It's cold. Snow falls laconically around me. A soft wind blows my tattered jacket, ruffles my cropped hair. I stare into the beams that faintly illuminate the nothingness around me.
In the end, the benders always win.
In the distance, bright lights flash brilliantly within the Pro-bending Arena. Celebrations: it's its first opening since the Arena was closed down after the appearance of the Equalists. Since the appearance of Amon. At the thought of him, I feel my heart lift, faintly. His cold mask emotionless, his voice low and sweeping. At an impromptu meeting with fellow equalists, he had appeared from the shadows, mask blending with the darkness around him. He hated all benders, he'd said. He'd wished to eliminate all. His hate had fanned our hate into a burning inferno, consuming everything in its path.
We sold our souls to him.
He destroyed every single one of us.
How ironic it was that our saviour, the one who would avenge us, would turn out to be a bender. A bloodbender, at that.
His eyes are cold beneath the mask. Expressionless. I freeze under his gaze. Can't move. Can't think. Every muscle in me twists, bends. My arms move against my will. Gradual pain, then a snap. Then I'm flying through the air. My back collides with the wall. I fall. Planks of wood crush my limbs, my chest, my face. Then the world goes black.
In the end, I was a pawn, a moving, worthless piece on a chessboard. So dispensable. He played the game easily and nearly won. Then he vanished.
And the board smashed into a million tiny pieces.
Before Amon's arrival, the Equalist movement had been nothing more than a gaggle of bitter non-benders, spitting hate at benders. All talk, but no actions. We dreamt, but we lived without motivation. Amon spurred us on, breathed life into rotting souls. Used our pain as a means of vengeance.
We- no, I, had sacrificed all to him. Pledged loyalty. Devoted myself to our cause. I left everything I'd know and loved behind, the little I'd known and loved. But that little is more worth to me than riches, and my love more intense than any hatred that had ever burned within me. And that's why I'm returning.
Darling Naomi, do you still remember me? Was it really just 10 years ago when I walked out of our home, burning with vengeance and desire? I still see your teary face, sea blue overflowing with tears, as you begged me to stay with you. Our son had recently been killed by a earthbender, but unlike myself, you had forgiven. I chose to hate, you chose to love and to forgive. You always chose to love and to forgive.
I'm selfish and desperate. By returning, I could destroy your world again, like I did that one time. But I want your face again. I come in my darkest moments, desperate for acceptance. No, forgiveness. There has been no contact between us for those last 10 years, but I return merely to apologize and to be forgiven. I don't deserve any of which I ask of you.
The soft snow quickly dissolves into rain. A grey sky cries, and lightning flashes in a distant past. A lamp post flickers, buzzing with each burst of life. Doors frame the cobbled street. Instantly, I recognize ours. The aquamarine door stands out in a lifeless background of brown and grey. Staring at it, I felt something burn at the back of my eyes. Was this the place I had left chasing an unreacheable dream?
And then you're there.
The dimming light gently gently capture your image. I'm left feeling stunned, as our eyes meet and a sudden pain washes over me. 10 years...why had I left...did you receive the letter...is there someone else in your life...have you moved on without me...am I ruining your new life? So many things to say and so many questions to ask. Am I here simply for redemption or is there something else.
You stare at me unmoving, your amber eyes wide and your mouth agape. The bags in your arms now rest on the floor in a tangled mess, yet you don't move. We're locked in the same position. Then something flits over your eyes. Shock, horror, relief, joy, surprise, disbelief.
"Khan, is that you?"
My mind barely registers my name, locked so deep within my subconcious.
"Yes. Umm...," How strange, a cold-hearted vengeful criminal reduced to an awkward boy with the speech capability of a flying lemur. "How is...life?"
Your face is impassive. "Fine. How has the Eqaulist movement been going? I heard about them on the radio. You made quick progress for how quickly you formed."
"Um, about that-wait! How did you know I was with them?"
"It sounded like something you would do. I'm surprised you actually went somewhere with your dream, after 10 years of wandering around doing nothing."
I flinch and my eyes move downwards to the ground. Her tone of voice is cold. "Say whatever you want. I just wanted to say that I'm...sorry."
"Sorry? Ha! Do you really think I'll forgive you that easily?! You abandoned me when I was hurt, left me to fend for myself! Me, a helpless non-bending housewife with no qualifications whatsoever! You weren't the only one who loved Jun. I was his mother!"
At the memory of Jun, tears gather in my eyes and I feel a quick stab of selfishness. You were hurting too, yet I made no effort to comfort you. You carry on.
"And then you had get to mixed up with those Equalists and make me worry, even though I'd sworn that I didn't care anymore! And then the note...and now you show up broken and sad...and you make me want to love you...but why...after all these years...why do I still feel this way? I'm supposed to hate you...so why...why?!"
You're sobbing. We're both sobbing. I want to laugh at our positions, our screwed emotions and your confession, but I can't. I can only cry like a helpless child and feel remorse. I hate feeling like this. Why had I even come here? Disgust at my actions swirl in the pit of my stomach.
Suddenly, two arms wrap themselves around me, tight and reassuring. Underneath the sturdiness, I feel a slight tremble. Guilt bubbles up within me. Why are you comforting me? You're supposed to be angry! You even said you hated me just now! Yell at me, scream at me, beat me up! Why do you have to be so forgiving? I hate it. I don't deserve it. But I don't fight back or squirm away from your arms. My hands encircle around you as I hug you back.
We cry together, wailing loudly into the moonlight and the thinning snowfall as 10 years of suppressed emotions flood out of us both. I sacrificed our relationship for vengeance. Sacrifices are supposed to be eternal, but I love you too much to just let go.