first the fear comes in
wrapping around you
light as mist yet
heavy as granite
bearing down on you
grabbing your wrists
throwing you
against a wall
crippling you
unable to move
whispering in your ear
how weak you are
how worthless you are
how you'll never
be enough
good enough
brave enough
strong enough
how you aren't deserving
of love
of success
of living
reminding you how
easy it is to lose
the ones you love
paralyzing your mind
until finally it breaks free
with the anger
and it starts low
and simmering
at the very pit of
your being
slowly rising up
filling your veins
with acrid poison
your heart pounds
within your head
as you feel like
you could explode
from the fiery emotion
building within
reckless destruction
with words
no regard for feelings
of those you
thought you loved
devastation of relations
pent up angst
released with
seemingly no provocation
leads you to hate
seething disdain
for all and everything
within your sight
those once close
are thrown aside
those not close
are considered with
nothing less than
disgust
everything is wrong
nothing is right
nothing can placate
nothing can satisfy
things that once
brought joy now
bring revulsion
those you once loved
are now enemies
traitors
the world is
black and white
color no longer exists
the growing monster
of acrimony that
your soul has become
is partnered with
the foul sludge that
moves through your veins
and your heart is an
abysmal center for the
utter hell that is
your existence
you have discovered
suffering
you are alone
a self made result
of one of your
biggest fears
why did those
you love turn on you?
how did they
betray you?
why did they
betray you?
or did they at all?
questions and conflict
stab at your mind
over and over
constant torture
as you question
your own reality
how did you get here?
how did everything
go so wrong?
confusion and regret
dominate your thoughts
as fear comes back in
wrapping around you