the newspaper. He read through the article many times, his eyes glued to the words that were in front of him. He didn't know how many minutes went by when he finally came back to the present. Carefully he ripped out the article and the picture. He got up, gathered his stuff and left his new apartment.
The sky was cloudy as he got into his old car. The engine roared as it came to life and the car started to move slowly out of the driveway.
It was already late in the night when he finally arrived at his destination. He parked on the street and looked up to the small house with the small garden around it. There was still light shining brightly inside but he couldn't make out any movement. His palms felt sweaty and his heart rate sped up at the thought of seeing her again after all this time.
What was he doing here? Suddenly he felt the guilt he had tried so hard to push away make its way back. Spreading through his body like a poison who would shred him into a million pieces again.
Maybe she had found someone, a man who treated her right. Maybe she already had kids. Panting in front of his car he thought about everything. Maybe she didn't want to see him, what then? It would crush him. He knew. But he also knew if he didn't ring that bell he would regret it for the rest of his life. He needed to apologize, yes it was selfish, he knew that too but he had to try. After all these years he'd finally found her. He had to make things right with her.
The sound of a dog barking startled him and pulled him away from his thoughts. He looked up and there she stood. Right in front of him only a few feet away.
She didn't move, her big eyes on his tall form but not moving a muscle.
He was about to say her name but she stopped him with her hand, showing him to not speak. "What are you doing here?" She asked a few seconds later as she found her voice again.
"I came to see you." He said slowly, his voice low but warm. "I came to say that I'm sorry." He added as she didn't respond. She kept eyeing him; it was almost as if she didn't believe it was him actually standing there in front of her.
"What are you doing here?" she asked again, this time louder, almost shouting.
His eyes never leaving hers he took a step in her direction. His hand reached out to stroke over her cheek but she took a step back, away from him. He let his hand fall down to the side of his body, his eyes pleading.
"Why did you come? After all this years, why now?" she didn't care that her voice sounded shaky, didn't care that a tear left her eye as she kept standing there, her body tense. "You have no right to come into my life again, like this! Now tell me, why did you come here, do you feel guilty? Do you want to get rid of your guilty conscience? Guess what, you don't get to do that! You don't have the right to do that!"
She paused, channeling her anger she took a step towards him, then another and another until she stood right in front of him.
Her fists started hitting his chest. Hard. „YOU DON'T GET TO DO THAT, YOU HEAR ME YOU ASSHOLE! YOU BROKE MY HEART, YOU STABBED IT AND YOU WALKED ON IT, AND NOW YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO COME HERE AFTER SEVEN YEARS AND SAY WHAT? I'M SORRY?"
Her fists started to hurt. He hadn't moved, not an inch. He let her hit him, let her be angry at him.
She felt the warmth that radiated from his body. He was looking down at her, his eyes warm and full of regret. She let herself feel him, because despite everything he'd done, she had missed him, and she knew from the first day he'd caught her eye that he was it. She had found love at first sight and she knew that this was rare, almost impossible to find. As she was standing there, she could feel that she wasn't the only one who felt that way.
Her body slammed into his. Her hands held onto his body as if it was the only thing keeping her standing. She felt his hand on her back. Rubbing small circles on her skin. She could feel every touch through the fabric of her thin dark blue t-shirt. His still so familiar scent invaded her senses, and she couldn't resist to hold onto him tighter.
"I'm so sorry, I'm sorry I did this to you, to us. I know how much I hurt you and I promise to make it up to you for the rest of our lives. If you let me." He whispered into her hair.
She let go of him, her feet carrying her away from him. "I can't." She said. Tears filling her eyes. "I can't trust you. I am afraid to trust you." Her voice was shaky as she turned around ready to leave but before she could make a step she felt his hand around her wrist, holding her back from walking away once again.
"I made the mistake of letting you go once in my live, and I won't make it again. I love you, I've loved you all these years and I will love you until I take my last breath. I will make it up to you, I promise." He loosened his grip around her wrist and her hand slipped out trough his, their fingers touched until finally it was over and their hands separated.
"I know you mean it. I can tell that you're telling the truth." She said sincerely. "Are you going to hurt me again?" She added almost shy. His gaze held hers as he said " I can't tell you that. What I can tell you is that I love you and that I never stopped loving you. I can tell you that I'll give you everything and more. I'm giving you my heart. I don't care as long as you let me be with you."
She didn't think as she stepped forward and took his hand into hers. They walked in silence hand in hand. The door she had left open when she spotted him from her small window she closed now behind them. They were standing in her living room. An awkward silence lingering in the air around them.
"Would you like a drink?" She asked mostly to avoid any more silence. He just nodded and watched her leave the living room to enter the kitchen.
She nervously moved around, her mind running wild with thoughts she couldn't place. She placed the glass she took out of the bright red cabinet above the sink in front of her. She was about to turn around when she felt him standing behind her. Caging her between the kitchen counter and his body, she stopped in her tracks, her muscles tensed while she waited for what was to come next. She felt his breath on her neck, felt her hair rise up like little antennas. He didn't touch her, (his) cool breath tickling her skin, goosebumps erupted on her skin. She felt her body heating up. Making her want more, and he hadn't even touched her yet. She felt his stubble scratching over her neck. The breath she was holding left her lungs. Her body leaned back until she could feel his broad chest on her back. She pushed her head back a little further, her ponytail on his neck.
His lips touched her skin.
Sensation flooded her body and she let herself lean further into him. His lips moved over her pulse point, sucking on it lightly. His hand came up holding her in place and steadying her at the same time over her breasts on her upper torso. His mouth wandered further down, kissing every inch of her shoulder. She could feel the wetness between her hot thighs, turning her on even more.
With a sudden movement he turned her around. She could feel his growing length on her stomach as he kept caging her in. He lifted his hand up and slowly removed her hair band. Her long hair fell down in waves around her face. They looked at each other. Neither of them talking. His hand cupped her cheek. She leaned into it, letting him caress her. He leaned in, his lips just inches from hers now as he stopped. She knew he was silently asking permission, she shut her eyes and closed the gap between their lips.
The kiss was gentle, and slow. She opened her mouth, giving him better access. His tongue found hers, carefully stroking over hers, before then dipping over her lower lip. She moaned into the kiss, letting him know how much she wanted this.
His body pressed her into the counter. With smooth movement he lifted her up and let her down carefully on to the black marble kitchen counter. She spread her legs and pulled him. His hands played with the hem of her shirt on her back. He stroked over her back while kissing her senseless. She broke the connection, letting him take off her shirt.
His rough long fingers drove over her back pulling her even closer into him. Her hands found his shoulders scratching over the soft fabric of his black shirt. He stepped back and removed it from his body. She watched him closely, her eyes roamed over his muscular torso and back up to his face.
A smile hushed over his features but faded as he watched her loosen her bra which landed on the wooden floor with a dull thud. His eyes darkened, filled with lust and passion as he crashed his lips onto hers. She felt his whole weight in the kiss and had to hold on to his shoulders to keep her balance. Her nails dug into his skin, scratching over his back and up to his neck before going over his skull. He growled into the kiss, lifting her up and moving them back in to the living room. He placed her on the couch and hovered above her, carrying his weight with his elbow. His lips traveling down her body not missing an inch of skin.
Arching her back upwards her skin touched his. His rough hands pressing her body back down which made him sigh. He smiled into her skin and traveled down her body further. His tongue stroking around her navel and down further to the hem of her skinny jeans. After a little more teasing, he moved down the couch and pulled her jeans and panties with him.
Her eyes closed on accord, she felt his hot breath on her clit, then his nose and finally his tongue. Her back arched upwards. His hand holding her pelvis down as the other teased the skin on her torso down to her breast.
She could feel her orgasm building up deep down in her belly. Her hipbone arched upwards meeting up with his big hands keeping her in place. His tongue fucking her faster sending her over the edge giving her the most intensive orgasm she had ever experienced.
The sound of his name echoed loud through the room and it took her mere minutes to calm down from the high she just experienced.
She opened her eyes and found his. He was watching her, his eyes dark, full with lust.
She looked at him questioningly tilting her head to the side. He stood up and watched her from above. Watched how she lay there at his mercy, his eyes never leaving hers as he stepped out of his trousers. Fully naked he stood above her. Her hand reached out, her fingertips touching his abs.
He got a hold of her wrist before she could touch his dick, his grip was firm but not painful. He never let go of it not once. He moved, softly laying down on top of her. She could feel the tip of his length at her entrance but he didn't move, didn't give her what she craved so much at this point. She knew once he was filling her, claiming her, there was no going back. From this point it would only go forward.
She didn't know what changed, but somehow, after barely an hour they had met again, she trusted him again. She couldn't explain it and she didn't want to. It was as if their souls combined again and her angst of getting hurt never even existed.
He held her wrists above her head in one hand. His touch travelled the length of her wanton form as they engaged in a silent conversation of need and desire. She was wet, and it turned him on even more.
He felt her move under him, trying to get him to move faster but he took his time. He wanted to savor every detail of this evening, of her skin, her whining under him, the lust she felt because of him and the way she made him feel. It was as if the love he felt for her came out from where he'd hidden for years. She made him feel it again and he finally felt at home.
He pushed inside. A gasp left her lungs as he stretched her. It was like she remembered it for all those years. It was almost as if she'd never left.
She woke up covered in sweat. She sat up from her big bed in her bedroom upstairs and watched the moon that was already high in the sky, shining bright. She put her feet on the cold wooden floor and made her way into the bathroom. She got into the shower quickly to wash off the dream which felt so real. After she was dressed she then made her way down the stairs. On her way down she noticed movement down on the street.
She stopped in her tracks and what she saw made her blood freeze. There he was, standing next to his car panting. She put on some shoes that were lying around in the hallway. She opened the front door without another thought and walked down her driveway. It was already cold outside. The rain from the night before had stopped but the clouds weren't all gone yet.
A few feet away from him, in the shadow of a tree, she stopped. She watched him struggle with his thoughts when suddenly the neighbor's dog started barking. She almost jumped out of her skin but could suppress the shriek that almost left her. She looked down on herself. She was wearing the exact same thing as in her dream.
She couldn't believe what was happening right in front of her. She didn't understand anything anymore. How was this even possible? One minute she dreams something and the next it is actually happening?
Before he could say something, she raised her hand to stop him and forced herself back together.
"What are you doing here?" She asked a few seconds later as she found her voice again.
"I came to see you." He said slowly, his voice low but warm. She felt her stomach turn at his words, her dream coming back at her with full force. Her face got paler by the minute and she thanked god that it was already dark.
"I came to say that I'm sorry." He added as she didn't respond. She kept eyeing him, not believing he was actually standing here right in front of her.
"What are you doing here?" she asked again, this time louder, almost shouting. She felt the anger she thought she had long forgotten rise up. She didn't know why but suddenly the fact that she just had dreamed this whole scene was not important anymore. She wanted to shout at him, hit him. Make him feel the pain she felt when he made a decision that led to seven lonely years. Seven years they'd never be able to get back.
He took a step in her direction and reached out to her with his hand but she wasn't ready. Her anger flowing through her veins keeping her focused but at the same time it also made her sad. This whole situation was so messy. So she stepped back trying to gather her thoughts and her voice.
"Why did you come? After all this years, why now?" she didn't care that her voice sounded shaky, didn't care that a tear left her eye as she kept standing there, her body tense. "You have no right to come into my life again, like this! Now tell me, why did you come here, do you feel guily? do you want to get rid of your guilty conscience? Guess what, you don't get to do that! You don't have the right to do that!"
She paused, channeling her anger she took a step towards him, then another and another until she stood right in front of him. The sadness she felt just a moment ago long forgotten.
Her fists started hitting his chest. Hard. "YOU DON'T GET TO DO THAT, YOU HEAR ME YOU ASSHEAD! YOU BROKE MY HEART, YOU STABBED IT AND YOU WALKED ON IT, AND NOW YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO COME HERE AFTER SEVEN YEARS AND SAY WHAT? I'M SORRY?"
Her fists started to hurt. He hadn't moved, not an inch. He let her hit him, let her be angry at him.
She felt ther dream world once more breaking into the real one as the scene before her unfolded just as it had done before. She took a step back. Her eyes on him the whole time as she increased the gap between them.
"I can't do this. I'm sorry." She said. "You have hurt me so much I thought I'd never recover from this heartbreak but I did, well kind of but that's beside the point here, what I was about to say was that I built a life here." She took a long breath and waited for him to say something but he didn't. He just nodded his head in agreement.
He made an attempt to leave as he heard her voice again. "I didn't say never." He turned around, slowly. "If you want we could start out as friends and see where it leads us. I just need to know I can trust you again before we start something new." Her hand found his as she continued. "You need to show me that you mean it this time. Show me that you want this and that I can trust you. If you do that I will forgive you."
The air around them was quiet. The streets were only lit by the moon as it hid half behind a cloud. She felt him step forward. Squeezing her hand and pulling her into his embrace. She let him and after a moment she hugged him back.
Mere minutes passed when they finally let go. "I'll call you tomorrow." She said and made her way up the driveway.
"You don't have my number," he countered. He could see her walking backwards smiling at him. "Right, how could I forget," he said and waved one last time before the door closed behind her.
Standing there in the dark a smile formed on his lips the weight of seven years starting to leave his shoulders. Now he had the chance to make things right and he would not miss that opportunity. He'd show her that she was the love of his live and he would lay the world at her feet.
Today was the first day of the rest of their lifes. He was given another chance and he was going to use it.
END
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