Title: What Keeps Me Hanging On
Author: Asummersdance
Rating: PG
Word Count: 269
Pairing: Sam/Callen
Spoilers: None
Summary: Some things Callen would never say out loud
Warning: None. No beta.
"I'd like to think of myself as a pretty tough guy. Not all muscles and scowl like you, but I'm strong. I keep cool and smart under pressure and I avoid violence if I can help it. But I can't, always. Because the bad guys have guns, too. Sometimes bigger ones. And there are times when the nights are too dark, the streets are unfamiliar, there are too many of them and they are too quick.
And I get scared.
I'm strong enough to admit that. I have to admit that.
But sometimes I feel myself breathing too quickly and something more dangerous than fear threatens to take over, my mind begins to unravel in a haze of panic. I start to lose control.
And that's when your hand is on my back.
When your voice calls my name and I'm grounded. I have something to hold on to. I can't say that you make everything alright, you don't. You can't. But you keep me from falling apart and you keep me alive.
What we do is important and I'm proud of it, but it's damn scary sometimes. There's a part of me that hates waking up in the morning because I know it means I could lose you and if I did…
I don't want to think about it.
Because you are the only thing I can see clearly.
And in this crazy, screwed up world you're what keeps me hanging on."
He punctuated the last line with a kiss to Sam's neck.
He settled in beside his partner and let Sam continue to pretend he was asleep.