Disclaimer: I own nothing apart from the writing and plot. Everything is credit to Orange is the New Black

Reality Will Always Be Waiting For You

Lorna Morello had always been a carefree, happy child up until her eleventh birthday. Others thought of her as kind, adorable, naïve. Before then, teachers who were fond of her told her she was 'creative' and 'imaginative'. When she would arrive home, her mother would always ask how her day had been. The young girl, with a bright glow in her eyes, would answer with a fantastical tale. It usually contained some scatterings of the truth but they would be drowned out by far-fetched embellishments the innocent child had imagined in her little head. Her mother would laugh fondly, tuck a strand of her dark hair behind her ear and say 'Oh Lorna, if only everyone else had these amazing stories to tell!'

Lorna would smile vaguely at this, unsure of what she meant. She had never considered herself as different. It was only much, much later in life she realised even the most imaginative of children didn't truly believe their own stories, not like she did. For Lorna, they weren't just exciting stories to tell – they were the way she saw things happening. They were the way she lived her life. The older she became, the more she became aware of the clear divide between herself and others. She began to see that her tales were wearing thin and people didn't listen like they used to. Her mother became less interested. She didn't call her special anymore like she used to. Her father never took an interest anyway. Then, on her eleventh birthday, true reality that she always so naively pushed to the side, revealed itself to her.

The first thing she received for her birthday was a new nickname. She bounded into school, a beaming smile on her rosy red face, and told her classmates that she was having a huge party and everyone was invited and it was going to be just like a princess movie. Her classmates laughed. They called her childish, pathetic, stupid.

They called her a liar.

They christened her 'Loony Lorna'. Heading home that day, all she could hear was the snide chanting of her new nickname, playing in her mind over and over. It wouldn't leave her head. She could hear nothing else. The girl dragged her feet as she walked. She looked down at the ground, her usual cheery smile disappeared. When she reached home, she went straight to her mother, just as she always did.

'How was your day, birthday girl?' her mother asked, sounding slightly weary whilst bustling about the kitchen, making food for Lorna and her older brother and sister.

'It was horrible. Everybody laughed at me.' Her mother turned to look at her, frowning slightly at the sight of the dejected girl. Lorna never came home from school with any problems.

'Why?' Lorna told her what had happened, her voice thick with holding back sobs. She had expected sympathy from the parent who had always treated her like she was special, even if she hadn't told her so lately.

'Well, it's about time you stopped with your silly stories. No wonder they said that, I'm surprised they haven't said it to you before.' Her mother couldn't have hurt her more if she had hit her. Her insides became cold. She stared wide-eyed at the woman she had always trusted. The tears that had threatened to fall just a moment ago stopped. She was too shocked to let them begin to pour.

'But you always said my stories are good. You said everyone should be like me. You said I was special.' Her mother shook her head.

'You need to grow up now Lorna. You're too old for fantasies.' The stunned girl broke, crying her little heart out. She ran to her room and wouldn't come down for dinner. Her sister, Franny, four years older than her, came into her room. She sat next to her on the bed and grabbed her shoulders, forcing the younger girl to face her.

'Ma told me what happened today Lorna. She's right, you know.' Lorna didn't react. She thought families were supposed to stand up for each other and protect each other unconditionally. 'Oh come on, you need to start growing up and living in the real world. It's pathetic. You're eleven, not five.' Franny got up to leave, mumbling something about going out with her friends.

That was when Lorna experienced her first uncontrollable burst of anger. She couldn't stop the feeling, the white hot pain in her head, the freezing cold of her insides, the horrific shaking, and the heavy breathing.

The worst part was the pure hatred she felt towards her sister as she watched her walk away.

She jumped up from her bed and grabbed her sister by her hair, pulling her backwards onto the floor and screaming at her. Franny shrieked for their mother. Their mother and brother threw her bedroom door open to see Lorna slamming her sister's head against the floor. Her brother pulled them apart, Franny crying and holding her sore head. Lorna had a chunk of her hair in her tightly clenched fist. She received a harsh slap from her mother. They left her in her room for the rest of the night. She trashed it, throwing everything she saw, kicking every piece of furniture. She was shivering as though it was freezing cold. Her family had never seen a child so angry, never mind the always smiling Lorna Morello. She had always been the good kid, the one who never caused any problems.

After that violent outburst, none of her family thought she was charming any more. Not after seeing her ugly side.

Everything changed then. Lorna never told her mother about her day anymore, not that she ever asked. Her father never really spoke to her. Her brother was never at home. Her sister was always with her various boyfriends. No one at school wanted to be friends with 'Loony Lorna'. She was alone. Nobody cared about her.

This was reality, and she hated it.

So she created a secret world inside her head, inspired by movies and celebrities. She made a detailed scrapbook but it wasn't enough. She began to stick pictures on her walls, a collage of everything she wanted in life, from her dream holidays, to her dream wardrobe and, the most important of all, her dream husband and wedding. Her room became the physical representation of her mind. It envisioned all of her fantasies. Both her bedroom and her mind became her sweet escapes. Never did she feel as safe and distanced as when she could retreat into either of them.

From the age of twelve she began to fully plan her future wedding. The children she would have, their names, how she would marry a perfect man who would treat her like a princess. Her marriage would be nothing like her parents'. Her children would be nothing like her siblings.

Lorna vowed to herself that she would never be like any of them.

Planning was her way out. If she meticulously planned every detail it would come true. She knew it. Nobody told her otherwise, nobody called her childish or pathetic anymore because nobody was interested.

That's why it hurt so much when Nicky said it. She cared immensely about what Nicky thought of her. So when she gave Lorna a quick, sharp slap of reality, it hurt like nothing she had experienced in a long time.

'Christopher doesn't fucking exist, at least not in your life.' A suffocating jolt of pain went through her heart at that point. Her insides became cold. She felt her anger taking over, but she didn't want to hurt Nicky. She could never lash out at her. She had to get away. She didn't want the women of Litchfield knowing she was violent. She didn't want anyone seeing her ugly side. But she cared deeply for Nicky and now she had hit a problem.

If Nicky kept bringing her back into reality, she was a dangerous person for Lorna to be around. When people reminded her of the one thing she wanted to repress, she usually blocked them out. However, she just couldn't bring herself to block Nicky out. So she had to develop an even stronger mind set.

When Lorna was fifteen, her mother became ill. It wasn't life threatening, but that's all she knew. She didn't ask many questions. In the same year, Franny had her first baby; a little boy. Lorna's house was chaos. She would go to her room, lie on her bed, stare at her scrapbooked wall and imagine the future. The rest of her teenage years passed in a blur. They all seemed to melt into one - nothing in Lorna's life had clear cut times. Things just happened. She had no idea of the time period in which they occurred. Her fantasy was her life. Reality was an unimportant backstory she didn't care for. When it cropped up, she would ignore it.

Franny had another baby; another boy. Her brother had a different girlfriend every week. Her mum was bed ridden. Her dad still didn't have a job. These events played along in the unnoticed backstory of reality – Lorna had other things to think about.

Lorna was now seen as the girl who thought she was too good for the Morello family and her neighbourhood. A pretty girl, a sweet girl, but she always had her head in the clouds. She wasn't called silly names anymore – they had passed the age of stupid name calling like that. She didn't care anyway – she'd learnt how to cope. Some people used humour as a defence mechanism, some shut people out. Lorna created positive fantasies. She used to shut people out too, but stopped this when she was around eighteen. It wasn't a conscious decision, but at this point her fantasy life and real life began to collide and slowly morph together. That's when Lorna believed she became happier; she knew she was on track. She could now cope in the real world as well as her fantasy because she had mastered combining them rather than separating them. Her relationship with her family was better. She and Franny began to get along well, like friends as well as sisters. She sometimes had moments of confusion and forgetfulness but she didn't think it was abnormal.

Admittedly, she didn't have a social life like her brother and sister did. Lorna didn't try for one, or even want much of one really. It complicated her delicate balance that had taken her so long to perfect. She never dated anyone. She kissed a couple of guys, but that was the extent of her love life. She was waiting for the right guy, and she didn't see the point in getting with someone she felt nothing for. Franny laughed at her for it once, saying that she was going to remain innocent forever if she waited for the perfect man. Lorna would never admit it, but she always felt awkward if anybody ever tried making a move on her. It didn't bother her for long though – she knew that when she met the 'the one', she wouldn't feel awkward at all.

When she reached her twenties, Lorna knew she had to make her dream life happen. She soon realised her Prince Charming, the Tony to her Maria, wouldn't just materialise out of thin air. She had to find him. All her favourite movies were filled with love stories – beautiful, perfect, happy women who found the flawless man of their dreams. Lorna left her house a lot more, on the off chance she might bump into her future husband somehow.

Another aspect of her perfect life was making an effort to look beautiful. She began to order nice clothes online. Designer clothes showed people she was classy. She couldn't afford them forever though. That's when she started lying that they hadn't arrived to get her money back. It became an addiction. She felt a thrill when she picked up the packages. She never felt more alive than when she would ring the website, holding in her free hand the item she was claiming hadn't been delivered. She would stroke the fabrics, relish in feeling the product in her hand.

And so, Lorna Morello was pretty happy again but still searching for her dream. She became oblivious to others and their lives and focused on herself. She knew something good was on its way. The scrapbooked walls had been revamped, new images, new words of inspiration for her to believe in. She knew she ignored responsibilities like taking care of her mother when it was her turn, and pangs of guilt would plague her sometimes, but she quickly forced the bad feelings away.

Everything changed when she met him.

Christopher. Her new favourite name. Her new favourite person. When she bumped into him and met his eyes for the first time, her heart nearly stopped. He's the one, she thought to herself. I've found him. When he asked her for coffee, every romantic movie, every scenario, everything she had ever planned raced through her head. He was the only missing part of the puzzle. She had completed the rest; she just needed him for the picture to be complete.

The date was perfect. They were meant to be. Never, even in her wildest fantasies, could she have dreamt up Christopher. The way they collided, the way they looked at each other for the first time. How he looked so much like the male model she had cut out from a fashion magazine for her wall. It was fate.

He was perfect. He was hers. And she knew that she was his, for all eternity.

She told her sister everything that very night. How he swept her off her feet, how he wouldn't stop calling her, even though they had only just been out for coffee. They were both madly in love. Sure, they had some problems but what relationship didn't? When he blocked her number the next day, she felt the first chip at her fantasy. The first hint of doubt plagued her mind. But she had an explanation. He was confused! They had rushed into it so quickly. Shaking her head at her doubts, she typed him a quick message on Facebook. She told him they could take it more slowly if that's what he needed. He replied saying he wasn't interested in her. Her cheery smile she had worn for the past 24 hours since he entered her life faltered. What did he mean? Again, an explanation formed – he didn't want people to know just yet. Maybe he was the type of guy who wanted their love to be private at first, a secret. That is so romantic! She messaged him again, explaining she knew how he felt – love was a confusing emotion, especially when it was so intense!

He didn't speak to her for the next few days.

Franny asked about him. Lorna didn't know why, but she couldn't stop herself. She told her they were going out to all different places. The cinema one day, a meal the next. She told her she was spending the night at his later that week. However much she told Franny, and told herself, Lorna couldn't shake the feeling something wasn't right. But if she tried to focus in on the feeling, it made her thoughts become blurry and painful. So she stayed away from it. Why feel pain, when she could experience this brand new wave of love and happiness she had never felt before?

When she turned up at his house with her suitcase packed ready for their weekend away, he had yelled at her. He told her to go away and leave him the fuck alone. Christopher called her crazy. She had backed away, embarrassed. She had to explain to Franny how Christopher had mixed up the weekends – it was the weekend after that they were going away.

That night, Lorna woke up in a frightening state of panic. She felt uneasy, she felt sick. Reality punched her in the gut. Christopher didn't like her. She began to shake, her breathing erratic. She felt exactly like she did before her first angry outburst.

She couldn't stop herself.

The angry letters wrote themselves. Sure, the threatening voicemails were spoken in Lorna's voice but it wasn't her. Not really. The same white hot pain had taken over her head. She woke up on the floor of her room, completely oblivious to what had happened. She usually forgot these episodes.

That's why it came as a slight shock when Christopher began saying crazy things in court. She didn't recollect some of the things he was saying. Or she remembered them completely differently. Lorna couldn't help staring at him the whole way through the trial. Her heart felt so light with love and yet so heavy with a fear she couldn't quite place.

'And then I began receiving threats.' She felt her smile drop a little. Threats? She vaguely remembered writing letters. But they weren't against him! He knew that! Christopher is really being stupid, she thought. She couldn't believe he was saying all of this.

'I moved twice. Each time she found me.' A wave of pride took over her body. Of course I found you Christopher! He always played these games with her. Every time she turned up at a new house of his, she would explain to him that it was fate. She knew it was hard for him to go public with their relationship and she really did appreciate how he felt their love was a private matter, but it was a struggle for her. Her body turned suddenly cold. He had just mentioned that disgusting whore, Angela.

'She showed up in Atlantic City where we'd gone for the weekend.' He was making everything sound so bad! This was that stupid slut Angela's fault. She had been manipulating Christopher ever since she got her claws into him. It was supposed to be our weekend trip, she thought. Not Angela's. She stole that like she was trying to steal everything from Lorna.

'And then she threatened to strangle Angela, and that's when I got a restraining order.' She was shaking. People were going to get the wrong impression here. She felt her horrible enemy reality slipping into her mind. You were wrong, Lorna. He loves Angela not you. She pushed these thoughts away, with more difficulty than usual.

'Did she ever make an attempt on your life?' What? Lorna was horrified at the thought. She loved Christopher - she wouldn't try to kill him!

'Yes. We found a homemade explosive device under Angela's car.' They were twisting everything! It was under her car so obviously it was for Angela, not Christopher! Lorna tried to recollect even making an explosive but reality had drowned under her varying emotions. She had pushed it too far under. She told her lawyer that it was all wrong before remembering he said she couldn't speak until her defence. She shook her head and smiled reassuringly at Christopher. He didn't have to be manipulated by that psychotic bitch Angela. Maybe, if she kept smiling at him, reminding him of what he had, he would snap out of this horrible state Angela had put him in. Just as long as I don't lose Christopher, Lorna thought. He was all she needed.

When they sentenced her to 34 months, the Judge had referred to her as 'dangerous' and 'delusional'. He said that this amount of time in prison would force her to 'focus on reality' and 'realise the devastating extent of her crimes and the traumatic experiences she had put her victims through'.

But prison didn't allow her to grab a hold of reality.

Prison granted Lorna Morello the one thing it took away from everyone else. It allowed her to create a new bubble, in a world of people who knew nothing about her.

Prison gave her freedom.

Author's Note: So, I planned this as a one shot but I have actually started writing for when she arrives at Litchfield and how her state of mind develops because of prison, so it depends on what people think.

Please leave a review and any comments to improve etc. Anything is good to hear :)

I find writing from Lorna's point of view really intriguing and have wanted to explore her mental state as I think it's a very important aspect of her character that we don't hear much mentioned of considering she clearly has a very unstable mentality. I also have more in common with Lorna so it's interesting to write solely for her rather than Nicky too.

Anywayyy, please let me know what you think!