Holding Onto the Present
By V.C. Turner
Chapter 2
Three minutes. Bonnie's fate would be decided in the next three minutes and she felt more nervous in that moment than when she faced The Devil himself. Damon kissed her on the forehead and entered the bathroom in silence. They'd done this six times before without success. She hoped this time would be lucky number seven.
A heavy sigh escaped Damon's lips as he exited the bathroom shaking his head.
"I'm sorry Bon Bon," he said quietly, "Not this time."
Bonnie had evolved past the grief stage. At this point, she felt anger, frustration, and an overwhelming sense of guilt at not being able to conceive a child with Damon. He'd been so patient with her; more patient than she'd ever seen him. He sacrificed eternity for her and his payment was a lifetime with a barren witch.
She stood up from the bed and walked to the window, as if the solution lay somewhere deep in the woods on the outskirts of the Salvatore property.
"I'm sorry, Damon," she said. She leaned her head against the window and closed her eyes.
Damon walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her waist and holding her gently.
"It's not like we can't keep having fun while we try," he joked; a half-hazard attempt to lighten the mood.
Bonnie appreciated his efforts, but there was no point in him trying to humor or console her. She didn't understand why she couldn't get pregnant. They had gone to see a fertility specialist a few months earlier and after a battery of tests, it was determined that both Bonnie and Damon were physiologically capable of conceiving children. They just hadn't been successful, yet.
Bonnie swallowed the lump in her throat before she spoke in a soft voice.
"It's just that you gave up so much for me," she said, "And I haven't given you anything."
Damon lifted her chin.
"You love me back, Bonnie. That's all I really wanted," he assured her. He placed a gentle kiss to her lips and pulled her into an embrace. Bonnie accepted his gesture, but she still felt the pain of the moment as it seeped into her soul.
Her stomach growled and he released a soft chuckle.
"How does a hot breakfast sound?" Damon asked, "I know you're sick of vampcakes."
"Breakfast sounds fine," she told him.
Damon ran downstairs. Bonnie could hear him clanking away in the kitchen, trying to impress her with his cooking skills. Though breakfast wouldn't take much effort, she was happy that he took charge of the task since they moved in together. His food was definitely better than hers.
After a half an hour, fresh scents started to fill the house. She heard Damon's voice boom from downstairs.
"I have a nice fat sausage down here for a sexy witch," Damon flirted, "Oh yeah, and I made a delicious breakfast too."
Bonnie took a deep breath and started another day the same as the previous 300 or so.
"I guess I'm eating for one…again," she said softly as she walked downstairs.
Damon placed three sausages on Bonnie's plate, as well as a small helping of scrambled eggs. He then filled his own plate and sat down across from her. He reached for her left hand and squeezed it before diving into his food. Becoming human again had created a ravenous appetite for the former immortal, yet he seemed to maintain his healthy physique without much effort. In contrast, Bonnie had lost some weight, which is why Damon took the opportunity to feed her whenever possible.
"Damon, maybe we're doing it wrong," Bonnie offered, after chewing her first few bites of food.
He frowned at her sentiment before answering her.
"Bon, I'm 100 percent certain we're amazing at it," he teased, "Even with the special, although surprisingly fun, sexual positions recommended by the fertility doctor."
"I'm serious," she said as she played with her food, "I think we're missing something."
Damon visibly held back another sexual comment and, instead, stuffed his mouth with a spoonful of scrambled eggs. He raised both eyebrows this time and awaited her suggestion.
"We've been looking at all the medical, the physical reasons for why we may not be able to have kids –" she began.
"Yet," he interrupted, "We haven't had them yet."
"I'm thinking that maybe the reason we're not conceiving might be supernatural," she suggested.
Damon stopped chewing to ponder her words. He didn't consider a supernatural cause since taking the cure. With no demons to fight and no evil attacking the town for several months, he often forgot that Bonnie was a witch. She was just the beautiful woman with whom he planned to spend eternity.
He wanted to focus each day on living a human life and Bonnie did as well.
"I think I need to do a little research," she told him as she finished her breakfast.
Hours later, Bonnie pulled into the driveway of her mother's new country home. After turning off the engine, the younger Bennett walked up to the front door and was about to knock when she heard Abby call to her from the greenhouse located in the backyard.
"I'm back here, Bonnie," Abby said.
Bonnie went to the back of the house and noticed the large glass and brick building filled with plants from around the world. Abby collected them during her travels as a vampire and was determined to grow all the plants she could as a way to bring her as close to magic as she could be. She looked up briefly when her daughter walked inside the large, sunlit room.
"Abby," Bonnie said, her voice soft – not much louder than a whisper.
"How are you feeling sweetheart?" Abby asked without looking up.
Bonnie cleared her throat to get her mother's attention.
"How do I look, Abby?" Bonnie asked, her arms crossed over her chest.
Abby turned to her daughter and noted the young woman's change in appearance. Her face looked narrow. Her lips were drawn into a thin line. Her eyes looked weary and somewhat swollen from crying. She also noted Bonnie's frail appearance, as of the black cable-knit sweater she wore was swallowing her whole.
"My God, Baby. What's going on?" Abby asked Bonnie, walking toward her and holding her daughter's arms.
Bonnie tried to remain composed, but seeing her own mother began to chip away at the concrete she had placed around her heart over the past year. She wanted to tell her everything, but she didn't know how her mother would feel about it.
"We've been trying to have a baby," Bonnie began, chocking on her words.
Abby stepped back from Bonnie and looked her in the eyes.
"We? Wait. Who is 'we'?" Abby asked.
"Damon and I…we're together now and we're trying to have a baby," Bonnie explained.
Abby backed away in shock; her mouth gaped open and her eyes as wide as saucers.
"You're trying to have a baby with a vampire!" Abby exclaimed, "You know that goes against nature."
"Yes, mom. I am trying to have a baby," Bonnie said with a straightened spine, "But Damon's not a vampire anymore. He took the cure. He's human now. He became human for me."
Abby's eyes narrowed as the anger radiated off of her. The vampire veins showed beneath her eyes, but quickly disappeared. She walked back to her plants and began repotting an exotic looking fern.
To Bonnie, it felt as if an eternity passed before Abby spoke again.
"What do you need from me, Bonnie?" she asked, her voice heavy with judgment.
Bonnie bit her lip before making the request.
"Can you look through some of the Bennett grimoires with me to see if there's some magical reason for all of this?" Bonnie asked.
Abby nodded quietly as she continued her gardening tasks. Bonnie left to retrieve several spell books from her car and soon returned to her mother's side with a little hope running through her soul. Perhaps her mother's objectivity would aid in finding a spell to cure her…or at least provide a magical explanation for her condition and how to solve it.
Bonnie paced back and forth on the concrete floor of the greenhouse. She rubbed her abdomen and closed her eyes, issuing a silent prayer that her womb wouldn't remain empty forever. They tried for several months with no success. Every pregnancy test she took remained negative, and thus her hopes began to dwindle. Damon was supportive, but also seemed to feel the pressure of not being able to make their dreams come true.
She understood that magic always came with a price, however she worried that her infertility was the price of the magic used to "cure" Damon of his vampirism. Was he fully human? Could she not conceive because of some curse placed on Bennett line? Would Damon feel like he sacrificed immortality for nothing? Would he leave her alone, blaming her for robbing him of all of his special gifts? Was their relationship enough to keep him there?
All of those questions plagued the young witch's mind as she stood in the chilly greenhouse that her mother built in suburban Maryland.
Bonnie bit her lip and rang her hands to get the blood flowing in the coldness of the room. Her mother's sigh broke the silence in the room as she flipped through a small pile of Bennett Grimoires to find the answer to her daughter's question.
"I'm not finding anything, Bonnie," Abby said, the frustration in her voice palpable.
Bonnie sighed heavily as she rolled her eyes.
"I know you don't like that I'm doing this," Bonnie said.
"That's an understatement," Abby responded, "That damned Vampire…"
"I said that he's not a vampire anymore mom. He's human now," Bonnie interrupted.
Abby scoffed in disgust.
"So you're just going to forgive him – for everything he's done to you…everything he's done to us?" Abby asked. She slammed the book down on the table, her vampire veins again showing beneath her russet colored skin.
"Yes, I forgave him. He's changed," Bonnie answered. Her eyebrows set in a hard line as she glared at her mother. The woman who abandoned her as a baby had no right to question Bonnie's ability to forgive.
Abby shook her head furiously as she stood and crossed the floor to stand in front of her daughter.
"So, he's changed so much that after everything he's done to the Bennett family, you want to give him a Salvatore baby. I don't understand it and I can't approve of it," Abby shouted.
Bonnie's magic surged within her, making the large tables in the room shake violently enough to force several potted plants onto the cold concrete floor. The anger she felt was powerful enough for her mother to back up a few steps. It was then Bonnie calmed herself down enough to speak.
"It may be hard for you to believe, Abby, but some people actually want to be parents," Bonnie bit back.
Bonnie relaxed enough to control her magic. She allowed the tables and plants in the greenhouse to return to their rightful places.
Abby watched her daughter in amazement, then her expression returned to anger and frustration at her daughter's apparent slight.
"I see the Salvatores have dragged you down some kind of dark path where you can't control your temper or your magic," Abby asserted.
Bonnie quickly levitated a candle, sending it hurtling toward her mother's face, and then stopping it just millimeters from Abby's nose. The young Bennett then lit the wick of the hovering candle and allowed it to burn furiously before putting it out and sending it crashing against the rear wall of the greenhouse.
"I can control my magic just fine," Bonnie said.
Looking shocked, Abby stepped back several feet as her face fell and silence filled the room. She picked up the oldest Bennett grimoire and flipped to a spell located near the back of the book. She ran her fingers over the parchment paper; a tear falling from her eye.
"They say magic has a price," Abby began, "I guess I shouldn't keep forcing you to pay for mine."
Bonnie walked to her mother, placing a hand on the woman's shoulder.
"I'm sorry mom. I'm just so frustrated with not being able to have a baby. I don't want to be this way. I don't want to be angry. I don't want to use magic against you. I guess all of this has been too much for me. This isn't who I am or who I want to be," Bonnie explained, embracing her mother.
"No Bonnie," Abby stated as she pulled away from her daughter, "I'm the one who is sorry."
"You already explained why you left when I was a baby," Bonnie added.
Abby looked at her daughter, the tears beginning to flow freely.
"No baby. I'm sorry for the rest of it," she said.
Abby handed Bonnie the spell book and pointed to the page on which her tears had fallen.
Bonnie scanned the words, written in ancient Hebrew. She barely understood the language. She frowned at the page, and then looked up at her mother for a better explanation.
"Mom, what does this mean?" Bonnie asked.
"Most spells are tied to the witch that casts them and they are broken once the witch dies. This one is different Bonnie. This spell went into effect once I died. I cast it as an insurance policy," Abby explained.
Bonnie scanned her mother in a silent request for more information. Abby continued.
"I cast this spell to protect you – to keep you from passing on the curse of pain and heartache that comes along with being a Bennett witch…Bonnie…I cast this spell it so you couldn't have children," Abby said.
Bonnie fell to the floor with shock and grief washing over her. As she wept, her mother leaned down and wrapped her arms around her daughter. Both women began to shake. They held each other tightly, rocking back and forth as the room grew colder with the setting sun.
Abby then picked Bonnie up and led her to the house and into the living room where she retrieved a small wooden box from the mantle above the fireplace. Bonnie fell onto the sofa wrapping her sweater even tighter around her small frame.
"How…how could you do this to me?" Bonnie asked as she wept.
"I didn't want you to end up like me. I didn't want you to have to walk away from your child like I walked away from mine. I tried to make up for it with Jamie because I knew I could never make it up to you. I thought I was keeping you safe from all of the pain, but I failed at everything…motherhood and magic," Abby explained, still facing away from her daughter.
Once her tears subsided, Bonnie finally found her words.
"Can it be broken?" she asked, her voice weak, her soul almost broken.
Abby turned to face Bonnie. She held up a small object wrapped in dark green felt and tied with a gold ribbon.
"This is a vial of my blood; blood that was drawn long before I became a vampire. You will need it to break the spell," Abby admitted. She handed the vial to Bonnie and wrapped her hands around her daughter's wrist.
"And the spell to reverse this?" Bonnie asked, her voice weak but her will strong.
Abby retrieved the grimoire and showed Bonnie the page with the spell. She then grabbed a pen and a notepad to write down several items her daughter would need.
"You will need to retrieve red raspberry, nettles, milk thistle, Ashwagandha, and Motherwart…all fertility herbs. You have to recite this spell and drink the herbs after mixing them with my blood," Abby explained.
Bonnie blinked quickly as she fought back the tears stinging her emerald eyes. One lone tear escaped and slid down her face in what seemed like slow motion. She took the book, the vial, and the list from her mother. She had no idea what to say. Filled with emotions she could not contain nor comprehend, she simply nodded at Abby and backed away.
"I'm sorry, Bonnie," Abby repeated.
Bonnie then stepped out the door and into the night.
Six weeks after taking her mother's potion and casting the spell, Bonnie felt like a new woman. Her appetite slowly returned and she regained some of her energy. The blush in her cheeks and much of her confidence returned. She made love with Damon in the morning before he went to work, at lunchtime in his Camaro, and throughout the night. Each kiss seemed amplified by the love they had for one another. Each caress made them even wilder with lust. Bonnie even kept a bottle of water near the bed just so she could stay hydrated between their passionate sessions.
She woke in the middle of one chilly February night, her full bladder reminding her that she shouldn't drink so much water before bedtime. She glanced at the clock. It read 4:30 a.m. She crept into the bathroom so as not to wake Damon. She flicked on the light and squinted as her eyes adjusted. She stared at herself in the mirror and opened the medicine cabinet. She held the pregnancy test in her hand. She wanted to get it over with. They would be finished trying for this month and hopefully find some success in the month of March.
She ripped open the small aluminum package and hovered over the toilet, as usual, peeing on the stick and then capping the tip as she laid it flat on the counter. She considered her mother's words. Would she be a good mother? Was this what she had been worrying about this entire time: that she would turn into another version of Abby?
No. Bonnie knew in her heart that she would lavish so much love on any child she had. She had spent so many years resenting her mother for abandoning her; leaving her with a mostly absent father and grandmother who sometimes drank too much.
Bonnie didn't set the timer, but she assumed three minutes had passed when she walked up to the pregnancy test strip and looked. She blinked in confusion, her heart thundering in her chest as she watched two solid pink lines appear in the center of the oval window on the test. She began trembling in disbelief as she ran into the bedroom.
"Damon! Damon wake up!" she exclaimed as she jumped on the bed. She began to shake the former vampire with no luck. He groaned, and then released a snore that sounded more like a snort than anything else.
She shook him fiercely again and he mumbled "Bonnie" as he squeezed his pillow.
"Damon…there are two pink lines in the window!" she said, her voice excited.
Damon turned over slowly, his eyes barely opening as he faced her.
"There are two pink lions in the window?" he said, "What does that even mean?"
Bonnie giggled and shook him until he sat up and growled at her. She shoved the pregnancy test in front of his half-closed eyes, turning on the lamp by the bed so he could see it.
"There are two pink LINES in the window," Bonnie said.
A slow smile broke across his face as Damon rubbed the sleep from his eyes.
"You're … we're…we're going to have a baby?" he asked, already knowing the answer.
Bonnie nodded with tears in her eyes.
"Yes, Mr. Salvatore," she said, smiling at the two small lines confirming that she would have a baby in less than nine months.
Damon pulled Bonnie into a tender kiss, releasing her after several seconds so he could place his hand on her abdomen. He then leaned over and kissed Bonnie's stomach, placing his mouth next to it.
"Hey kiddo," Damon whispered to their unborn child, "Welcome to the family."