Disclaimer: It seems that no matter how many curses I try to cast, I still don't own these characters or the show Once Upon a Time. Rest assured, I'll keep trying.
A/N: So this is for a secret santa for the lovely SheepyShavings! Only it's a little late, because I got a new laptop with no Word, so I had to wait until it was installed. (Don't even get me started on how much I hate GoogleDocs, which were my backup plan.) Anyways, I tried to write your first suggestion, but I was failing miserably with the topic, so I went with the second option, I do hope that's okay.
Without further ado, so lovely Swan Queen angst and fluff.
She didn't want to admit it—was barely even able to acknowledge it to herself—but Regina Mills was nervous. Christmas for the last ten years had been a fairly underplayed event in her life, consisting of only small celebrations between Henry and her. With just the two of them, it never seemed necessary to go all out, and Henry never had complained or mentioned doing anything more.
It's not like they didn't celebrate. There was always a tree, presents—mostly for Henry, though Regina adored each and every handmade gift her son wrapped up for her each year—a small but nice dinner, a few decorations, and even a stray carol drifting through the house, but never anything like the big Hallmark Christmases pictured on television.
Normally, this wouldn't have even bothered Regina, let alone made her so anxious, but this year was different. This year, Emma would be celebrating her first "real" Christmas with them, and Regina knew she had to make it perfect.
The thought first occurred to the brunette over lunch with Emma and Henry one day in late November. The subject of Christmas had come up, and the blonde's face had immediately lit up as she went on about this being the first Christmas she'd get to spend with her family. Surprisingly, Regina soon found that not only was Henry included in that, but so was she.
"Regina, you're Henry's mom too, and even though we have a… strange relationship, you're my family too. Of course I want you to celebrate with us," Emma had said.
Apparently this also included spending the holiday with Snow and Charming, a fact that had made Regina hesitant at first, but there was something about the excitement behind the blonde's eyes as she spoke of the perfect family Christmas they would all be having that had Regina agreeing without consideration. She didn't even know why she cared about making Emma happy; it's not like they were on the best of terms. Sure, after Emma and Snow returned from Fairy Tale Land they'd gotten closer to civil for the sake of Henry, but that shouldn't have changed her feeling towards the blonde.
So now, Regina was sitting in her study, only a week before Christmas, and as she sorted through the strange I-care feelings for Emma and the fact that they would begin really preparing to celebrate tomorrow, she couldn't help but let the nervous feeling take hold.
How was she, the Evil Queen, supposed to give Emma the perfect family Christmas?
So lost in her thoughts was Regina that she didn't even notice the sound of her study door creaking open or the footsteps that came towards her. She jumped at the sudden feeling of a hand on her upper arm, surprised to find the blonde sitting next to her.
"Miss Swan?" The blonde sighed in relief; apparently she'd been trying to get her attention for a while.
"You okay?" Emma asked, furrowing her brows.
"I—uh—yes, I'm fine. Did you need something Miss Swan?" Regina asked, desperate to change the subject from herself. The last thing she wanted was for Emma to know what she'd been thinking about.
Emma seemed to take the diversion, smiling happily once again. "Henry and I are ready to go get a tree. I know you guys usually just go to a pre-cut lot, but I heard about this place on the edge of town where you can walk around and cut them down yourself. We could get such a huge tree for your house! I thought, since that wouldn't be very practical in Snow's apartment, that the three of us could go all out on yours. Then we can string popcorn and put up the lights and ornaments while we listen to Christmas music."
As Emma continued chatting excitedly about all her extravagant ideas that somehow went from finding a tree to how maybe she could come over early Christmas morning to watch Henry open all his presents in a positively perfect scene, Regina could feel the panic rising in her chest. There was just no way she could even keep up with the chattering blonde, let alone make Christmas all she was expecting.
Regina felt like she was suffocating, and mixed with the confusion over why she even cared in the first place, she knew it was time to retreat. "Miss Swan, I have a lot to do here. Perhaps you can just go with Henry," Regina suggested with a false smile.
"What?" Emma asked in surprise, finally looking at Regina. "Regina, I know you have no work to do."
"Please, Miss Swan, you two should just go enjoy yourselves." Regina looked away at a spot on the carpet she was suddenly finding way too interesting, afraid that Emma would use her "special power" to see the lie straight through her.
A hesitant hand found its way to her knee and a heavy sigh sounded from her right. "What did I do wrong?" Emma asked nervously.
"What?" It was Regina's turn to be confused.
"Well, things were going so great, but now you seem upset, so I must have done something," Emma said with a worried frown.
"I assure you, dear, you've actually managed to do nothing wrong this time." Regina smiled, this time a true one, but it was small and only lasted a moment.
"Then what's wrong?"
Regina further steeled her features, sitting rigidly, but her tired eyes were surely going to give her away. "I have a headache." It was a last attempt to lie, and a weak one at that, but Emma seemed to buy it.
"Oh, well we can do the tree tomorrow!" Emma exclaimed, looking at Regina with what the brunette refused to admit was pity. "It's no big deal, really. Maybe if you're feeling up to it later, we can break into that collection of Christmas movies Henry has planned out."
Regina couldn't take it any longer. Between the hopeful look on Emma's face and the kind words leaving her lips, the brunette was quickly losing stability.
"I don't want to go get a tree!" Regina yelled, standing up quickly and stepping back. Emma looked on at the outburst in shock.
"You keep talking about this perfect Christmas with your family, and then you just had to include me! I don't know how to do Christmas that way, Miss Swan! I don't know how to be civil with your parents to make sure you get the perfect day. I don't know how to decorate an extravagant tree with all the works and immerse myself in Christmas carols. I can't live up to those expectations, and the worst part is that it's my fault you've never had a Christmas before that did, so I have to try and make it work, but I don't know how to!"
While Regina lost control, spilling out her words faster than she could think as angry tears threatened to fall from her eyes, Emma stood and moved forward until they were only inches apart.
"Regina…" Emma tried, but the brunette kept going.
The next thing she knew, Emma's lips were smashed against her own, cutting off any lingering words.
"Miss Swan!" Regina exclaimed when she pulled back, fire burning in her gaze.
Again, as if she hadn't even reacted, Emma's hot mouth was upon her. This time, she allowed herself to give in a bit to the sensation. Her lips tasted of chocolate and cinnamon, making Regina fight to contain a moan.
"Miss Swan," she said as she pulled away for air, this time a bit more weakly.
For the third time, Emma closed the distance, this time weaving her hand into Regina's perfectly styled hair. When they simultaneously broke the contact, Regina felt herself resting their foreheads together, allowing their heavy breaths to mingle as she croaked out a weak, "Emma."
After the two women took a moment to compose themselves, Emma moved back, though her arms remained wrapped around Regina's waist. The brunette couldn't remember the last time anyone had taken the time to hold her, but the touch felt strangely comforting.
Then Emma started to laugh. It started out as a small chuckle, but soon turned to a full bellied, hard to breathe laugh that had her shaking against a very confused Regina.
"You really care about me?" Emma asked, her face lighting up in wonder.
Regina only nodded, afraid of the weakness that would be behind whatever words she spoke next.
"I'm sorry, I just, I didn't even think that you cared what I said, and now I find out that you're so worried about me having the Christmas I want." Emma shook her head, the laughs now turning to a strange tearful look.
Regina felt the green eyes burning into her own, trying to hold the contact that the brunette was longing to break. Instead, she let Emma comfort her, for once, and listened to what she had to say.
"I guess I just assumed that Christmas was supposed to be a certain way, but I never meant to make you feel like your way wasn't enough. God, Regina, I was so happy when you agreed to do Christmas with me, as my family, that I didn't even stop to consider that you might do things a certain way," Emma explained warmly.
"But you were just so excited about everything, and I don't want to do anything to mess that up," Regina said, sounding smaller than most could recall ever hearing from the powerful Queen.
"Being with my parents and Henry—being with YOU—that's what I care about. So what if we screw something up? We laugh about it and move on to something else, assuming I even realize it's messed up."
"Really?" Regina asked, finally allowing herself to feel a little hopeful. Emma had kissed her. Emma was basically saying that she accepted her anyways, that she was her family. Emma was caring for her as well.
"Why did you include me in everything? After all I've done, most people would have given up on me by now, but you care too, don't you?" Regina asked, this time being the one to search Emma's eyes for an answer.
"Like I said, Regina, you're my family. Of course I care about you. Yes, you can be a pain in the ass bitch sometimes, but then there's the little moments like this, where I see that you're only trying too hard. Christmas can't be perfect without the people I love," Emma admitted firmly.
"Love?" Regina was taken aback by the strength of the word.
Emma blushed, but held her ground nonetheless. "Yeah, I… I love you, Regina. I love that you work so hard to make things perfect for me at your own expense. I love that you try so hard to keep everyone at arm's length and take care of yourself, yet you always let me save you. I love that you care so much about our son that you would literally risk your own life to save me, just to make him happy. And I love that you care this much about giving me a perfect Christmas, even though you don't see that spending it with you is all I need."
Regina's tears were falling freely at the blonde's admission, but for once she didn't mind showing the weakness. She had never expected to be loved again, especially from this particular woman, but if felt nice. She felt safe and, dare she say it, happy.
"I love you, too," Regina found herself saying before she threw herself at the blonde and captured her lips in a heated kiss.
At the need for air, Emma pulled back from her, but the smiles remained on both of their faces.
"Now, how about you go clean yourself up, and we'll go cut us down a tree!" Emma exclaimed blissfully.
Regina laughed, and then a real, genuine smile spread across her face. "As long as you're the one cutting it down, fine. And don't even think about letting our son help, I don't want him handling any sharp tools." Just like that, the snappy Madame Mayor was back, though Emma knew it was only a front to show that she was okay. They would both be okay.
"Of course," Emma nodded, before turning to head for the door to get Henry in his snow clothes.
"Oh, and Emma?" Regina spoke in her most official voice.
"Yes?" Emma asked, turning in her place with a smirk.
"My lipstick suits you, but you may want to remove it before any suspicious eyes notice, namely our son." Okay, so maybe Regina hadn't completely gone back to her old self, but there was a warmth spreading through her heart as a result of Emma's admission, and she was fairly certain it had changed her for the better.
Grabbing a tissue from the box on her desk, Regina walked forward until she was standing right in front of Emma, feeling beyond exposed but not even caring as she reached up to wipe the smudged plum red from her lover's mouth.
"Thank you," Regina spoke softly, "for everything." For loving me.
"I've never been good at staying, but I want to try for you," Emma said sincerely, wrapping her arms tightly around Regina again. "We can start with Christmas, okay?"
"I would like that." Regina smiled back. "Now, go get Henry ready so we can all see how you wield an axe."
The week passed without any major incidents, Emma learning what a true Mills family Christmas was like and Regina trying out some new traditions for Emma. Come Christmas morning, the two sat curled up on Regina's couch while Henry opened his presents, sharing kisses whenever they thought Henry wasn't looking.