Inspired by: Marie Digby's I do
Disclaimer: I do not own Card Captor Sakura in any way possible.
Author's Note: The plot was created on a whim. So I warn you for any inconsistency. They are already mature in this story so I think that can count as a reason for the slight OOCness. It's AU. Still, I just love the concept of this story: do listeners have their own listeners? Anyway, I hope to hear your critiques. Please leave reviews.
Listen
He listened to her whenever she had silly fights with her monstrous brother.
" What happened now?" he asked her as he pulled out a chair and sat down across the table from Sakura.
She was letting off her steam on the lunch carefully prepared by her father. She was never an insolent daughter who would just deliberately mess with her food letting his father's effort to go to waste. In fact, she was very appreciative of whatever was given or tossed to her. She regarded them all as blessings, and she would do every little thing to show how grateful she was for being the receiver of such.
But not that day. She officially forgot all the protocol she willed herself to follow because of the untoward incident that his brother caused.
" That monster. I should've known. I should've known he would never have the chance to be good," she ranted as she raked the contents of her lunch box with her mighty fork, which was already bent – thanks to the substantial pressure she applied.
" Any elaboration you can share?" he pressed. He knew it wasn't fair to feel a bit giddy about Sakura's predicament, but he really had to force himself to choke back a laugh. He found her amusing seeing the cycle of paleness and flushness on her face. She was so natural and free that sometimes he just wanted to be carried away by her entrancing expressions so that he could also experience freedom.
She stopped for a while and sighed.
" Earlier, I was expecting to get the usual greeting from him. You know – his calling me a monster and names I don't even want to think about. So imagine the shock when he was actually nice. He greeted me the proper Good Morning and all those pleasantries. I was beginning to think that he already felt guilty for bullying me until just lately when I looked into my bag and saw it stuffed with pairs of dirty socks. God, they stank so much I didn't even wanna breathe again."
And then he remembered that back in their classroom when they were having a pop quiz, she was being panicky in her place that the teacher had to call her attention. She said nothing although her face didn't have the glow it usually had. He already had had a hunch that it was about her big brother, but he dismissed the thought as he went back into answering. She would tell him anyway, and he would readily listen.
" Oh, that explains your scene back in the class," he rubbed his chin as he simpered at her.
" Yes! And I'm pretty sure I flunk the test."
She grew silent.
" I studied so hard for the test. I never want to see F's again on my report card. I'm doing everything, my best! And it only took him pairs of socks to get me distracted."
Tears rushed to her eyes and before she could even wipe them away, they had started rolling down. She was frustrated with her brother, with herself, with the world.
Syaoran got up from his chair, went behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders calming her down, stroking her shaking shoulders.
" I can always tutor you, Sakura. So don't worry about that anymore," he smiled even though Sakura didn't see.
He offered her his handkerchief.
She accepted it and muttered a thanks.
" No problem. Hey, why don't we go to the park? You can tell me more about your worries there. And of course, I'll listen."
She beamed at him. It was definitely a yes.
…
He listened to her whenever she doubted herself.
" Syaoran…" she breathed out.
After sweating and panting too much on their last subject which was P.E, they headed straight to the park and rested themselves on the bench.
The said boy turned to look at her. His gaze was previously fixated on the gigantic penguin at the center of the park. That penguin had always been their shelter whenever they were caught in the rain. It wasn't like they were too careless to not bring any umbrella; they just enjoyed the pitter-patter of this force of nature that they sometimes danced merrily to its tune. When they got tired, that's the time they would seek for the comfort of the small space, just enough for the two of them, inside this penguin.
" Yes?"
She met his gaze.
" What do you think of me?"
" Excuse me?"
He sensed an edge of melancholy in her tone.
" I mean. How do you see me? Am I pretty? Am I beautiful? Am I incredible? Am I worthy of your attention? Am I even worth seeing?"
He suddenly had this unsettling feeling that Sakura's equilibrium was inclining towards the negative side. He didn't know what suddenly disconcerted her and even swayed her into having thoughts like this.
" What are you talking about?"
She dropped her gaze and brought her knees to her chest as she perched her head above them staring out into the distance. She needed to know. She needed assurance. She needed to feel his acceptance. She needed to feel his care for her, if possible, the more-than-just-a-friend care.
" I'm sorry. It's just that I seem to be good at nothing. I know, I'm particularly inclined in sports, especially in Marathon, but that's all I am. Everybody can do that. There isn't something that makes me stand out from the rest. I'm not good at academics – and that's the only chance I have to be recognized. I'm only cited whenever I get a failing score. And…me. How I look. I'm not even striking to the eyes. Most of the girls this age are already being courted, you know. I'm eighteen, yet I'm still out of that pool. Sometimes, I can't help believing in my brother's word, that maybe I really look like a monster so – "
" You're special."
She looked at him again, and his eyes bore into hers. He smiled tenderly.
" You don't need to be good at everything just to stand out. Every person is unique in his own way. Everyone possesses something the others don't have. One doesn't have to look up to the other people or look down on himself because of the differences in their abilities. I thought an optimist like you knows that more than anybody else?"
" My principles sometimes waver. Nothing is permanent. And my insecurities are eating me alive that I really – "
" The beauty of a person isn't defined by another's eyes. It's up to the person himself to showcase how wonderful he is. Likewise, you don't need others' opinions regarding your appearance, Sakura. "
" But still…" she looked down again, unable to argue with him any further.
" But if you badly want to hear an opinion, then I might give one for you…since you're special."
To me. He was tempted to say that out loud. But he knew they weren't ready for any of what those words would imply once said.
He scooted closer to Sakura, lightly touching her chin and tugging it upward so her gaze would level his own.
" You're perfect, Sakura. That's all you have to think about," he spoke gently.
The scene was too intense that Sakura regretted bringing all this up. They were closer than before, and in no time the redness her cheeks had registered would be evident in front of his eyes.
So she hugged him. Anyway, he could just call this a friendly hug. They had hugged once or twice before. Those were friendly hugs. But now, she would be lying to herself if she persisted on calling this a friendly hug. At least to her, the gesture was not deserving of that term anymore.
She was falling.
…
He listened to whatever her heart was willing to say.
" So I'm thinking Syaoran, why won't you open up to me?" she asked out of the blue while they were sharing yet another moment at the park.
It was snowing, and the park was already covered by the blinding whiteness that at the same time was marvellous for the rods and cones of the eyes to see. The place rested in tranquillity as the snowflakes perfected the rhythm they were set in as they travelled down to meet the ground.
He just glanced at her with curiosity written on his face.
" Don't you think it's unfair? I'm always the one who talks, and you're the one who sits and listens. I want it to be a different scenario this time. You do the talking; I do the listening," she suggested.
She was being hopeful that Syaoran would finally let her reach him or at least touch a part of him just like what he had always done to her.
" That's not possible," he said turning away.
He wasn't prepared. Yet. His life was complicated. There were too many transactions going on between his family and the outside that he sometimes couldn't find where he was supposed to belong anymore. Making it worse, he was to handle the pressure of leading it all, of making the transactions work.
" Why not?" she suddenly got slightly offended with his answer. He wasn't saying that she couldn't be a good listener, was he?
" They're too much to share," he answered curtly, not really wanting to linger on the topic.
" Then the more you should share it, Syaoran. The burden would be lighter if you'd let me – "
" You wouldn't understand."
He wasn't about to tell her that he was being pressured by all the expectations of his family on him. He wasn't about to let her know that he longed for someone to listen to him because his family never had time for such hesitations. He wasn't about to share with her his plans of just breaking free from all those responsibilities and do whatever he pleased for himself.
Sakura was his friend. Maybe his only true friend. That was why he was afraid to tell her about his life. He didn't want to scare her away. He didn't want her to see him as someone who needed to be saved because as much as possible he wanted to be the savior.
He was afraid to be vulnerable in front of her.
" How could I if you wouldn't let me?" she snapped.
" Just…drop the subject, Sakura. We're not going to talk about my life."
"But, Syaoran, I want a piece of you. I want to prove you my worth. I want to help you. I want – "
" Why do you care so much?" he asked, clearly pissed off.
He lost himself. He couldn't drag her down with him in the depths of loneliness. She needed to stop.
But she couldn't. She knew her answer to his question would change everything, yet it somehow felt right to say it. She wanted to save him if he needed any saving. She wanted him to see her as someone who wasn't just relying on him too much but was also reliable herself. She wanted him.
" Because I care. I love – "
" Don't say it, Sakura."
He stood and abruptly left. He didn't deserve it. Not yet. His life was a mess that he needed to fix everything first before he could start another life with her.
…
He finally listened to his heart.
" You're leaving," Sakura started.
After that incident at the park, they didn't talk for months. She had accepted the cruelty of reality – that it would always be she who would talk and he would just listen, and that it would remain that way.
" Yes," Syaoran replied with finality in his voice.
He actually didn't expect Sakura to visit him in his house. He also didn't intend to let her know that he was going abroad to settle some business transactions. The issue was supposed to be only between him and Wei, his guardian. However, it seemed that Wei broke the rule.
" When are you coming back?"
" I don't know."
" Are you even coming back? "
She braced herself for his answer as she was holding back her tears. She saw him opening his mouth to answer, and she decided she wouldn't want to hear his answer.
" Please come back. Come back, Syaoran. All the things I said at the park, none of those were lies. I mean all of them."
Now she waited for Syaoran to answer back. For a moment, neither of them spoke. The wintry silence was too much to bear.
It seemed like an eternity had passed when Sakura turned to leave, thinking that Syaoran didn't want to talk about it anymore.
" Sakura."
She stopped and turned around to meet his gaze.
" When I come back…"
She smiled at his choice of word. It was 'when'. It carried hope and assurance that he would really come back.
" Will you still listen to me?" his expression wavered for a while.
She smiled heartily and hugged him.
" Of course."
...
Fin.