This is a tale about four brothers, who have evolved through mutation. They all started out as ordinary turtles, but became large humanoids with turtle shells on their backs and tough, green skin. The only difference between the four, as far as appearance goes, is the bandannas they wear, and the weapons they wield. As a group, they are called the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. They spend most of their lives helping others, and saving the world from evil who would want to ruin everyone's peaceful lives.

Our story begins with our four brave heroes doing charity work in a local hospital for children. The room they are doing charity work in is filled with terminally ill children, and they are all crying with joy at the arrival of their favorite superheroes.

"WAAAAHHHHHH! These scary monsters are going to eat us!"

The leader, Cornelius, is putting on a show for the kids. He is punching things, and rocking his head up and down. Cornelius is wearing a bandanna with the word "Hulkster" written on it. On his back are his weapons, a chainsaw and a rocket launcher.

"I love parties! This music rocks! Mosh pit!"

Cornelius jumps on a group of huddled up children, who are standing in the corner. Cornelius even makes the shy ones feel like they are welcome. By the way, there is no music. I think he is enjoying the cries of joy from the children.

It seems our Hispanic member of the team, Amelio, is trying to give one of the kids some medicine to treat his sickness. He's such a good Samaritan. Amelio wears a black bandanna with a skull and crossbones on it. You can't see his weapon, but he hides a switchblade knife in his shell.

"Yo esay! Want to buy some of this cocaine? You'll feel like you don't even have a disease."

"B-b-b-b-but my mommy says that doing drugs is bad."

"Don't be loco, holmes! This is medicine! This bag will be fifty dollars."

"I don't have fifty dollars..."

"You trying to punk me, bra! No-one punks Amelio and lives to see tomorrow!"

Amelio gives the child a gentle tap on the nose for pulling a prank on him. A tap hard enough to give the kid a nose bleed.

"These flowers are delicious! I'm glad you disgusting little savages have something edible. Meat or anything processed is bad for my stomach."

Your opinion doesn't matter, Postulio! Postulio is eating the flowers that the children graciously gave him. What an ingrate. He might as well be breaking into the room against their will and stealing flowers that were given to them by their parents. Postulio wears a pink bandanna with a rainbow on it. His weapon of choice is a can of mace.

Our fourth and final member of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Lamp, is breaking all of the lamps in the room.

"I fucking hate lamps!"

Who knows what Lamp is thinking? I bet he has had too much of Amelio's medicine. Lamp wears a bandana that shines like a light bulb. He can make any lamp he wields his weapon of mass destruction.

It seems the children's parents and some policemen are outside of the door. I bet they want to join in on the party too.

"These monsters have held our children hostage! Could you please do something about them?"

"Don't worry ma'am. We'll do whatever we can to rescue your children. Our biggest obstacle is the monster in the middle. He has a rocket launcher and a chainsaw with him, and he might kill all of the children if we make a careless move."

All of the parents gasp at what the police officer said. Mister police officer probably forgot the paper and pens for our heroes to sign for their autograph. What a forgetful police officer.

"Anyway, lets first try to negotiate with them. Monsters! Please, let the children go, and come out with your hands up! If you come out quietly, alot of trouble will be avoided for both of us!"

"Oh shit! Time to split!"

Cornelius shouts, as he realizes their guests on the other side are there. He fires a rocket at the door where the policemen and parents are hiding. Our heroes decide to jump out of the window and leave, so they can give the children and parents some time to themselves. When they go outside, they see a large group of police who are waiting for them. I bet those mean police men want to harm the children. Cornelius shouts in anger.

"You bastards will never capture us! Let me handle this, everyone."

"Violence is wrong! We should just to negotiate and-"

"LAMP! NOW!"

"...fine."

Just as Postulio was about to continue his faggy speech, Amelio orders Lamp to shut him up. Lamp breaks a lamp over Postulio's head, knocking him out. Cornelius starts up his chainsaw, and dashes into the huddle of policemen. They all start shooting at him, but bullets don't effect Cornelius's mutant skin. Cornelius starts killing those evil policemen. Officer after officer, they are helpless against Cornelius's chainsaw and raw fighting spirit. Some policemen even try to trick Cornelius into surrendering.

"Please! Spare me! I won't fight anymore! I have a wife and kids!"

"DIE!"

Such trickery won't work on our hero. He kills the officer without hesitation. The hospital parking lot turns into a bloody battlefield, full of dismembered limbs and dead policemen. After Cornelius is sure that all of the policemen are gone, he signals to his teammates for an escape. Amelio picks up the unconscious Postulio, and they leave for their hideout.

The turtles' hideout is in the sewer, where they can fully enjoy themselves without fear of being attacked by villains. They all have expensive furniture and appliances that Amelio so kindly bought for everyone. Each turtle has his own room. Amelio also used his master skills to hook up some electricity for everyone. Just as they enter their hideout, they are greeted by their father and teacher, Tweaser.

"I see you all had fun. I wish you'd invite an old man to indulge in a child's fun once in a while."

Tweaser is a giant, mutated beaver, wearing only a ragged pair of pants. Tweaser slowly walks up to his children, and looks at them all with a saddened expression.

"I remember back when you were small turtlelings. We would have so much fun together. I would skip you across the pond, and use you to crack nuts. Now you're too cool to hang out with an old man. Time certainly does fly by."

"This is the 20th time you said this to us today, esay! Have you taken your medicine! It's the one that says "rat poison" on the box! Take it if you want to feel better!"

"Yeah, I took it. The medicine makes me feel like I'm young again!"

"Damn! I forgot that poison and radiation make us stronger!"

Amelio is such a caring son, helping his aging father feel strong and young again. Amelio throws Postulio on the ground, and everyone leaves to do their usual activities.

The day passes uneventfully, with the turtles doing their daily activities. Three of the turtles are present, with Tweaser complaining to Lamp about kids these days. Amelio enters the hideout after attending to some business outside. Amelio calls for the rest of the turtles.

"Yo! I need some help carrying some things into the hideout!"

"What have you found on your scavenger hunt, Paco?"

"I found a place with a bunch of thrown out lamps-"

"I don't want it, ass hole!"

Lamp jumps in angrily as Amelio is about to continue.

"I also found a large box of gay porno and a dildo for Postulio."

"That's real mature! I'll have you know that I don't appreciate your snide remarks that imply that I am a homosexual! If you make another joke like that again, I'll -"

Lamp finally gets tired of Postulio's whining and breaks a lamp over Postulio's head.

"Good job, Lamp! You really are the brightest member of our team...Pffffahahahahahahaha!"

"Hahahahahahaha! That's a good one, essay!"

"I hate you."

"Joking aside, I found a nice batch of appliances. One of our fridges is stuffed with dead moose that Amelio picked up. Our other one is full of faggy vegetarian garbage that Postulio crammed in the other. I'm tired of choosing between a dead moose and vegetarian garbage, so I want to get atleast two more fridges. One for me, and the other for Lamp."

"Since we're turtles, doesn't it make more sense if we're vegetarians?"

"Shut up, smart ass!"

Amelio and Cornelius both shout at Lamp.

"Having two more fridges in the house is a good idea. Lets go Paco and Lamp. We might as well get a new microwave too!"

The three turtles leave the unconscious Postulio on the floor, and leave their hideout. It's about midnight, which is perfect for buying appliances without having to worry about other customers getting in the way. They make their way to a small appliance store that's seemingly closed. Silly heroes, you need to go to a larger store if you want to buy appliances at this time of night.

"Cornelius, fire a rocket on the store's door!"

"Got ya, Paco!"

Cornelius takes out his rocket launcher and aims at the door of the appliance store.

"Stop right there! I'll kill you before you have a chance to rob that store!"

"Who's there?"

Everyone shouts as a strange person in the dark walks up to them. As they look at him, light conveniently comes up on his face. The mysterious villain is wearing a shogun mask and shogun armor to go with his mask. It seems this new villain is wanting to interrupt our heroes' shopping trip.

"You'll pay for what you did to me and my family! My name is-"

Chapter 1 end