Curiosity
"Eh, troublesome," grumbled Shikamaru. "You can't make a judgment like that without having experienced it."
Kiba stared intently at the Nara before the facial equivalent of a light bulb turning on flashed over his features. "I get it. You're gay."
Shikamaru groaned and buried his head in his arms where they lay on the table in front of him. Why did he persist in trying to explain scientific concepts to these people? The male component of the rookie nine - plus two – (minus a certain missing nin) - were enjoying their monthly round of my female team mate is more violent that your female team mate at a local restaurant.
Kiba and Shino didn't really have a lot to complain about; they just came to laugh at the others. Well, Kiba laughs. No one is really sure what Shino does under that coat. It gave the young men an opportunity to brag about their exploits and trade advice, though each denied asking for advice as their entry to their questions.
"I think I understand, Shikamaru, thank you," said Chouji politely.
Naruto looked confused from the beginning of the conversation, and was now set to his default face of bright smile.
Shikamaru huffed into his crossed arms. He shot a glare at Kiba.
"Ok, ok," said Naruto, "but how does the cat fit into all this?"
"The guy explained the theory by using an example of a cat in an airtight, watertight, shielded box with a poison. Basically, quantum mechanics means that until you open the box, the cat is both alive and dead. Opening the box would change the conditions. Therefore, there is no way to really know if the cat it dead or alive without measuring it."
"Got it," said Naruto. "But how does that make you gay?"
Shikamaru resorted to banging his head ever so gently on the tabletop.
"Aaarg. Look, until you've had sex, you can't say you're gay, straight, or bi. It's like the box is unopened. You have a theory, but no evidence. Mister Rantie-Pants over there is assuming he's straight, but he can't really say that for sure. It's like the cat in the box – until you can find some way to measure it, you can't be certain of the results. You can't know if you do like it or not until you have a measure. Therefore, until you actually experience it, you are both gay and straight at the same time."
"So if we want to prove that we're not gay, we should kiss a guy?" asked Chouji.
"Exactly."
"Bullshit," said Kiba. "I like boobs. End of story."
"Not really; you could be bi."
"I'm not kissing a guy! I don't need to have sex to know that I like girls. That's final. Stop being a perv, Shikamaru."
"Meh, troublesome man, I'm not saying you should have sex with a guy, I'm saying you won't know that you like or don't like guys until you actually try it with a guy."
"Ok, but why did the cat die?" asked Naruto. His ability to cling to one particular point in any debate both astounded and annoyed Shikamaru.
Neji rolled his eyes, unnoticed by the group due to the lack of discernable pupil.
"Until you have measurable results, you can neither prove nor disprove a theory," said Neji. "The cat isn't important, Naruto, what's important is the idea – the thought process – behind it."
"Thank you, Neji, for proving to me that the concept is not beyond Konoha ninja - just Kiba," said Shikamaru. "Troublesome. "
"Neji! My Most Youthful teammate! We should kiss to prove our Undying Love to our Precious People."
Neji did not respond, save for a look of horror that silently screamed, why me!? Why does it always happen to me, damn it? He shifted on the bench seat so there was a good foot from his teammate, hoping the distance would discourage any bodily contact.
"No," he whispered urgently, "for the last time Lee, I'm not kissing you. I'm not going to hug you and I will not let you give me a piggie-back"
Lee pouted.
"Aww, no one want to kiss Fuzzy-brows," said Naruto.
"I don't want to kiss any of you! You're all crazy. CRAZY," bellowed Kiba.
Chouji looked thoughtful. "I'm the same person, whatever the response. I will kiss you, Lee-kun."
"Yosh!"
Five boys looked on as Lee jumped up out of his seat, grasped Chouji by his armor and dipped him before placing an exaggeratedly 'romantic' kiss on the big-boned nin's lips.
"Aww, what? Damn it Chouji, you're supposed to be one of the sane ones," complained Kiba.
Naruto looked amongst his friends. He scanned each face with a calculating look.
"Shikamaru –"
"No."
"But –"
"No. Pick someone else. "
"But you started – "
"No."
Naruto resumed his calculating look. He turned to Shino. "Shino, can I kiss you?"
"No way! No! Just- not with Shino, he's my teammate!"
Shino stood abruptly, leant over the table, hauled Naruto out of his seat with one hand, and kissed him.
He dropped Naruto back into his seat and sat down.
"I'm with you on this, Shikamaru – why choose?" said Shino. He smirked, but no one could see it.
Neji raised an elegant brow. "'With you'? As in - together, with you?"
Shikamaru smirked. "No. I already knew that I'm bi."
Kiba screeched at the unfairness of it all, wailed about his love for Hinata, then grabbed Neji and kissed him.
Neji punched Kiba so hard that he went through the window of the restaurant, across the street, and into the window of the restaurant opposite.
"Straight then?" queried Naruto.
"No, I just don't like people kissing me without permission. Especially someone professing their love for my cousin."
Kiba wandered back into the restaurant, glass still clinging to his hair. He was waylaid by the irate restaurateur, and arrived at the table several weeks pay down from when they started their meal. House rules were the victim had to pay for the damage.
"So, straight. How 'bout you guys?" said Kiba as he sat down.
Chouji plucked glass out of his meal. "Straight."
"Shino, man?"
Shino turned his head to his teammate. Kiba could tell there was a grin on his face. "Bi."
Kiba hung his head. "Naruto?"
Naruto graced the world with a thousand watt smile. "Bi – doubles my chances."
"That, and your only real kisses have been from guys," said Shikamaru. "Actually, you're going to have to kiss a girl before you can confirm it.
Kiba ignored Naruto's indignant shouting and continued around the table.
"Lee?"
"My Love For The Fair Sakura Grows Ever Stronger with the Fire of Youth!"
Five boys looked at one another. Naruto was still ranting at Shikamaru. "Straight," they chorused.
"Shikamaru?"
"Bi – but women are troublesome."
Kiba turned to Neji. "And you're straight!"
"Gay – You're a terrible kisser."
Kiba's ranting joined Naruto's – an event so common that the two had learned to peak while the other lulled, given the effect of an almost musical quality.
Kiba stormed off, as did Naruto, and were soon followed by a smirking Shino and a rosy-cheeked Lee profession his love for Sakura.
Chouji remained to finish all the meals. "Good luck, Shikamaru," he said as he departed.
Neji and Shikamaru sat on opposite side of the table.
"You already knew you were bi?"
"Yep."
"Then the purpose of this exercise was…?"
"To find out if you were."
"Hn."
The two sat silently for a few moments.
"The Hyuuga compound is always guarded."
Shikamaru raised a lazy brow. Neji tried to remain impassive. Shikamaru smirked as a slight blush tinted the usually stoic man's cheeks. His lips blossomed into a smile at the older man's discomfort.
"So, my place then?"
--
Brought to you by my fucked up brain, which uses the above to argue with my sister that kissing a girl does not make me bi, or a lesbian, it actually proves I like men better. Especially if there are two of them. Kissing. Like Shikamaru and Neji. Naked.
Very basically, quantum suppositions breaks down to that things are uncertain until measured.
If you never open the box, the cat, not being proved dead, is technically alive and dead at the same time. It's our curiosity that drives us to open the box, which ties in pretty well with the phrase 'curiosity killed the cat'.
I know there are people with a far better understanding of it that would explain it better. That not being me I've listed the links to the wiki entries below.
en./wiki/Schrödinger'scat
en./wiki/Curiositykilledthecat
One more side note – I made myself giggle while writing this, which prompted my Fiancée to tell me I was having too much fun writing this.