Holding Us Back

Summary Takes place the night after Joey and Rachel broke up when it was too "weird," but in reality for Rachel, it was for Emma and Ross.
Rachel's POV:
It was the night Joey and I decided to break up for Ross's sake. I was in my bedroom and couldn't sleep. I was really starting to fall in love with Joey and didn't want to break up with him. I knew that he loved me and not just the way just friends were supposed to, but more intimate. I sighed as I closed my eyes to remember his soft lips on mine. I could see why many girls couldn't resist him. He was hot, really lovable and sensitive when he needed to be. God, I really did fall for him and knowing how much he was hurting broke my heart. I remember how happy he was when we were dating and how sad he was when I didn't return my love to him. I can't even imagine knowing that when someone you love, cares about you too and having to break up because someone was "jealous." I mean he is our best friend and I don't know, in my opinion Ross was being selfish. He is the father of my baby so I probably should just let it go. I felt tears start to swell as I thought of me and Joey not being as close as we are. His comfort got through some of the hardest times especially when he let me live with him even with Emma. I heard a knock on my door and knew it was Joey and I knew if I saw him, then I would just the situation worse but telling him that I love him. I breathed in and out telling myself to not tell him I'm in love with him.

I opened the door and put on a brave face for him while smiling, "what's up?" He looked at me with pleading eyes as he started to tear up. From not being prepared to see him like this, I started to tear up too and pulled into a hug.

He sobbed, "I'm so sorry."

I squeezed him and said, "you didn't do anything wrong."

He looked at me and said, "how do you know that?"

I smiled and said, "because I love you." I didn't even what had slipped out until I saw Joey's eyes turn big and I immediately blushed and tried to think of a reason any reason to take back what I had said.

He looked at me and quickly asked, "you love me?" I nodded feeling my heart pound and felt the tears swell my eyes again.

He looked me with his big eyes and said, "then why did you say that it was too weird?" I closed my eyes and felt my tears fall down as I breathed in to tell him the truth. I let go of him and grabbed his hand and led him to the couch. I sat him down and sat down and slowly let go of his hand not wanting to let go of this hand ever. Joey must've sensed this because he took my hand again and I smiled back at him not able to get the words out. I looked over at him and tried to get words out, but I couldn't.

He looked at me with reassuring eyes and said, "it's okay, Rach take your time." I gave him a half smile trying to think how to explain my feelings.

I couldn't really think so I figured maybe just if I talked out loud I could explain my feelings. I squeezed his warm hand and looked up at him, "the real reason I told you it was too weird because I'm worried about Ross's feelings and I can't hurt him because he is the father of Emma."

I was about to continue when Joey suddenly said, "so you still love him? Ross, I mean." I decided to be totally honest because I wanted him to understand that I want to be with him, but it's so complicated.

I shook my head and quickly reassured him, "no, I mean sure the history is there, but the fact is that he hurt me so much and I don't think I can forgive him. Even if I did forgive him, I've realized that he never listens to me, we don't have as much as in common anymore. To tell you the truth, Joey, I've found myself holding back when I was with him and I never was truly myself because when I'm with you, I'm this totally different person and I loved the Rachel I was when I was with you. When I was with you, I found myself laughing all the time, you understand so many of my feelings because you're sensitive like me. Ross never seemed to care about my feelings because he would scream at me instead of listening like you are now. Ross and I would always miss each other and we never lasted because we both are so different. But, I've decided that I need to be with Ross for Emma's sake because it's better for Emma. I'm sorry, Joey, I really am. I didn't know whether to tell you this, but I need you to know this. I love you and I'm doing this for Emma and Ross's sake." I let go of his hand and rushed into my room letting my tears falling down and feeling like it was a constant stream. I cried into my pillow hoping Joey couldn't hear me.

Joey's POV:

I sat stunned and unsure of what to say or do. Rachel loves me, she loves me, but she has to be with Ross since it's better for Emma. In my opinion, she should be with someone who she loves and they love her then being with the father and not loving him. I was so happy and so sad at the same time. She saw that she wanted to be with me, but Ross was the better choice for Emma in her opinion. I felt my tears swell in my eyes and I let them fall, I don't know if I can deal with Rachel not being happy. Maybe, I'll give them time and she can learn to love Ross again. After all, Phoebe said their "lobsters." They can work this out, right? I heard a muffled cry from Rachel and knew it would hurt her more to comfort her more so I went to my room trying my best not to cry and sleep, But, all night I could only think of the possibilities of Rachel and Ross being together.

The next day:

Rachel's POV:

I didn't get much sleep because all I wanted was to go and cuddle Joey telling him I can be with him, but instead I'm knocking on Ross's door pretending I still love him. Almost immediately Ross opens his door with Emma in his arms. He smiles brightly at me and motions for me to come in. I sit down on his couch wanting to cry all over again but I sit and just try to smile at him. He puts Emma down and he comes to sit next to me.

He smiles brightly and says, "so, what brings you over?"

I look trying to put on a brave face and say, "I've been meaning to talk to you. The thing is that I've realized that I still have feelings for you." While saying this, I try to imagine I'm

saying this to Joey, but Ross's reaction takes me back to reality.

His eyes go back and he quickly asks, "when?"

I hold back a sigh saying my lie, "when I gave birth to Emma, I knew you being close to me and I wanted to be close with you like that forever." I made myself sick saying this because the truth was I wanted him to give me more space.

He nodded and asked me something that made me close to crying but I held back tears, "what about Joey?" Why, just why did he have to bring him up when HE is the one I wanted to be close with, I wanted him to be mine and not go back to his normal ways.

I quickly said, "it was too weird for the both of us." It wasn't weird, it was passionate and loving each touch and kiss he put on me. It felt perfect never weird, when I slapped his hand away it was because it felt so real and I've never felt like that before and it scared me so much.

He smiled a bit and asked, "won't it be weird for you to live him?" I let out a quiet sigh and I knew he was right, I mean it would hurt me a lot seeing him everyday but at the same time I loved it. I mean I don't even know if Joey wants me to leave, I probably should move because it would be better for him.

I said, "you have a good point, but where would I live?"

He quickly said, "you can live with me because I love you too, Rachel." I put on a fake smile as he hugged me and once he couldn't see me, I frowned a bit.

He pulled away and I let go happily, "Rachel, why don't you move in tomorrow and we can start dating, but you can have your own separate room if you want."

I nodded and pretended, "well I'm almost late for work so I better get going, see you tonight Ross.

I was about to get up when Ross said, "wait." I looked up at him and he put his lips on mine and I felt how weird his lips were. Joey's were soft and smooth probably because he put on shiny lip balm. I almost laughed about the time we went on our first date. As soon as Ross's lips were off of mine, I rushed out the door pretending I was late. Once I got out the door, I let out a sigh and made my way to work hoping that would distract me from Joey.

Joey's POV:

I walked out my of my bedroom and noticed Rachel already left for work which was weird because she usually would leave an hour from now. I decided to go over to Chandler and Monica's hoping that would get my mind off of everything even for a little bit. I walked in through the door seeing Monica smiling brightly at me.

She quickly said, "morning Joe, come to eat some breakfast?" I nodded trying to put on a little of a smile which just ending up looking like a frown. Monica sat down next to Chandler while he read the newspaper. I grabbed a bagel and put some cream cheese on it trying not to think of Rachel.

Monica picked up on my change of mood and asked, "something wrong?"

I put a fake smile and said, "no, just wondering why Rachel left early for work because she usually tells me."

Monica looks a little confused but perks back up and quickly asks, "so how are things going between you and Rachel?"

I let out a sigh and reply, "we broke up."

Chandler pats my back and quickly says, "I'm sorry man, is Rachel going to move out or do you think you two will be good?" I secretly hope she stays with me, but it's more than likely she's going to move in with Ross.

Monica hugs me and says, "I'm really sorry, but you guys are best friends, I know you guys will work through this." I almost want to laugh at her comment, "work things out," yeah I don't think we will ever be the same knowing Rachel is being with Ross for the sake of Emma, when she truly loves me.

I say trying not to worry them, "yeah, you're probably right."

Later to when Rachel is heading home:
Rachel's POV:

I breathed in and out trying not to back down as I opened the door. As soon as I open the door, I see Joey in his chair or Rosita and I desperately want him to take me in his arms in his chair like when I was scared of Cujo. I walk in and see him immediately look back as I close the door. He looks back down as soon as we make eye contact and I stand in silence.

I quickly say before I lose all my courage, "hey Joe, I've decided to move in with Ross tomorrow." I don't even wait for a reply when I make my way towards my bedroom door. I close the door and locking myself away from everyone feeling the tears fill again.

Joey's POV:

I sigh as I realize that I won't have as much time to live with Rachel as I originally thought. That sure was fast for going to be with Ross. It's really going to be lonely without anyone here, but it's going to worse not being with Rachel. Things between me and her will probably not be the same. I will miss her so much, Rachel, why can't you be mine?

Rachel's POV:

I sat on my bed looking at all the memories of this room and how I remember the first night and missed my room with Monica, but now all I want to do was stay here forever. But, instead I will be alone in Ross's apartment not being happy, but I know this is for Emma and Ross. It doesn't matter if I'm happy, as long as Emma and Ross are. This way Emma can have a normal mother and father that aren't separated. I breathed in and out hoping one day I can learn to love Ross again, even though it's been over 6 years and I still haven't forgiven him for what he did.

Author's Note: Please review to tell me what you think! I know not many people liked Joey and Rachel, but I personally think they have more chemistry.