Dear You

A/N: Don't need to be starting a new story. I'm sorry. I just have this idea, I'm hoping it will be a slower burn than my others. I know that there may be some similarities to some other fanfictions but I do hope to take this in a different direction. Don't own Gilmore Girls, just having fun writing.

"Dear Rory,

Man, it feels weird calling you that sometimes. Sure, I called you that often, but no matter what you were still my Ace. I don't know if you still are, or hell, if you want to be. Do you want to be? I heard you're on the campaign trail, and I thought about just emailing you but doesn't putting pen to paper seem more romantic? I hope you see it like that at least. I hope you know that I made a mistake, oh who am I kidding, of course you know I made a mistake. I'm sure you have vented, ranted, raved about it to Lorelai, or Lane, or, God help you and me, Paris. But I want you to know, I know I made a mistake. I knew it when I proposed like I did, I had better ideas, better speeches, but maybe that was the problem? I wasn't the best I could be for you at a time when you really needed me to be. God, I can't believe how much I screwed us up, I can't believe I walked away, I can't believe any of it anymore.

You know, I tried to go out to California, I'm not sure if you heard about it from Colin and Finn, I heard you still talk to them frequently. I tried so hard, but I couldn't do it. My friends were back here, my sister, you, the life we created, it was back here. Within two months I was back home, coming to my dad and asking for help. I've never seen the bastard look so smug in his life, but I couldn't stay in California. Not without you.

I heard your mom is sending any mail to you that she might think is important, I hope she sends this, I hope she knows this is important. I've called you a few times from Finn's phone, just to hear your voice, usually it goes to voicemail because I call so late but one time you picked up and I swear I almost called out to you, asking you to just talk to me. To just tell me about your day, about your life, about the campaign trail, about any of it. But then you laughed and said something about how Finn must've drunk dialed you again, you were speaking to the group you were with and that's when I realized maybe you were just happy, and who was I to come barging into your life again? Remembering that laugh has stopped me from hopping on a plane and following you to whatever rally you're at now, because you're right that would be last year's Logan and I have to be better than that.

Maybe that's why I'm writing this, because the thought of a call or even an email feels to close, close enough to break whatever fragile hold I have on myself and what I'm even thinking right now. If I just send a simple letter and you don't respond I can blame it on the government, or Kirk if he decided to take up being a postman again. This way there is more reasons for me to convince myself that you never got my letter instead of just ignoring it. I hope you get it though, and I hope you don't ignore it. I don't know how to handle it if you do.

How do I sign this off? Do I sign it love? Because I do Rory, god I do. Do I sign it always yours? Because I am. I guess I'll just say bye."

She read the letter a few times, scoffing in some parts, shaking her head in others, after the 4th time reading it, she swallowed the lump that was in her chest as she folded the letter back up and put it in her desk drawer that was sitting in her room.

"Dear Logan,

I don't know why I'm writing to you, I haven't even heard from you officially. Unless you count that call from Finn's phone. At least, I'm pretty sure that was you. I don't know where you live, or how you're doing. Colin and Finn said you're doing okay, that you're back on the East Coast. I hope you're happy with it and your dad isn't using as a whipping boy now that you're back. Since I don't know where you live, I guess this letter will never get to you, will it? I thought about just emailing it to you, but where's the romance in that?

Is it bad that sometimes after a rally, I want to call Colin or Finn, and have you watch my name pop up on the screen, and you answer, and I can just vent to you about my day and how terrible it was or exhausting it all can be? Sometimes I have this reoccurring nightmare where I leave from a rally and you're standing by the bus with your hands in your pockets and you smile at me, before suddenly you turn to walk away from me. Do you know how much it broke me? To see you walk away from me when I needed you the most. I needed you Logan, I needed you in the ways you promised me you could be there for me. But I guess, I guess now it doesn't matter because that's not us anymore. I know it's been 5 months since that day, but I haven't stopped missing you. Sometimes I wish for last year's Logan to come sweep me off my feet, to rescue me from feeling so completely upset all the time. But every night that I fall asleep without you here, without you even close, I'm reminded just how much you changed, how much you matured, and how far apart we are. I hope you're doing good Logan. I want you to be doing good. I don't know how to say goodbye, so I'll just say I miss you."

Rory closed the journal she had written in, it was the first time she allowed herself to write down what she wanted to say to him, although if she was honest, she knew this didn't even scratch the surface on what she could say to him. She could explain her anger, explain her pain, explain how much she missed him, but she knew that if she ever saw him again none of those words would actually come out, all she would be able to do is cry or kiss him, probably both at the same time if she were being honest. If he would even let her get that close to him. God, what if he was mad at her? Sure, Colin and Finn didn't make it seem like that, but still, he could be hurting just as deeply as she was. He could be holding on to the same kind of resentments that she had stuffed down deep inside. She shook her head, trying to get rid of these thoughts, it didn't matter. Plus, he knew how to contact her, and he had to be the one to contact her, he had to make the first move. He walked away, and she couldn't fight for him, not this time, not after how he broke her. Plus, maybe he didn't want to fight, maybe he had found someone who didn't challenge him, who was docile and sweet. Rory almost threw up at the thought of someone else with Logan. She didn't have a claim on him, but that didn't stop the jealous bile from rising in her throat.

She couldn't keep thinking of the what-ifs, it wasn't fair to her, to her mom who had listened to many late-night sobbing phone calls. It wasn't fair to Colin and Finn who had sent her care packages and did their best to check-in, although the check-ins had slightly lowered since Logan moved back. She couldn't think about what could have happened with a man who so easily walked away.

RLRL

Logan was going crazy, it had been 2 weeks since he had sent his letter, 5 months from the last time he spoke to her, and there was nothing. No communication on her end. It wasn't supposed to be like this, she was supposed to read the letter, realize that he was sorry, and at least agree to a phone call, if he was really lucky a coffee date, just something but this radio silence was driving him insane.

"And she hasn't mentioned the letter to you?" He asked Colin and Finn, for the 8th time, that night at a steak house in Hartford.

"Oh, the letter? Yeah, we had a lengthy conversation about it, she is now madly back in love with you, but she decided to make you wait—and no for the last time she didn't mention the damn letter." Finn answered, exasperated. "Bloody hell mate, do you want us to ask her about it?"

"NO!" Logan quickly answered loudly. "I mean, no, if it meant a damn to her, she would have mentioned it. But you have talked to her lately? How is she doing?"

"Yes, we've talked to her, she seems to be doing fine, I think she's enjoying the work she's doing but she still sounds a bit off. We will keep checking on her, now, either eat and shut up, or get on the plane to Seattle where she is at for tomorrow. Either way, shut up." Colin instructed as he sent a text message under the table. Hey Ror, I know we don't talk about him much but Logan's worried about you, and well, we all are. I hope you're doing okay, if you need anything let us know and we'll be on the first flight out.

RLRL

In a hotel room in the heart of Seattle, Rory laid on a bed playing with the tennis bracelet Logan had gotten her that sat on her wrist when her phone buzzed. She couldn't help the small set of tears that started flowing as she saw what Colin had to say, so without thinking she snapped a picture of her perfectly average hotel room, with a simple message saying she was fine. Before she could stop herself though she typed another message quickly. "Watch out for him, please. I know I don't have the right to worry, but I do."

Colin sighed when he read her message, he was tired of playing the middle man, of trying to meddle without actually showing the meddling. He had given Logan plenty of hints as to where she would be at almost any given time, he had hinted to Rory that Logan was still worried about her, he had flat out told her that he was back on the East Coast, but somehow neither one of them would budge in this incredibly stubborn game they were playing. And Finn, as usual was being only marginally helpful in this scenario.

Logan sat across from Colin, noticing his friend's annoyed expression but not able to put any thought into it. He didn't know why she wasn't responding, and just as he pulled his phone to just call her, to end all of this charade he had a better idea. He wanted her back, he needed her back, but she had been right, she needed this time. She needed to see the world and if she really thought that being with him was going to close doors then he was going to have to give her that space, no matter if it broke him to wait, to not be able to talk to her, see her or be there for her in the way he needed to be. But he couldn't let her think he didn't care, he couldn't let her believe that one day he gave up hope, with that in mind he threw down some cash to cover his barely eaten meal and said his goodbyes and apologies to his friends as he went home to start on his plan.