Disclaimer: I do not own Psych, unfortunately.

Warning: A little bit of language, but nothing earth shattering.

Spoilers: Not really, but there are references to Shawn 2.0 that won't make sense unless you've seen it.

Main characters: Shawn and Lassie.

Please review!

Juliet sobbed pitifully. She then punched me. Hard.

"Why did you have to chase Declan away? I like him, Shawn, and you had no reason to screw this up!"

I shouldn't have told Declan that Jules was in love with a Russian mob boss. But it went so well with the conversation. I was simply riffing off Gus...

"Hey, Shawn."

"JULIET'S IN LOVE WITH A RUSSIAN MOB BOSS!"

Well, maybe it wasn't really related, but I figured everyone would know it wasn't true and laugh on the inside. But instead, Declan got a crazy look in his eyes, made a lame excuse, and walked away. He was probably in his mansion, weeping with Curt Smith under his giant portrait. Lucky idiot.

"I'm sorry, Jules, but I was kidding. He needs to lighten up!" I said, trying to comfort her.

She stalked away. Lassie kicked me out of the station. I went home to mope about my misfortunes. Yeah, right!

I met Gus at the 5 Corners Café, and sipped on a pineappley explosion of delicious flavor. He was having a rough day too. After the Declan incident, he had done his route. I don't know why he bothered with that "pharmaceutical salesman" crap, but whatevs. Anyway, the Blueberry got a flat tire, and some doc flipped out about the late delivery and reported it to Gus's boss. Gus got scolded, and he doesn't deal with that very well.

"How's the pineapple?" He asked.

"Delicious. I actually met Juliet here 8 years ago. I was 30, and she was 26. She was on a stakeout. I kept trying to distract her. Sorry, Gussie, I have to skedaddle. That's a great word. Skedaddle, skedaddle, skedaddle..." I murmured as I left the café.

I kept frustratedly wondering, as I had been doing for 8 years, why I couldn't be straight. Why I couldn't have a beautiful wife and an even more beautiful little girl. Why everything couldn't just be simple. Why did it have to be Lassie? Of all people, why HIM?

My motorcycle turned a sharp corner. I was on my way to Declan's house to explain my actions. Again, yeah, right! Why do you keep falling for this crap?! That dude needed to lighten up and come to his senses. I was in no way, shape or form obligated to help him. I felt bad about Jules, but any guy that didn't have a sense of humor wasn't good enough for her. I may be gayer than a field of rainbow unicorns, but I know a hot woman when I see one. Hell, if I didn't have it so bad for Lassie, I would date her. She deserves the best. Declan Rand= NOT IT! I pulled up to my apartment building. I climbed up to B23 and found a note:

Shawn, I'm sorry for punching you. Please call me. It's important. Jules 3

I smiled. Her signature was the most adorable thing. Right up there with Gus's sneeze (Just kidding! His cough was way more amusing!) and dear Lassieface. I called Jules. She told me to get down to the Psych office immediately.

"It's really important, Shawn. Get over here."