Ze Corned Beef Does Not Run Away From Ze Cabbage!
Chapter one: Wanker!
It had been a thousand years since it had happened. A thousand, bloody years since England had foolishly spread his legs for that wine drinking, whore of frog, giving his virginity to the more experienced, French teen in a youthful, drunken stupor, and yet the man still would not let him live it down!
Arthur fumed at the indignity of it all, his dark hooded cape flowing behind him as he made his way through his dank cellar, where all of his magic was done, a slight sway to his steps thanks to his earlier visit to the pub, which was where his problem had (like it often did) begun.
Referring to Arthur as, 'his little virgin' at the pub, in front of everyone! Like it some how made Francis better then him in some way... Ha! He'd show that frog! Give him a taste of his own medicine, he surely would. Stumbling, but not falling, the blond Englishman manage to make it to the podium that his most prized spell book was stored on.
Setting the flats of his hand on the cover, the former Empire couldn't help but grin, as he always did, at the feel power that he felt in the pages below his fingers, and allowed himself a moment to enjoy the sensation before carefully opening it, and flipping through the ancient pages.
It took a while for England to find a suitable spell for his revenge against the annoying Frenchmen, largely because his vision was blurry and unfocused thanks to all the ale, but eventually he did discovered the perfect enchantment. Not really surprising, really, since Arthur had managed to collect a spell or hex for just about anything during his long life.
Chuckling lowly, the Brit's grin stretched wickedly wide as the man quickly made a mental note of the items that he would need to make it happen. Eye of newt, rat's tail, a spoonful of gnats... had France (or anyone else who had ever tasted Arthur's cooking, for that matter,) had read ingredients, the man probably would have likely mistook it as a shopping list for one of England's home cooked meals.
Being well practiced in the dark arts, the brew was soon mixed, and Arthur looked down into the bubbling, brown liquid that he was stirring before repeating the spell he had chosen, "Go back to before, until I am your first, for ever more."
Alright, sure... it didn't sound all that fancy of a spell, but based on the words, it obviously was designed to do what he wanted, and that was all that mattered.
Repeating the phase over and over, the brew eventually began to grow, and suddenly went up in a puff of smoke, just like his cooking typically did, except that it was a good thing in magic, signally that the spell had took.
Grinning, England's light chuckle grew louder, and for effect, the island nation thew his hands above his head and peered to the heavens as it became a full out, sinister laughter... and then he clenched his stomach, bent over to the side, and threw up, still being very much drunk.
Note:
... I, um, kinda filled my own kink meme request. *sweat drop* I meant to fill someone else's, I swear, but I got inspired. :P
As for the odd title, it's a Pepe Le Pew quote that's also kind of a pun, since France sometimes insults England by calling him 'ros-bif' and, apparently, the French word for 'cabbage' is considered a term of endearment, so... /shrug