I've read a few humorous fics of other characters babysitting Kenji but I never found one of Hiko babysitting him. So, since Hiko is Kenshin's master and because I think it'd be hilarious to read about that crazy drunk of a master trying to care for a child, I wrote this. Hopefully no one finds it too bad.
Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin and the characters belong to Nobuhiro Watsuki.
"Master, I can't thank you enough for this."
Hiko Seijuro, master of the Hiten-Mitsurugi-ryu sword style and Kenshin's moody master, found himself to be far more annoyed today then any other.
He was being asked, rather forced, to babysit his idiot pupil's little son, Kenji.
"No one else would help..." Kaoru Himura had previously explained, "Yahiko had to work, Misao offered but she couldn't get the chance to travel over, and Megumi was too busy. Everyone we asked just couldn't babysit."
And so, like the pathetic excuse of a brain-dead samurai (Hiko's words) that he was, Kenshin unthinkingly volunteered Hiko to babysit.
He had tried to refuse but Kenshin was so desperate that he begged. While the older man was used to the Battosai's pathetic nature, he couldn't deny him. Dang. Kenshin's horrible ignorance was beginning to rub off on the master. Or perhaps he had just had too much to drink the previous night and still had a hangover. Either way, Hiko was screwed with the job now.
"Ma!" Kenji cried as Kaoru handed him over to a reluctant Hiko. Tears immediately filled the toddler's eyes and he reached out in hopes his mother would take him back. Unfortunately, it never happened.
"We'll be back around eight. Please feed him in an hour. His food is in the kitchen next to the note." Kenshin leaned over and patted Kenji's head in comfort, "You be good for your uncle, okay?"
If this kid had to call him something, Hiko demanded it be "uncle" or "master", not "grandpa" or something degrading like that. The long-haired man made that crystal clear on his arrival to the dojo that day.
The Battosai's son let out a loud sniffle and gave his father's hair it's usual tug, "Daddy go bye-bye..."
Laughing, Kenshin rubbed his head then bowed once again in thanks to his master.
"Get the hell out of here, will you?" Hiko kicked the ex-manslayer in the shin and began shoving him to the doors, "The sooner you go, the sooner you can get back and relieve me of this terrible job."
The red-head sweat-dropped and nodded. Truthfully, Kenshin knew Hiko would have never wanted to babysit but he and Kaoru were desperate. They had an important meeting with another dojo master that was a long time friend to the Kamiya family so they couldn't stay home with Kenji and the boy most certainly couldn't go with them. So, taking a deep breath, Kenshin slid open the doors to leave with his wife.
"See you later, Kenji-kunnnn~" Kaoru coo'ed, exiting the dojo with her husband. Once the doors closed, all was finally silent.
"Alright, kid. You sit here and do nothing." Hiko placed the small child on a mat that was placed on the floor and then went to sit down himself to drink the sake he had brought.
"Mama...mama..." Kenji began crying now, wiggling around in protest in his seat.
Gulping down a bunch of sake, the muscular man shot his usual dark glare at the child. The same glare he used on Kenshin back during his training days when he'd get on Hiko's nerves, just as his son was doing now, "Don't start. I'm not getting paid enough to deal with a snot-nosed brat's petty problems."
At suddenly hear Hiko speak at him, Kenji ceased his cries and looked straight at his babysitter in wonder.
His samurai instincts kicking in, Hiko immediately felt the boy's eyes on him and stopped his drinking. The man rose a brow at the mini-Kenshin, "What are you staring at?"
Kenji's ocean-blue orbs wandered down to the sake bottle in Hiko's hand, making the child point at it, "Baba?"
Hiko simply responded by rolling his eyes and continued to drink.
"Baba."
"..."
"Ba-BA?"
The master in the Hiten-Mitsurugi style felt his right eye begin to twitch. Ignoring this kid was beginning to get hard.
"Ba...Ba!" Kenji bounced in his seat, excitedly.
Hiko shot an extremely odd look at the hyper-active son, "The hell's wrong with you?"
The little boy giggled, clapping his hands and motioning for the bottle as if he wanted a drink himself. At seeing this, Hiko couldn't help but smirk and held the bottle away. Even if he wanted to, Hiko couldn't give a one-year old sake. Kenji's mother would be all over his butt if he even attempted such a thing.
"Sorry, kid. This isn't for you."
Kenshin's son pursed his lips up in pout, "Gla..."
Unexpectedly, Hiko let out a chuckle and took one big chug of sake. He then exhaled loudly, 'This babysitting thing is pretty easy. Maybe this night won't turn out too bad after all.'
But as if Kenji could read his caretaker's thoughts, the infant's cries resurfaced from before; only this time, much louder.
"Damn." Hiko threw the sake bottle to the floor as he rose to examine the crier.
"Gaha...wahhh...!"
Hiko let out a sigh and took Kenji in his arms. He held the child up to his face and shot another famous glare at the baby, "Stop that, ya loud mouth! You're as bad as your dad was when he used to wet the bed."
Just like before, Kenji's cries were immediately replaced by laughs, "Da? Dahaha!" He giggled.
Hiko smirked again, "Ah, laughing at your dad, huh?" Perhaps he and this child could get along after all.
~Grumble~
The fighter looked in all directions for the source of the odd sound, "What the..."
Kenji touched his tummy with a small hand, "Foo!"
At remembering the instructions given to him about Kenji's feeding time, Hiko resat the boy on the mat and began drinking all over again. Kaoru had told him to feed Kenji at five. Looking at the bright sun still hanging high in the sky outside the dojo, Hiko assumed it was only about three-thirty.
"Foo!" Kenji cried once more, making an attempt to stand up and walk over to his moody babysitter.
The master samurai ignored Kenji's cries still.
"U-Uncle Hiko~" Kenji suddenly popped up out of no where and plopped his tiny body into said man's lap. Then, as if he were imitating his mother when she was drunk, Kenji flashed puppy eyes as his last resort to get what he wanted.
Hiko did nothing more then snort at this, "Kid, that cute act isn't going to work on me. Your moron of a father tried that during his training days and if I wouldn't stand for it then, I won't stand for it now."
Wait a minute. Had he really just lectured a mere one-year old? Hiko sweat-dropped. He seriously needed more sake to get through this night, that much was certain.
"Foo, foo!" Now, the cries seemed to turn into a loud, obnoxious scream.
Grunting, Hiko stood up and took hold of the back of Kenji's kimono. Carrying him as if he were some kind of animal, Kenshin's master proceeded outside and over to a small pond placed right outside the Kamiya dojo.
"FOO-FOO..." Kenji ceased his screams when his babysitter held his body over the water, threatening to drop him into the cold pond. Sweat formed on the Himura child's face. A pond? No way, he didn't even like bath time. What was wrong with this babysitter?
At seeing tears of horror form in Kenji's eyes, Hiko whispered darkly into the little one's ear, "Shut your mouth or I'll punish you."
A small gulp could be heard from Kenji's throat as he turned and stared at Hiko with bright, tear-filled eyes that were as big as his fists now. It was as if the boy's eyes held some sort of spell because the master of swords found himself unable to break eye-contact with Kenshin's son.
Kenji began to tremble in fear, "B-Buh..."
"...Tsk." Hiko brought Kenji back away from the water and placed him on the ground. Turning his back in order to hide his embarrassment, the long-haired adult felt his eye twitch once again. He really hated this job. And he swore he'd get his idiot apprentice back for this someday.
'Well, it probably can't get any worst...' Hiko thought, rotating his body back towards Kenji,
"Okay, brat. Let's..."
Hiko froze. There was suppose to be a sweet little boy with brown hair in a small purple kimono sitting right before him. However...no one, not even a small mouse was there.
A terrible curse word slipped from Hiko's mouth. He had heard of things like this happening to other people before. He even believed Kenshin would end up doing this. But him? How could HE have lost a stupid kid who looked just like his pupil in less then a minute?!
Despite the panic that was slowly rising within him, the man took a deep breath; forcing himself to retain his composure. If there was one lesson he had learned in his lifetime, it's that panicking gets you no where. It simply makes things worst. And Hiko refused to let emotions or worries get the best of him at this age.
The Hitokiri Battosai's teacher began wandering around the dojo grounds, calling out to the lost child. Thirty minutes passed and in that time, Hiko had looked under the porch, inside the entire dojo and storage house, around the pond, and behind the trees. Dammit, he had looked EVERYWHERE and still no sign of the boy could be found.
A horrible thought then crossed his mind. Hiko's dark eyes slowly turned towards the gate that led out of the Kamiya property. He immediately began power-walking as fast as he could to the gate, fearing what he thought he saw. Once Hiko was standing a mere two feet from the gate, he realized...the gate was slightly ajar. There were two possibilities here:
One: Kenshin, being the ignorant fool of a man (again, Hiko's words) that he was, didn't close the gate all the way at his departure.
Or worst, two: Kenji had somehow managed to open the gate himself and walked out.
The Hiten-mitsurugi-ryu user felt his lips beginning to tingle as he let more curse words slip out, one much worst then the last. Now panic was becoming harder and harder to fend off. What if Kenji really had somehow escaped from the dojo grounds? He may have been only a year old but that boy was as fast as his father when it came to walking. For all Hiko knew, Kenji could have gotten out and have already been kidnapped by some bandit or had his little throat slit by some deranged passer-byre.
Sure, it's not as if Hiko hadn't experienced this kind of thing before. He remembered back to Kenshin's early days as his student and how the boy would easily get lost in the forest or mountains for days on end. But that was different then this. Back then, Kenshin was still old enough to handle himself and watch out for any danger, no matter how lost he got. With Kenji, being only a child who's life was just starting out...
"Hell...!" Hiko ran back into the dojo and grabbed his sword that he had placed on the floor. Quickly, he strapped it to his belt and launched his body out of the building towards the gate, panic at last taking it's control over him, "If that kid gets hurt or worst, Kenshin will never..."
Forgive him? Speak to him again? Be happy again? No, those things weren't what concerned the usually composed man so. As much as Kenshin's master hated to admit it...he actually, well, gave a damn about him. While he could do without the stupid whining for his mother and his idiotic cries for attention; Hiko saw a lot of Kenshin's good qualities in Kenji. The man knew he'd grow up to be a good swordsman and person, just like his father. But that would never happen if the little boy wasn't found.
"Kenji!" Hiko shouted, looking around outside the gate, trying to decide on which direction to go. Just as he turned his body to make a right, a familiar coo echoed from inside the gates.
Hiko followed the coos back onto the Kamiya grounds and caught eye of a small something sitting on the roof of the dojo.
'You gotta be frickin' kidding me...'
There Kenji was. Sitting happily on the roof of his home, a big grin on his chubby face as he enjoyed the pained expression on his babysitter's face.
"How the crap did you get up there?" Hiko asked in annoyance, jumping up onto the roof beside the boy.
Kenji simply answered with more gurgles and coos.
That brat. That was the only word Hiko could think of to perfectly describe Kenji. He had bested him in a way he never thought possible of a toddler. Kenji had actually gotten him to lose his cool for a moment by sneaking up onto the roof. Not even Kenshin had ever made him lose it like that.
The moody master had to say it: Kenji was pretty smart for his age.
"I'm taking you inside and sticking you to a wall where you can't get away." Hiko scooped up the child and dropped from the roof, onto the porch with a loud thunk.
As the two entered back into the dojo to await Kenshin and Kaoru's return, Kenji, imitating his mother, playfully punched Hiko in the shoulder and smirked in a way that would remind anyone of Kenshin's battle face.
Hiko simply shook his head and smirked back at the boy. Kenji wasn't at all like he had been expecting.
One thought crossed the man's mind by the end of that night:
'Maybe I could get used to this babysitting thing.'
Authors notes: The ending was rushed but I just wanted this story to be a quick little one-shot that was short, sweet, and to the point. Hope it wasn't too bad. Reviews are very appreciated.