Twelve days. It had been twelve long days of no contact with Jack. He had initially told Elizabeth he just needed a few days to process the events that caused him to turn his back to her, effectively shutting her out completely. Elizabeth had still been reeling from the shock of Charles proposing so she was very accepting of his need for space. She remembered how, when closing the distance between them and bringing her lips within an inch of his, she felt nothing but coldness streaming back at her. She then subtly moved her intended kiss to his cheek and realized she was not going to get any affection in return.
It was when Jack refused to kiss her back that Elizabeth felt her heart shatter into a million pieces. She quickly stepped away from him to briskly walk home, and spent the next two days in a foggy mess of tears and worry about the future of their relationship. By day three Elizabeth had had enough of crying and resumed her regular work week's activities and completely shut Jack out of her mind, figuring two could play that game. It worked well until Friday, day eight, when his inability to show his face anywhere near the cafe or the schoolhouse clearly illustrated his opinion on the status of their relationship. This did not look good.
That anger persisted until today, day twelve, when Elizabeth decided to ambush Jack into a conversation so she could share some of her sentiments with him. In no way could she prolong this confrontation. Jack's withdrawal from Elizabeth's life with no assurance he would return made her realize she had to take back some control of the situation and move to a resolution. She could not possibly endure any more time spent in limbo with this man.
Walking softly on the gravel streets, Elizabeth felt a drumming in her ears. It was her heart beating loudly as it increased its approach to the front door of the Mountie's building. She stopped and took a big breath before knocking, steadying her composure to ensure she could follow through with what she was about to do.
Just as Elizabeth was starting to think Jack wasn't inside, the door swung suddenly open, revealing a casually clothed Jack who appeared to have just been awoken. He looked both relieved and surprised to see her. She was just trying to keep it together and not cry.
He spoke first. Softly. "Elizabeth."
"Hi." Elizabeth replied as she found it difficult to maintain eye contact with him. "Look. I really need to talk to you and this can't wait any longer." She inhaled deeply and as she looked up, she briefly locked eyes with him.
Jack took a step back and motioned for her to come inside. She obliged by walking just as far as she needed to allow the door to close, trying to create as much space between them as possible, and began with her well-rehearsed speech. Her words were slow and deliberate, careful to not elicit a care to discuss this matter any further. "I've been doing a lot of reflection on our relationship and I just want you to know that I'm not willing to wait any longer for you to decide how you feel about us." Her eyes looked up at the ceiling as she continued, the emotional turmoil she was experiencing was clearly noticeable in the way her body tensed, her breathing careful. "I can't do this anymore." Her voice slightly wavered at the end of the sentence but she managed to pull herself together to look him directly in the eye. Elizabeth could see the effect her appearance had on him but didn't let it sway her intent.
"I don't know what to say, Elizabeth." Jack looked down and ran his hand into his hair, gently pulling on his locks as he released his grip. "I don't know how to fit into your world. "
Elizabeth knew Jack felt very uncomfortable around her friends and family in Hamilton, and fully expected someone who wasn't part of that extremely exclusive world to feel that way. She spoke up for herself, "So you`ve got doubts about me because you're not comfortable with my family? You come with your own challenges, Jack!" Elizabeth clenched her jaw and wiped away a tear from her inner eye that was about to fall. ``What about what I have to accept as part of our relationship? I have accepted all of the risks and surprises that come with being involved with someone in your line of work. And what about your declaration to me that we could face any problems together, as a couple? How could you go back on your word so quickly?"
`"You know how I feel about that guy Elizabeth. I don't trust him. Especially when it comes to you." Jack's chest was lightly heaving with with the sudden realization that he handled the situation completely wrong. All he wanted was to pull her into his arms and magically erase the past twelve days and remove all of bad feelings between them.
"Well...I don't necessarily trust him either, Jack. You would have known that much if you ever let me talk to you candidly about him. It`s just that every time I do try to, you shut me down. You tell me there`s need to explain, you trust me and that's all that matters." The tears started to fall solemnly down her cheeks while Elizabeth managed to contain any sobs that threatened to erupt. She looked up at Jack and saw an extremely pained expression on his face, as if he were being struck with a realization for the first time and he subtly made an advance towards Elizabeth to reel her in. She recoiled and took a step back, her foot hitting the door behind her.
"No. Please. Don`t touch me. " Elizabeth shook her head back and forth and brought her arms around to hug herself tightly.
"Elizabeth. Please. I know I`ve let this go too far and I see that I`ve terribly upset you…" Jack`s efforts at smoothing over this situation felt hollow, even to himself, as he was starting to see the whole ordeal from a completely different perspective. He had allowed himself to wallow in the fact that a man who, to Jack, had signified everything he hated about Elizabeth's life in Hamilton, had beaten him to asking for Elizabeth's hand in marriage. In a schoolhouse that Jack had built with this own hands, no less. Jack felt wholly responsible for Elizabeth`s raw display of distress.
"You turned your back on me, Jack. You just abandoned me...when things got a little complicated...upsetting...whatever you want to call it." Elizabeth stated matter-of-factly. "Where was the man who told me, that day in the mine, together we could face any challenge?`` Her eyes were pleading with him, strained with a week`s worth of pure frustration. `Where was he?" She shook her head, unable to meet his eyes, and moved her gaze to his dog, Rip, settled in beside the stove.
Elizabeth continued as if in a trance, her eyes still looking at the sleeping dog. "I'm grateful, you know... You've shown me what to expect from you in the future." She slowly brought eyes directly in line with his and continued. "A man that will throw me to the wolves if it gets too tough." Elizabeth turned her face into a look of revolt as she spat out how insignificant she felt to him.
"I didn't throw you to the wolves, Elizabeth. I felt..at the time... it was more bowing out. Letting the two of you figure out...your relationship. I don't know. " Jack brought his hands up and ran them through his hair again, showing the edges of an agitated state starting to form. Her comment was working its way as a slow stabbing motion towards his heart as realized he couldn't really disagree with the way she phrased her disappointment in him.
Knowing he couldn't approach Elizabeth, Jack turned and walked slowly over to his desk. He cautiously pulled out the well-worn chair and sat down, his gesture a total surrender to her character assassination. He deserved it. His actions that afternoon, twelve days ago, had been driven purely by jealousy and embedded insecurities that were entirely contrary to his typical nature. As a highly trained professional of the law, he was taught innocence until proven guilty...and he hadn't even given Elizabeth the chance to prove hers. Instead, his blinding jealousy had hijacked his standard operating protocol and led to the precarious position his courtship of Elizabeth was now teetering from.
"The only relationship I had that would have warranted a proposal was the one I had with you. How could you honestly believe I would accept a proposal from someone I wasn't even in a relationship with? What kind of woman do you think I am, someone who would seek attention from two men at the same time?" Elizabeth's cheeks were gently flushed, alive with the fury that comes with comparing oneself to another with questionable morales. Elizabeth had plenty of morales and she wasn't going to stand here and let anyone degrade her.
Jack winced strongly at Elizabeth's use of the word 'had'. Past tense. He knew where she was headed with this conversation; the reason she broke their separation. His elbow was resting on the arm of the chair as he brought his hand up, cradling his spinning head upright. Jack squeezed his eyes shut in an effort to shake this encounter off as a dream, hoping he could wake up and render this whole twelve day purgatory pure fiction of his mind. Just hearing Elizabeth allude to a marriage made him cringe inwardly, calculating that if his plan of proposal had went the way he intended, it was entirely plausible that the two of them could have been married right now. Oh how he wished things had turned out differently.
"I understand now why you've lost faith in me Elizabeth. I've been a fool. I don't know what else I can do to make this...make us alright." Jack looked at Elizabeth pleadingly, his eyes etched with disappointment in himself. "Tell me what you want me to do."
"It's too late for that. Like I said...I am done. I've lost a lot of trust in you, Jack…" Elizabeth paused shortly and fought back the sobs that were threatening to unleash themselves, succeeding enough to express only tears as evidence of her distress. "and I don't know how to get it back." She met his eyes and held the gaze steadily, almost as if she were looking at a stranger.
Elizabeth brought her hand to the door's handle and slowly pulled it towards her, a rush of crisp fall air rushing into the open space. She looked at Jack and sadly smiled. "I'll always love you Jack. But I can't be in a relationship with someone how has no trust in me...no faith in my feelings for them. I'm sorry." Holding back her sobs, she quickly escaped into the darkness of night, leaving behind a man whose heart was laying on the floor, shattered in a million pieces.