A Conversation

by romansilence

Sequel to "Aetter". After two months in Aydindril Zedd tries to get to the rootof Kahlan and Cara's changed behaviour and draws his own more orless erronous conclusions.

Title: A Conversation

Author: romansilence

Pairing: Cara/Kahlan (pre-slash)

Rating: PG

Words: ~ 3,500

Warning: Post Season 2

A/N: This is a sequel to my story "A Letter", however, reading it is not absolutely necessary to understand this one. A apologise that it took me so long to get around to posting this.

Disclaimer: The characters and background story of "Legend of the Seeker" belong to Terry Goodkind, ABC Studios etc. No copyright infringement is intended, no profit will be made.

-x-x-x-

A Conversation

by

romansilence

The Mother Confessor stood on a balcony in the Confessor's Palace in Aydindril, looking down into one of the inner courtyards. Cara had turned it into an exercise yard for the more seasoned of the Home Guard officers, and by now her sessions were well attended. Kahlan knew that in the beginning they had only trained with the Mord-Sith they still considered an enemy because the Mother Confessor had ordered them to do so. Now, almost two months later, they came because they wanted to learn from Mistress Cara. Some of the younger commanders and officers even asked for her advice in the training of their troops.

Cara took her role as her Lord's protector very seriously, so seriously that for the first couple of days of their stay she had guarded Kahlan's room where Richard now slept at night. Richard had of course objected but Mistress Cara had only relented when the Mother Confessor appointed two members of the Home Guard to protect her and Richard at night. During the day she never was more than a step away from her Lord Rahl to the point of driving Richard crazy. Her presence alone kept wagging tongues reigned in and with her leather's and Mord-Sith armour she attracted a lot of attention to herself instead of Richard who seemed completely oblivious to the social and political minefield that was the Confessor's Palace.

It had taken both Zedd and Kahlan a lot of convincing to get Richard to start with his Wizard's training under Zedd's tutelage. They now spent most days at the Wizard's Keep though Richard returned every evening for dinner and the Mother Confessor's bed. Cara did not like to stay even in the vicinity of the Keep and after a careful inspection she had agreed with him that he was perfectly safe there without her.

To keep Cara busy aside from the afternoon training with the Home Guard, Richard had reminded her that she was still duty-bound to protect Kahlan as she would protect him. And Cara would not have been Cara had she not fulfilled her duty to the letter. She spent most mornings standing at Kahlan's side during petitions, and after that she trained in the courtyard under the Mother Confessor's office, and every afternoon, after the second petition session, Kahlan stole away from her desk to look at her and admire the poetry in motion that was Mistress Cara wielding her agiels or any other weapon.

That day she was swinging a sword to demonstrate what her trainee had done wrong in his attack. The flowing grace she usually showed now was supplemented with steely strength, and for a moment Kahlan allowed herself to daydream how it would be to feel this strength and grace and elegance in bed. She imagined Cara's naked body as she had seen it countless times emerging from a lake or stream, her skin glistening with water that in Kahlan's imagination turned into sweat and emphasised the smooth strength of her muscles. She imagined Cara coming towards her with the dangerous stealth of a predator, pulling her close and claiming her lips and her mouth and ripping her Confessor dress apart…

And just like almost every day Kahlan called herself to order by repeating part of Cara's letter, different parts every day but all rather sobering or, at least from her perspective tragically ironic.

"Duty comes first," Cara had written, and it's fortunate that in your case your duty is also your pleasure."

If only, Kahlan thought, if only it were that easy to find pleasure in her duty. She shook her head at herself. It was not that she did not enjoy her time with Richard, she did. Richard was a very considerate and generous lover, but ever since their first kiss at the Pillars of Creation there had been the feeling that something was missing, something she could not clearly define.

Kahlan snapped out of her pointless musings by a presence at her side, familiar enough not to make her draw the daggers she was still wearing in her boots; so familiar that she didn't even turn her head, "Zedd, what brings you to my office? Richard said that the two of you would spend the next few days at the Keep," she asked.

"For this part of his training he has to be alone," Zedd answered.

What Zedd did not say was that exasperated and at the end of his patience with Richard's reluctance to dedicate himself to his studies and at his endless procrastinating he had put his grandson in a binding spell. It was not really strong and Richard should be able to get out of it on his own but it would take some time, and it would force him to think about his actions and his attitude that constantly fluctuated between Richard being in awe of the Mother Confessor and berating Kahlan for not spending enough quality time with him. He also had a hard time to accept that the laws here did not allow him to just storm off to rescue as lost lamb or a damsel in distress. He had yet to understand that though the Seeker theoretically stood above the law of the Midlands he could not just simply disregard thousands of years of tradition. Well, Richard would learn, sooner or later, Zedd thought.

"So, I decided to pay you and Cara a visit, and I see that she is enjoying herself, beating those poor boys up."

"Those poor boys, as you call them, are the most seasoned fighters of the Home Guard. They survived the attack of Darken Rahl's army. In one on one sessions Mistress Cara is a very patient teacher," Kahlan said softly, and after a long, lingering look she turned back inside.

She led Zedd to a low desk with refreshments on it and took a seat in one of the two comfortable armchairs put there for informal conversations.

"So, how can I help you, Zedd?" She asked while pouring him something to drink.

Initially he had only wanted to get away from Richard's ranting and his demands to be set free, but since he now had Kahlan's attention it was as good a time as any to address one other major concern he had since their arrival at the Confessor's Palace, the strange formality between Kahlan and Cara.

"What happened between you and Cara, Kahlan? The evening before we arrived in Aydindril you both were normal. You were joking and touching, just like always, and wham! the next morning when she returned from her hunting trip she once again was wearing her neck guard, and when you returned from changing into your Confessor's dress you had that unreadable mask of yours, and ever since then the two of you avoid each other as best as you can."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Wizard. Mistress Cara is with me the whole time when I hear petitions and during Council sessions and during dinner and every other public meal."

Zedd cast her an angry glare, "Don't even try it, young lady! I don't buy your innocent act. I can understand that you call her 'Mistress Cara' in public, but we're not in public now. Cara is your friend, at least she was until we rode through the gates of Aydindril. Is it beneath the dignity of the Mother Confessor to be friends with a Mord-Sith?"

Kahlan's Confessor face was in place but after almost two years of travelling together he saw the subtle tension in her shoulders.

She studied his expression and finally said, "Just let it go, Zedd." She fell silent and then added, "It's better that way for everyone involved."

"Kahlan!"

"First Wizard."

"Bugs, Kahlan, talk to me."

"There is nothing to talk about, Zedd. And if there's nothing else, I have work to do. Dinner is in about two hours, why don't you go down to the kitchen. I'm sure they have something to tide you over 'til then," Kahlan said.

"Kahlan Amnell, if you think that the mere mention of food will get you out of this conversation, you're sadly mistaken. You're my granddaughter in all but blood, Kahlan. Talk to me, please. Richard is worried. He senses that neither you nor Cara are happy here."

"Is that why you're here, Zedd? Because Richard is worried?" Kahlan snapped, "Then go back and tell your grandson that Mistress Cara and I are fine. We don't have any problems, and we are where we're supposed to be. And if Richard has not learned yet that personal happiness is a very low priority for the Mother Confessor than you'd better teach him soon."

She walked swiftly back to the balcony. Deep inside she felt bad about her diversion tactics. The offence-is-the-best-defence approach should be beneath the Mother Confessor. Zedd followed her but he did not take her bait, "I'm the First Wizard, Kahlan, that gives me certain rights. I could order you to talk to me."

Kahlen swirled around, her blue eyes dark and blazing, "And I, Wizard, am the Mother Confessor. I can have you thrown out of the palace and confined to the Keep. Don't test my patience."

"Where did the Kahlan Amnell go who teased us all about our outfits after our adventure with the Margrave of Roddenberg?" Zedd asked.

Kahlan's eyes softened almost imperceptively. She could not blame him for his genuine concern about her and Cara. Kahlan turned back towards the now deserted courtyard and her mind wandered back to the morning of her return to Aydindril. She had found Cara's letter on her pack when she had woken up. She had started to read it then, with Richard and Zedd still fast asleep, but after the first few lines she had known that she needed to be alone to read the rest.

Zedd's words jostled her out of her memories, "What happened to that carefree young woman?"

She turned back to face Zedd, not all of her defences back in place yet, "She became the Mother Confessor, Zedd. It's what I was born to be. It's my destiny. It's not as exciting as saving the world. It's hard work and there's no distraction waiting around every other corner.

"When I was a child, when Dennee and I first came here to be trained, there were dozens of Confessors who worked for the Mother Confessor, who wrote preliminary reports, gave recommendations, did the paperwork, the filing, travelled the Midlands. The Mother Confessor had only to deal with the council and the capital cases. That's a luxury I don't have."

"Dennee could help you with the paperwork. You could ask her to come back. Even without her power she still has a lifetime of training and experience to fall back to," Zedd said.

Dennee's new body had slowly deteriorated because her Confessor's power had overtaxed it. They had returned to Aydindril just in time to save her life by transferring her power into a quillion that now was kept safe at the Wizard's Keep.

"I can't do that to her, Zedd. She deserves better after everything she had gone through. Look at it that way: Would you want to stay at the Wizard's Keep with your powers gone?"

"Put like that, no."

"Besides, Dennee is happy at Tandor, happier than she ever was being a Confessor. Every time people looked at her with fear in their eyes or recoiled from her touch she hurt. The few years we spent in Tandor before the Mother Confessor came for us were the happiest times in her life, and I'm glad that she now has a second chance," Kahlan said.

"But there has to be someone in the palace who can assist you," Zedd insisted.

"I already have delegated as much as I can but most of the decisions that need to be made need a Confessor's touch, and speaking of work, I have to return to my desk. If I cut dinner short I might even be able to get a few hours of sleep before the Council meeting in the morning."

It wasn't a lie, not really. She could work around the clock without making a dent in the ever growing stack of petitions and other things, but she also knew that work was nothing more than an excuse.

And damn that Wizard for hitting right on target, "Richard told me that you have been tired and lack-luster lately, and not only because you work too much. He was worried that he has lost his appeal to you."

"He what?" Kahlan asked with ice in her voice, berating herself for letting all the conflicting emotions this conversation with Zedd brought to light get to her and for the poor job she did at concealing them. "Spirits, if he has worries about our bedroom activities he should talk to me, not you."

"He didn't mean it that way, Kahlan. Richard is just concerned. It's been more than two months and you show no signs of being pregnant. He was so flustered when he asked me to check him out to make sure that everything was alright with him."

"He what? Go to the Keeper, both of you. I may be the last Confessor, but I'm not a damned brood mare."

Kahlan stormed off the balcony and out of the room without looking back. Zedd followed her at a distance and caught up with her when she stopped at another balcony looking down to another, considerably smaller inner courtyard where Cara was doing some solitary drills. Out of habit she kept to the shadows, not to be seen from below. Zedd studied her for a moment and decided to risk making her even angrier by stepping closer and putting his arm around her shoulders.

"I told him that there's nothing to worry about and that you both have the rest of your lives to make beautiful little Confessors, and that in any case it would have been better to wait until you're officially married, just for appearances sake."

Without taking her eyes off Cara's fluidly moving form Kahlan, disarmed by his kindness, said softly, "You can check me out too, Zedd, to give Richard some peace of mind."

"There's no need for that, Kahlan. You are perfectly fine. I checked you after I put you back together, after you were torn in half by the relocation spell, remember?" Kahanl didn't answer but relaxed slightly under his touch. So, her decided to once again try his luck, "I'll tell Richard that there's nothing to worry about and that he has to give you some space and time for yourself. And now, tell me what happened between you and Cara, please. I want to help."

"Please, let it go, Zedd, just let it go," Kahlan whispered.

"Talk to me, child. I promise it will stay between us. What happened to turn Cara into a poster child for Mord-Sith recruitment? She had relaxed so much. She was almost human."

"It was Mistress Cara's decision, Zedd. She decided that she had to be more like what she was to protect Richard to be best of her abilities. And though I hate to say it, Zedd, it was a wise decision, or have you already forgotten about the two assassination attempts she stopped? Her presence alone has made them think twice about even trying again, and I know that a lot of people in Aydindril are still not happy about Richard's presence. Please, let it go."

"Put like that there is wisdom in her decision, but that still does not explain how the both of you act when we are alone, and don't tell me that it's only to make it easier for her," Zedd said.

"It's only to make it easier for Mistress Cara, Zedd," Kahlan lied.

"Not one of all the Confessors I've known in my long life was good at lying, but you, Kahlan Amnell, are by far the worst. You're probably the worst liar in all of the Midlands and D'Hara," Zedd said softly but Kahlan didn't answer.

She kept her eyes on Cara's graceful, fluid movements. Once again her mind wandered back to the day of what should have been her triumphant return home, wandered back to finding and reading Cara's letter and what it had made her find out about herself. Cara was so much stronger than her, so much more honest with herself.

Ever since she had woken up with her head resting in Cara's lap, looking up into those deep green eyes while being held and controlled by Nicci's maternity spell, she had known that her feelings for the blond Mord-Sith were more than just friendship. When the heavy iron doors to the Margrave's dungeon had opened and she had seen Cara immediately a wave of relief had swept through her and her heart had beaten faster, not at being rescued, deep down she had never doubted that, no, it had been because Cara had been the first one she had seen. Yes, she had teased her about the pink dress, but she had also been in awe that the Mord-Sith had set aside her pride and risked her reputation with the ridiculous disguise to come and free her. She should have known then what her heart had wanted to tell her, then or at the latest when they had been trapped in that grave and moments from suffocating they both had used up what seemed like their last breath just to get close enough to at least touch the other's hand. But no, it had taken her until they had closed the rift to the underworld and being kissed by Richard to begin to understand that it was not him she wanted.

But had she acted on her insight? No, she had tried to convince herself that what she felt for Richard was as all encompassing and unconditional as his love for her. Yes, she still loved him but not the way he deserved to be loved. Over the last couple of months Kahlan had realised that it had been more the idea of being in love with which she had been in love, triggered by the fact that Richard had been the first person not intimidated by her white dress, the first person not afraid to touch her. It was all such a mess, Kahlan thought. Yes, Cara was so much braver than her. She had accepted her feelings instead of running from them – and she had been strong enough to do the right thing.

Kahlan sighed and suddenly became aware of still being under Zedd's scrutiny. She kept her eyes on Cara, hoping that her face had not revealed too many of her thoughts and emotions. Zedd waited patiently until she turned back to him, her Confessor's face now firmly back in place.

"Does Richard have anything to fear, Kahlan?"

As easy going and happy-go-lucky as Zedd usually appeared to be, he also was much more observant than people tended to give him credit for, and he had a protective streak a mile wide when Richard was concerned. His expression made it clear that he had seen more than enough, more than she had ever wanted anyone to see.

"No, First Wizard, Richard has nothing to fear. I love Richard. He is considerate, gentle, loving, generous. He is all I ever dreamed about in a lover and mate, all I was convinced I could never have. Together the Mother Confessor and Lord Rahl can lead the New World into a peaceful and prosperous future."

"And yet you desire Cara."

There was no point in denying it, "It's more than just desire, Zedd, but whatever it is, you should know me good enough to be sure that I'll never act on it. The nature of my love for your grandson might have changed from the puppy dog love we once shared to something else, but I will never betray him. Richard is my mate and he soon will be my husband. He will make a wonderful father and a good ruler. You have my word as Mother Confessor, Zedd."

"Thank you, Kahlan. Cara is a good friend to go to such lengths to help you."

Neither Kahlan's eyes nor the rest of her face showed any surprise at his erroneous deductions, "Yes, Mistress Cara is a good friend to have, and she never would allow anything to hurt Lord Rahl."

Kahlan knew that her choice of words would strengthen his believe that Cara only acted out of concern for a friend, and she was fine with that. No one needed to know the whole truth.

"Try not to spend too much time watching her, child. In time it will get easier," he said and squeezed her shoulder. "I'll make sure that Richard contents himself with Cara's official explanation of needing to protect him."

"Thank you, Zedd."

He repeated his comforting gesture and left her alone. When she looked back down into the courtyard was empty. She saw Cara leaving, following a member of the Home Guard and asked herself what could have possibly happened to make Cara cut her training short. Kahlan sighed again. Maybe Zedd was right and she really should stop looking at Cara, maybe it would stop hurting in time, but the mere thought of giving it up brought even more pain.

Kahlan decided to skip dinner in favour of work.

T H E ° E N D