Summary: In chapter 75 of the Soul Eater manga, we were told that Tsubaki is the most perverted person in the group. Have you ever wondered "How?" or "Why?" though? Here's my aspect... CRACK AND SILLY SHIPPING ARE INCLUDED
I wrote this for my friend Tera (Polka) cuz I was bored and wanted to write a crack! XD Here's the drugs:
Tsubaki's POV
Black Star didn't walk to school with me like he normally did; he left early. I was fairly upset about it because I wanted to talk to him once more about his sexuality. Though, when I saw the blush and smile that filled his face as he told me he was leaving early, I was able to let myself be happy for him. Why? He obviously had a crush on someone!
While I walked up the stairs to DWMA, I wondered who this fabulous man must be that has captured Black Star's heart. I was really hoping that it was Death the Kid. I mean, Black Star's body plus Kid's good looks…!
I stumbled over myself at that thought and fell. Luckily though, I was caught by the man of my dreams. I let myself gaze upon his face and observe his features: Silky hair that was tied back, beautifully mysterious eyes hidden behind sunglasses, and not to mention his gentle touch…
"You okay Tsubaki?" He asked me in his oh-so-cool nonchalant voice. I was surprised that he actually remembered my name! I'm usually referred to as "That idiot's weapon" or "Black Star's partner" and only my close friends really know my name, so this came as a huge surprise to me.
I choked back my nervousness and quietly said, "Y-yeah." But of course the moment just had to be ruined.
"Harvar! Let's get going!" Ox called out to his partner.
Harvar helped me back up and then went back to his partner. Wow! What a stud…
The teacher sent me out of the room to look for Black Star, who'd skipped the class. I caught a glimpse of him and I heard giggling. My heart began to flutter at the thought of seeing Black Star with his boyfriend! Oh my god! I wanted to stop right there and write a luxurious fan fiction! I couldn't contain my yaoi fan girly-ness any longer! I ran around the corner to him and his boy…
"P-Patty-san?" ….friend?
There they were…. Black Star and Patty…. And they were…. Oh my god! WHY?
Black Star stepped back and tried to explain himself to me, "I, uh, well Tsubaki… I was going to tell you about Patty and me but I wanted to wait a bit."
I felt tears gather at my eyes. "Why?" I asked him, "Why didn't you tell me?" They both looked puzzled, but then I exclaimed, "Why didn't you tell me that you were straight!"
I bolted off before they could say anything else.
Normal POV
Black Star and Patty curiously watched Tsubaki run off. The younger Thompson sister nudged the ninja and said, "Hey, hey. Do you still want me to pop that zit for you?" He relaxed his posture a bit, but in a very feminine way.
"Hell yes! I don't wanna look all nasty! Gods aren't supposed to have zits! That's why I didn't tell Tsubaki this morning," Black Star said, his voice contained a noticeable lisp. He ferociously shook his head. "I especially can't be seen in class like this!" He exclaimed while a blush crept across his face and also adding exaggerative arm movements for emphasis on his words.
Patty giggled, but then stopped mid laugh to ask, "What did she mean when she said you were straight? You're super gay Black Star! Though, I think that it's more of an unspoken thing, something that you're supposed to know from all of the subtle hints even though no one ever says anything about it. But it's also insulting when someone doesn't call you gay, just like with Adam Young and Barney!"
Black Star's face flustered up again, but this time in anger. "I'm not gay!"
The weapon shrugged. "Still in the closet? I see…"
"I'm not in the closet either! I was never there to begin with and I never will be there!"
"Whatever lets you sleep at night…"
"Just pop the god damn zit already!"
Tsubaki's POV
By the time that lunch came around, I was starting to cool down a bit from the incident with Black Star. I sat with my usual group of friends: Maka, Soul… you know, all of the protagonists who just so happen to be close friends? Anyways, today I noticed something that didn't normally happen, something epic that no one else saw because their brains were not as romantically structured as mine.
Kid was sitting next to Crona and they were both red faced.
It doesn't matter if Crona is a boy or a girl, I don't ship KidxCrona! It HAS to be an orgasmic three-way between Kid, Black Star, and Soul! But being the good little girl I was, I would silently, and falsely, support their relationship because I'm just that nice. The strange thing though is that Black Star wasn't sitting next to Patty. He was sitting at the end next to Soul and across from Kid (for much pleasure to my fantasies). Patty was next to Maka, Maka to Crona, Crona to Kid. Liz was next to me, I to Soul, Soul to Black Star. I really do hope this can be imaginable.
We, Maka and I, were in the middle of an interesting conversation about one day making the three boys dress up as the power puff girls when suddenly Soul groaned. He stretched, and said, "Oh, I'm sorry. It's a damn tragedy that we couldn't finish that conversation." He slapped surface of the table in front of Maka and nonchalantly declared, "Here's an idea: Let's never talk about it EVER again."
At that moment I looked around, instinctively searching for my meister. When I could not find him, I quietly asked the group, "Where is Black Star?" They all looked at me with confusion. As if on cue, a large explosion was heard and felt possibly throughout the whole building. Soon after, a familiar, shrill yell was heard and the fire alarm began going off. My face turned red in embarrassment as everyone stood up.
The teachers shepherded us into a single-file line. Some kids were throwing insults my way for Black Star's stupidity, others were handing me compliments for getting us out of school for a while.
The main staff and all of the students were now outside, even the one responsible for the catastrophe. Immediately I ran over to him, concerned about his wellbeing. "Black Star! Are you ok?" He idiotically grinned at me and nodded. I looked at him with displeasure, then I hugged him, being able to hold back my anger. "Don't do stupid things! You're going to get yourself killed!"
He squirmed a bit under my grip and grumbled. "Tsubaki… You're making me look ungodly!" he told me in a hush voice. I pulled back, looked him in the face, and sighed. At least he was still acting normal… now, if only he were gay…
Black Star scanned the crowd and then perked up a bit. He dashed through the people, escaping the teacher's (and almost my) eyes. What befuddled me with great enjoyment is that he glomped Death the Kid. Kid looked a little disturbed, until Black Star kissed him full on the lips. I wanted to scream and shout and write a fan fiction in joy! Black Star was in fact gay!
But something else inside me erupted. It wasn't an orgasm, which was unusual because I normally get those when I see yaoi. This emotion though… it made my stomach turn upside-down, brought tears to my eyes, and made me so angry that I wanted to beat the crap out of Kid.
He pushed Black Star off of him and started scolding him in yells. Something inside me snapped and I calmly walked over to them, which contradicted the bubbling in my stomach. When he saw me he looked relieved. He quickly detected the blind fury in my eyes but it was too late for him to react; I slapped him with everything I had.
"Black Star… Tsubaki… What the hell is wrong with you?" Kid yelled while rubbing his cheek. If I would have stopped to think about it, Kid was really the victim here, not me. But as I mentioned before, blind fury.
"What the heck is wrong with you, Kid?" I yelled right back. People began to crowd us. Our friends, important grown ups like Professor Stein, the side characters like Kim and Ox, and even the blue people were all watching us, or more like me.
"Black Star came up and kissed you and all you can say is 'ew'?" I exclaimed. My meister nodded in agreement with me, then looked at me. He was probably wondering where I was going with this. "I thought that you were gay or at least bi, Kid! Dating Crona is proof enough that you're bi-curious!" I put my hands to rest on my hips in fists.
Kid's face turned paler than normal as people started whispering to each other. "W-Who told you?" he hissed at me.
I shook my head. "No one. It was only a guess by the way you two were acting," I explained as his mouth formed an "o" shape. "Anyways, you should consider yourself lucky that Black Star would even kiss you! I would give anything just to hug him without him shoving me away!" I hadn't realized what I'd said until it came out. I covered my mouth in embarrassment. Was that how I really felt?
Black Star blinked and looked at me. "What are you trying to say Tsubaki?" My face began to heat up and I was tripping over my words. Soon, I was falling. No one was catching me and I fell deeper and deeper until-
I woke up with a jolt. Black Star stared at me as though he'd been waiting for me to wake up. My eyebrows furrowed.
"Black Star! Go lay on the floor!" I demanded, unusually mad. He looked at me curiously.
"But… We always share a bed! And I love you!" he said in the utmost sincerity.
This only made me angrier. "No you don't! You're in love with Soul and Kid! Now get out!" I scolded while kicking him onto the floor. He silently wept on the floor while a flying hamster began to nibble on my hairbrush-
I awoke once more, hoping that this time I was actually in reality. My meister, who'd awoken from my sudden movement, looked at me with tired eyes. "Is everything ok Tsubaki?" He asked before loudly yawning.
I smiled reassuringly at him. "Yes, I'm fine. Are you hungry yet?" His face brightened as he nodded like a 5-year-old boy who was just handed a shiny toy car. I walked into the kitchen and life began making sense again. Though, what an awkward dream I had! I hope I don't have any like that ever again…
END
Hope you liked it!