Violet Sky

Summary: One day, Jaina has to choose. Jag or Zekk. But really, there is no choice to make. OneShot.

Warning: AU since Fate of the Jedi

Set: Post Legacy of the Force-Series

Disclaimer: Standards apply.

The sky shone violet.

It was growing colder, steadily, with each passing day. Her mother had already started buy warm coats and gloves for herself and for Jaina's father but when she had looked at Jaina something in her daughter's face had told her not do ask. Jaina loved her mother for those small things, like her ability to read in her face. She didn't want Leia to put out warm clothes for her, not anymore. Not because she didn't want them but because doing it herself was a task that made her work, that forced her to move and to continue and to live on. And seeing the seasons change on Iri forced her to confront the fact that a year – a year! – had passed since the war had ended. Since she had ended it personally.

Jacen would have loved the season.

Anakin would have liked the color of the sky. It reminded him – her – of Tahiri's eyes.

Sighing softly, she leaned back and continued to glance at the autumn sky. Iri's vegetation was, in every way possible, an antagonism to the vast jungle she had known on Yavin Four. The trees were tall and wide but not hung with lianas and vines. The forest was light and cool but not dangerous and maze-like. And because there were seasons on Iri she had the opportunity to see them change. In autumn, the leaves were turning into the most beautiful shades of red, gold and orange. It made the valley look like a banner of warm brown and red tones and the purple sky overhead completed the picture.

Choose.

There they were again, the words she had fled from to seek solitude up here. But they had followed her, followed her like the eyes of the two men she had spoken to yesterday had followed her into her dreams, had haunted her the entire morning.

Choose one of us.

Jaina stretched out a hand to touch the red and golden leaves. They were still moist from the last, short rain. Cool and soft, water splashed down her hand and dropped to the ground. The rustling was a soothing sound and the feel of the soft edges against her bare skin was reassuring.

Choose.

One year ago, she had told herself she wouldn't choose between them, would choose neither Jag nor Zekk. They were her best friends, her wing mates, her fellow warriors. One year ago, she had promised not to choose anything until she had defeated Jacen. One year ago, she hadn't known she would still feel so miserable if the question arose again.

But it had, and she felt like she was falling apart from the strain of holding together.

How could they expect her to make such a decision? Whatever she did, she would lose one of them.

Zekk was her everyday support.

She had known him for such a long time. He had been her best friend when she was young and he still was. Their Force-link felt familiar, welcoming and secure. She didn't need conscious effort to fall into it, it was there whenever she needed it. But he had become distant, somehow. It seemed like he needed to concentrate in order to slip into their link, like he was the one that didn't seem to care any longer. But he did, in some way or another.

In what way?

Jag, on the other side, was her emotional anchor.

Even without the Force, he knew how she felt, what she thought and where she was. He had been her first boyfriend so he, too, was a known variable in her life. She had fought alongside of him and knew under his shell of pride and stubbornness there was more than one expected. But even she hadn't seen everything of it, had been able to get to know him as well as she did know Zekk. But Jag, too, wanted her to decide.

It was a nice and sunny autumn day. The sun sank with a brilliance that made the world's edges seem softer, prettier. Even the harsh corners of the apartment tower blocks she could see in the far distance of the valley stretching out in front of her seemed to be softened. The vibrant colors and the cool wind, the last, warm sunrays in her face and the stunning beauty of nature made her throat tighten.

Closing her eyes in order to hold onto the picture, she turned around and walked down the path that had taken her up here. Down there, at the foot of the hills, she knew, Jag and Zekk would be waiting for her. Patient, calm, maybe talking, maybe not. They had wanted her to make up her mind, to decide between the two of them so they could go on, could stop dancing this awkward dance they had been dancing for the past ten years. They wanted to clear the situation, wanted her to tell them a name. They hadn't taken into account she could have chosen neither one of them, hadn't they? Probably they hadn't. But whatever she would do, she knew they would respect her.

So now, she was going to lose two friends. Maybe gain one as a lover, but she'd lose the other one nevertheless. It wasn't a happy thought.

Jaina quickened her pace.

They had wanted her to choose and she had decided. But there was nothing to choose, not really, because she already knew. There was a difference between friendship, love and need, and as much as she loved them both, she needed one of them more than the other. Only now, after ten, twelve years, she was able to accept her own feelings. It didn't make her happy, didn't lighten the guilt she felt. There was no smile in her face and no spring in her step as she walked down the path towards the two men waiting for her. There was only resolve and the knowledge that, maybe, one day, all of them would be happy again. Maybe. Maybe, one day, they would remember this and laugh. And if this wasn't possible, then, perhaps… But there was no perhaps right now because she couldn't imagine what would happen.

This was her last chance.

If she didn't take it she would stay the same as ever, not able to go on, not able to look back. Jaina Solo, Sword of the Jedi, alone and lonely forever. She wanted to change like the seasons on Iri, too. She wanted to see the beauty of change in herself, wanted to remember different stages in her life fondly and laugh. She wanted to have good and bad days, rain and sunshine, clouds and storms cold and heat. And she wanted this change to take place at the side of the person she needed most and loved most, next to her family.

Jag and Zekk came into view. She opened herself up to the Force and to their emotions and suddenly realized they already knew which one of them she had chosen. Her oldest friends knew her well enough to know what decision she had made and they accepted it. She felt Jag's calm patience and Zekk's almost guilty relief that it was over. She wouldn't have to say it any more. But now, she could.

Overwhelmed by the resolution, acceptance and love she could feel, she whirled around to face the last rays of the sinking sun that lighted the top of the mountain in the west. If she would look at them now she would cry and Jaina Solo didn't cry. The sun blazed a last time, a brilliant display of color and beauty, and then disappeared behind the now shadowed hilltops.

But the sky remained vibrantly purple and violet.

Jaina turned around and when she faced Jag and Zekk, she smiled.

I choose you.