Disclaimer: I do not own RENT. I don't even own myself! (Alex Janes does). So please… don't sue.
Closer Than a Brother
Looking back, I can't believe I didn't see it. There were so many indications… a look, a touch, a smile, the way his voice cracked sometimes. I keep feeling like I should've known. I should've guessed... but I was clueless, utterly CLUELESS. I keep kicking myself for that. And now, there are so many memories that I suddenly see in a new light.
Sometimes he'd be so engrossed in his work that he wouldn't notice me sitting on the other end of the couch, watching him with a smile. His fingers were so slender and his touch so delicate and precise – artist's hands. He'd frown, second-guess himself, get frustrated and start over again, but always he kept working. Then he'd notice me and blush slightly, and look away. I always thought he was just embarrassed that his work wasn't coming along like he thought it should've, but now? I know better.
There was a time when I came out of my bedroom, needing coffee after a long, wild night with a wild girl, and he was sitting there looking like… well, like I'd died or something. I asked him what was wrong, and he just said it was nothing – hated spending the night alone, but she had to go visit her parents, what could they do? I hugged him, fixed some coffee… and forgot about it.
And then came that day. Today. The day everything I thought was real came undone. He looked me straight in the eye, told me he loved me, and kissed me with more passion than I thought he had in him. I could hardly breathe after that kiss, and I realized that he'd been holding that in for years, and had to get it out before…
Aren't you supposed to know everything about your best friend? But here I am, watching him die, and I've just now figured it out. Roger loves me. And I think I might love him too.
Too bad it's too late.