Title: Lost

Rating: T (PG) for language

Author: Obi the Kid

Summary: AU story. Cal POV. Cal's reaction finding out that George has been killed. (Obviously this is an AU story as George is still very much alive in Rob Thurman's series, but I thought it made for a nice plot bunny.)

Disclaimer: The characters of Cal, Niko, Promise and Robin belong to Rob Thurman. I make no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.

"She's dead."

I heard the words. They didn't register. They wouldn't register. Not until I saw the look on Robin's face as he repeated them in what seemed like tortuous slow motion. This was one of my nightmares comes to life and it was blasting me like a bolt of lightning.

George was dead. Georgie…

We'd spent days on the trail of the ones we thought had taken her.

We'd been chasing in the wrong direction.

A subtly careful trail left by the animal responsible. A trail so brilliantly conceived that it fooled the entire lot of us. He had blinded and screwed with us all for his sick little game. And now that we finally knew who this monster was…it was too late.

Too damned late.

They all stared at me. Niko. Robin. Promise. Waiting for me to either freak out or fall apart.

I didn't disappoint.

I raged. I flipped out. I walked several steps into the bathroom and slammed my fists into the mirror until it shattered into a thousand tiny jarring pieces. Gashes bled my hands. Bits of glass embedded my pale skin. I felt nothing. Nothing but pure anger - pure rage. My Auphe family would have been so proud.

After my destruction of the bathroom, I stormed back to the three sets of eyes still watching. I saw so many emotions there. Pity. Worry. Concern. Confusion. Anger. Sadness.

Poor Robin, he should have known better. He was the first to try and talk to me. He didn't get far.

"Cal…"

"Shut up, Robin. Shut the hell up! I don't want to hear your damn pity party! Just don't say anything. Okay? NOTHING! Just…where the hell is my Glock? That bastard has picked his last human target. He dies tonight." I patted myself down then began hurling things across the room to find my gun. Where the hell was it?

I felt gray eyes boring into me.

Niko. I should have known. My gun was safely tucked into his waistband. Safely tucked away from livid revenge-seeking half-Auphe hands. I met his glare. There was no pity there. Niko would never do that to me. But there were so many other emotions that I couldn't count them all. Didn't matter. I knew what had to be done and I planned on ending the life of that murdering monster tonight.

"Gimme the gun, Nik."

"Surely you know I'm not that foolish, little brother."

"Give the goddamn GUN! That monster has to pay for what he did. He took the life of an innocent girl. A girl that had done nothing to him! Not a damned thing! George, Nik. He took George from her family. He took her from me. This ends. And it ends now. Give me the gun."

My words were fire and ice combined. As hot and cold as they'd ever been. Never in my twenty-two years had I raised my voice to my brother like that. But my fury had taken control. That monster would feel the wrath of this half-Auphe for taking George from me.

My rage continued to build, my control wavering.

My hands bled and stung like a mother, but that didn't stop me from charging Niko for the first time in my life.

It wasn't seconds though and he had me pinned against the wall. One elbow holding my left arm immobile. The other hand under my chin, pushing into my neck. He could choke me out if necessary, if it meant saving my ass from myself. It would hurt him like hell to do it, but he would. For me.

When he finally spoke, after a full minute of staring into my soul, it was with the chilling calm that only he could master. A controlled rage that was more terrifying than any amount of yelling could accomplish.

"You know how we do things, Cal. And it's not like this. Going off half cocked on some vengeance killing spree. You wouldn't last minutes before he'd tear you to shreds. You go after him like this and it's a suicide mission. I'm not sure about you, but I have no wish to pick up the pieces of my dead brother off the ground. I did that once and a hundred times over in a nightmare. I don't intend on allowing that nightmare to become reality. You gave me your word you'd never do anything so stupid as to get your ass killed by going off on some rampage. Now, suddenly you're so ready to die? I might have a little say in that, wouldn't you think?"

I was breathing heavily, my jaw clenching, my fists balling. My rage escalating into deadly and dangerous territory.

Niko kept on.

"Don't be that Auphe half that you fight so hard to avoid. You give into this, you give into them. And then you're gone. Then I've lost you. I have no intention of losing you, Cal. We will do this. We will find him and he will pay for what he's done. But not like this. Don't give into the monster, Cal."

It was one of the few times Niko had ever admitted that he understood I was half monster. He'd spend his entire life telling me that I was normal, that I was human. But under it all, he knew better. Still, it never stopped him from protecting me from that half. I felt my wrath relenting some. Not my anger, no. That would never relent until that thing…that beast…that killed George was dead ten times over. But the wild man rage was lessening. I stopped grinding my teeth and the pain in my hands began to feel like bullet wounds. I was bleeding all over the carpet and the wall. Niko loosened his forearm under my chin, but didn't completely let me go until he saw all the signs he was looking for.

He saw those signs about a minute later when I swallowed hard and the emotional ache of George's death started to sink in. When Niko finally let me go, he didn't really let me go. He'd been holding me up. My knees buckled and I sank to the floor with a dull thud as my knees hit the carpet. It would have hurt more, but I was wrapped in my bother's arms as I collapsed. Then I sat there, on my knees, pulled to him. My head buried in his shoulder. And, in front of everyone, I cried for George.

Niko said nothing. There was no need. His presence and contact was enough. And I have no idea how long we sat there like that. My knees went numb at some point. My hands throbbed. But I didn't try to move from my brother's embrace.

Eventually, I turned my head so my cheek rested on his shoulder. The rest of me practically limp. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Robin and Promise laying out the first aid supplies that Niko would need to patch up my hands. Both remained silent as they stepped back into the kitchen to watch from a distance. Great. I needed a pair of groupies to make my life complete. Happy day.

I stopped my lips from shaking and my throat from thickening. My brother was still quiet. So I started first, my worlds slightly muffled by his shirt.

"Sorry about the mirror."

"What can I say, we're just not meant to have them. Although we will have to replace it out of our own pocket. I don't think I can come up with an excuse for what's left of it."

"I almost gave into it, Nik. I almost became what they had bred me to be."

"But you didn't."

"Only because you were there. As always."

"That's what big brothers are for."

I picked my head up and pushed away. My hair hung in my face, hiding my red-rimmed eyes from Robin and Promise. The black hair hid nothing from Niko. He held me at arm's length.

"He killed George, Nik. I've really lost her this time."

"I know."

"He didn't give a damn about her. He did it because he wanted back at me. He has to die."

"And he will. You know that."

"Jesus, Nik. What happens if you weren't here? That hatred and need to kill, I felt it so clearly, and I couldn't completely control the feelings. They were taking control of me. It terrified the shit outta me, but I couldn't turn away from it. I didn't want to turn away from it. I wanted to embrace it. What do I do when you're not here to bring me back?"

"You use everything I've taught you. Everything I've pushed into that raggedy brain of yours. And you see me. You see the lessons. You see…"

"Cartoons and fish sticks?"

Niko snorted. "With yogurt." He stood and pulled me up and to the couch. "Sit. Let me see about the wounds."

Obediently I obeyed. Silently I watched my brother's careful hands work. I grimaced as he channeled sharp pointy objects into my skin to dig out the deepest of the glass pieces. I said nothing as he stitched up the three worst gashes on my wrists, sterilized every part of my arms from the elbow down, and then wrapped my hands in gauze. I'd been nursed so many times by Niko in the past, both as an adult and as a child that I knew when it was best to just shut up and take the punishment. Pain and all. This was one of those times.

"There. That'll do. I'll change the bandages in the morning."

"But…"

"No."

I still wanted and needed to go after that monster, as soon as humanly possible. Niko shot me down again. He was right to do it. He was always right. We'd have to be at our best to handle George's killer. There would be no room for error. Mistakes would lead to death. And as badly as I hurt now - losing George - if a screw up on my part led to me losing my brother, I'd lose myself soon after. So I sat back on the couch, assumed my natural slouch position and tried to find a reason for sleep.

Niko spoke softly to Robin and Promise in the kitchen and they both headed home. I'd thought about going to my room. Then I realized how terrifyingly alone that would make me feel right now. I needed Niko nearby. If for no other reason than to give me something other than thoughts of murder and revenge to focus on.

I could count on one hand the number of people I considered friends. That had shrunken by one tonight. But I would avenge her death. It was only a question of when and how.

As I blinked away the water in my eyes, Niko, sitting next to me, put an arm around me. And like I had done so many times when I was small and scared, I leaned my head to rest on his shoulder. It had always helped in the past to chase the demons away. Perhaps it might work again.

Simple contact. Needed contact.

He reached over and took the TV remote from my hand. I'd been trying pointlessly to work the buttons with one of my gauze covered appendages. This was one time when Niko did take pity on me.

"What do you want to watch?"

I thought hard about that one, before I said, "Cartoons."

"Reverting backwards again, huh?"

"It's simple. Familiar. Reminds me that things weren't always this screwed up."

"Not always. But our lives have been screwed up. Just varying degrees of screwiness."

"You sound like me."

"I've been hanging around you too much."

"Yeah. Thanks for that by the way."

He gave me a short tug on my ponytail and then tucked his arm back around my shoulder. I felt myself relax, lost in the world of Tom and Jerry and Scooby Doo. Icons I could identify with.

I didn't sleep, though my mind rested. Niko didn't sleep either. But he never once left my side during the night, even after we'd watched the sixth rerun of the same Tom and Jerry cartoon come and go.

"Their lives never really change. Same crap over and over again," I said groggily at some point.

"Who?" Niko didn't lift his head from reclined position it was in. Only Nik could watch TV without actually watching TV.

"Tom and Jerry."

"Oh. Yeah. But they go back out the next day and do it all again anyway."

"A lot like us. I mean Tom tries to smack Jerry with the broom. And you…"

Earned a swat to the head for that one, I did. And he did it without even picking his head up or opening his eyes. Bastard.

"Tom's swats usually miss Jerry. I never miss little brother."

"No, you don't. And if you ever do miss, then I'm up shit's creek without a paddle."

"You know it." He did lift his head then, dark blond hair falling forward. But I could see his consoling gaze clearly enough. "I won't miss, Cal. I promise." His head fell back again. "Now go back to your cartoons. Find a bit of innocence while you can, because tomorrow will find none. Tomorrow we take for what we lost."

It might have been a little silly, but I leaned my head into his shoulder again and rested there.

Just like Tom and Jerry, it was simple and familiar.

For the rest of the night, I lost myself in that uncomplicated cartoon world, bound safely within the protective realm that was my brother.

Because tomorrow, the uncomplicated would become very much the opposite.

END