DANGER MOUSE:
EYE OF THE NEEDLE
WRITTEN BY ZARIUS
As our intrepid heroes make their way back to their Mayfair mailbox with the brave, bold, and addictively beautiful Danger Babies in tow, one heroic hamster (most of the time) tries to make sense of their most recent escapade.
Anything to keep his mind and nose off of the rather rank stench coming from the little cart the Mark III was pulling behind them, the one that wreaked of what this humblest of narrators deems "yellow peril".
Not that it'll be noticeable, the whole car is yellow.
"Cheif" Penfold said, putting a peg up to his nose, "This whole situation with the kittens really claws away at my noggin"
"How so Penfold?"
"Well, I'm just saying I should have seen this coming sooner. Just this week I'd read that Kitten Kardashian was robbed at gunpoint, tied up and kept in a cage while they all made off with her fortune. Katnye East went wild and then west to where she was after hearing about it, let down a whole swarm of fans who'd paid good money months in advance to come see him in concert. The result was a massive wave of publicity and genuine sympathy coming from all corners of socially inept media"
"So you figure that the incident, just because it involved cats, was some kind of premeditated publicity stunt?" said Danger Mouse, reaching into a compartment next to him and producing a peice of headwear made of tin foil.
"Here, put this on" he said.
Penfold knew what the headwear signified.
"Are you mocking me Chief?"
"No, not at all Penfold, if you look at the label, you'll see this hat was presented to me as a gift from other members of the Danger Agency after I published a theory of mine that Baron Greenback had been using specially camouflaged frogs head flyers as commercial jets"
"Was your theory proven right Chief?" asked Penfold.
"If it were, I wouldn't have been given that hat. The jury's still out on that though, every time I see a commercial plane fly over me, a part of me still insists it's going to reveal its true form"
"Then you look at the hat and you're reminded of being mocked for your belief, so you mock yourself" said Penfold.
"A reality slap Penfold, sometimes a plane is just a plane, and sometimes a coincidence, in the form of a richly deserved mugging of a high-and-formerly-mighty celebrity, is just a coincidence. We shouldn't always be looking for needles in the haystack"
"M'Kay" said Penfold.
"Where'd you learn that?" said Danger Mouse.
"What?" Penfold asked.
"M K? When you'd learn that?"
"Isn't that the initials of a 1990s video game?" said Penfold.
DM sighed. He didn't need Penfold learning of anything else that could add to his growing paranoia.
Penfold yawned and stretched his arms
"Crumbs chief, I'm ultra tired" said Penfold.
DM's exposed eye twitched, he very slowly grabbed the tin foil hat and placed it on his own head.
"Ultra. Heh. MK Ultra. Boy I feel tired, over thinking always takes a lot out of you in regards to this sort of thing"
"DM? Anything the matter?" Penfold asked
"Nothing, nothing at all Penfold, why don't you put the radio on? There's a good chap" said Danger Mouse.
As the radio played, a top rap group suddenly came on with a cut off their new album, a single entitled "Kittenluminati"
"Ah yes, the rap community, they know what's going on don't they Chief? You know, going back to what you said about needles in haystacks, sometimes I wonder if these societies actually let their agendas be known to the general public through industries like music, knowing those uttering the truth or ensnared in the clutches of the fame monster, won't be really believed, that it's another form of controlling the eye of the needle in those haystacks, control both their agents and the masses. Makes you want to think, but does it make you want to fight?"
The traffic lights turned green, the car sped down the highway, eager to make it back to the base and before Penfold could finish. At no point in the dash to the finish line did his tinfoil hat flinch.
"And we're the Danger Agency aren't we chief? We're a secretive sort of organization, and it turned out the Danger Babies were the subject of the prophecy, the children of tomorrow, the cute, the innocent, and trying to protect them from the perils of the big bold world out there forces us to do the most desperate of things until they're older and ready to do the same thing to the generation after them. It's a cycle never-ending"
"A cycle...that's just it. We'll get you a cycle. A unicycle, and you can ride along on that in circles, crop circles at that, all day long" DM said, beginning to cackle hysterically.
"Cheif, I think that tin foil is proving a perfect foil for you so far, I think we need to put these theories to bed"
"Put me to bed...good idea Penfold, good night" DM said, and dozed off at the wheel.
Penfold gently lifted the hat off of DM and tossed it over to the cart the car was carrying. Danger Ellie took up the reins of the headwear and took control of the wheel, bringing the car safely into headquarters.
"Now I'm a toother" she said.
Bless her heart, she meant to say truther.
"I hope you can handle that headpiece and what it brings with it Ellie" said Penfold, "An Elephant tends to 'NVAR 4GET"
Oh good grief, Penfold, did you really have to use 'net speak there?
"Sorry Narrator, I comb these kind of forums a lot...though with the way DM's let the toll of the tin foil get to him, maybe it's best I try not to emulate that any further"
Could you leave the rap music playing? It's growing on me.
"I don't think so Narrator"
Fine then, I'll get it off Spotify.
"Paying for a group that talks smack about the system only serves the system" said Penfold.
Oh but they sound so cute.
"And that right there, proves my original point. Shake the system, don't slave over it"
Well played Penfold. A little bit of truth sets us all free.
So dear reader, I ask you this
Are you laying comfortably in the hay?
Or are you, like poor old DM, poked by the needle?
Be careful, be safe, but above all else, stay unplugged.
Otherwise you may experience a shock from the system.