A/N: Hello. I'm not really sure how many people know this, but I really, really, really, really hate Gale. At one point, I decided that if he were real, and I had the opprotunity, I would make him drink my toilet water (and worse). My anger toward him at indirectly killing Prim has slightly dissapated since I first finished Mockingjay (not to mention the sencond, third, and fourth times), though. I really, really like writing letters, so I decided who better to write a letter to than Katniss Everdeen? From Gale Hawthorne? He's such a blistering ball of angst.
I really had fun writing this XD. It seems like I can only be the tiniest bit funny if I use inappropriate language. And I know on the imaginary 1-10 writing scale this takes from about a 5 to -9, but I couldn't resist.
To Mrs. Katniss Everdeen (or Mrs. Peeta Mellark):
I will keep my identity a secret until the close of this letter, though during the duration of the text, you may realize who I am.
I, among others, despise the Hunger Games. You despise the Hunger Games. I know you do. You despise the fact that the Games are what gave you all that you love: Your children, your home, and, first and foremost, your husband. Peeta, and not many know about the fakeness you guys had/have, is as messed up a man as you are a woman. I just thought I'd mention that. To love or not to love; to be or not to be with the handsome man who has practically been pounding on your door, waiting to be let I for the past three year. Make up your addled mind already.
You may be surprised that I know this information. Not many do. It is classified, at first by the president, and now that he is gone, you. You must pretend for your children's sakes that all that they have was acquired by chance; protect them from the horrors that you faced in the Games. The killing. The death of little Rue. Peeta's amputated leg that you couldn't save. Then being hurtled into the arena again afterward. Losing a child, supposedly, losing your fiancé, twice. Once to the force field, and another time to a hovercraft. Perhaps a third time, by recovering him from the Capitol's evil clutches, only to find that he had been hijacked by means of trackerjacker venom. The loss your sister and the shifting of blame to your best friend and a man who helped save your life. And all while your home district was being blown to the ground. But those memories are ones destined to be lost to the passage of time.
Hopefully, you do not venture over the fence any longer. Yes, I am aware of the "escapades" as you may want to call them, which you made for years to keep your mother and now-deceased sister alive after your father's death. Though legal as it now is, your children need their mother in one piece instead of in the belly of a wildcat. Not that you couldn't take down a wildcat; you were something of a shooting prodigy. But skills become rusty with misuse and I'm sure your wimpy husband has been keeping you fenced in. Tell me, what is the radius to which he lets you travel? The town square? Are you allowed to walk to Greasy Sae's unsupervised?
Well, I haven't got much time left to spare. I have to get to my awesome job as a sexy news reporter. Life's good here in 3. I live in a mansion whose size would rival that of the former president Snow's. You Victor's Village dwelling is the approximate size of my garage. My children, wife, and I sleep soundly and in comfort, while you probably wake your own with fits of insanity. In conclusion, Peeta is an asshole and so are you. Fuck your children, too. Have fun sitting on your asses and having scarring nightmares.
And by the way, Mellark, I hate cheesy buns. Okay, I threw all of them out when they came. And fuck keeping my identity a secret.
Love, Gale the Bad Ass Motherfucker, bitches. Peace out.
Yeah. That's it x) It really sucked but that's okay. Hopefully? This is just a reflection of how extremely immature I am. Anyway, if you even bothered reading this, let me know in a review! I have more - my sister and I sort of co-wrote this, but she doesn't know I'm publishing it on her... Does it count as plagiarism when it's within your own family? Oh well. I'll face the legal consequences :)
-seastar